Shared Destiny
by Norwalker
Summary: Starts in Season three after the Ascension. What if circumstances caused Buffy to become more like Faith? Read summary inside, it's better. WIP. BuffyFaith
1. Chapter 1

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 1 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

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She sat at the bedside, watching the young woman sleep.

She sat in the semi-darkened room, holding the young woman's hand. She pondered how life had changed for her. Wondering if the girl in the bed would ever wake up again. She wondered why she came here, day after day. What attracted her to this place. She tried to deal with the guilt she felt over the girl lying silently in the bed. How it'd been her fault that the girl was there. How, if the young woman ever did awaken , she would more than likely try to kill her. What scared her more than that , however, was how her life had seemed to spiral out of control.

Buffy Summers had a lot to think about. Too much to think about, at times. She tried to suppress the thoughts; it was sometimes just too painful to deal. But no matter how hard she tried, they always crept back in, nagging at the edges of her mind, trying to get her attention. Hiding in the dark corners, waiting to jump out at her when she was least prepared.

Nearly three years had passed since that fateful night on the rooftop. The night she'd fought with Faith, trying to kill her. She needed to save Angel, who'd been poisoned by the arrow Faith had shot into him. The only cure? The blood of a slayer. She'd meant to deliver Faith, but instead wound up nearly dead herself. 

They'd fought hard on that roof, two slayers nearly evenly matched in skill and prowess. She'd stabbed Faith, saw the look of surprise in Faith's eyes when the knife sunk in. Heard her words echo over and over in her mind " You did it B. You killed me!". Just before she jumped off the roof onto a passing truck. She watched as the truck bearing Faith pulled away, carrying any hope to use Faith to cure Angel with it. The strange thing was she'd used Faith's knife to stab her. The very knife she would've probably used on Buffy at the Mayor's Ascension to slit Buffy's throat. The irony of it didn't escape her.

Without Faith, Buffy had no choice. She'd gone to Angel, and offered her own blood for the cure. At first he'd resisted, but she'd persuaded him… by hitting him until the demon inside him came out. She forced him to her neck… and he fed. Almost too much. She'd felt the fear of dying, the inky blackness closing about her. She'd felt the cold embrace of death upon her, wrapping her in its hard, icy arms. A searing pain had shot through her, as it became difficult to breathe, to even think. At the last moment, Angel had regained control of himself, and rolled off of her… but it'd been close. She touched the scar on her neck, the souvenir she retained from that night. At times, she could still feel the sting of the bite, the teeth sunk into her neck. It haunted her more than she realized.

They'd been successful. They'd stopped the Mayor, destroying him in the explosion that destroyed the high school. Using the very knife he'd given her, the knife she'd used to stab Faith, she'd enraged him and lured him into the library, which had been packed with explosives. The weird thing was, it'd been Faith who'd shown her how to defeat Mayor Wilkins. In a dream Buffy had in the hospital , Faith had come to her, explaining to her that Richard Wilkins would retain his human weaknesses, even after his ascension. She'd formulated a plan based upon that dream, and it'd worked. At the time, she wasn't sure if Faith had been in her dream, or if she'd just dreamed about her. But after all this time, she was convinced they'd shared  that dream.

What'd stuck more in her mind about that dream had been the last bit before she woke from it.

" There's a lot of stuff here. How're you going to pack it all?" Buffy had asked Faith.

"I'm not. It's all yours" Faith had replied, looking at Buffy.

" I can't use all of this" Buffy had protested.

" Just take what you need" Faith had replied. Then, she'd  reached out to Buffy, and lightly brushed her face with her fingertips. She'd said " Are you ready?" … and Buffy had woken up.

Mayor Wilkins had his revenge on Buffy, however. He fully expected to kill her on the day of his Ascension. But, in case she managed to escape, or something went wrong, he planned a second avenue of revenge. He'd falsified evidence of her assault on Faith, making it seem like Faith was an innocent victim of an out of control adversary. Though the facts were essentially correct, they were twisted in such a way as to make it look as if Buffy had gone to Faith's apartment out of revenge over Faith stealing her boyfriend, Angel, away. Although Richard Wilkins' credibility had sunk considerably after the Ascension, there were those on the City Council who'd shared his feelings about the slayer, and the case had been made against her. She couldn't dispute the facts, and try as she might, she couldn't convince the jury that the motive was bogus. Angel couldn't testify, for obvious reasons, and the prosecution made her other friend's testimony seem like they were trying to protect her. Since Faith didn't die, she didn't get manslaughter or murder, but was convicted of  assault with a deadly weapon.

So, while  Willow went to UC Sunnydale,  and Xander built a life for himself in construction, and married Anya( can you believe that one?), Buffy cooled her heels serving a 2 year sentence in prison. Life in prison for a pretty blonde teenager is not pleasant, to say the least. She actually wound up serving 30 months, due to extensions of her sentence because of fighting. She'd had to fight off advances by some of the women in prison, and some of the guards(that'd gotten her the extra time…never mind the time she'd had to spend in the infamous 'Hole'). But it soon got around not to fuck with her…she was a whole lot stronger than she looked. She hadn't had to fight after that.

At first, her mother and Willow had come to visit her. She put a stop to that after seeing the pain and disappointment in their eyes. It was like icy knives in her heart each time she saw them. Finally, one day she told them it would be better if they stopped coming. They'd protested, saying that they needed to see her. But she couldn't  deal with the fact that whenever they saw her, it was behind a glass partition, talking by a two way telephone link. She couldn't touch them, or hug them, or reassure them. All she could do was feel guilty for shaming them, and see the hurt and pain in their eyes. She finally refused their visits. After awhile, they got the hint, and stopped coming. It hurt not to see them, but it hurt more to see them. This was for the best, she convinced herself.

Angel came a few times to see her. She couldn't , absolutely couldn't deal with that. She refused from the first to see him. He wrote letters, begging her to see him, but she tore them up. He wrote one final letter, saying he finally realized that seeing him was too hard for her, and that he was sorry for causing her pain. That he loved her, but knew that he could never give her the life she deserved. That he would do the honorable thing, and stay away. She kept that letter, and on the night she received it, cried herself to sleep. She read it over and over in the ensuing months, her heart cut by fresh wounds on each reading. She still has it, tear stained, hard to read. But she doesn't need to read it anymore, she knows it by heart.

Her one lifeline to the outside world had been Rupert Giles. He came every week, keeping her up on what was what in Sunnydale. Being British was an advantage in this case. He was more easily able to hide how he felt when he came to visit her. She still felt shame, but she didn't have the heartbreaking anguish she had seeing her mom, or Will, on the other side of the partition. He kept an optimistic tone to things, as if this were just a difficult enemy they had to deal with. He did what he could to get her conviction overturned, taking it all the way to the State Supreme Court. But they turned it back to the lower courts, and her conviction had stood. Despite that, he still came every week. He knew in his heart that Buffy desperately needed someone to not judge her, to just accept what'd happened to her. He filled that role. It was because of his visits that Buffy didn't succumb completely to the darkness creeping into her heart.

The Watcher's Council, on the other hand, had done it's best to make her prison time miserable. They'd been angry, very angry, when she'd 'fired' them while fighting the Mayor. Her being in prison just added fuel to the fire. With her there, no active slayer was available to take over her duties. So, they hired a few assassins to try to kill her while in prison, in hopes of activating a new slayer( problem was, even if they'd succeeded in killing her, no slayer would have been called. The line went through Faith, not Buffy). Buffy foiled their attempts on her life, but she picked up a few scars as remembrances . She now had a scar at her jaw line where one woman tried to cut her throat…and a small scar across her brow where they had tried to stab her in the eye, but she'd deflected it  at the last minute.

Even with her own troubles, she was worried about her sister slayer. If the council was trying to kill her, they might also try to eliminate Faith. She begged Giles to help her protect Faith. Giles had been… well, surprised, to say the least, considering. But he'd complied, using his contacts to find a bodyguard to keep watch over Faith.  Buffy also wrote Will, asking her to put a protection spell, and maintain it, on Faith. Until at least Buffy could get out of prison. At first, Willow had been unwilling. There was no love lost between her and Faith. But Buffy pleaded with her, and finally she relented. In some small way, it eased Buffy's guilt to know that Faith was protected.

She tried to keep to herself most of the time. She spent her incarceration reading the books Giles would bring her, and thinking. About her former life, her friends, and most often, about Faith. She received few letters while in prison. Mostly, from her mom, and some from Willow. As time passed, it became harder to connect to her former life. She would answer the letters the best she could, but she often found it hard to have anything positive to say. After awhile, the mail tapered off, becoming a trickle of occasional letters from her mom. She rarely made calls. It was expensive to the person receiving the call, and usually ended up badly. She's called Willow a couple of times, but after the visitation debacle, there was a distance between them. She called her mom sometimes. Just so she could hear her voice. It was nearly pathetic: on the outside, she often had tuned out her mom when she lectured her. Now she craved any sound of her voice… even angry. But it tore her up inside, because Joyce wasn't angry, only sad and resigned. That hurt most of all. She'd even tried calling Xander once… but Anya answered, and there was an awkward silence. Followed by Anya telling her that they would prefer not receiving calls from her again. Can you say knife through the heart? She never made that mistake again.

She made few 'friends' in prison. Most gave her wide berth after seeing how she handled herself in the yard. A few, however, screwed up their courage and approached her. They found she wasn't mean, or particularly unfriendly. Just that she for the most part wanted to be left alone. But a couple persisted, and despite herself, Buffy warmed to them. Glenna,  a small red-headed girl with a quick wit and easy smile, reminded Buffy so much of Will she liked her almost from the first. She acted all tough around the others, but with Buffy she sensed something more, and opened up to her, revealing a sweeter, softer nature. She became Buffy's shadow during Buffy's stay in prison, and watched her back. Renee, a tall dark haired girl, was more of an enigma for Buffy. One day she just came over, and sat next to Buffy in the yard. She didn't say anything to Buffy, but just sat there. Buffy ignored her, but she didn't go away. The next day, same thing. Not a word out of her, she just stayed sitting near Buffy. This went on for a week, until one day Buffy, a little exasperated, looked up from her book. Glenna, naturally suspicious, started to move on Renee, but Buffy waved her off.

"Ok, girl, you've been like sitting here for what? … a week now? What's your deal?" Buffy says, a little impatiently. The girl was getting on her nerves.

"N-N-No deal" The girl stutters, nervously." I… just wanted to sit here, if that's ok. Do you want me to go?"

" Look girlfriend" Buffy says, edgily." This aint high school. No saved seats, or that crap. Then again, I don't know you. You might be with someone who's looking to hurt me, or worse. So, you  sittin' there, all quiet like, is making me nervous. And I get pissed off when I get nervous. So, what's your deal? "She looks at the girl, and sees she's obviously afraid. She softens her tone." I'm not going to hurt you. Just tell me, ok?" 

Glenna moves closer, staring at the stranger. " Buff, I don't like this." She says, moving closer to Renee." I think we should…" But Buffy interrupts her.

"Glenna? Chill. Hear her out first" Buffy says. Glenna backs off a bit.

Renee is nervously wringing her hands. She is looking down at the ground, and finding it hard to speak. Buffy puts a hand on her arm, and encourages her to talk to her.

"I-I- I 'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. I should go" Renee starts to get up, but Buffy puts a hand on her leg, keeping her seated.

"Yeah, maybe you should" Glenna, standing up, says. Buffy shoots her a look. Glenna rolls her eyes, but sits back down.

"Talk to me. What's your name?" Buffy says. She senses this girl needs to talk to someone, badly.

"Renee" 

"Ok, Renee, what's up?" Buffy says. 

Renee sighs. "This is so dumb. Look, I'm … scared shitless. These are killers in here. All I did was steal some money. I didn't even use a gun or nothin. But they sent me here. First day I got here, a group of them surrounded me, threatening me. They kept harassing me, trying to get me to join their ' gang '. God knows why, I'm like the biggest coward goin, ya know? But they won't leave me alone. So, I kinda hear you're real tough… no one messes with you. So…" She stops. She closes her eyes, and goes on." I figured if I kinda hung by you, they'd think I was with you, and they'd bug off. So far, it's kinda working.. They don't bug me so much now." Renee takes a breath." But, I can see I'm buggin you, so I'll go now. Sorry" She starts to get up again, but Buffy stops her.

"It's ok" Buffy says, a small grin on her face. She can understand how scary it can be here, remembering her own first days." So, you wanna hang out with me, huh?" She says, doing her best Godfather imitation." You want my protection. So, what do I get?"

"What do you want?" Renee answers, quietly." I don't got much, but I'll give you anything I got." She says. She continues coyly." Anything you want". She looks down at the ground, shyly.

Glenna nearly busts a gasket. She'd come on to Buffy, but Buffy had rebuffed her, saying she wasn't into girls. Now this bitch is making the moves on Buffy. She was so jealous! She starts to get up again, but Buffy puts her hand on Glenna's shoulder, holding her down. She pats her shoulder lightly, to reassure her.

" Thanks for the offer, Renee" Buffy says, blushing just a little bit." But, I'm not like into girls, ok?"

"Sorry… sorry" Renee said, jumping up before Buffy can stop her." God, I'm such a dope. God. I'll go now". She starts to leave.

"Sit down, Renee" Buffy growls at her. Renee stops, frozen. She looks at Buffy. Buffy smiles at her. " SIT!" Renee sits. Buffy continues. "That's better. Now look, it's ok if you hang out here. That's cool, I know how it can be here. But there's a price, ya know." Buffy says.

"W-What?" Renee asks, nervously. What did she want,  anyway? Who was I gonna have to fight. God, I can' t do that. 

"Well, I expect you to say somethin' every once in awhile. Like, "Hi, how are ya?" or " How's it goin' " or somethin'. Don't just sit there all quiet all the time. It gives me the wiggins." Buffy says. "We gotta deal?"

The look of relief on the girl's face touched Buffy's heart.

"Yeah, oh yeah." Renee says, smiling. She has a pretty smile.

" Buff, what's the deal? I really don't like this. I don't know this chick. How ya know she aint gonna make trouble? I really hate this!" Glenna says, her eyes green with jealousy.

"Yeah, so I see" Buffy says, turning towards Glenna and smiling." Look, Glennie, just be cool, ok? She's alright."

Glenna flushes, and looks away, frowning.

"Awww, Glennie, don't be that way" Buffy says, sweet-talking her. She hugs her.

Glenna looks up at Buffy, a small smile on her lips. Buffy smiles back at her.

"Renee, meet Glenna. Don't mind her. She's just over-protective of me" Buffy smiles at Renee

'Maybe cuz she's crazy about you, Buffy' Renee thinks to herself. She smiles at Glenna. Glenna smiles back.

"That's better." Buffy says, approvingly. "Glennie's a real sweetie when you get to know her". Buffy pats Glenna's leg.

'She's really sweet on you, Buffy' Renee thinks. She knows she's gonna have to be real careful about what she says and now she acts with Buffy when Glenna's around.

So the three women became rather tight while in prison. Buffy had her 'gang', which stuck by her, not out of fear, but loyalty. They made Buffy's time there a little less onerous. For Renee and Glenna, it was great having Buffy as 'boss'. She didn't ask anything of them, and no one messed with them, ever. Or they answered to Buffy. That was something nobody wanted to do.

Three months before Buffy was scheduled to be released, she received some bad news. It devastated her. Giles, during one of his visits to Buffy, looked upset and particularly sad. Buffy was concerned. At first, he didn't want to tell her, but finally she got it out of him. Her mom had died of complications from surgery for a brain tumor. Buffy was floored. She hadn't known her mom was even sick. No one had told her. The guilt, the shame she felt, overwhelmed her and she lost it. She slammed down the phone, and ran from the visitor's lounge. When the guards tried to stop her, she fought them. They had to subdue her, and it wasn't gently. After she got out of the prison hospital, she'd earned a week in " The Hole" and lost all visiting privileges for a month. 

She lost heart after that. When she was released back into the general population, it was obvious she'd changed. She was angry and irritated all the time. Glenna and Renee went around on tenterhooks ,  not wanting to upset her. They kept close, but not too close. She didn't talk to anyone much, and a smile was a thing of the past. She stopped reading, most of the time she just stared blankly at the ground, or off into space. Glenna and Renee were worried about her, but didn't say anything to her.

About a month before her release, something broke in Buffy. They were sitting around, as usual, in the yard. Glenna made some casual remark, not even to Buffy, about it being a pretty day, or some such. All of a sudden, Buffy started shaking. She put her head in her hands, and started sobbing.

"What the hell did you say to her?" Renee asked, obviously distressed at seeing Buffy cry. No one had ever seen her cry.

"Nothing… nothing!" Glenna said, upset." I just said it was a nice day….". She moved closer to Buffy, and put her arms around her, trying to comfort her.

Renee stood back a bit,  and kept guard. She didn't want someone to mess with Buffy when she was obviously out of it.

But there's always one asshole that will take advantage of any situation, and there was no exception this time. One of the inmates, a larger woman, seeing Buffy crying, decided NOW would be a good time to enhance her own reputation at the expense of the slayer. She walked over, and standing just a little way off, called out.

"Hey, Buffy. What's wrong , itty-bitty? How come you're all weepy? Heard about your mom. Guess her pimp got tired of her stealin' from him, eh?" She sneered at the slayer.

Buffy stiffened in Glenna's arms. Glenna could feel her tense up. Oh, this is so gonna not be good, she thought.

What happened next surprised the hell out of everyone, especially Renee.

Renee, in a loud voice, screamed at the inmate, " You  _BITCH _!!!" Not even thinking, Renee, the one who was afraid of her own shadow, launched into the other woman, taking her by surprise. She started beating on her, knocking her down. She kept pounding on her, her fists going a mile a minute on her head. Glenna and Buffy were stunned. They'd never seen Renee do anything even remotely like this. It took both of them to pull her off the other inmate, who by this time was unconscious. Renee struggled against them, trying to get at the inmate. Finally, Buffy bear hugged her, calming her down. She was flushed, and angry, still yelling curses at the unconscious inmate. When it finally hit her what she'd done, her legs collapsed under her. Buffy and Glenna eased her down to the ground.

"What the hell happened to you?" Glenna said, a little in awe. The fraidy cat had a spine, after all.

"I…I dunno" Renee said, her voice quavering." God, what the hell did I do? I coulda got killed."

" Doubt it" Buffy said, grinning. Both of the other women felt strangely relieved. That was the first thing approaching a smile they'd seen out of Buffy in months. Buffy continued" You had her down and out, girlfriend."

"Yeah, good one, Renee" Glenna said, grinning at the taller girl." Why'd you go postal, though? Never seen you like that"

" I wasn't gonna let that fat tub of lard say that to Buffy" Renee said, blushing." I coulda killed that bitch".

" Well, girl. Doesn't look like you need me to look after ya anymore" Buffy said, smiling. She hugs Renee, who is totally red-faced by now." Thanks"

Renee turned redder(if that's possible) and turns away, embarrassed. The other two girls start teasing her, and calling her "Rocky", which stuck. After that day, Renee was a lot more confident, and the other women, hearing about the fight, left her alone.

Buffy was released a month later. There were some tears about leaving Glenna and Renee, but she certainly wasn't going to miss this hellhole. The week before she was to be released, she was on pins and needles, being extra careful to keep out of trouble. Just what she'd need now is a fight to get her extra time. But she avoided any problems. 

On the night before her release, she was wound tighter than a tic. She paced her cell, and could taste her freedom. God, it felt good to know that tomorrow night she'd be sleeping somewhere without bars on the windows. Just before lights out, one of the guards came to her cell.

"Summers?" The guard said

"Yeah?" Buffy said. Oh god, now what?

"Come with me" The guard said, opening her cell. 

Aw, damn. Now what'd I do? Dammit, I was so careful. God, I hope I'm not gonna be in this hellhole for longer. She followed the guard, her spirits sinking. It would just be her luck that for some unknown infraction more time was added to her sentence. At the last moment, no less. She sighed. Well, at least it can't be for too much longer. I know I didn't do anything major. But she still felt like she wanted to vomit. So close, so damned close.

The guard stopped at what was laughing called "The Honeymoon Suites" . They were the conjugal visit cells reserved for those prisoners with spouses on the outside. Back when conjugal visits had been allowed, that is. These days, they mostly were unused. They were different from regular cells as they had walls, for privacy. And they were decorated a little, with a double bed and some cheap furniture. But, ever since the practice of conjugal visits had been discontinued, the only time they were used was when some prisoner with pull bribed the guards so she and her 'girlfriend' could have a little private party together. What the hell was she doing here?

Her stomach knotted up. Son of a bitch. Some inmate with a grudge probably bribed the guards to get one of the 'suites', so they could give her a final little 'going away gift'. Damn. That means a fight, and more time tacked on to her sentence. Well, bitch, if that's what you want. Hope you like the hospital ward.

She tenses up, ready to fight. She opens the door, covering herself in case the bitch has friends, ready to jump her. She walks in, prepared to give better than she gets. It's dark inside, and she gets a bit nervy. She  hears giggling, and stops, confused.

The lights snap on, and there on the bed is Glenna, all smiles. She was bouncing on the bed, giggling and having a good time. Renee is at the light switch, giving her a wink.

"Hey, you two. What the hell is this?" Buffy growls. But she's relieved, too.

"C'mon, Buff. Ya  didn't think ya  were getting outta here without a little party, didja?" Glenna said, her voice sounding a bit funny.

"Yeah, Buffy." Renee said, jumping on the bed, giggling. "We're given you the royal send off, girl!"

Buffy's brow furls. " Have you two been drinkin?" She asks. 

"Just an itsy bitsy teeny weenie bit" Glenna says, her  voice fuzzy.

"Yeah…what she said" Renee giggled…and burps.

The two women look at each other, and bust out laughing. Buffy rolls her eyes. God, just what I need.

"C'mon, Buffee, lets party a lil. Celebrate your freedom" Glenna says, her grin a bit sloppy.

"Yeah…we got wine, we got women…" Renee giggles, and starts singing…badly. She stops, and says" An' we got song!"

"I dunno, guys…I could get busted for this…" Buffy says, doubtfully.

"C'mon, Buff" Glenna say, waggling the wine bottle in her hand. "It's calling out your name…can't ya hear it?"

"Buffee… Buffee… Drink me" Renee giggles, obviously the drunker of the two." Quick, Buffee…before I'm all gone"

"Don't be a party poop, Buff" Glenna says, all serious…then breaks up into laughter.

"All right, one drink" Buffy sighs. Buffy never was much of a drinker. Make that, nearly never. Like, maybe a glass of wine at New years to celebrate. So, when she tilted the wine bottle, and drank down some of it, it hit her, hard. She'd been miserable in this hell hole for nearly 3 years, and the buzz felt good. So damned good. She took another drink, and just felt better.

The three women proceeded to get blotto. They all needed the release, and it felt good for once not to be in control. Buffy, with her slayer metabolism, was able to drink more, because it burned the alcohol quickly. Renee, on the other hand, was a bit of a lightweight. She tried to keep up with Buffy and Glenna, but soon was passed out on the floor, snoring up a storm. The other two, giggling, grabbed a blanket and pillow off the bed, trying their best to make her comfy. She didn't wake up, just snuggled in the blanket.

Buffy and Glenna wound up on the bed, leaning against the wall. Both were pretty blotto by now, and had stopped drinking. They just sat back and kinda rested, enjoying each other's company. Glenna, emboldened a little by the wine, threw her arm over Buffy's shoulders, and snuggled closer to the slayer. Buffy, drunk herself, didn't think anything of it.

"This has been great" Buffy said, her voice slurring." Thanks, babe"

"My pleasure, Buff." Glenna said, her voice soft." After all, have to say 'bye, right? Gonna miss ya, Buffy"

"Gonna miss you too, Glennie" Buffy said, snuggling closer. She was feeling warm and comfy." You're a real sweetie"

"Really, Buffy?" Glenna asked, her voice low.

"Yeah, really" Buffy said, smiling. She leaned back, and closed her eyes.

Buffy was taken by surprise when a set of soft lips captured hers, kissing her warmly and with a bit of passion. For a second, she responded, her own needs flaring up a bit. She felt a hand creeping under her shirt, and it cupped her breast. That woke her up, fast. She broke away, and gently pushed Glenna away.

"Glennie…no…stop…please" Buffy said, her voice pleading. "Please stop"

"Please, Buffy" Glenna breathed, her voice full of desire and longing." I need you so badly. I…I'll never see you again. I love you, Buffy!"

Buffy's heart melted. She didn't want to hurt this girl. But she'd told her upfront how she felt. She felt tears stinging in her eyes. She was needy too, but this wasn't right…

"Glenna, no. We talked about this. You know how I feel" Buffy said, her voice remorseful.

"Buffy, what's the harm? You're gone tomorrow. You won't see me again. I just want tonight…that's all" Glenna was pleading with her. She wanted her so badly, it ached…had ached for so long.

"Glennie, you know it doesn't work that way" Buffy said, her heart breaking for her friend." If we do tonight, it's just gonna hurt you more. I can't do that to you. That's just wrong" Buffy sighed. Damn, why'd it have to be so complicated. "I already told you I had someone else…outside"

Glenna, heartbroken, started to cry. Buffy went to comfort her, but Glenna started hitting her. Buffy just took it, letting her friend vent on her. Finally, exhausted, she just collapsed into Buffy's arms, and cried her heart out. Buffy, feeling miserable, cried with her. They held each other, and finally they recovered. Buffy held Glenna, trying to comfort her.

"What's wrong with me, Buff? Am I ugly?" Glenna asked, sorrowfully." Am I repulsive?"

"Oh, god, no!  You're beautiful, Glennie. You know that!" Buffy said." Believe me, it was hard not to want to just give in. I really wanted to."

"Really?" Glenna asked.

"God, yes. But, it wouldn't be right for either of us." Buffy said." I'd just break your heart, and… I have somebody"

" I know, I know" Glenna said." I… I guess I hoped…"She breaks off.

"I'm so sorry, Glennie" Buffy said, regretfully." I wish things were different. I do. But I can't help how I feel".

" I know, dammit" Glenna growls. " Lucky guy. I just hope he realizes how lucky he is!" 

"Yeah" Buffy said." I hope so too"

Buffy didn't  have the heart to tell Glenna the 'guy' was a girl. That the girl had long black hair, and full rich lips, and …probably hated Buffy's guts. Probably wanted to hurt her, or worse. That Buffy probably stood zero chance with her, ever. That she'd nearly killed her. Things were bad enough right now.

"Buffy?" Glenna asked, plaintively. 

"Yeah, Glennie?" Buffy replied gently.

"Would it be ok if we snuggled?" She asked." I promise, I'll be good. Won't try nothin' " Glenna would take whatever she could get.

"Yeah. I'd like that" Buffy smiled.

The two women lay on   the bed, Glenna snuggling close to Buffy. Buffy held her in close, stroking her hair. After awhile, she heard Glenna gently snoring. Buffy, on the other hand, was wide awake, and totally sober now.

Buffy cursed herself for being a fool. Here was someone who obviously loved her, who would do anything to make her happy. Why couldn't she feel the same way? It was so unfair. She really cared about Glenna. She was smart, pretty, intelligent, and made her laugh. So why did her heart not respond to her? 

Faith.

Buffy was obsessed with her sister slayer. In her time in prison, she came to realize her feelings for Faith. Thinking of her in this crap hole kept Buffy from going insane. The connection she felt, the bond, was strong. Thoughts of Faith were her light at the end of the tunnel, something to shoot for so she could get through this. She came to realize she not only cared about Faith, but that she loved her. That she was in love with her.

But those feelings were tempered by other feelings, and realities. She had lots of remorse over what she'd done to Faith. She knew in her head that at the time, she'd had no choice. It was her or Faith. She had to try to use Faith to cure Angel. She knew that Faith would've killed her, if she had the chance. That didn't ease the remorse in her heart, the guilt she felt deep in her soul. She'd stabbed her, nearly killed her. She could still see Faith's look of disbelief and betrayal. She could still here those words " You did it, B. You killed me!"  They, more than the legal system, were her judge and jury. You did it. You killed me.

There was the fact that Faith was still in a coma. After 3 years, she still lay in hospital bed, not waking up. She might never wake up. Even if she did wake up, there could be extensive brain damage. She might be unable to walk, due to atrophy of her leg muscles. Even if she came out of it whole, there was the little fact that  Faith has been out of it for 3 years. To her, it's still 1999.. She doesn't know about the Mayor, or how the Ascension failed. She still hates Buffy, probably still wanting to kill her.

Buffy looked at the sleeping form of Glenna. She looked so sweet, so innocent asleep. Despair gripped her like a vise. Why couldn't she love the one who loved her? Why did she have to love the one who hated her guts?

She laughed bitterly. It was her destiny.

Buffy was trying to make a go of life outside prison. It was not going well for her. Not at all.

When Giles picked her up outside the state prison walls, Buffy had been full of hope. She'd been incarcerated, sure. On false evidence. It was galling, but she was confident she could put her life back together, make a go of it. Put it behind her. Make a fresh start. But she soon ran into reality.

The first thing she did upon returning to Sunnydale was to visit her mom's grave. She was bitter because she'd been locked up in prison when her mom had to go through this all. Alone. It hit her how scared her mom must have been, facing the disease alone. Battling through it. The worst was the fact that Buffy wasn't there to help her through it, make it easier for her. Take some of the burden on, share her fears,  and relieve her suffering. No. Buffy had been in prison. Why? Because she saved the fucking world. Because of her ' Destiny'. It was a vile, bitter pill to swallow.

Buffy kneeled by her headstone, placing the flowers she brought. She read the inscription.

Joyce Summers

1960- 2002

Devoted Mother

Beloved Friend

You lived your life

With courage and grace

We'll miss you

Buffy felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Her heart lay like lead in her chest. How awful it all must have been for mom,  she thought. How terrible to have her child in prison, dealing with the shame alone. Knowing she was innocent, but not being able to prove it because of Buffy's secret. Buffy's destiny. Buffy cried in sorrow and frustration. Sorrow over the loss of her mother. Frustration that in her way, she contributed to her mom's sorrows, her pain. That she couldn't be there when she was needed most. Her rage increased when she thought about the Watcher's Council. How they were supposed to help her in her destiny, how they had time after time betrayed her, and ultimately tried to kill her. She touched the scars on her neck and face as a reminder of their perfidy. She swore then she would be avenged for what they did to her and her family. She wouldn't rest until she made them pay.

The next blow to her plans came from the state. Because she was in prison at the time of her mother's death, because she was a convicted felon, the state seized Joyce Summer's assets  under the RICO statutes, to defray the costs of her trial and incarceration. Essentially, Buffy was penniless.  Her mother's savings, her house, the insurance all went to the state. Buffy had nothing but the clothes on her back and the few dollars the state paid her for her 'services' while in prison.

Buffy found herself in the same crappy motel Faith had stayed in while in Sunnydale. She couldn't get a better place because she didn't have the money for a deposit. Strangely enough, landlords weren't exactly rushing to rent to ex-felons either. Wonder why? So she made due with what she could get. Giles helped when he could, but he was starting the Magic Box, and cash was tight. But he promised her a job as soon as business picked up.

So, she took whatever job came along. She did the waitressing thing. It was low pay, demeaning and hard. But at least it paid the bills, and she could save the tips so she could eventually get into a decent apartment. If she could overcome that felony thing. Yeah, right.  She ate whatever meals she could at work, saving money there. Her clothier of choice became Wal-mart… or the thrift stores. She didn't go to movies…too expensive. When she could get the VCR in the room to work, she rented movies…the cheap ones, not new releases. Fortunately for her, being in prison made a lot of the cheap ones new for her. When she got an especially good tip, she would treat herself to the Bronze. The cover included 2 free drinks, which she would nurse all night. She got to dance, at least, and blow off some steam. Didn't happen too often, but she treasured every moment of it. Her clothes were horribly out of fashion, but she did the best she could with what she had. It was one of her nights at the Bronze that she ran into Willow again.

She'd been hesitant about meeting with Willow. After that thing about visitation at prison, a distance had developed between them. When she reached her on the phone, it was awkward, to say the least. Her letters from Willow tapered off, and Buffy finally figured that Willow just wanted to let it go. So, she'd respected that, not trying to contact her by phone or letter.

After she'd been released, she contemplated seeing Willow again. She even went so far as to go to campus, and wait by her dorm to try to contact her. She found out from the R.A.  that Willow had moved out of the dorm, into an off-campus apartment. He didn't have the address. Buffy took it as a sign that maybe she just wasn't supposed to renew her friendship with Willow. Maybe that was over, in the past. Something that was high school. And life wasn't high school anymore.

So, that night when she saw Will walk into the Bronze, Buffy's first instinct was to get up and leave. She didn't want to make it awkward for her old friend. Then she said to herself 'Hey, I paid the cover. I gotta right to be here too. I'll just not bother her, and visa versa, and all is cool, right?'. Her  Bronze nights were too few and far between to just leave before she had to. She decided she'd just blend back so Will wouldn't be disturbed.

But before Buffy could disappear in the crowd, Willow spotted her. She stopped dead in her tracks. She looked hard, and her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open.

"Buffy?" she called out over the crowd. " Hey, Buffy!" 

Buffy froze. Oh, shit! She turned around, smiling, ready to try to make nice, overcome the awkwardness. That's when she was hit by the red headed hurricane known as Willow. Will was hugging her, and laughing and kissing her on the cheek. There were tears in her eyes, and it was like Buffy had never left. Buffy, overwhelmed with emotion, hugged Will tight. Too tight.

"Buffy…Yes, so glad to see you, too… but breathing is getting … difficult" Willow gasped out.

"God, sorry Will. Just…just" Buffy started to cry." M-M-Missed you" She stuttered out

"M-M-Me too, Buff"  Willow said, her own tears coming in floods now. She held tight to her friend, not believing she was really here. She looked at Buffy, and noticed the scars on her face and neck.

"Oh, my goddess, Buffy! What happened?" Will cried, gently touching the scars. Buffy, ashamed, tried to hide her face, but Will wouldn't let her.

"The Council happened, Will." Buffy said, not able to keep the bitterness completely out of her voice." They decided I was a 'negative asset' and sent some people to … terminate my contract, so to speak. A couple got a little too close."

"Oh, goddess, Buffy!" Willow said, hugging her again. " The fucking bastards!"

"WILL!" Buffy cried, a little shocked. " Where'd you get that mouth? Do you kiss your….Where is Oz, anyway?" Buffy looked around, puzzled. The only person she saw close to Willow was a pretty, shy blonde girl, kind of hanging back.

"Oh… that's right, you don't know" Willow said, a little embarrassed." Oz and I broke up…oh… must be nearly 18 months ago"

Buffy's mouth hung open in shock. Oz and Will, broken up? God, She'd thought they'd be together forever, they seemed so right together.

"What happened, Will? I thought you and Oz were like…forever!" Buffy said.

"Well… halfway through my freshman year in College…Oz…well… had an affair. With a She-Werewolf". Willow said, still a little bitter about it, by the tone of her voice.

" A WHAT?" Buffy said, thrown. Willow explained the whole sad saga about Veruca, including how she nearly killed Willow Oz had come in time to save her. But, it'd been close, and he nearly killed Willow before she could shoot him with a trank dart. Buffy's eyes grew wider, and her jaw dropped lower as she described Oz leaving, because he wasn't in control of " The Beast" anymore". Buffy shook her head, trying to make sense of it all.

"So, who're you with now, Will?" Buffy asked, looking around. She spotted the shy blonde woman again.

"Oh, goddess. Where are my manners? " Willow says, turning around. She waved at the blonde woman." Tara? Tara honey, come here!"

 The shy blonde woman, smiling, comes up to Willow and Buffy.

"Buffy, I'd like you to meet Tara." Willow said, the love she has for the woman shining in her eyes. " Tara, this is the Buffy I've been telling you about".

"Hi, I'm very pleased to meet you" Tara says, with a slight stutter." I've heard so much about you".

"Well, that gives you the one up on me" Buffy says, smiling. She pulls the blonde girl into a hug, and whispers softly into her ear. " I can see by Will's look that  you make her very happy. She must love you very much" Tara, unaccustomed to this, blushes.

"So, Will…when did you leave start batting for the other team, huh?" Buffy asks, smiling. Will is more than a little non-plussed. She'd been expecting Buffy to be weirded out by her relationship with Tara… and here she was taking it like it was no big. She figured that if she lived to be 100, she'd never fully understand Buffy Summers.

"Uh…Uh…well, I met Tara after Oz and I broke up. In a Wicca group. And we just … clicked" Willow said, more than a little thrown. "We…fell in love" She smiled at Tara, who smiled back at her.

"Well, I couldn't be happier for you , Will" Buffy said, pulling Will into another hug. She whispered in Willow's ear" So, is she like…really good?" Willow, not expecting any of this, is totally thrown by the question. She blushed deep red. Then she whispered back "Oh, goddess, yes!". The two friends giggle, looking slyly at Tara, who then blushed

The three of them find a table, and sit. Willow still can't believe Buffy is back. She'd missed her friend terribly.

"So, Buffy. How long you…" Willow hesitated, not wanting to remind Buffy where she'd been for the last 2 ½ years.

"Been back in town?" Buffy said, helping Willow over her awkwardness. Like friends are wont to do." Been back nearly 3 months, I guess."

"Three MONTHS? And you haven't come to see me?" Willow said, a bit upset.

"Will" Buffy started." I came to campus, to look you up. But you moved off campus. They didn't have an address on you. So, I kinda took it as a sign that maybe…well…" Buffy blushes and looks down." That maybe our friendship was…over" She manages.

"Buffy!" Willow said, firmly." We're friends. We stick together. I'd… I'd never drop you as a friend, not for anything!"

"Buffy" Tara added in. " Will and I've been together nearly 2 years now. I know in all that time, she talked about you constantly" Tara smiled." I had to admit, sometimes I got a little jealous" Buffy and Willow both blush. Tara continues. " But I know the one thing she'd been looking forward to was seeing you again."

Buffy looks sufficiently embarrassed. Wondering why the earth never opens up and swallows you up when you need it to.

"I'm…god, I'm sorry Will. Just, that after the incident with the visitation, and then the letters dropping off, and …well, let's be real, Will, I'm an ex-con. What do an ex-con and a college junior really have in common? I was ashamed, Will. Ashamed that  I'd embarrass you if I hung around. So, I kinda…didn't" Buffy says, quietly. " And I'll admit it, Will. I'm kinda bitter. The state took away everything from me, convicted me…for doing my job, for fulfilling  my destiny" Buffy's  expression has hardened.

"Buffy, you were framed. We know that" Willow said, quietly. "But even if you deserved to be in prison, I'd be your friend, no matter what. Do you understand?" Willow chided her, gently.

"Yeah…I was dumb...ok?" Buffy says, apologetically. She should've known better. But the thing with Xander had hurt her, and she learned not to trust while in prison.

They talked for hours. Willow learned about how the state had taken all of Buffy's inheritance, and was ready to go ballistic 'til Buffy and Tara calmed her. When she learned where Buffy was living, she immediately insisted that Buffy would move in with Tara and her. Buffy declined. Not that she was fond of her rat-trap, but she had a secret she didn't want to share…and it would be harder if she lived with them. She explained that she needed, for her own sake, to work her way back. That she loved them for offering, but this was something she needed to do. Willow was upset, but she said she understood.

They parted late that evening, later than Buffy expected. But it was worth it to her. For the first time since returning to Sunnydale, Buffy felt a small sense of normalcy returning to her life.

So, what was the secret Buffy was keeping from Willow? Faith. The fact that every night, she would spend hours at her beside. When she first got out, she bugged Giles until he told her where Faith was… in Sunnydale Convalescent. She'd been transferred there after her physical wounds had healed, and it became apparent her coma would be a chronic condition. Not much hope was held out that she would ever waken from the coma. All the time Buffy was in prison, Faith had been non responsive, never stirring from her own prison of the mind. Her only companions in that time had been the vitals monitor and the feeding tube they used to give her nourishment. No one came to visit her.

All that changed when Buffy returned from prison. She came every night she could( that is, nights when she didn't have to work). She'd spend hours there, talking to her, singing to her, reading to her. She groomed her, and after training with the nurses, took over bathing Faith. She didn't mind. She loved the girl, even if that was a one way street. All she cared was that she got to spend time with her. As much time as she could. Until Faith woke up, and threw her out(literally?). She knew it was hopeless, that Faith couldn't care for her… but she at least would do what she could for her. Call it love, or penitence. She did it.

And so, we're back to where we began. With Buffy, in Faith's room, watching her sleep. Thinking about her life to this point. Wondering if Faith would ever awaken. If she'd forgive Buffy. If she'd hate her. She just didn't know any of the answers. She barely knew the questions.

It'd been a particularly bad night at the restaurant. The tips were sucky, the customers particularly rude, and she'd had to stay an extra hour because the ditz who was supposed to come on shift had been late. She was tired, and feeling depressed. She wondered if it was ever going to get better, if things would ever get to some semblance of normal. If Faith would ever wake up, even if only to curse her out. As she held Faith's hand, looking at her sleeping form, it just all overwhelmed her. 

She started to cry. Just tears at first, angry, frustrated tears. But then the sorrow and pain kicked in, and she started to sob. She was too tired tonight, too defeated, to try to hold it back. Her body shook, and she laid her head down on the bed. What did it matter? Faith was never going to wake up, never come back to her. She'd never have the chance to say she was sorry, make it right. She didn't give a damn who saw her, she was too miserable to care.

Faith opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was the woman she hated, leaning over her bed, crying her eyes out. She was holding her hand. Faith looked at her, confused.  She remembered everything, including Buffy stabbing her. Her expression hardened, and she pulled her hand away. 

Buffy looked up, surprised. Faith was looking at her, an expression of contempt and anger on her face. She said one word.

"Buffy!"

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

To be continued.

Author's note. Sorry for the long chapter, but I just couldn't stop writing it. Don't think any succeeding chapters will run this long. Thanks for reading it.


	2. Chapter 2

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 2 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

The Chosen two eyed each other guardedly

Faith watched Buffy carefully for any sudden moves. She wasn't sure if she could take her. Hell, she felt like she'd been attached to the back of a monster truck and dragged about 50 miles or so. Every muscle in her body ached, her bloodstream screamed pain. Her head throbbed, and her legs felt like lead weights. But no matter what it took, she wasn't gonna let that bitch hurt her again. If she tried anything, she was gonna make sure that Blondie hurt a lot more than she did.

Faith felt disoriented. Where the fuck was she, anyway? She remembered falling in the truck… being driven off…and nothing after that.

Well, gotta be a hospital, I guess. Damn, did I miss the fun? Couldn't have. I mean, B's still alive, must still be comin'. What the fuck is she doin' here anyway? Shouldn't she be with her 'scoobies' trying to stop the boss? Shit, she's a mess. Look at her. She…where the hell did those scars come from? They weren't there before…and that one on the neck…looks like a fucking vampire bite. She musta… but she'd be dead? Fuck… is she a vampire? Man, and I don't got no stakes. But…since when do vampires cry? Cuz she's been bawlin' her eyes out…the wimp. If she were a vamp, the scar would be gone. Nawwww, not a vamp. Those marks look old… But she didn't have a mark on her last time I saw her.. and that could only be …what? Last night? And hey…why don't I feel the fucking wound? That should be hurtin' like hell. What's goin on here?

She musta fed Angel to cure him. Ok, that explains that scar. But those others? The one by her jaw…and the one over her eye? God, look at her eyes…they look… hunted. Damn, I musta missed the fun. She must be on the run But, hell, if that's so, why's she here?  Where is here, anyway? Can't be Sunnyhell…boss woulda destroyed that, I figure. Man, just my luck. I get laid up, miss all the good stuff. Shit, probably been replaced. Great. After all the crap I did for that…what is he now? Some kinda snake thing? Anyway, after all I did, probably out in the cold, again. Shit, shit, and double crap. He's probably forgot all about me. Just like a guy. Use a girl, then throw her away when somethin' better comes along. This really totally sucks. It's all B's fault. Damn her, if she hadn't laid me up, I'd be riding high now, the bitch.

Why the hell is she here, anyway? What does she want? Hasn't she fucked up my life enough, already? And what's with the waterworks? What's wrong, Blondie? Feeling guilty? Maybe you want me to feel mercy for ya? Fat chance. Hell, she probably came here to finish the job, and wimped out. Lil  Ms. Cheerleader couldn't do it. Couldn't do what it takes to be really tough. Ya  wuss. 

"So, B… whatcha doin here? Come to finish the job?" Faith says, sneering.

Buffy looks at Faith. Her face is stricken. She lowers her eyes, and mutters something out.

"What, B? Didn't hear that!" Faith growls

"I- I said I'm sorry" Buffy says, her voice low, regretful

"Sorry? Is that it, B? Sorry? Gee…whatcha sorry about, anyway? That you didn't kill me good the first time? Or, that I'm still alive, and gonna whip your sorry ass? Or maybe, you're sorry cuz you losers blew it… that the boss won, and killed all your little buddies? What's wrong B? No friends no more, huh? Yeah, you're sorry alright, B. I Gotta give ya that. Loser" Faith spits out at her

" We didn't fail, Faith" Buffy says, quietly. " The Mayor's dead."

"WHAT? No fucking WAY! He …he was like…invulnerable. NO way you coulda killed him. You're a liar, bitch". Faith says, her anger rising.

"That's why he had you kill Professor Wirth, Faith. The professor had found a creature like the one your boss was gonna become. The creature was dead… fossilized in a volcano in Hawaii. That was the thing. He was invulnerable, until the Ascension happened. Then he could be killed. That's what he was trying to hide." Buffy looks at Faith, seeing if she's believing her.

"Yeah, yeah, sure" Faith retorts, but she's beginning to have her doubts. " Ok, so lets say you're right. He could be killed. But, how? I mean from the way he was tellin' me, he was gonna become some huge demon thing. A stake isn't gonna get it done. Hell, a flamethrower wouldn't get it done. So, like …no way you're little merry band of losers coulda hurt him after he changed."

"You're right. We … well, we got a ton of explosives and …rigged the library to blow up. I led him right into it…and he blew sky high…him and the school". Buffy says.

"C'mon, that's horse crap. How'd you get him in the library? I mean… the Mayor mighta been ok with books, but don't think the demon woulda given a shit, ya know?" Faith mocks her.

" I …went back and got the knife I used to…" Buffy stops. It hurts to think of what she did. She sighs, and continues."… to stab you with. After he changed, I goaded him with it. Got the beast pissed at me. Then I ran towards the library, him in pursuit. I ran up the stairs, crashed out the window, and …. Giles hit the plunger. Boom. No more Beast. No more school."

Faith for a second gets caught in the visual. "Wow, that musta been awesome. Whatta hoot. Woulda liked to…" then she remembers what that means. " Shit, damn it. Fucked me again, didn't ya B? So, what? So, how long have I been here? A month or two?" Faith asks.

Buffy turns away. She feels an icy hand clutching her heart. How's she gonna tell Faith how long she's been in a coma? God…

"C'mon, B., quit screwin' around. How long have I been here?" Faith demands. " Don't ya think I at least got that comin? How long?"

Buffy doesn't say anything. She can't find a way to tell Faith. She just sits, looking guilty.

" What? 3 months? 6 months?" Faith asks, starting to panic. What the hell is she pullin now?

Buffy mumbles something. Faith doesn't quite catch it…but it sound like…nawww…no way.

"WHAT? HOW FUCKING LONG?" Faith yells, scared and angry.

"Three years" Buffy says. She moves back, knowing Faith's going to lash out.

Faith shakes her head. No way I heard that right. Three YEARS? No way. No fucking way!

"No way. Three YEARS? No…you're lying. I know you're lying. Goddamn it, no way I been lying here for no three years!" Faith feels the rage building inside her." Goddamn you, you lying bitch. I've had it with your games. I gonna get outta this bed and beat your ass to L.A." Faith is out of control. She's scared, angry and needs something to hurt. And boy, Buffy would be just the thing. She throws off the covers, and pulls the feeding tube out of her arm. She slides her legs over the edge of the bed, and stands up… and almost immediately starts to fall.

"Shhh----iiiiii----ttttt !!!" Faith screams, starting to fall. Buffy rushes over and catches her, holding her upright. Faith, panicked, clings to her…then shoves her away. She starts to fall again, and Buffy holds her up, easing her towards the bed. Faith sits, looking scared and miserable.

"What's wrong with my legs?" Faith says, scared. "What'd you do to my legs??!!" She looks at Buffy with an accusing look.

"Faith, calm down" Buffy says, firmly." It's gonna be alright"

"FUCK YOU CALM DOWN!!!" Faith screams at her, slapping Buffy hard. Buffy recoils, hurt. She closes her eyes to keep her temper. Faith continues." You crippled  me, bitch. And you tell me to calm down?"

Buffy touches the cheek where Faith slapped her. It's sore, and she knows from experience it'll probably bruise. She has a coppery taste in her mouth…blood…from where she bit the inside of her cheek. She walks over to the box of tissues by Faith's bed, takes one, and spits out blood. Faith watches, wary of what Buffy's gonna do. Buffy throws out the tissue, and walks to Faith's bed.

"Faith. You're not crippled. Your leg muscles are atrophied from you lying in bed three years. You just need therapy to work the muscles, is all." Buffy says, holding down her temper.

"Screw you, B!!! You did this to me. I wouldn't be like this, except for you. Get out of here, B. Get your sorry ass outta my room!" Faith says, her voice low and dangerous.

"Faith…please… I want to help you. I can help you with…" Buffy says, beseeching her fellow slayer.

"Oh, yeah… like you've helped me so far. Goddamn you, B. You DID this to me…and now you want to HELP ME? FUCK YOU DON'T HELP ME ANYMORE. GET OUT!!!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY ROOM. GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LIFE!!!" Faith screams at her at the top of her lungs. She starts swinging at Buffy, who stands and lets Faith hit her.

A nurse rushes in, and sees what's going on.

"What's going on in here? Who're you?" She says to Buffy. She sees Faith is awake. She starts towards Buffy, pushing her. "You gotta go, now!" She commands.

"But…" Buffy starts.

" You've gotta leave. You're upsetting the patient. Leave, now! Or I'm calling security!" The nurse threatens. Buffy looks at Faith, who is still trying get at her. The nurse is trying to restrain her, but Faith's slayer powers have kicked in. She turns and starts to leave, hoping that Faith will calm down when she's gone. Faith yells after her.

"That's right, run, you chicken-shit. Run. This aint over, B. I'm gonna so get you for this. I'm gonna make you  sorry you were ever born, bitch! RUN. CUZ WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE, YOU'RE DEAD. HEAR ME? DEAD!!!" 

Buffy, hurting from Faith's punches and her breaking heart, leaves.

Buffy wandered the downtown streets aimlessly. 

She didn't really care where she wound up. She just needed to walk. To try to think. To figure what she was going to do next.

"That went… well" Buffy said, reproaching herself." You handled that so good, Buffy. Maybe you should consider a second career as a counselor." Buffy laughs at herself." Yeah, you'd set the record for most suicides in a caseload. Damn. Well, what did ya expect, anyway? Hugs and kisses? She's totally pissed at you. That really surprises you? You stole three years of her life. How you gonna give that back to her, huh? How ya gonna make that right by her?"

Buffy walks along, dejected. She feels the tears stinging her eyes.

"Stop it, Buffy. Just stop it. You don't have a right to feel sorry for yourself. How the hell did you think she'd act? How'd you act if you found out that you'd been in a coma for 3 year, and the person to tell you was the one who put you there? Hell, break their neck, right? So, what? You were expecting like she say ' Oh, Buffy, that's ok. Sure you stabbed me, trying to kill me so you could feed me to your boyfriend. Hey, at least that didn't happen, right? And hey, so I was in a coma for 3 years. Big deal. Who needed a life, anyway. Lets be friends, whatta ya say?". Newsflash: You're an idiot, Buffy! She's got every right to be mad at you, don't ya think? So what're you gonna do, Buffy?"

" Maybe it's time to just get outta Dodge. What am I doin' here, anyway? Right, I'm the slayer. Well, we know how well that gig's worked out for ya. Protect the innocent. Where? Where's the innocent, huh? Blind fools. They don't see cuz they don't wanna see. How do ya think the Mayor got to be as powerful as he was? Cuz no one had the guts to do squat about it. So I do my job, save the innocent, save the world, and gee…do I get a parade? A card? A fucking thanks? Hell, no. I get a prison sentence. Yeah, that so makes me wanna stick around."

"Friends? Well, there's Will. I hate to leave Will. But, she's got somebody. She'll be ok. Anyway, I bet once she's outta UC Sunnydale, she'll be outta this one Starbucks town as fast as she can drive. Who the hell wanna stay here, anyway? Maybe we can hook up later, when she's settled in her new life or somethin'" Buffy knows that's not likely. " Giles…what about Giles?" Buffy hesitates. There's a tough one. Giles has been there for her all along. Even when  it must've been painful to see her, he stuck by her, best he could. " You just gonna walk out on Giles, huh? After all he's done for you? Kinda cold, don't ya think? But he's got his own life, right? The Magic Box, and all? And, maybe if he doesn't have to get my ass outta the fire all the time, he can like hook up with someone. Like that Olivia he 'visited' with( you mean had sex with, don't ya? Come on, do I really HAVE to think about that one? Ewwww!). Or somebody else. Probably be glad to be rid of me. Anyway, there's Faith, right? I mean, she's gonna need guidance, if she's gonna be the slayer( If she recovers). Giles would be perfect. Yeah, I'll talk to him before I motor outta here.( Right. Tell yourself those lies, Buffy. You know it's not gonna be the same for him. Just turn your back on him. Quit lying, ok? At least to yourself). Look, he's a grown up. An adult. He'll deal. (selfish much, Buffy?) Fuck you, shut up!(Fine).Look. I love him. He's been…more than my watcher. He's been like a dad to me… a lot more than my own dad ever was.  But I can't build a life here, anymore. My friends don't need me. Willow, Giles…Xander…fuck Xander, that son of a …."

At that moment, she runs into someone. Brilliant, Buffy, don't watch where you're going!

"Hey, sorry…didn't see ya…" Buffy says, looking up. Her face darkens. Xander. Xander Harris.

"That's ok, no big. Not damaged" Xander says, not seeing right away who it is . He starts to bend over to pick up his bag and looks up, smiling" Lost in your… Buff? Buffy?" His eyes go wide. He sees her expression, and his smile fades a little.

"Yeah, so?" Buffy says, voice cold.

"Hey, how ya been?" Xander asks, recovering. He stands up, puts his hands on Buffy's shoulders. She shrugs them off.

"What do you care?" Buffy says, the coldness in her voice forming  icicles. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks, confused…getting a little upset. What's her deal?

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy mocks him." You're such a hypocrite, Xander. I spend 30 months in prison. Do I hear from you one time? Hell, no. And when I try to call, your 'wife'… you know, the 1000 year old ex-vengeance demon. The one who's stooped to doing just about every crime imaginable? Tells me in no uncertain words that my calls aren't welcome there. God, like she's some innocent. Just, get away from me, ok?" She turns, and starts to walk away.

"Buff… Buffy…Wait….please, wait!' Xander calls out. He runs to catch up with her. " Buffy, please! Let me explain, ok?"

Buffy stops. I should just blow off this prick. I should just walk away. Yeah, but I'm not gonna, am I? Idiot. I'm a fucking idiot!

" Alright, Xander. You got one minute. Make it good" Buffy says, her voice hard.

" Look , Buff. I didn't even know about the call. I only learned recently, like after you were out" Xander gets it out as fast as he can." I gave Anya hell for that. I'm sorry. I never woulda done that, don't ya know?"

"5 seconds to spare, impressive" Buffy says, her tone sarcastic." Thing that pisses me off, Xander? You didn't even make an effort. Not once did you come to say "Hi" or "Bye" or even " Fuck you". Not one time.  I probably woulda told you to not bother coming again. I was in a bad place, real bad place, and couldn't take the emotions I got from my friends. But at least you coulda tried, right? Not even one letter, Xander. How hard woulda that been?" Buffy's trying to keep her cool, but It's not easy.

"Buff. Anya…well, Anya's really jealous of …well…my relationship with you. She gets weird every time I mention your name. She knows I had a major crush on you. And she thinks I'll get all stupid over you now. She's totally jealous of you!"

"So, what you're telling me Xander is that you gotta have Anya's permission as to who your friends are? What about Will? I mean, you kinda had a half affair with her in high school. Is she allowed to be your friend? " Buffy says, irritated." I guess Cordy Chase is totally out, cuz you actually dated her. Hell, Xander, nothing ever happened between us. I told you real early on, that I just didn't feel that way about you. So, how come I'm the one who gets the boot?"

"Hey, chill, Buffy. Anya has her faults, granted. But she's a good wife to me" Xander says, defensively." She tries to protect me, sometimes too much , I admit. But she tries. Give her a break!"

" Like you gave Angel a break?" Buffy says, quietly.

Xander doesn't say anything.

"What? Cat got your tongue, Xander? I remember too well how you liked to point out Angels faults every chance you got. You were totally jealous of him, Xander. When he went bad, you were oh so ready to stake him. Funny how you overlook Anya's record, don't ya think?" Buffy says, her voice rising in anger." You used every chance you could to rag on Angel, make him the villain for everything. He did awful stuff, I'm not trying to defend him What I'm saying is, the shoes on the other foot now. You're wife is an ex-vengeance demon. She lived 1000 years sewing death and destruction. Hell of a lot longer than Angel. Yet, she has the fucking NERVE to rag on me, cause I'm in prison on a trumped up charge. Remember that, Xander? I acted in self defense, or did that slip your mind? Guess it did" Buffy is on a tear, now." I find that just a little hypocritical of her to act like I'm some scum, when she spent a thousand years murdering and torturing people. I guess we're just supposed to overlook that, though, huh? I mean, she's a good guy now, right?" Buffy mocks him.

"What can I say, Buffy?" Xander says." I'm sorry, ok?"

"No, not ok, Xander." Buffy retorts." Not even close. What happened to you? I know that prison changed me. You spend a couple years behind bars, see if you're not seeing things different. But, I'm not scum, Xander Harris. And I don't like being treated like scum. Got it? And you're …wife" Buffy says, wanting to say something else, " has no room to be judging others. She's got a hell of a lot to answer for. But that's not the point. The point is, you've changed. You used to stand by your friends. Sure, you'd give your opinion… sometimes I so didn't want to hear it. But I listened. Cuz I respected you. When the crunch came, I could count on you. Now? Don't know, Xander. Be an adult, Xander. Choose your friends. Don't let your mommy, or your wife, or anyone else choose them for you."

" Buffy, it's not that easy" Xander says." Sometimes, you gotta make choices".

" Guess you made yours then. Bye, Xander. Have a good life" Buffy turns and starts to walk away. Xander stops her.

"That's it? You're just gonna leave?" Xander says, upset.

" You don't get it, do you? I never left you, Xander. You left me. Take care of yourself." Buffy turns and walks away, leaving a puzzled and upset Xander behind.

As she's walking away, it hits her. 

Pretty words, Buffy. But weren't you just about to do the same thing? Leave Faith behind. Just because it got rough? Yeah, she's totally pissed at you. And yeah, she's got reason. But just abandoning her when she's needing someone? Kinda shallow, don't ya think, babe?  You say you love her. Well, then you love her, if it's good, or bad. Take the abuse. Take what's coming to you. Be her friend. Even if she never returns your feeling, do the right goddamn thing by her. Stick by her. You know she's gonna need somebody to do that. That's your job now.

Buffy stops, and looks around, determining where she's at. She changes direction, heading back towards the hospital.

Her face shows a new resolve.

Buffy is walking down the hall past the nurses' station when she's stopped.

"Hey…hey! Where do you think you're going?" the nurse, a rather large woman says. She steps out from behind the desk, blocking Buffy's way.

"Going to see my friend" Buffy says casually, stopping.

" Don't think so. I just got her calmed down. Not going to go through that again" The nurse says, crossing her arms." You're not allowed to see her!"

"Really? Who says?" Buffy asks, quietly.

" I do. Now, turn around and leave, or I'm calling security" The nurse says, trying to intimidate the smaller woman. Can you say, bad choice?

Buffy smiles a tight, hard little smile." You know, I just spent the last 2 ½ years in prison. I had women a lot bigger than you try to tell me what to do." Buffy grabs the nurse by her blouse, and lifts her off the ground." Now, do you really think I'm gonna be listening to you?" Buffy glares at her.

The nurse is shocked. She struggles to break free, but it's kind of hopeless. Her eyes go wide, and her face goes white.

"Now, here's how were gonna play it" Buffy says, carrying the nurse back behind her desk. While still lifting her, she take the phone in her other hand, and crushes the receiver." I'm gonna put you down. You're gonna sit here, and do your job. Oh, and if you call security" She says to the nurse, who's still being held up off the ground." Well, you've seen what I can do to you. Think a couple of them is gonna give me any problems?" The nurse shakes her head. "Good answer. Now, we clear? All understood?" The nurse nods. "Glad to hear it." Buffy puts her down. "  I'd hate for us to have any misunderstandings."

Buffy walks around the desk, and starts down the hall. The nurse looks at the phone. She gets a queasy feeling in her stomach. She decides that she doesn't get  paid nearly enough to do this job. She sits at her station quietly.

Faith is sitting up in her bed, reading a magazine. She's got a big grin on her face.

She's feeling pretty damned good right now. She hates to admit it, but that little tussle she had with B. really made  Faith feel a whole lot better. Got her blood pumping, her anger up." Yeah, baby. Giving B crap is a whole lotta fun. Especially when she just sits there and takes it. Man, I love yankin her chain. She's so easy, sometimes." Faith chuckles to herself. " Ok, I admit I was pretty scared about the walkin' bit. But the doctor came in, and told me pretty much what B told me. Some therapy, bam, good as new. 5 x 5. Then I'm gonna get outta this bed, and kick Blondie's cute lil ass. Teach Ms. Goody- Goody who's the baddest slayer in this burg. Then maybe me and her can get down to some real fun. Pull that stick she's got stuck up her butt, and maybe she can actually be some fun to party with, ya know?

Ok, so things didn't quite turn out the way I wanted them to. So what? If life gives ya lemons, reach for the tequila babe. Just cuz things went a bit sour, doesn't mean that there aint fun to be had in this burg. If B wants to play along, great. If not, fuck her. Hmmmm… that could be fun, too. Bet if I could find the way to uncork her, she'd be a hot lil dynamo in the sack. Gotta bend that wire first though…she seems pretty straight arrow to me. But, hey…wouldn't be the first time, ya know?" Faith smirks to herself.

She hears a someone walk into the room, and looks up. Buffy is standing at the end of her bed.

"Sweet" Faith thinks to herself.

"Well, well, look what the cat spit up" Faith says aloud." What, back to give me more crap, B?"

"Nope" Buffy says, quietly. " Came back to apologize"

"Oh, really?" Faith says, sarcastically. "Well, Blondie, go ahead. I'm all ears"

Buffy gives Faith an appraising look, thinking ' I'd have to disagree with that'. Faith sees the look, and is a bit taken aback. 'Did I just see B  check me out? Nawww… couldn't be.'

"Look, Faith. We got off on the wrong foot from day one. I .. I treated you like crap. I'll admit it, I was jealous of you. You were like movin' in, my friends all took to you like fish to water, and I was going through a lotta stuff. Ok ,that's a crappy excuse. How about, I had a big fat stick rammed up my butt? I was like Ms. Goody- Goody, treating you like crap. Yeah, that's better. You deserved better. I didn't give you a fair chance, and I'm sorry. Really sorry. And I'm really sorry I …fuck, sorry I stabbed you. But it was kill or be killed…fortunately, neither of us died. But if you won, I'd probably be pushing up daisies. Aw, crap, I'm messin this up bad. I don't know how to say I'm sorry about a lotta things, Faith. But I'm sorry. I know it means like nothin, but I'm hopin' we can get past this… probably not, though. But just want to let ya know I want to try to make it right." Buffy gets it all out in one breath. She breathes in, and continues." Well, that kinda was sucky, huh?"

Faith is looking at Buffy like she grew a second head. Her mind goes " Huh?" but she quickly recovers.

"So, you think that's gonna make it all better? I mean, you stabbed me, put me in a coma, and took 3 years of my life. Sorry just aint gonna do it, B." Faith says.

"Yeah, I know that, Faith. But I want to make it right" Buffy replies.

" Only way it's gonna be 'right', B., is when I get outta this bed and kick your sorry ass" Faith says, smirking.

" Yeah? You and whose army, Faith?" Buffy replies. " On your best day, you couldn't take me. Whatta ya think's changed?"

'Well, well. B's grown a backbone. How cute' Faith thinks to herself.

"Wow, aren't we the tough lil slayer. When did ya grow a pair, B?" Faith mocks her.

" Oh, I dunno, "F", " Buffy replies." Prison has a way of changin' the way you look at things"

Faith's jaw drops. What the fuck?

"Prison? What're you talkin about, B?" Faith says, genuinely surprised. 

"Prison. You know. Big place, stone walls, bars. Where they keep bad people" Buffy says, mocking Faith.

"Yeah, ok, Ms. Smartass. I know what a prison is. What're you talking about?" Faith retorts.

" I spent 2 ½ years in prison, Faith. While you were sleeping" Buffy says.

"Yean, good one , B. Like their gonna throw the cheerleader in prison. For what? Reckless mall shopping?" Faith smirks.

" No, Faith. For assault with a deadly weapon." Buffy retorts." On you"

Faith is now totally thrown for a loop. This was somethin' she didn't expect. Buffy? In prison? What, did the earth start turning the other way while she was sleeping?

"C'mon, B., Quit tryin to yank my chain. Who's gonna put like…the hero in prison?" Faith asks." I mean, you're Ms. Girl Scout. Who'd believe you'd do anything wrong?"

" Ummm…dunno, but 12 jurors did. They sent me away" Buffy replied, quietly." Seems Dick" Buffy deliberately shoves that little knife in," your ex-boss? Well, he set up some doctored evidence which made it look like I came after you cuz I was all jealous that you took Angel from me" Buffy grins, but it's not a pleasant grin." What a hoot. Anyway, seems even after his death, he still had his buds on City council, and they pushed the prosecution. So, yours truly was tried and convicted, and got 2 years in prison. The added time was for fights I had in prison."

"Holy shit, B" Faith says, almost whispering." I didn't have a clue. Didn't know nothin' about that".

"Yeah, I didn't figure. I figure he set it up after our little fight. His way of getting back at me for hurting you" Buffy said, softly. "Sneaky isn't your style".

"B., honest" Faith says." I'd never want that. Kick your ass, yeah. Beat you to a pulp, sure. But send you to prison for sticking me? No way, girl"

"I know, Faith" Buffy says.

Faith sits silent for awhile, thinking. All that runs through her head is " It's not fair, It's not fair" Finally, she speaks up.

"B?" She says quietly." I'm sorry too"

"For what, Faith? You didn't do anythin" Buffy says.

"Yeah, I did. I didn't give you much of a chance, either. I was…jealous. You had it all. Friends, a home, family. You belonged. And that's what I wanted. And it pissed me off, cuz it was like it was handed to you on a platter, you didn't have to work for it. I didn't realize that you had to work harder than I could imagine for it. I know you tried to reach out. Tried to help me, especially after what happened  to the Mayor's assistant. But, I rejected you. I thought you were judging me, looking down on me. I didn't get you wanted to help me. So, I fucked up, too. Really fucked up." She stops. She's trying to bring her emotions back under control." Look, B. I never wanted, not in my most darkest thoughts, I never wanted you to go to prison. I've been in jail a few times for things, and I near went nuts. How'd you stand it?" Faith asks.

" I managed" Buffy said. She didn't want to tell Faith that it was thinking maybe somehow they could…forget that one, Buffy. Not gonna happen.

" Faith, look" Buffy continues." I don't know if we can be friends. We might be just too different. Though, I gotta admit, prison changed the way I look at things. But never mind that. What it is , do you think at least, we can stop being mad at each other?"

" Yeah, ok" Faith replies, quietly." But I'm still gonna kick your ass" She adds.

"Dream on, girl. You aint got a chance" Buffy retorts.

"So, now what, B?" Faith asks.

Why do they always ask that?

Three men enter the room. Unless you're blind, you can tell right away they're cops. One approaches the bed.

"Faith DeMarco?" He asks.

" Just Faith…don't use the last name" Faith replies. She's getting a sinking feeling

" I'm placing you under arrest for conspiracy, grand theft and extortion. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you at no cost. Do you understand these rights as they've been read to you?" The officer continues.

"What's this about?" Buffy asks, her voice quiet and low.

"Who're you?" The officer rejoins.

" A friend. What's this about?" Buffy insists.

" Your friend is being charged with conspiring with the former Mayor, one Richard Wilkins III, to extort money from local businesses for consideration of top city contracts." The cop replies "We're taking her into custody"

"Nawww, don't think so" Buffy replies.

" 'Fraid so, little lady" The cop says. He starts to move towards the bed.

"You really don't want to do that" Buffy says. She moves to stand between him and the bed.

"Miss, you're really going to have to get out of the way. You're interfering with a police investigation. Now move!" The cop says, his voice threatening.

Buffy stands, biting her lip. A tight little smile crosses her lips. The police don't have a clue as to what that means. But Faith does. She knows exactly what that means.

" You're gonna make me?" Buffy says, standing pat. She's so not going anywhere.

"Move now, miss. Or I'll have to arrest you, also" The cop threatens. He starts to move on Buffy. She just smiles at him. The smile that tends to chill hearts.

"EEHHHHH. Wrong answer" Buffy says. The cop reaches for her, and the next thing he knows, a rock hard fist hits him in the solar plexus, winding him. After that, Buffy's knee connects with his groin. He goes down, the only thought in his mind being "Mommy". He loses consciousness.

The other two cops approach, but the slayer is ready for them. Picking up the now out-of-it policeman, she tosses him at the other two cops, knocking them over. She's on them like white on rice, punching them til all three are unconscious.

Faith is watching this from her bed. In her head, she's rooting for Buffy. " Hit 'em B. That's it. You go Girl!". She loves to watch B work. She'd never admit it to anyone, especially Blondie, but she admires Buffy's style. 

On the other hand, she's kind of weirded out by what she's seeing. Buffy… attacking cops? Like, this is so NOT  Buffy! Matter of fact, this is SO Faith. And that's totally giving her the wiggins. Buffy is out- psycho-bitching her… something's changed. Totally changed. Faith isn't sure if she likes it…or if it scares her. She watches her sister slayer warily as she trusses up the cops.

Buffy strips the cops down to their underwear. She then binds them hand and foot, hog-tying each of them. She hauls each of them into the bathroom, using their cuffs to cuff them the towel bar, shower curtain and toilet. She then walks out, closing the door and jamming a chair against the lock, effectively imprisoning them inside. She proceeds to search through the cops clothing, lifting their wallets, and appropriating any cash she can find. She then bundles their clothes, along with their gear, and puts it in the hamper marked "medical waste only!". She counts the cash she 'borrowed', and frowns a little.

"God, they underpay the cops in this town." She grumbles. " Oh well, every bit helps." She stuffs the cash in her pocket, and turns to Faith." So, Faith, how ya feelin' ?" She asks.

Faith is looking at Buffy like… well, like she's never seen Buffy before. Who IS this? This isn't Buffy. It's her evil twin sister, or something. Not that she's not liking it.

"I feelin' fine, B. Except for the legs." Faith replies.

" So, ya wanna get outta here?" Buffy asks, grinning." Or maybe ya want to wait for their little friends to show up?"

"You gotta ask?" Faith says, liking where this is going…maybe."  But how? I'm not exactly gonna be doin' any marathons anytime soon" Faith looks at her weakened legs and frowns.

" Let me see what I can do about that, 'K?" Buffy says. She leaves the room for awhile.

While Buffy is gone, Faith is doing some fast thinking. She's wondering if she likes the "New" Buffy. She never thought she'd say this, but she kinda misses the "Old" Buffy. That Buffy, at least, she could figure. This one… Well… She's tough, she's hard as nails… and a little scary?  What the hell happed to her to make her so…different? She's gonna have to be on her guard, all the time. No telling what "New" Buffy is capable of.

Buffy enters the room, pushing a Wheelchair.

"You're limousine has arrived, Ma'am" Buffy says, doing her best fake British accent. She grins." Ready to go?" She adds in her own voice.

" You bet, B" Faith says, enthusiastically. Maybe a little TOO enthusiastically? " Let's motor!"

Buffy lifts Faith off the bed. Faith puts her arms around B's neck, and …Buffy almost loses it, having her so close. She is sooo tempted to lean in and kiss her… but she holds back. She doesn't want to fuck things up now. And, there's no time now, anyway. No telling when more of Sunnydale's Finest will show up. She carries Faith over to the wheelchair, and gently puts her in the chair. She grabs a blanket to cover her legs, and they exit the room, not looking back.

As Buffy wheels Faith down the hall, they pass the nurses' station. The same nurse from before is there, taking a keen interest in what they're doing. She looks like she's going to call someone. Buffy just clears her throat, gives her a hard look. The nurse blanches, and suddenly finds something of urgent importance to do on her desk. Buffy just grins to herself.

" So, ummm.. B, what're we gonna do now?" Faith asks, a little worried.

" Dunno, Faith. Didn't have like a lot of time to figure this out. Things kinda happened fast, ya know?" Buffy replied.

" No shit. What's the deal, anyway? I'm getting the feeling someone in this burg doesn't like slayers much" Faith replies.

" Ya think? Kinda coincidental, all of this, huh?" Buffy says, her tone a bit sarcastic. "Somethin' weird is goin on here. But right now, you and me, I figure we gotta get our asses outta Sunnydale, quick"

"Yeah…I gotta agree. But how? Not like we got wheels or nothin' " Faith says.

" I think I can figure somethin' out about that. But I gotta stop back at my place before we split. I got some money I been savin' there, and I gotta get a few things. You cool with that?" Buffy asks.

"No prob, B. Just how we gonna get there?" Faith is starting to get concerned, they could get popped at any time.

" Let me handle that" Buffy says, a small grin on her lips. Faith wonders what she's thinking.

She doesn't have to wonder too long. Buffy wheels her out the front door of Sunnydale Convalescent, then starts scanning the parking lot. 

"Wait here. I'll be right back" Buffy says, starting towards the parking lot.

"Not goin' anywhere, B." Faith replies, watching Buffy disappear into the rows of parked cars. What the hell is she up to? A few minutes later, she finds out. She hears an engine start up, and a black SUV pulls up in front of her, Buffy at the wheel.

" So, you like?" Buffy says, grinning. She hops out of the driver's door.

" Yeah, cool. Where'd you get this?" Faith asks. I thought she said she was broke.

" Ummm.. really want to know, Faith?" Buffy asks, a little embarrassed. " Lets just say I'm borrowing it …for awhile".

Oh, fuck…

" B? You stole it? What the hell?" Faith is more than a little shocked." Where'd you learn to do that?"

" Friend of mine in prison taught me. She was real good at it" Buffy says. Thanks, Glennie.

" Yeah. So good, she got busted" Faith says, doubtfully.

" Nawww. She got popped on possession. They never caught her stealing cars. She was pretty smart about it." Buffy responds. 

" Ummm..  this car'll be hot in a couple of hours, B. How we gonna avoid getting busted." Faith asks.

" Don't sweat it. I switched the plates with another car. They'll be looking for another SUV" Buffy says, smiling." C'mon, lets go".

Buffy goes over, and lifts Faith out of the wheelchair. She carries her over to the passenger side, and puts her in the seat. She buckles her in( and again, almost loses it stretching across Faith to buckle the belt. It's gonna be so hard to keep my hands to myself, she thinks. Damn). She jogs back, gets the wheelchair, tosses it in the back, and jumps in the driver's seat. She roars out of the parking lot.

Buffy rolls down her window, and cranks up the tunes. Faith follows suit, rolling down her window  and letting the evening breeze run through her hair. She looks over at Buffy, and sees the determined look on her face. 'She looks so… hard' Faith thinks to herself. Despite herself, she's becoming a little concerned about and for Buffy. 'This isn't her. Not by a long shot. Something's eating her. God, I hope that it doesn't destroy her' Faith thinks, then wonders why she thought that. 

She has to admit, some of the "New" Buffy is attractive. Very attractive. She really likes how Buffy doesn't seem to overanalyze things anymore. She seems to be very… decisive these days. And that's very, very sexy. Huh? Lets not even go there, Faith. Not 'til we're sure she's not gonna go nuts on us.

Faith leans back, letting Buffy drive them into the night. She wonders if she's gonna like where they end up?

She hopes so

God, she hopes so.

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To Be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 3 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

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Buffy splashed cooling water onto her face. She let out a small sigh. It felt good. It made her face tingle, and helped the gritty feeling she had in her eyes. She patted some on the back of her neck, and felt relief. It seemed to cool her down a bit.

She looked in the mirror of the women's restroom, her expression neutral. It took her a few seconds to realize she was looking at herself. She looked… scary. Her eyes, a dirty green color, were bloodshot and hard looking. There were dark circles under her eyes, testifying to her lack of sleep. She didn't sleep very well these days. To disguise herself( they were on the run, after all), she'd died her hair a dark red… almost an auburn color. And cut it short, barely reaching beyond her jaw. She'd pierced her ears all the way up, and had half a dozen earrings in each. The years in prison told on her face; along with the scars over the eye and the one lining her jaw, her face had lost it's roundness, being much more angular these days. Unlike the old days, when she tended towards pinks and oranges, her lips were ruby colored…almost blood colored. Like her nails.

Her face wasn't all that had changed. Gone were the light colored pastels she wore. She now favored tight jeans, navy or black in color. She wore either halter tops or a bustier, depending on her mood. She'd 'acquired' a leather jacket, somewhere, that she was never caught without. She wore elbow length widow's gloves, and rings on each finger, all the better to beat the crap out of you with, my dear. She wore heeled boots, always. No sandals, no tennis shoes. Her body, never fat, had gotten a lean, lanky look.

The overall effect was a tough, mean " don't' fuck with me" look. Which seemed to match her attitude these days. It was the new, improved Buffy. The hard assed, take no shit from no one, kick you in the balls Buffy.

She hated it.

But then, she pretty much hated herself, too.

She didn't like how she'd changed. Gone was the Buffy whose heart would reach out to others. Who'd help innocents, protecting them from the bad things in this world, even when it cost her dearly. Gone was the smile that could light up hearts, the laugh that reflected a genuine joy with living. Gone was the innocent young woman who fervently believed in the basic goodness of people, who trusted and was trusted back. Who had friends she could count on, a family she loved. Gone, gone, and gone.

In her place was this…person. This woman who trusted on one, knew that everyone was out to screw you, so screw them first, and make it stick. Who took shit off of no one, but rationed it out freely.  Someone who, when provoked, could easily beat someone to a pulp. She was getting provoked more and more often these days. She smiled rarely; when she did, most of the time it was a tight, hard smile that was heart-chilling. She hardly laughed, and it had a harsh, guttural sound to it. She was like a snake; lean, deadly, and coiled to strike. Looking at the outside, one could never guess what was going on inside her.

She was a mass of conflicts. Her bitterness was tempered by her naturally soft heart. But she couldn't' BE soft hearted, she rationalized to herself. She had to be hard, not get comfortable or sloppy. Her heart was like a raw wound. She was easily hurt, and with the hurt came anger. She almost always felt mad, or angry, or on edge. She was constantly reining in her temper, to keep from getting into trouble. It was like someone else had taken over her body, she was no longer in control.

Prison had been an eye-opening experience for her. She saw first hand how cruel people were to each other. How any show of weakness brought scorn, or punishment. How the stronger picked on the weak, trying to break them. She knew all too well how easy it was to be taken advantage of. She would have been raped, many times over, by the guards and the women if not for her slayer powers. Being pretty and blonde in prison was the equivalent of hanging a sign around your neck saying " Fresh meat". She'd fought back and gotten a reputation of someone not to be fucked with. But she remembered the lesson well… The appearance of weakness could get you dead, quick.

That didn't make her like what she'd become. In her heart, deep and buried for no one to see, she grieved for the 'old' Buffy. The one who loved life, loved people, had an easy off hand manner, and a surprisingly sharp wit. Admittedly, she had been self-involved and often clueless. She'd been selfish at times… but frankly, who wasn't? She'd been awfully prone to tears, and wore her heart on her sleeve. But that was part of who she was. Was. Past tense.

It was like two people lived inside her. One was the current manifestation. One was her former self. Both seemed to struggle with being in charge, making decisions. But the tough Buffy seemed to win most often these days. Maybe it was because of the bitterness and betrayal she felt from those who'd been close to her. But that probably was her own fault.

After 'rescuing' Faith from the tender mercies of the legal system, Buffy knew she had to get out of Sunnydale fast. She'd just reconciled with Will, so she called her explaining what had happened, and that she had to leave. She'd expected Willow to support her, understand what the deal was. After they're meeting in The Bronze, it'd been like old times. She was in for a rude shock.

Willow hadn't understood. She still carried a deep grudge against Faith, and Buffy protecting Faith, and leaving town because of it, really threw her. She couldn't believe that Buffy would put Faith first over their friendship, but she had. Willow had lashed out at Buffy, telling her that she'd changed, for the worse. And that she, Willow, didn't know her anymore. That what she, Buffy, was doing was wrong.  After what Faith had put everyone through, Buffy was shielding her from the justice she, Faith, deserved. It was pretty obvious to Willow where Buffy stood. They couldn't be friends any longer. Not after this.

Buffy felt like she'd been cut off at the knees. Her last friend, real friend, from her former life had told her to get lost, essentially. Willow had always been closer to Buffy than anyone, at least that's the way Buffy had felt. This was like… being stabbed. Willow had a special place in Buffy's heart, always had. But this … Buffy felt nothing but bitterness and anger now. She didn't try to defend what she was doing, she didn't try to reason with her. She just quietly said goodbye. And meant it. It would take an act of God to get her to speak to Willow again. She couldn't forgive her this.

She hadn't been able to face Giles. Through it all, he'd supported her, coming to the prison, trying to keep her spirits up, even when it all seemed pointless. Despite the ration of shit she'd given him about coming, he'd persevered, and she finally admitted she was glad to see him when he came. He'd brought books and treats for her, making her life behind those walls less… painful. Now, she was leaving again, probably forever. It was hard. The hardest thing she'd ever done. But she had to do it. She couldn't just  turn her back and walk away, with no explanation. So, she wrote him a letter. Cowardly? You bet.  But her courage failed her. So, shoot her.

_Dearest Giles,_

_This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After all we've been through, and the years we've spent together, I'm having to say goodbye to you. I've left Sunnydale, and I can't see me returning._

_I don't know what to tell you. I just can't seem to get back into being the Slayer anymore. I've tried, but it's all like ashes. What I had, what I believed in, has been thrown back in my face. The world's upside down , and I can't find my balance anymore. I tried to put what happened to me behind me. I tried to recall what I was supposed to be, why I was the chosen one. But it just didn't matter anymore. I couldn't get the bitterness out of my heart. Those I was trying to protect, betrayed me. The Watcher's Council, who's supposed to support and protect me, tried to kill me. My friends have turned their backs on me. For me, there's nothing left in Sunnydale. These words, the feelings I have, are harsh and bitter. I wish it were different, but it's not._

You, my dear Giles, have stood by me in it all, and it pains me to have to say goodbye this way. I just didn't have the courage to face you. To see the look I knew I would see. So I took the coward's  route, and wrote this letter, trying to explain why I'm leaving. I hope you'll understand, and not hate me. But, if you don't  understand, I've got to accept that.

They were going to do to Faith what they did to me. I …couldn't let that happen. Not after what I did to her. I couldn't let her rot in prison. It would've killed her. She couldn't cope with being confined. Her life has been crappy enough, more than enough for several lifetimes. So, I had to protect her, Giles. I had to get her away, give her a chance to live a decent life. A free life. I know you probably think I'm thwarting justice, that Faith has to face her crimes, and redeem herself. But she was a kid, Giles. A kid that never had a chance to be accepted or loved. I'm as guilty as anyone in that regards, Giles. I never gave her a chance, and I think that just pushed her past the edge. That's why she went to the Mayor, Giles. Because he accepted her, made her feel loved and wanted. It was false, he was just using her, but she didn't know that.

That's my job now, Giles. I have to make her feel accepted, wanted and loved. I blew my chance before, Giles. I can't do that again. I care about her, Giles, and I need to see her happy. I know you're convinced I'm thinking with my heart, and not my head. You're probably right. But sometimes, if we did that, we might not be so mean to each other. What do you think?

I hate this goodbye stuff, Giles. It sucks. But I couldn't just up and leave without letting you know. Please try to forgive me, if you can. You've been more to me than my watcher. You've been my friend. More, you've been like the father that I wish I had. We've had our bad times, but I can only remember the good stuff. I hope it'll be the same for you. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't mean to.

Best in all you do, Giles. I love you.

Always,

Buffy.

Ps. No matter how you feel about me, I'll always love you --- Buffy

She'd written the letter hastily the first night out from Sunnydale. She'd posted it so that it wouldn't lead to her final destination. No return address was on the envelope. Even if she'd had one, she would have left it blank. She had to disappear, and didn't want Giles to be caught in the middle of it.

As she let the envelope slip into the mail slot, she realized she'd put the final nail in the coffin that was her former life. There was no going back. She'd burned her bridges. She had to face life as it was now. Her new life. With Faith. If Faith would ever forgive her, or have her. She didn't know. 

She dried her face, straightening up. She slipped back on the expressionless mask that passed for her face, and walked out of the restroom.

Faith sat at the table, waiting for Buffy to return.

They'd been in L.A. for  4 months, and each day was a new adventure. Buffy was no longer the tight ass, corked up little blonde that had been so stuck up. Little Ms. Goody- Goody had gone on permanent vacation. Buffy was wild, taking risks that sometimes even made Faith stop and pause. Faith had been surprised when Buffy had hot-wired the SUV that they made their getaway form Sunnydale in. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Buffy had learned a whole new skill set while in prison, and it wasn't about making license plates.

When they blew into L.A, they needed some quick cash. Buffy, leaving Faith in the car, had broken into a liquor store(closed). But instead of using her slayer power to break the lock, she'd picked the lock. Skillfully. Evidently, Buffy had picked up a few pointers here and there while cooling her heels in the prison yard. Better, she'd traced the alarm , and defeated it…so, no nosey cops comin around wondering what the hell she was doin. She managed to find where they stashed the cash, and came away with nearly $500 bucks, along with a few bottles of some really fine liquor. Faith had to admit, the girl had it going on. She'd been impressed.

Later, when Faith recovered the use of her legs, Buffy came up with a neat little scam involving ATM machines and the gullibility and posturing of overfed males. She, Buffy, would dress all frilly and frou-frou. They'd stake out the place, waiting for a rich looking mark. Then, she'd go to the ATM machine, before the sucker showed up, and pretend to be all flustered and helpless. While the mark was busy helping the ' little lady', Faith, masked, would come up behind and stick what the mark thought was a gun(really only a pipe from the local hardware store) in his back. On cue, Buffy would faint away, keeping up the fiction. Faith then forced the mark to withdraw the max cash he could from his account. Afterwards, she'd knock him out, Buffy was up…and they laughed all the way from bank. On a good night, they could do this a few times, sometimes netting close to 1000 bucks. It was sweet, and easy. Buffy seemed to have a real knack for it.

Neither of them forgot they were slayers. They would still go hunting, and often found some vamps to dust. They worked well together; they always had. They were tuned to each other's moved, and it was almost joyful watching them work. And as Faith had said to Buffy back in the Sunnydale days, they got that certain "Ummph" from slaying vamps. Could feel it all the way to their centers. It definitely made for the hungries and hornies. And in a twisted way, they used slaying as a way to excuse their other less honorable activities. After all, they were providing a service to the community. They were protecting the innocent. So, if they ripped off a few rich jerks to finance their activities, it was all to the good. Right?

" But oh, man, when we went dancin, that girl was hot. Once she got that stick outta her ass, she's like on fire on the dance floor. She shook it down with the best. We'd get on that floor, and I could feel the heat rise like 20 degrees in the clubs. She loved to move, you could see it. It was …awesome. And together, we're phenom. And I knew she was attracted to me. I could see it in her eyes, the way she'd touch me sometimes. On the floor it was like…sex. But almost better. She'd get wilder and closer, and I know I was like bubbling over at the end of a dance. I know I was like… attracted…shit, I was fallin' for her"

"Thing was…she never made any moves on me. She…always kept a distance. Ya know what I mean? Like, she respected my space( oh, please stop it, already!). Or maybe I read her wrong, and she just didn't feel the same. But I don't think so. I could feel the heat when she got close. She couldn't hide it, ya know? But she always backed off. Not like I wanted her to. God I wanted her to not back off. I wanted to …god"

" And she was so incredibly tender to me. It's weird…totally weird. Like, when we first got here. She spent hours with me, massaging my legs(oh baby, that so worked me up), helping me exercise them, til they got strong. She was patient… much more than I'd ever be. She always like…cheered me on, helped me push the envelope. And she was…gentle. Like she's afraid I'd break. I know I owe walking to her."

"Thing was, I was still pissed at her for everything, I wanted to kick her ass, just to even the score. When I was back at full, I told her I was gonna do it. Damn, and she got …well, she just stood there. Open. She said like" Go ahead, do it". And stood there. Didn't try to defend herself. Like, she felt she had it comin. Man, she took all the fun out of it. I just …backed off, let it ride. What a rip, huh?"

In public, Buffy would take the lead. She'd take the risks, making sure Faith's part in the activities would be the least dangerous. Except in slaying, where she just let Faith do her thing. But overall, she did her best to keep Faith safe.

In private, it was different. She'd defer to Faith, putting her wishes first. She was always doing things for Faith. Bringing her stuff she knew she liked, sometimes just fussing over her. If Faith got in a funk, or pissed off… she'd just back off, letting Faith alone til she cooled 

"Damn, even the sleeping arrangements. First few places we stayed? One bed. Ok, so like…she gives me the bed, and sleeps on the floor. I like offer to share. But she says no. Ok, I think she's wigged by 'sleeping' with another girl, so I promise I'll be like good, no funny stuff. No, she still declines. Like…she doesn't deserve a bed? Is that like… bizarre-o or what?"

So, Faith, sitting there, should be happy, right? I mean, she's got like the best of it. Nearly(we won't talk about the sex thing, will we?). It's all good, right?

So why was she like… feeling out of sorts about it all? Like it's a bad dream. It's all wrong?

" I gotta be the world's dumbest bitch. I mean, I got a sweet deal goin here. B's like taking all the risks, making all the plans. I don't have to do much of anything, and it's all delivered to me on a silver platter. Sweet, right? God, I mean except for the sex thing, she's like the worlds best girlfriend. She doesn't nag, she doesn't try to make me like…different. She just …I dunno, likes me? I so haven't figured out what's in her head. We're getting along better than ever. She's like totally different, and in some ways, I gotta admit, I like different. She's tough, smart, and so sexy to boot. Ok, I'll admit I got major hormones for her. But that's not what's buggin' me. God, I don't even know what's buggin' me"

"Ok, yeah, maybe I do know what's buggin' me. It's not her. Ok? I mean…it's her, but it's not really her. God, that's lame. It's like she's trying to be me, instead of her. Like in some weird way she thinks I'll… like her if she's me. Like she's trying to prove something to me. But she's getting to deep into it. She's changing, and I'm not sure I like all the changes.  She's angry all the time… I mean all the time. Even when she seems quiet, and peaceful, I can feel these waves of anger just below the surface. Sometimes she looks at me, and I see this hardness in her eyes. I can't read her. That kinda scares me. It's like only for a moment or two, then her eyes clear. But those moments… I'm not always feeling safe."

" But I think the worst times are at night. She doesn't think I see her. But I do. She gets up, man I don't know when she sleeps. But she'll sit there, in the dark, just staring off somewhere. Eyes open, she's not sleepin'. She's off somewhere. And sometimes, when it's a bright night, I'll see her eyes get all bright, like she's crying. But no noise, no tears. She just… sits there, staring. Not a sound. It's damn eerie."

"Why the fuck should I worry? I mean, if she wants to be psycho-girl, fine. Do it. Go ahead, be all nuts, right? What's it to me? If she gets too wiggy, I'll bail, right? Fuck, the dreams. God, she …when she does sleep, the dreams. She's moanin', and not in a good way. And she's all movin around and fighting something. Some demon that's got her or somethin'. And sometimes she screams, and wakes up…and I'm like feeling my heart being ripped outta my chest, I'm so fucking scared. For me, for her. Yeah, so I can bail, right? Yeah, sure, like she bailed on me, when I was about to get popped. Yeah, sure, right."

"I need to talk to someone. This aint right. She's goin' over the edge. I just wish I knew what was driving her there. Damn. This is stupid, Faith. Stupid , stupid, really stupid. Why're you still here?  Haven't you learned yet? Don't get in the middle of it. Don't get involved. Get in, get some, get out. Don't wait for the roof to fall in. Run, now! Get up, turn around, and get your ass outta this. If she's on some kinda guilt trip, that's her problem. Not mine!  This aint no fun no more. I don't do drama. Party's over, guests go home. It was fun, babe. But I don't do relationships. It's her own fucking fault, anyway. I wouldn't been there if not for her. I didn't ask for her goddamn help, did I? So fuck off, B. Go psycho somewhere else, on someone else. Faith's strictly lookin' out for number 1".

" Shit! I just can't do it. I just can't walk away. She's got her hooks in me. How'm I gonna turn my back on her? She's the only one that really gave a damn about me. Now I'm just gonna give her the kiss off, without the kiss, even? Damn and damn again. I hate her! I hate her for doin' this to me. Making me give a shit. Not fair, so not fair. I was just fine without this crap. Then she comes along and makes me care. I hate her, I hate her, so much I want to hold her til it's all better. I hate her so much I want to rock her and tell her It's all gonna be alright. It's sick, it's just fucking sick. I don't want to care, I don't WANT TO CARE! I just wanna be left alone, dammit, why won't she let me alone? I hate her" not realizing it, she starts speaking out loud " I HATE HER!"

Faith feels a hand on her shoulder, and a quiet voice says behind her " Whoa, Faith, you ok?" Buffy says

"Huh?" Faith says, blushing just a little. Fuck, did I say that out loud? " Yeah, fine B.  Just bad memories, is all" Faith covers.

Buffy gently rubs her finger behind Faith's ear" It's ok, Faith. It's ok. I'm here. Don't stress it , babe" Buffy gently croons.

Faith leans back, laying her head against Buffy's tummy. Buffy holds her head, and messages her temples.

"It'll be fine, babe. Promise" Buffy says softly.

"What's goin on, Buff?" Faith asks, her voice plaintive." What're we doin? "

Buffy leaned over, laying her head on Faith's shoulder. She half whispers her response.

"We're livin', hon. We're in a bit of a holding pattern, but that'll change. We'll get outta here, and really live. You 'n me, we're gonna have fun"

Faith felt the pulse throb in her neck. She was so close, she felt her breath tickle against her throat. She was breathing shallowly, like she couldn't catch her breath. She turned, and Buffy's face was mere inches from hers. Not thinking, not even knowing why, she leaned in , and lightly kissed Buffy. She felt the warm softness of Buffy's lips on hers, and for a second Buffy responded to her kiss. Faith could almost feel the need pulse off of her. Suddenly, with a little cry, Buffy broke the kiss. She stood up, and backed away. Faith turned, and saw her face. She looked scared. The first time she'd seen her look scared… in she can't remember when.

"B?" Faith called out, but Buffy was backing away faster.

"Uh… uh… I .. I gotta go. Got stuff to do. I'll… see you later, 'k? At the apartment…or something" Buffy says, backing out of the café. Before Faith can move, she's gone.

"Shit" Faith says to herself. She throws some money down on the table, and follows Buffy out. But she's gone, like she never was.

Faith jogs a bit down the street, hoping she'll spot her, but no good. She finally stops, and curses herself.

"Damn, Faith. What'd you do now?". 

Hunching her shoulders, she walks into the night.

Buffy started running as soon as she is out the doors

She runs, turning corners, not even bothering to see where she is going. She just knows she has to run. Run fast and far.

"This can't happen. It can't. I can't let it happen" Her panicking mind tells her, as the buildings blur past. Her panic builds as she feels the need build in her. She can't help the feeling, the pleasure and pain she had. The kiss. She kissed me. I kissed her. Why? Damn it all, why? Why did I let myself get so close. Too close. What the hell is wrong with me?

" This can't happen. Can't. I can't let it happen" Buffy says, still running, her mind racing faster than her feet. " If I do, it's all gone to hell. I'll lose her, like I lost everyone else. She'll know…she'll know how rotten I  am inside. She'll see it, and run. Goddamnit what's wrong with me?"

Her heart is beating so fast, her fear so blinding, that she doesn't see the man before it's too late to avoid him. She runs right into him, almost knocking him over. She backs up, and sees she's knocked his packages all over. She kneels and starts to pick them up.

" I'm sorry, so sorry" She says, not looking at the man, concentrating on picking up his stuff. She just wants to finish and go.

" It's ok. Not a problem. Are you ok, Miss?" he asks…then something about the voice clicks. It's familiar…too familiar.

"I'm such an idiot. I didn't hurt you did I?" She asks, looking up. She sees the man looking at her, and she knows him instantly.

"Angel!" She breathes. She starts to get up, dropping the packages. She looks around, hoping to find somewhere to escape to. She can't deal with this now. She sees the street they're on dead ends, so she starts to back away, getting ready to flee.

"Buffy? Buffy! Wait…please, don't run. I want to help you!" Angel calls out. He barely recognizes her , the way she looks now. But the eyes are the same, and the voice is the same. He starts towards her.

But Buffy is scared. She doesn't stop, but backs away.

"Stay away! Please! Don't  get close. Don't you see? Goddammit, I'm no good, I'm nothing. Just let me go, please" She cries, then turns and runs. She's got to get away. This is too much, too damned much right now. She runs off into the night, not looking back.

A confused Angel stands watching her. His first impulse is to follow her, try to stop her. But her voice, her words, told him whatever's going on is too deep right now. He'd only make it worse. He doesn't want to do that. If he approaches her too soon, she'll just bolt again, and she'll be lost. Maybe forever.

Angel had been looking for Buffy ever since Giles called him a few months back. He'd find her, but before he could approach, she'd be gone. It'd been frustrating, but he kept on. She needed help. Giles had told him as much, and after hearing the full story, he believed it. Seeing her tonight, her reaction, just confirmed it.

Something bad was happening in Sunnydale. Someone had worked to get the slayers out of town. It was working to do more. Much more. The slayers, both of them, were needed back there. But in her current condition, Angel wondered if Buffy would be even able to deal with her own life, never mind the bad coming down. The girl he'd seen tonight, if he hadn't heard her voice, seen her eyes, caught her scent… he'd never would have thought it was Buffy. She'd changed, some core thing in her had changed. 

He had to get to her, and to Faith. They were needed back in Sunnydale. Something was rising, making itself felt. The slayers, both of them , were needed to stop it. He had to get to them soon, and convince them to come with him.

Or it would be too late.

For them

And for the world.

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To be continued.

 Author's note: Ok, before I get the moans or howls. Angel is here ONLY as a friend. Kind of like with Faith when he helped her with her 'redemption'. So, no romantic conflicts there. Ok? Ok!  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 4 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

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**ca·bal** (kaw -bal , -bäl )  
_n._

1. A conspiratorial group of plotters or intriguers

2. A secret scheme or plot. 

They met in the usual place.

The lights were dim. They preferred it that way. They worked best in the dark corners, the shadows no one notices. They didn't like the glare of the spotlight; they shunned it. They had others for that. The ones perceived as powerful. But the true power rested with them. They didn't care about perception, power was their goal. Getting it, using it, keeping it. Wealth and fame were illusory. They weren't power; power came from controlling those who sought them. That was their goal. To control.

The time was approaching when their control would be absolute. Things were in a delicate stage; there was no room for error. Things must be done, and in sequence, so he they served could come. He would bring them the power they sought; that was their reward for service to him. Long had he languished in his shadow prison, trapped behind the hellmouth. He longed to walk this world again, claim it as his own. That was their job; to prepare the way for his coming. Much still needed to be done. But that was a small price to pay to realize what he offered. Power, pure and simple. He was to rule this miserable planet, shape it to his liking. And they, as his cabal, were to be lords of the earth, in his service, yet wielding absolute power over those beneath them.

" It's done then?" She asked from the shadows, her voice strong and sharp." The problem has been solved?"

"Yes, it's done" came the reply" They'll be no threat from here on out. The police have assured that they will be arrested if they set foot back in town. As is, they are pursued by both the police and The Watcher's council. The council considers both of them rogues, is set to capture or kill them as necessary. So, they might even eliminate all threat from the slayers, if things go well."

"This is great" She said, her voice reflecting her approval" With the chosen two out of the way, things will be less… troublesome. The Dark One will be pleased."

One of the others in the group speaks up" I'm not so sure. I won't be happy 'til I'm sure they're dead. They've disrupted our plans before".

Another speaks. " Yeah. Remember what happened with Richard Wilkins. He thought he had it all under control. Now he's just barbecued snake meat. The dark one wasn't too thrilled about that one".

" Wilkins was a fool" She says forcefully." He thought he could bring about the Dark One's rise by brute force. He was unstable, and made the mistake of pitting the slayers against each other. He didn't realize the psychic bond that existed on a mystical level between them. That's why Faith told Buffy in their shared dream how to defeat him. That's why they have to be put out of the way, or destroyed. They are too powerful together, even when  they oppose each other. It's the curse and strength of who they are".

" Can we talk about something BESIDES the slayers, please?" A member of the cabal speaks up" How are the rest of the preparations going?"

" They are coming together. Certain elements required to bring forth the Dark One are hard to come by. But we have our agents out, looking. I don't think we have much to worry about".

"What about the Dark One's vessel. He needs the body to inhabit. He cannot survive here otherwise." A cabal member reminds the others.

She frowned. This was the one part that wasn't going well" She's proving to be more trouble than anticipated. We're using the Magi and the spells to clear her mind, and destroy her will. But so far, she's warded off our attempts. Not even realizing, I believe, what's going on. She seems to have some innate natural resistance. But it'll be overcome".

" Damned better well be." A cabal member says." The Dark One won't be pleased if the vessel isn't ready on time".

" It will be" She said." Just stop worrying, ok? It's all in control."

"I still think it's too bad about Faith" One of the members says, bringing the discussion back to the slayers" She had some real darkness in her. She would've made a good… recruit".

"She made her choice." Another member counters" She could've had it all, but she threw it away to be with the wimpy blonde one. She's useless to us"

" I don't agree. I think she can still be turned" The first says." She has real potential. The Dark one would be most pleased."

" It's not gonna happen, get over it" The other member responds. "She's gone, get used to it".

"She just needs the right incentive" The first one muses aloud.

"You know what? You're sort of a moron…and an obsessed moron to boot." The other member taunts.

"ENOUGH!! The both of you. We've got a lot of other things to take care of." The moderator puts a halt to the 'discussion'. God, I'm surrounded by idiots!! She continues. " Rather than worrying about the slayers, get on your tasks so things are ready when the Dark One is ready. Got it?"

"Fine. Are we done here?" A member asks, exasperated by the whole thing.

" We're done"

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Buffy found herself in a loud, noisy club.

The band was playing loud, the rhythm was pounding in her head. Perfect, she thought, as she moved onto the dance floor. She didn't want to think anymore, she just wanted to dance, to move. She could get lost in the sound,  let it take her over. Not have to worry about things. She started to move and shake in time with the beat,  relishing the delicious sense of freedom it gave her. She didn't care that she was dancing alone, it was all good. Just to feel the music flow through her, into her nerves and blood and muscles, feeling her body react as her mind took a holiday.

Others soon moved in on her circle,  attracted like moths to the flame. She was all fire and danger and heat, and the others could feel it. She was surrounded, and it became almost ritualistic and stylized. Their bodies moved together, touching occasionally, the fire building. As the song  reached its crescendo , so did their dance. It was animalistic, almost sexual. Mindless fervor and craving flowed through all of them, their arms and legs and bodies intermingling. Finally, as the song ended, so did the dance, as they gradually faded from each other.

Buffy was alone again, her thoughts racing back in. She was hot, and sweaty, and decided on a drink or 5. She wandered to the bar, ordering something long and cold and mind numbing. She made her way to a table , and  sat.

She couldn't deal with what was happening. She's not even sure she  knows what's happening. All she knows is Faith kissed her. It wasn't a kiss you give casually, she could feel the heat behind it, the desire and want and need. 

Why? Why , why dammit why? Why now? Why is this happening now? Why didn't this happen before, when I wasn't such a worthless piece of crap? She couldn't leave it alone. We were doin' ok. I could deal with her being aloof. I can't deal with this. What IS this? She can't have feelings for me. That's totally impossible. I nearly killed her. I ruined her life, stole her life. She's gotta hate me. She's gotta. I gotta make it right by her. This…is wrong. I'll just fuck it up. Like I fuck everything up. Why did she have to kiss me? Is she trying to torture me? When I'm around her, I'm nuts. I can't think. I only want to do for her. I'm her dog, her bitch. She's gotta know that. Maybe that's what she wants. Me to be her bitch. Tease me and torture me and hurt me, and make me come  begging for more. And I'm so fucked up over her, I want it. I want to be her bitch. I want her to hurt me, make me beg. Make me scream and whimper. Make me cry my heart out over her, while she drives me further down. I want it so bad I ….uhhh. Damn, what's she doin' to me? I don't know, I don't care if it'll make her not hate me anymore Like I deserve.

It can't happen. If I let her get close, she's gonna see what I don't want her to see. She's gonna know I'm trash, worthless. She'll use me then throw me away. What then? I might as well fucking die. God, I was so full of myself. Thought I was something. The slayer. Some kinda hero,  worth something.  I thought I meant something. Until they showed me. I'm nothing. Less than nothing. A piece of meat to be chewed and spit out when I'm no longer wanted. God, why didn't I see it? I'm too damned stupid is why. All my life I lived as some bubble headed  pom-pom waving fool. Trying to be popular, be noticed. Be something. It was a big fat lie, and I was the liar.

Daddy knew. He knew I was nothing. He told me over and over that'd I be nothin'.  No one would want me. I'd be trash, something to throw out. Lazy, worthless, and stupid. That's what I was, that's what I  am. ' All anyone would want from me'  he said one time 'was what between my legs… and someday they wouldn't even want that'. I fought back, didn't want to believe it. I knew better. I knew I could be somethin'. Yeah, right. A slut. A whore. That's what I can be. I'm fucking nothing. He was right, I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

She sat at the table, feeling the anger fill her.  Waiting for the bitterness to take over. She wanted the blackness to come. So she could stop feeling. Stop caring. She hurt, and she wanted to hurt back. Her head was throbbing from the heat and noise. She barely heard someone talking to her.

"B?" Faith says, standing next to her table. She can feel the waves of anger flowing off Buffy. She knows what it's like.

"What?" Buffy says, looking up at Faith. Her expression is hard, her eyes like stone.

Faith had spent hours looking for Buffy. When Buffy didn't return to the apartment, she went half nuts.. She didn't understand what was happening to her, she didn't want to understand it. It just hurt that Buffy wasn't there. She hated that feeling, more than anything she'd felt in her life. She was afraid that  Buffy was hurt, or dead, or might leave her. She'd never been scared this way before, and she… lost it.

"Where the fuck you been?" Faith scolded, harsher than she meant to be." I couldn't' find you anywhere. I've been going crazy looking for you!"

" Gee, mom" Buffy mocked her." Didn't know I had to check in with ya. Gonna ground me now?"

" Dammit, B. What the hell is you're problem?" Faith spits out at Buffy, feeling her anger rising. " What the hell? I got scared cause you ran out of the café like I shot you. You disappeared before I could catch you. You didn't come home, and I got worried about you. Well, excuse ME, for Christ's sake for givin' a damn!"

" I guess this is where I get all weepy and say I'm sorry, huh?" Buffy says, her tone scornful. " Gimme a break, Faith. I'm supposed to buy that you give a rat's ass about me? I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb, Faith"

"What the hell is that supposed  to mean?" Faith asks, offended "Where do you come off say that crap?"

"C'mon, Faith. Be real, ok? You think I'm  dumb enough to think we're buddy-buddy now?" Buffy asks." Only reason you haven't dumped me so far is cause I got your ass outta the fire in Sunnyhell, and then been bringing in money. First chance you get, you're gonna leave my ass as far behind as you can."

"That's what you think, huh?" Faith says quietly, stinging from Buffy's words." You think I don't ….I just want to use you? That's it? I guess I could …I  guess I could see that. You're totally wrong and stupid, but I could see you seeing it that way". She turns away, her anger turning to pain and sadness. She can feel tears coming, and she doesn't want that bitch who calls herself Buffy to see them.

"Awww" Buffy gets up, needling her. "What now? You're gonna cry?  C'mon Faith, cry!" Buffy says, her tone mocking and cruel.

"Shut up, B" Faith says, not turning. " Just shut up".

" C'mon, Faithy. Cry. Let it out. Be a weepy blubbering baby. I know ya can" Buffy goads her. Inside, Buffy is dying . She's watching herself do this, pushing Faith away. She hates what's she doing. She seems helpless to stop, the blackness in her heart is ruling her. She cringes and hides from herself. 

" Fuck YOU, B!" Faith says, turning and  slapping Buffy, hard. " FUCK YOU!"

Buffy, a little surprised, touches her stinging cheek." Hey, good one. C'mon, hit me again, Faith. You know you wanna!" Buffy prods her.

Faith just looks at her, her own expression hardening." Fuck off, B." She turns to walk away.

Buffy won't let her. She gets in front of her, blocking her. She gets in her face.

"C'mon, Faithy. You know you wanna. Hit me. Go on, I won't even fight ya. Just hit me!" Buffy sneers at her. 

Faith just makes a dismissive noise, and looks to get around Buffy. Buffy's not gonna let her.

"C'mon, Faith. Do it. Here's your chance. Hit me, make me bleed. Like I bled you. C'mon, you hate my guts. Admit it , you bitch. You wanna hurt me. Quit being a coward!" Buffy starts to push Faith. " C'mon, DO IT!"

" Get away from me, B" Faith growls at her, her anger reasserting itself. " Clear out!"

"Hit me. Dammit, hit me" Buffy said. " It's what you want, isn't it? C'mon just do it, hit me!" Buffy won't move. She weaves around Faith, not letting her pass. " Hit me, you bitch, hit me!"

" Goddamn you, B. Get outta my way!" Faith yells at her. She grabs Buffy by the shoulders, and tosses her aside. She starts to walk away.

Buffy, recovering quickly,  runs after her.

"Oh, no you don't!" She screams at her. " Don't you walk away from me". She tackles Faith, bringing her down on the now empty dance floor. The crowd around her starts chanting " Fight! FIGHT!"

Faith struggles to get free, but Buffy is working from an insane place. Faith is on her back, Buffy over her. 

"C'mon,  hit me! Hit me NOW!" Buffy is outta control. She gets off Faith, and pulls her to her feet. She grabs Faith's arm, and slaps herself with Faith's hand. " Hit me, HIT ME, HIT ME!"  She grabs Faith's other arm, and hits herself with Faith's hand. She keeps doing this, all the time muttering " Hit me, hit me!" Faith is in shock, watching Buffy disintegrate before her. She finally pulls herself together, and struggles against Buffy's strength.

"Stop it , Buffy" Faith screams at her. " Stop it!" The crowd around, seeing what's happening, starts to get uneasy. Madness does that to people. They start to mill around, and break up…moving away.

Buffy has dropped Faith's hands, but is using her own fists to hit herself. She keeps saying over and over " Hit me, hit me" and she's starting to cry. Her knees give out, and she sinks down. Faith follows, trying to stop her. She finally gets hold of Buffy's arms, and pins them to her sides. She bear hugs Buffy, holding her so she can't hurt herself anymore. 

"Stop it, B" She says, quietly but firmly. She holds Buffy as Buffy breaks down, leaning into her. She's crying uncontrollably now, shaking and sobbing. She keeps saying over and over " Hit me, please just hit me. It's what I deserve. Please, hit me"

Faith just holds her as the pain overtakes her, trying to soothe her and protect her. Her face is an unreadable mask, but her heart slowly cracks as she feels the suffering her  … the woman she …  she can't deal with that now … goes through. She waits until Buffy regains some control, then, supporting her , they stand. Her arm around her waist, holding her up, Faith leads Buffy out of the club.

As they walk back to their place, Buffy is like a limp doll . She's barely walking, like all the life has been sucked out of her. She puts one foot in front of another, but it's a slow process, almost like she can't quite remember how to do it. Her gaze is vacant, like the owner has left the building.  But she's still there, and still feeling all the bad things.

"Faith" Buffy says, hoarsely." Just leave me. Let me go." Buffy begins to struggle under Faith's arm.

"Shut up, B. Just lets get home, then you can get all strange, ok?" Faith says, feeling like she's aged 100 years tonight.

"No!" Buffy says, managing to break from Faith's grip. She's exhausted, however, physically and emotionally, and she gets about 3 steps when her legs give out again, and she sits hard, straight down on the sidewalk. She just sits there like some emaciated Buddha, not moving. Her head hangs down, and she's seemingly out of it, again. Faith sighs, and goes to get her. She reaches down to lift her up, but Buffy starts batting her away.

"Go, go 'way, let me be" Buffy says, slurring her words." This is where I belong".

"Cut it out, B." Faith growls impatiently." This stopped being funny half an hour ago". She reaches down to grab Buffy, but  Buffy again bats at her, striking her in the face.

"Lemme  'lone!" Buffy yells. "Hate you. Hate you all!" She tries to stand, but can't. She's on all fours, starting to crawl away. Even that is hard, with the alcohol and the energy drain. She's weaving as she crawls, barely managing to stay up.

Faith's had enough. Buffy hurt her in a lot of ways tonight, and that was deal buster. She calls out after her.

"Fine, you hate me. Great. Go on, make a mess of yourself. You fucking baby." She turns on her heels. " I don't care about losers. Get lost!" She walks away, leaving Buffy to crawl wherever.

She walks quickly, her anger fueling her speed. She nearly makes it to the apartment… goes up the steps, gets the key for the front door out, and stops. She pounds her thigh.

"AWWW, FUCK ME" She yells to no one in particular. She can't do it. She can't just let her lay in the streets. She bounces down the stairs, and retraces her steps. She fully expects to find Buffy laying face down , ass up in some corner of the building where she left her. But  Buffy isn't around. She looks around, hoping that she got farther than Faith thought she could…but still no Buffy. Damn!

" Where the hell did she go?" Faith puzzles, not seeing an unconscious slayer anywhere. She's beginning to panic a little. She starts trotting down the alley, hoping she'll see Buffy passed out at each turn…but nothing.

Finally, she hears the sounds of a struggle. And a scream. Oh, FUCK.

She turns the corner, and there is a vamp, trying to put the bite on Buffy. Problem is, he took on a slayer without knowing it. Buffy, though seeming out of it, suddenly comes alive as the slayer kicks in, marshalling her resources. The vampire is confused. This shoulda been an easy kill…the girl could barely stand. All of a sudden, she's all fists and kicks. He finds himself being driven back into a wall. Faith starts in to help…but sees Buffy is in control. She's beating the crap out of the vamp, while the vamp covers himself…still not getting it. Finally, Buffy looks for something to stake him with. Finding an old piece of discarded lumber, she breaks it, and  drives it home, turning the vampire to ash.

Buffy looks up, and sees Faith standing there. She throws her a half grin, saying like " Hey, look what I did". 

Faith, for her part, sees the fire in Buffy's eye…recognizes it as the mark of a successful kill. She watches as Buffy starts towards her. About 3 steps in, Buffy weaves…and says " Aw, shit" and collapses.

Faith, shaking her head, goes over and collects her now unconscious partner. Hoisting Buffy over her shoulder, she starts the twisted route back to their apartment. 

With a half mocking grin on her face, she says to no one that can hear her:

"Good work, B".

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Faith laid the sleeping slayer on the bed.

Even in this light she can see the bruising starting on her face. Never mind the cuts from her rings where she hit herself with her own fists. She looks like she went 3 rounds with the garbage disposal and lost. Already feeling like hell herself, she still goes and gets some supplies to help Buffy out.

Coming back with the med kit, some towels and a bowl of ice, she carefully starts to daub the cuts with antiseptic. The larger ones she bandages. Putting some ice in a towel, she carefully puts it on her face, leaving her nose and mouth uncovered. She hopes that'll help a little with the swelling.

After a few seconds, Buffy sits up suddenly, the makeshift ice pack falling off.

"What the hell?" She says, looking around. Faith pushes her back down.

"Be quiet. You're pretty banged up. I'm using ice to keep down the swelling." Faith scolds her. She's tired and cranky and so wants to be anywhere else but here right now.

Buffy doesn't resist. She lays back down. Their eyes meet briefly, and Faith can see the shame and remorse in her eyes. Buffy looks away, not wanting to see Faith. Faith replaces the ice pack.

"Try to get some rest" She says to Buffy as she heads for her own bed. " Don't  take that off, or you'll swell like a balloon." Faith says as she leaves the room.

In her own room, she starts to undress, with the intention of getting under the covers and catching a few thousand z's. But her body aches, and she feels dirty. So, changing course, she heads for the shower to try to wash off some of this crappy day.

Standing naked in the shower, she turns on the faucets, letting the tiny needles of the spray hit her skin. She lets out a tiny sigh as the soothing water does its work, relaxing her coiled, tense muscles. She lifts her face to the water, letting its magic take the gritty heat from her eyes and cheeks and jaw. She turns and lets the water stream down her back as she reaches for the soap and sponge . She lathers up, enjoying the soft clean scent of the soap.

Her mind is going a thousand miles a minute, trying to make sense of today. Images float by, some good, most disturbing. She remembers the sensation of Buffy's lips on her, how her heart started hammering in her chest. How Buffy broke off, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. How Buffy ran out, and the time Faith spent looking for her. She can't figure what spooked Buffy so badly, or why she even cares. Why she even bothered to look for her.   
"She's a big girl, can take care of herself. I shouldn't have bothered. God, what is her problem, anyway? I didn't try to rape her or nothin', I just kissed her. You woulda thought I beat her with a club. I know she wanted it. I could feel how hungry she was for it. Ok, I wanted it a little too. But her lips were hot, like kissing a fuckin' volcano. Then she musta realized who she was kissin', cause she gets all wigged. Runs off like I'm gonna hit her or somethin'. Can't figure her. Then, like an idiot, I go running after her. Whatta dope. God, I spend hours looking for her…that'll so not happen again. And I find her, and she treats me like smelly dog shit. Goes all psycho on me, bites my fucking head off for no reason, then starts yelling at me to hit her. What the fuck am I doing here? She's fucking nuts. If I had a single brain cell I'd get my ass outta here."

"So, why am I still here, anyway? I'm 5 by 5, I don't need this crap ' I'm Buffy, boo- hoo , I'm so miserable'. Gimme a break! Get over it already, crap happens, got it? This is bogus. Not exactly like I was livin' large while you  were in prison, bitch. Try being trapped in nightmares for 3 years, see if you think it's Club Med. Do you see me getting all weepy? Fuck no. I go on, get it done. That's your problem, B. You're spoiled. You can't deal with nothin'. It's all bodice ripping and chest beating . Whine, whine, whine. Crap!"

Faith lets the water run over her, and her anger starts to dissipate . Her anger is replaces by sadness and more tender feelings. She doesn't understand that at all. 

" And so? I piss and moan about her, and I'm still here, worried sick about her. What the hell is that about? I don't get it. I should be gloating she's turning into a bowl of mush brains, but …it's making me sad. That's just so not right. The bitch tried to kill me! Don't forget that, Faith" But her mind just won't let it go." Yeah, and if I had the chance I would've tried to kill her. Lets face it, it was kill or be killed up there, and despite it all, we're both still alive. So, that's not gonna fly no more, Faith. You bitch about her whining, but that's pretty much the same deal. And she did like go to prison for it" Faith shivers at the thought. She'd be psycho after a couple of years in prison, too.

She steps out of the shower, towels off and throws on a robe. She looks at herself in the mirror.

"What's your deal, girl?" She says to herself." Why you feeling like you do, huh?  Why are you all a sudden worried about her, anyway? What's it mean to you? She don't mean squat to ya, does she?"  But Faith can't even fool herself with that lie. She walks out of the bathroom, back to her room, and sits on her bed.

"Damn, that's the thing. I do care. I shouldn't. She's nothing to me, never has been. But I want her to…I need her…God, What IS my problem? I want her to like me. I want her to more than  like me. I want her to love me. And that so sucks. But, dammit I can't help it. She… gets to me. Even when she had the 2x4 stuck up her ass. She…got to me. I thought I was gonna have a blast messing with her head, but it so wasn't that way. She got to messing with mine, and I didn't even get it. Yeah, ok, I'm the dumbest bitch breathing. I saw how she treated her friends, how she… cared about them, worried about them. And I wanted that for ME! I wanted her to care about me, want me, and love me too. She wouldn't talk much about Angel…well, hell I get that. Who wants to admit you're gaga over some vampire. Soul or no soul. Ok, he was kinda hot…in an undead thing way. But still.( she shivers). But I saw the little sparkle in her eye when she thought of him, even when it was supposed to be 'over'. Yeah, that sure happened. And I got jealous. I wanted that for me. I wanted to see her spark over me. God, I'm totally a dork. I fucking wanted the cheerleader. How pathetic is that? 

Fuck me, I still want the cheerleader. Even if she's more like the skag queen from hell these days. She acts all badass and uncaring, but you'd have to be blind not to see it's an act. Well, if you know her, anyway. She's about as tough as whipped cream. God, why does she bring out this " I gotta save her" crap in me? It pains me to watch her around her, acting like a whipped dog around me. Like she's afraid I'm gonna bite her or somethin'. Why does she feel like I gotta punish her? I don't get it. I'm tired. I gotta sleep."

Faith throws off the bathrobe, and crawls into bed. Her head hits the pillow, and she tries to sleep. And tries…and tries…

She winds up staring at the ceiling all night, cursing out the formerly blonde slayer.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Angel sat in his office, staring at the phone.

He was debating with himself. Should he call Giles now, or wait? After all, he'd spotted Buffy( god, she was changed), but she ran off. He didn't really know where she was exactly.  She might have bolted by this time, and it would be pointless to get his hopes up, only to find that Buffy was gone again. 

Damn, he'd been careless. He should've been more alert. He should have caught her scent sooner. But he wasn't really paying attention. This thing with Darla, her just being turned again by Drusilla( that woman would haunt him for the rest of his immortality), had him even more broody than usual. She'd been human, had a soul… and then was dying. Drusilla saved her…but the cost. Darla was back … in her worst form. She and Dru were hooked up, up to some scheme, and he had that to deal with. 

And then out of the darkness comes Buffy. But so different. She… looked nothing like he remembered her. But it was Buffy…  her voice, her  scent doesn't lie. And she ran from him… like he was some kind of monster(ok, vampire, but soul here… she knows that). She acted like… she never wanted to be found… wanted to stay lost. Prison had changed her,  he knew that from Giles. But he hadn't been prepared for this kind of change.

Somehow, he had to reach her. He knew she was going to be lost if someone didn't reach out to her, bring her back. That's the sticking point. Their relationship had ended… badly. He knew she felt something for him  still, but not sure if it was good or bad. He needed Giles. She trusted Giles. He could reach her.

He reached out, and lifted the receiver. 

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Rupert Giles was settling in for the night.

As was his custom of late, he had a tumbler of scotch by his elbow. Sleeping hadn't been easy these last months. Not since Buffy had disappeared from Sunnydale with Faith. He missed her, like a father misses his child. And he was troubled by how his  'child' had turned out.

He couldn't exactly blame her for being bitter, however. She'd more than done her share to save humanity from the darkness surrounding them. And how did they repay her? Sent her to prison on a trumped up charge. He remembered the day the jury brought back the verdict. She looked at them like she couldn't believe it. Like they'd stabbed her in the back. In that brief instant he saw her lose her belief in humankind. Her faith had been shattered, and couldn't be restored easily. If at all.

He watched her change over time while in prison. He visited her every week, more often if she would let him.  He saw the light die slowly in her eyes. How they became like flint… hard, volatile, and unyielding. He saw the scars on her, and it took time for him to learn about the Council. How they were trying to kill her. He didn't show it to her, but  he was beyond outrage. When he got home, he destroyed half his apartment  in his anger. Finally, he regained his control. He made a little call to The council, specifically Quentin Travers. In no uncertain terms, he laid it out for him. Either the council ceases and desists in their efforts, or he would reveal what he knew about Travers' past to the council. He could almost hear Travers choke on his end, but the threat to Buffy ceased. He never told her about that.

When she was released, it looked for a time like she was going to re-integrate herself into normal society. She got a job, started saving money. She reconciled with Willow. The fact that the state took all her mother's inheritance didn't help. The fact that her mother died while Buffy was in prison nearly was a deal buster. But what drove her over the edge, what put her on her current path, was when some burke at  the city government decided to arrest Faith. Again, on  trumped up charges. Buffy went ballistic, assaulting the three arresting officers. That right there revoked her parole. Never mind she helped Faith escape, and both were now fugitives. After that, they had disappeared. He got a letter from her a few days after she was gone, and it broke his heart every time he read it( a lot, since the wear marks were all over it from being read and re-read). Despite what she'd written, he couldn't help feeling he'd failed her. Again.

He knew she'd carried a lot of guilt concerning Faith. He'd tried to counsel her on that, tried to make her see that it wasn't her fault. She was doing her job, she needed to stop Faith. But Buffy couldn't see it that way. It was more like she'd betrayed Faith, destroyed her. The bond they shared, something he could intellectually understand, but not emotionally, was severely strained. He knew it hurt Buffy in ways she couldn't talk about. If she'd had time to adjust, living a normal life, she might have come to deal with it more rationally. But getting charged and convicted for it only reinforced her perception. Nothing he could say or do would help her alleviate her guilt. After she had been paroled, she went to see Faith every day. She tried to keep it a secret from everyone, and had succeeded in most cases. But he'd sussed it out. At first he thought of trying to stop her(though, to be honest, he knew that he couldn't have if she really wanted to. Don't piss off the slayer, if you get the drift), but after reflection he thought it might be a good idea. Maybe she'd come to deal with Faith being in a coma, and finally find a way to deal with her emotions.

He'd never expected Faith to recover from her coma. She'd been in it nearly 3 years, and all the doctors said it was likely she'd never wake up. He'd been shocked(as he was sure, were the doctors) when she awoke. And then she and Buffy bolted, disappearing into the night. He couldn't explain it. Only thing that seemed to make sense was that mystic bond the two shared.. Being the chosen two. Faith somehow must have sensed Buffy's return. Whatever the motivation, it was enough to bring her out of the coma.

He'd slept poorly since she left. That's why the scotch was here. It didn't knock him out, it was just enough to allow him to have a pleasant enough haze so he could sleep. It became a ritual; a hated, but necessary ritual.

He'd been reading the same page for the last hour. Buffy was particularly strong on his mind this evening. No reason for it, really. She was always close to the forefront of his conscious mind. But tonight had been particularly bad. He couldn't shake the feeling she was in trouble, somewhere. In a crisis, needing help and support. It kept nagging at him, and finally he gave up reading in exasperation. Just as he was reshelving the volume, the phone rang.

" Hello?… Angel?…  How are you? I heard about Darla…What?!?! You saw her? Where?…When?… Ok, yes, I understand. Do you know where she is? What? Changes? I don't follow…. Ok, you'll explain when I get there. Yes, I'll be leaving soon… soon as I can pack some clothing…yes… ok… alright then, I'll see you then. Goodbye" Giles hung up the phone.  He was puzzled at Angel's attitude…and more so about changes…but he'd figure that out when the time came.

Right now, he had to get to Los Angeles.

Nothing else mattered.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

 To Be Continued.


	5. Chapter 5

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 5 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Faith began having the dreams again.

Perhaps it was the stress of dealing with Buffy after that incident in the club. Maybe it was that Faith felt Buffy seeming to withdraw from her. Maybe it was because Faith wouldn't admit even to herself her growing feelings for Buffy.

Whatever the cause, Faith was having nightmares. Bad nightmares. About the things she's done, and the things Buffy has done to her. They bring back the fear and anger she'd felt towards Buffy those first days after waking up.

It starts out innocently enough. They're walking along, not going anywhere in particular. The day is nice; the sun is out, the sky is clear except for a few wispy clouds. The weather is warm, but there is a cooling breeze blowing. They seem to be on casual terms, friendly but not anything else. They chat back and forth about nothing, really, but it's all pleasant.

They come to a river, winding through the countryside like a giant snake. They stand by the river, hand in hand, watching as it flows past.  The sky begins to darken, the clouds covering the sun, and thickening in the sky. The river also changes, the water taking on a diamond pattern, and slowly it undergoes a metamorphosis. It becomes solid, and scaly, and begins to undulate as if a living thing. Which it's become… a huge snake creature. It lifts its head, moving towards the two of them…but it's the head of Mayor Wilkins. He looks puzzled and hurt and angry.

"What're you doing with her?" He asks, his voice deeper, and seeming to echo from deep within his body." She's our enemy, Faith. She destroyed us. Ruined our dreams!"

Faith feels Buffy drop her hand, and turns to see Buffy wielding a huge broadsword. Buffy swings the sword, and Faith cringes, expecting the blow to fall… but it doesn't come. Instead, Buffy aims at the Demon, slicing through its neck. The head of the beast goes flying, at the same time it says in its dying gasp" I told you. She's betrayed us. You're next, Faith. Don't think you won't be".

The monster's body comes crashing down, and reverts to being a river again. Faith turns to Buffy, and the sword is gone. She's smiling at Faith, a soft, sweet smile. An inviting smile. Faith feels herself drawn to Buffy, who slips her arms around Faith's hips, pulling her closer. The day has become night, and the moon is full above them. Faith feels herself drawn closer and closer to Buffy, almost as if her will wasn't her own anymore.  Their faces are mere inches apart. Faith can feel her heart beating in her chest. Her lips are drawn closer and closer to Buffy's. She's about to kiss her when she feels a sharp pain in her stomach.

She backs away, looking down. She sees her knife, the one the mayor gave her, sticking in her gut. She looks at Buffy, surprised and hurt, and sees Buffy's face has undergone a change. It's hard, the smile sardonic and frozen in disgust. Her skin is pale under the moonlight, and her eyes are deep, dark wells in her face. They seem almost to be burning.

" We still haven't finished our business, Faith" Buffy says, her voice sarcastic. She pulls the knife from Faith, and lifts it to her face. Faith watches in horror and pain as Buffy licks the knife, taking her blood on Buffy's tongue. Then she notices something else… Buffy's teeth…have grown…her canines are sharp, and pointed…and her face has morphed into a vamp face.

Faith struggles to free herself of Buffy's grip, but she can't. Her will isn't her own, her strength is no match for Buffy's. Slowly Buffy leans in, whispering softly into Faith's ear:

" You're mine, my love. All mine. We'll be together for now, and forever." Buffy pulls Faith to her, violently, and sinks her fangs into Faith's neck. Faith can feel the sharp pain as they sink into her tender neck, and then an almost erotic sensation envelopes her as she feels her life flow from her body. Weakening, she watches mutely as Buffy takes her nail, and draws a line across her breast, revealing her blood. Faith feels her head forced to Buffy's breast, and her lips are in the bloody wound. Slowly, against her will, she feels herself drinking…and feeling the power of the turned slayer's blood coursing through her. The last thing she remembers  before all goes black is how erotic it's, how much she needs Buffy and her blood…and then it's black.

She wakes in a cold sweat, her chest heaving as her heart beats a shattering rhythm in her chest. Her breathing is labored, and almost unconsciously she touches her neck, feeling for the wound she's afraid she'll find… and never does.

She knows Sleep is done for the night. She's too afraid to fall back asleep. Afraid the dream will continue, and she'll like what she's become. What Buffy has become, and made her become. A shudder courses through her body. Yet she feels an excitement, almost a need.

She lies there, staring at the ceiling. So afraid. So excited.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Rupert Giles and Angel sat across from each other, somewhat uncomfortably.

Giles for his part wondered why he was here. Yes, because of Buffy, of course. But from what Angel had told him, Angel had no positive leads as to where she actually was. So far, just the sighting, and the brief conversation( more like, Buffy yelling at him while running away) were the only interaction he'd had with her. He had some operatives out scouring the area for her, but so far no real leads. Though a police report of a disturbance at a club downtown did offer some small hope. A fight between a dark haired woman and a woman matching Buffy's current description was reported. Angel gone around to the club, and had a chat with the bartender who'd been on duty that night. Seems the dark haired girl had shown up after the redhead, and had started talking to her. It escalated into a fight, where the dark haired girl seemed to be hitting the other one. Finally the red head had broken down crying, and the dark haired girl had carried her out of the club. Angel , from the descriptions given, figured it was Faith and Buffy. What the fight about , he couldn't piece together. But he thought possibly they might live close… so he put his field workers looking around the general area. So far, no luck.

Giles was a bit upset being called down to L.A. with no positive lead on Buffy. But Angel had more news for him.

Seems  pair of women, matching Buffy's and Faith's descriptions,  have been reported shaking down ATM customers around town. Stealing the card limit at a pop. So far they hadn't been caught, but there was always the possibility they would be caught. That would mean more prison time for Buffy, and time for Faith. Not exactly what Giles or Angel desired.

Thing was, Giles had good news for both the slayers. When he'd heard the charges coming down on Faith and Buffy, he'd been a little suspicious of the timing. He did some checking, and found that a particular group on the city council had been the instigators. Though he no longer was with the Watcher's council, he still had friends there. He'd pulled in a lot of favors, but he'd been able to get the charges dropped against them.

But unless they found them before they started on a major crime spree, it might be for nothing. Giles couldn't help but feel some disappointment at the direction Buffy's life was taking. He had, of course, sensed her bitterness during his visits at prison. Understandably so, since the charges had been trumped up to discredit her. And of course, she'd been less than enthusiastic when she was released, though she tried the 'straight' route, taking a job waitressing. She seemed to be trying to put her life back together in some way, when the threat to Faith came down. Now it seems, with what Angel's told him about her current activities and look, that she's pretty much given up on her former life. It distressed Giles to no end.

He felt great anguish over what had happened to his slayer. His slayer. That didn't fit any longer. Hadn't for a long time. He no longer worked for the council, and neither did she. That didn't matter, anyway. For the longest time, she'd been more than 'his slayer'. He can't pinpoint when it'd happened, but she'd become so much more to him. The daughter he never, and would never, have. So of course what had happened to her had affected him deeply.  He took a lot of the blame himself, feeling he'd let her down in a time of crisis. He wished he'd done more to keep her from going to prison in the first place. He should've done more, he realized, but he never believed that 12 supposedly sane people would convict her in the first place. Not after saving the town from certain destruction. But he'd been wrong, and had learned his own bitter lesson that day. You're only as good as your last success, and people are more than willing to believe the worst about someone. He knew he wouldn't be making those mistakes again, but that didn't help. Buffy had changed. She no longer was the sweet young woman whose heart extended to the innocent.  She no longer believed that her role was to protect those who were incapable of protecting themselves. She'd lost her own innocence, and he grieved over her loss.

The problem was that a new menace was arising in Sunnydale. They needed the slayer… both slayers, as a matter of fact. A dark and powerful force was rising in Sunnydale. Without the slayers at full strength, and with their minds on the threat, there wasn't much hope of stopping it. So he knew, somehow, he had to get the slayers back to Sunnydale to face this threat. He just didn't know how.

What Giles had been able to learn about the " Dark One" was sketchy at best. But even so, it brought a chill to his heart. He was one of the ' Old ones'. The demons who roamed the earth before man. Even then he'd been a force to be reckoned with, a malevolent force with a particularly cruel streak. He'd gained power through torture and deception, destroying his enemies from within and without. The other old ones, afraid of him, had finally banded together and destroyed him. Or so they thought. While they'd destroyed his flesh, his spirit lived on, trapped in a nether dimension where he could observe what is happening in this, his former realm. 

Evil has its attractions, and the Dark One was no exception. He gained a group of 'acolytes' who worshipped and worked towards his return to this plane. Not exactly a pleasant thought to anyone on this side of the sanity line. In his research Giles found that the Dark One, to exist here, required a flesh "vessel". Otherwise, his …essence would dissolve, and finally end his existence. This apparently is what his followers were trying to achieve, though at this juncture Giles had no idea who was being 'prepared' for occupation. Further, once the Dark One escaped his realm, the texts all indicated that he planned to open the hellmouth, freeing those denizens of hell dimensions to aid in his conquest of this plane. Having been witness to a few attempts of opening the hellmouth, Giles had no desire to repeat the experience. The ' Dark One' had to be stopped.

"Giles" Angel said again, disturbing Giles in his reverie. He wondered what Rupert had been thinking about.

"What? I'm sorry" Giles replied, turning his attention to Angel.

" We seem to finally have gotten a lead" Angel said, " seems Faith was spotted coming out of an apartment house over on the west side. Not sure if Buffy is with her, but my man says he definitely identified Faith. He made some inquiries, and got an address for Faith. Also found she had a 'roommate'. So it's possible that Buffy is with her."

"So, then we should go there" Giles said, a small bit of excitement escaping his normal reserve," try to talk to them."

" And say what, Giles? That there's an apocalypse coming, and we need their help?" Angel replies, a bit sarcastically," I don't think that'll make much impression."

"We could tell them what I told you" Giles says, a bit exasperated," that the charges against them have been dropped. That they can come back to Sunnydale."

" For what, Giles? Faith never was at home there, and Buffy? Think she's all rah-rah on going back? To what?" Angel responded.

"Well, we'd best figure something out" Giles said, " There IS an apocalypse, they ARE needed, and the life they're making here isn't going to serve them too well, I don't think"

Both men fell into musing over the situation.

Angel wondered if he really wanted to see Buffy again. More accurately, if he wanted Buffy to see him again. Their breakup had been difficult and painful. He knew she felt betrayed by him. Abandoned by him because of the difficulty of them having a relationship. He remembered the last time he'd seen her, up close. It was after they'd destroyed the Mayor, and the high school with him. He stood  a dozen yards from her, looking across at her. She'd looked tired, not triumphant. Like all of it had been too much to handle. Giles had just given her the diploma he'd recovered from the wreckage. She seemed grateful, but dazed. Like thinking about such things was too much effort. He'd wanted to walk over to her, and hold her. He'd wanted to, but he hadn't. He'd told her he wasn't going to say goodbye, that he was just going to go. He knew that if he came over to her he wouldn't; no, he couldn't leave her. Staying would be wrong. They'd just go on as they had, falling back into the old patterns. That would be a disaster for Buffy. He knew she deserved better.

So he came to L.A., tried to make a life here. Forget about her. Failing miserably, of course. Forgetting here was like forgetting his right hand. Just wasn't going to happen. He lived day to day, remembering her. He lived with it. He did what he should do … help the innocent, fight the evil which seemed so prevalent in the world. But in those down hours of his, instead of sleeping, she was there in his head. Always in his head, haunting him. The irony didn't escape him. When he was human…. 228 years ago, he'd had a chance to live, love and be something. Instead, he'd been a wastrel, a lay about no good . He'd had life, and a soul, but both had been wasted on him. So they were taken. He spent over 100 years killing, torturing and terrorizing…and another 100 years repenting when his soul restored. He had to be a dead creature to find the one person in this life that he could love. Because of what he was, that could never be. Still he loved her, and still it hurt.

Now she was in danger of becoming what he'd become as a human… a waste, a parasite. He couldn't let that happen. She was too special, too important to allow this to happen to. He knew what she was going through. The bitterness of those who you love rejecting you. Making you feel like scum. He'd been weak, and became callous all too quickly( one does live up or down to expectations, after all). She was strong. He knew that there was still something of Buffy inside her. Her running off, berating herself for being 'bad'. That was her rebelling against the hardening. She needed help. He wanted to help.

If only he and Giles can get to her in time.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Faith gave up on sleeping.

She got up, and threw on a robe. She'd go check on Buffy. Like she did every night since that little scene in the club. It hadn't hit her 'til later how scary that'd been. Buffy had broken down, losing it totally. Faith had seen Buffy in a lot of different moods since she'd known her. Both pre and post mayor. Nothing like this, however. It was like she wanted to hurt herself. It scared Faith… she might take it to the next level. Faith didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to, but it crept in anyway.

What weirded her out was the fact that the next morning Buffy acted like nothing strange had  happened. She made some half apology for being stupid and drunk, but didn't elude to what caused the scene. She acted like, except for her face, everything was normal. When Faith tried to bring it up, talk about it, Buffy would wave it off as if saying " Please, not even worth bothering with". But Faith wasn't even close to buying that book. She'd seen the look in Buffy's eyes, the desperation in her voice. The way she beat herself using Faith's hands. When Faith had time to look back at it, not being caught up in the emotion of the moment, she got chills. What scared her even more was… she understood. She had the same feelings about herself.

Faith's own emotional stability was hanging by a fraying thread. The dreams indicated that. Also, her own guilt over what she'd done. She killed a man… no, men. Lots of them. For Richard. Because it pleased him, and she'd wanted to please him. Needed to please him. He gave her something she needed. Someone who loved her. Or, that's what she thought. Someone who cared about her. He'd scolded her, and praised her, and made her feel wanted. She needed that. More than a junkie needs heroin, she needed that. For the first time in her life, she'd felt good about herself. Even if it was warped and twisted, it was what she'd needed. What she needs, even now.

When she'd learned what happened, she'd wanted to hurt Buffy so bad. Take her out, make her pay. Pay big. Take everything away from her. Make her suffer like she'd suffered. She'd wanted to stand over her and laugh as she crawled in the gutter, having lost everything important to her, everything she had. Then she found out Buffy had suffered. Had lost it all. Had been to prison, to hell, and back. Buffy's mother had died while Buffy was in prison. The only person who came to see her with any regularity had been Giles. The state had taken her mom's assets, leaving Buffy penniless. Her friends didn't reject her, but they kind of shied away from her, like she had some kind of unpleasant disease. The town, and the people she'd saved had turned against her, then turned their backs on her. It'd been as if Faith had scripted it in detail. Faith should be happy. Faith should be rubbing Buffy's nose in it, making her suffer even more.

" So why the fuck am I feeling so miserable for her?" Faith asks herself, " she got what she deserved, right? She damn well stabbed me. She shoulda paid, right? Ms. Haughty I'm-to-good-for-you blonde cheerleader got her what's coming to her. She made me feel like trash, didn't she? She rejected me as I was, made like I should be like her. Bitch. Like I was somethin' to be ashamed of. Like I stunk like sour milk, or somethin. She made me feel ugly. Like I didn't belong. Well, who doesn't belong now, Ms. Perfect Buffy? WHO???" Faith feels her anger rising in her, and tries to calm down, " I should be laughing my ass off at her. Kickin' her like she kicked me. Letting her know she's nothin' but scum. Lettin' her know how it feels."

"I don't get it. I watch her, watch what she's becomin, and it …bothers me.  It's buggin' me seeing her this way. I don't know why" She ponders," but it aint her. It aint B. I thought I was likin' this, likin' the way she was becoming. I thought finally, she pulled the rod outta her ass, and she's fun. Some ways she is fun, like this. But some ways she's downright scary. It's like whoever she was died, and she's got someone else in there. Like a vamp. Knows who she was, knows her personality, but is so totally different." Faith shakes her head," maybe this is who she is, and the other face was false. But it don't track. Cause I see it in her eyes, like she's fighting to get out. Be herself again." Faith stands there, not moving, just letting her mind work," The pisser? The real surprise? I miss 'her'. I miss the tight ass kinda embarrassed about anything sexual sometimes holier than thou Buffy. Now, aint that a hoot? Why should I miss the cheerleader?" Faith's face gets a grim look to it, like she's thinking things she doesn't want to think," I miss her cuz she was decent. She cared about people or stuff. It mattered to her what she did. Now, she's kinda like…" Faith stops… not liking this part, " me. She's acting like I'd act. Like I don't give a fuck about nothing. Not that I do" Faith tells herself, lying through her teeth," But… she should care. I mean, she was totally self-involved. But…even so, she cared. You could see it. Even when she hated doing it, she'd do the right thing. Dammit, now I'm sounding like some goody-good. Fuck me!" Faith gets angry at herself, at Buffy, at the whole world," this is bogus. Why should I give a damn if Blondie screws herself up? Like she'd give a damn about me, huh?"

But Faith does care. She does, because she knows the 'old' Buffy cared about her. Little images of where Buffy reached out, tried to help her, come back to her. Faith always thought it was a come-on…she wanted something from her. That she was using her, like everybody else. But… it just wasn't so. " Like, when she came by that crap hole of  a motel I was staying, at Christmas time, to invite me over for Christmas Eve. Ok, I so know Joyce kinda put her up to it, but …still…she really wanted me to come. I blew her off with some excuse(party, I think). But she tried… and I went, after I got so fucking lonely … and forgot my pride and all. Man was she blown away when I showed up" Faith chuckles to herself" Ya coulda dusted her with a feather. But she looked… happy too. Weird". But Faith remembers the other times , like patrolling, or going to the Bronze…or stuff. Or taking out a vamp nest…that'd been fun. Not because of the doing, but because she was with Buffy. Because, tight ass as she was,  she liked Buffy. She knew she could count on the girl. It'd been pretty good…before it went to hell. 

Faith shakes herself. " This is just stupid. What's done is done. It's over, right? No going back. Blondie … is weird, deal with it". Faith can't just 'deal with it' though. Which is why she can't sleep without the dreams. She can't help but look in on Buffy. She can't help but feel something really bad is coming. Bad enough she wants to just run. Run fast and far and away. " Why not run? Just go. Let B deal with it. Whatever demons are eating at her, it's not my fault she's going nuts. Why should I stick, anyway?". Cuz Buffy didn't run out on you, did she? She could've let you 'deal with it'. But she stuck. She fought for you. She didn't leave you behind. " SHUT UP!" Faith looks at herself in the dresser mirror, and wonders if she's not going nuts, too. Must be, sticking with her. God.

She pads towards Buffy's room, trying not to disturb her. " Just what I'd need… Buffy awake and psycho". She looks in… and sees the bed covers all askew. As usual, the room looks like a hurricane has passed through it… Buffy, this Buffy, doesn't believe in tidiness. But there's no Buffy in the bed. Odd…maybe she's using the toilet. She walks down the hall , but the bathroom door is open… no one in there. Her heart beating a bit faster, she walks into the living room. Still no Buffy. She starts to get a knot of fear in her tummy. This isn't good. She starts towards the kitchen when she sees the front door ajar. Oh, crap. She crouches, thinking break in. But she doesn't sense anyone else here… anyone at all. Damn! pulling the robe tighter around herself, she goes to the door, and sticks her head out. She looks both ways, but no one is in the hall. She pulls herself back inside. Frustrated and scared, she slams the door. " Damn her!" Faith says out loud," where the hell did she go? And why?"

Faith, upset, storms to her room to dress. She'll have to go out looking for her now. Who knows what she's up to.

Faith, standing in her room, finds herself shaking. Damn, how can she do this to me? I should let her go, just let her get stupid or killed or whatever. Damn her, damn her, damn her!

How can she do this to me?

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Buffy sits ,running her finger around the rim of her drink. She's not sure if she wants to really drink it or not.

She just had to get out of that hole. That apartment. It felt like the walls were closing in on her, kind of like when she was in prison, in the hole. She felt trapped, couldn't breathe. Had to get out, had to.

So she sits in the club, surrounded by bodies, and noise, and smoke( what the hell is that? Don't they know? No smoking in clubs? Sigh). Not exactly heaven, but better than that box. She sips her drink, feeling the familiar stinging numbness on her tongue from the tequila, and sighs. She's been drinking way too much lately, gotta cut back, or gonna get sloppy. But right now needs the feeling of the tequila in her mouth, the numbness in her brain.

"Thinking too much. Way too much, about too many things. Living in L.A. Stealing for a living. Oh, mom would be so proud of me now. Of course how proud was she having a felon for a daughter. That musta been great. Think of all the lovely gossip she had to deal with, about her slut daughter who tried to kill someone over her no good boyfriend. Yeah, she musta been in heaven over that. So probably having a thief for a daughter woulda been a relief. Of course,  it doesn't matter now, does it? She's beyond all that, being dead and all. Another fine piece of work, oh chosen one. Killin' mom. Betcha you're real proud of that. Giles told me a brain aneurysm from the surgery. But I know she died of shame, alone. Cause her wonderful, talented daughter was cooling her butt in prison. How ya gonna forgive yourself for that one, huh, Buffy? Shit, girl, why not just take a gun to her. Kill her quick. Woulda been kinder, don't ya think?"

" I dunno, let's ask Faith, what say? I mean, she can tell me after I tried to gut her if she'd prefer a knife or gun. Sure she'd love to chat about that… provided I was on the business end of the gun. How can I blame her? I mean, what'd I do it for, anyway? So Angel could live? Right. Settled that by letting him suck me near dry. More to it than that. Why don't ya admit it , Buffy? You were angry with her. Angry she could cozy up to the mayor, making us all look  like fools for trusting her. Angry that she could try to blame you for Allan Finch's death.( Why not, Buffy. After all, if you hadn't thrown him down for Faith's stake, maybe it wouldn't have happened!). Angry cause she spat in your face, saying " Who needs YOU,. B?". Sorta. When she went over to the Mayor. Angry cause she was everything you couldn't be. The bad girl. The one who doesn't have to be good all the time, doesn't have to worry all the time, who could just have fun! Angry cuz all your friends liked her right off. Angry cause your mom liked her right off(ok, there was the ' she can take over slayer duties thing' but still! My mom.. MY MOM!!! Got it, Faith? MINE!). Really angry cause just as you're really getting to like her( or, was it more, Buffy? Maybe, falling for her?-- NO! -- Oh?), she could just turn her back on you, leave you! That's it, wasn't it? You were jealous and angry cuz she left you. She left you behind. So all those noble reasons of saving Angel, giving her what she deserved. Bullshit. You couldn't take it that she could spit in your face when you loved her! ( no, didn't love her, don't love her stop it, stop it, stop it!). But why shouldn't she spit in your face? What'd you do, but spit in hers?" Buffy picks up the glass and finishes the shot in one quick gulp. She feels the fire in her throat, then the gradual fogging as the tequila hits her. Not enough fogging, though. She can still think. She gets up to get another drink when a hand comes down on her shoulder. 

Not a good thing. Not with a half drunk, self-pitying angry slayer. 

"If you don't want me to remove your hand by ripping  your arm out of your shoulder, you'll take it off of mine, now!" Buffy says quietly, but her undertone is angry and deadly. She feels the hand retract quickly.

" Buffy?" says a familiar voice.

Buffy turns, and sees a smallish red-headed girl with startling blue eyes and a pixie face looking at her. Her brow is furled worriedly.

" You really wouldn't rip my arm outta its socket, now would you?" Glenna asks, her Irish lilt coming to the fore when she's worried.

"GLENNIE" Buffy squeals, up on her feet immediately. She takes the small woman into a very large hug. A rather tight hug.

" Buffy!" Glennie says, groaning just a little." So…good to see…you too. But, you're gonna break…me" She wheezes out Buffy loosens the hug, and Glennie can breath again…whew!

" Sorry, Glennie. I forget myself sometimes" Buffy says, blushing." You ok?"

"Yeah, I think" Glennie replies." Don't think you broke anything. Might even be able to stand up straight again, one of these days".

"When'd you get out? I thought you had a couple of years to go yet" Buffy says," ummm… you didn't break out , did you?"

"No, no" Glennie laughs." Believe it or not, I got out early for good behavior. Just released a couple of days ago".

" You? Good behavior? Ms. " Ready to fight at the drop of a hat"?" Buffy says, giggling.

"Yeah… kinda funny, that. After you got kicked, I kinda… well, I didn't want to be there anymore. I mean, I really didn't want to be there anymore. So, I cleaned up my act. Really got in good with the guards and all. Guess it got back to the parole board, cuz I got sprung early. On parole, actually." Glenna grins." Can you imagine?"

" Hate to say it, girlfriend, but no. It just don't sound like you" Buffy says, smiling, " beating up the guards, taking the warden hostage…now, that's you!"

" I know…weird, huh?" Glenna says, quietly. " Speaking of weird" Glennie indicates Buffy with a wave of her hand, "what's this all about?" She gives Buffy the critical once over, "man, this is weird. You cut all that beautiful hair of yours" Glenna says , a little mournfully," I love that hair. And dyed it…red? Geeze, so not you!" Glenna reaches over, and pulls touches Buffy's ear," What's with all the earrings…you must be fun going through a metal detector." Almost absently, she strokes behind Buffy's ear. Buffy feels a small chill go down her spine. " I just don't get it" Glenna continues," this just isn't …you…is it?"

" Dunno, really, Glennie" Buffy says quietly, " anyway, kinda hiding out…not wanting to look like me, really". Buffy looks away from Glennie.

" Buffy, what's the deal?" Glennie asks, concerned," why're you hiding out?"

Buffy tells Glennie about what happened in Sunnydale, and how she came to be living in L.A. During the story, Glennie's eyes grow wide. She knows Buffy, and knows she special(ok, and particularly special to Glenna, we don't need to be reminded), but this is exciting stuff. Beating up cops, grabbing her friend and running ,stealing a car(ok, can do that in my sleep…still), and heading across the state to hide out in L.A. Glenna boosts cars, sure, but mostly outta economic necessity, not for fun. Despite being a car thief, her life up to now's been pretty dull. This is exciting stuff… like novels, ya know?

"Wow!" Glennie breathes excitedly," like, cool"

.

"Yeah" Buffy says, voice flat," cool". She looks away.

Glenna catches the note in Buffy's voice. She puts her hand on Buffy's cheek, turning her face back to Glenna.

"Buffy, what is it?" Glenna asks," You sound bummed"

"It's nothin', Glennie" Buffy replies, " Just… been thinking a lot. Too much, maybe" Buffy says, looking longingly at her glass.   She's wanting more tequila so she can't think anymore, " Wondering why I'm here?"

"Dunno, B" A familiar husky voice floats over to her. Buffy looks up, a bit startled. Faith continues, " Guess It's cuz you like the night life, baby?"

Glennie looks up , and nearly falls out of her chair. She sees what must be the most beautiful woman she's ever seen. Raven black hair, dark, deep eyes, and pouty red lips. With a body to die for. Who is this, how does she know Buffy, and oh my god!

"Faith!" Buffy says, almost hissing. "What're you doing here?"

Glennie stares at both of them, like watching a tennis match. Faith? This is the friend she snatched outta the hospital?

" Dunno, B. Good question. Was startin' to ask myself that" Faith says, looking at the two of them. Not particularly happily, either. " What IS it with you and redheads, B?"

" Mind out of the gutter, Faith" Buffy says, irritated." This is a friend. From my institutional days. You know, the time I spent in prison cause I stabbed you?" 

HUH? Glennie thinks. Oh god, what's goin on here?

"Yeah, like I can forget, B" Faith says, smirking, " I got the scar to remind me!"

" So do I, Faith" Buffy says, touching her neck, " so do I".

Glennie feels the tension between the two, and is beginning to wonder what the weather's like in San Diego. She doesn't like being in the middle between them. She looks at both of them, the way they're looking at each other, and the light bulb goes on in her head. 

" Is this ' the guy', Buffy?" Glenna asks, in a low voice. Buffy looks at her strangely." The 'guy'. The one you had on the outside? When you wouldn't…" Glenna lets it trail off.

Buffy doesn't say anything. She just stares down at the table.

"Umm… do I look like a guy?" Faith asks, a bit put off. 

"N-n-no…" Glennie replies, a bit overwhelmed." Just… well…maybe I should go" She gets up to leave, but Faith reaches over and pushes her back down. She gulps.

" Faith" Buffy growls, " Leave her alone".

" I'm not bothering you, am I?" Faith asks Glennie. She continues," I didn't catch your name, dear."

" G-G-Glenna" Glennie replies, really feeling nervous." No…you're not bothering me".

"Faith!. If you're pissed at me, great. Fine. Give me crap. But leave Glennie alone" Buffy's face is grim." Clear?"

"Chill, B" Faith says, lightly," Don't have a cow. Me and Glenna just havin' a lil chat, aren't we, honey?"

Why is it when Faith's tone is light and sunny, it can send chills down your spine?

" It's…it's fine, Buffy" Glennie says. She musters the best smile she can… a kinda nervous grin, " I like you're friend".

Buffy glares at Faith, but doesn't say anything.

"See, B? Just girl talk, right G?" Faith smiles. Watch out for that smile.

"Yeah…right" Buffy says, her voice a little angry." Never did answer me though, Faith. What're you doing here, anyway?"

" Got kinda worried when you up and disappeared from the apartment, B" Faith says, barely concealing her anger," guess I got lucky tonight. Found you at the third club I checked. Usually it's a lot more!"

"Usually? What're you getting at, Faith? You're making it sound like I'm all the time running out to clubs" Buffy is beginning to steam. " I was feeling all closed in. Sue me. I needed to get out of the apartment for awhile. God, Faith. Not like you give a damn".

" Hey, guys, it's been great. But, going now" Glennie starts to stand. Both slayers reach out, and put a hand on her shoulder, keeping her down.

"Stay" Buffy and Faith say in unison. Glennie just kinda withers.

"You sayin' I don't care, B?" Faith says, hurt and testy," What's that about? I'm been scared silly way you been acting lately"

"Acting? How? I don't get you" Buffy says, bewildered. " What's been so different?"

" How about that little scene the other night?" Faith replies, " you know the one. Where you use me to slap yourself silly".

" I was drunk, ok? Get over it" Buffy says, pissed ."Anyway, I remember you slapping me first."

" Yeah, cuz you was being nasty, as I recall" Faith spits back in her face.

Glennie is wondering if maybe she can slide down in her chair, get under the table and escape. These two got issues…issues she's beginning to feel could get her killed.

Too late. Buffy grabs her arm, and stands.

" I don't have to listen to this crap" Buffy says, " Lets get outta here, Glennie" Buffy starts pulling the redhead along with her.

Glennie feels another very strong grip on her other arm. Crap! She's beginning to understand how the wishbone feels at Thanksgiving.

"What's the deal, B? Can't handle the truth?" Faith mocks her, pulling Glenna back towards her." You've been acting nuts. Whatcha gonna do? Run and hide now?"

"Looks who's talking" Buffy says, pulling on Glennie. You can see she's hurting. They aren't being particularly gentle." You kill someone, and go running to the bad guys for cover!"

" You tried to kill me!" Faith voice rises." To feed me to your boyfriend!"

"Right, like you wouldn't have tried to kill me, if you got the chance!" Buffy screams back at her.

"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU" Glenna screams. The whole club goes quiet. Faith and Buffy look embarrassed. Glenna has angry tears in her eyes, her face flushed as red as her hair." You're hurting me! Damn you both! Thanks a lot, Buffy. Been real fun" Glenna spits out, sarcastically, " Lets do it again…how about…never?!!!!"  
She turns, and storms out heading for the exit.

Buffy whirls on Faith. Her face is angry red. 

" Damn you, what's your problem?" She hisses at Faith." We were sitting here, just talking and you gotta ruin everything. Damn you Faith!" Buffy's voice is hard and cold, " Why the hell can't you leave me alone? Just leave me ALONE!" She turns, and runs out after Glenna, trying to catch up to her.

Faith stands there, staggered. She watches as Buffy leaves. The club is still quiet, everybody staring at her. She realizes it, and blows up.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" She yells," Go back to dancing or whatever!" She heads for the exit, her head down and muttering to herself.

She stands outside in the cooler air, breathing deeply. Trying to calm down. But it's not working all that well. Her heart is beating fast in her chest, and her breathing is short and labored. Why did she get so fucking upset? She wonders to herself. Why the hell did it even matter to her? She can't believe she got all pissed off back there. 

"Hell, what's it to me, anyway? If B wants to fuck herself up, let her. I don't owe her squat. Stupid bitch. All she does is make me crazy, anyway. Why should I worry about her? Let her go nuts. Be my guest, B. You're a fucking moron, anyway"

So, why'd she get all crazy then when she saw B talking to someone else… another girl? Looking like she was having fun, sorta? Or at least talking to  her…something she so wasn't doing with Faith? Why did it hurt?( maybe a little jealous , Faith?). 

"Awww, c'mon, gimme a break? Jealous? Of what? That twerp of a red head? Why? I don't give a crap who B spends her time with. Don't give a crap about B, period. She and that little twit can go jump off a bridge for all I care" (Uh---- huh)

" Fuck her. If she wants me to leave her alone, fine by me. Tired of her whining and crap. I'm so gone" (sure)

" I  am. I'm outta here."(So go. Who's stopping ya?)

" I gone. Watch me" (Watching).

Faith starts towards the apartment, walking quickly. Her pace slows, and she stops, looking around. Looking bewildered.

(What's wrong , Faith?) " Nothin!"

(Why'd you stop?) " Why am I talking to you? Not letting some voice in my head tell me what to do!" Faith mutters to herself.

( Not saying a word, Faith). " Yeah, right. Anyway, why should I move out? Let Buffy get her ass out!"

(So you're not going then?) " Hell, why should I?"

(Right. Why should you?) " Huh?"

(If you leave, then you walked out on her. If you make her leave, she walked out on you)" Shut UP!"

(Why should I?) " SHUT UP!!!!"

( …) " Fine. I'm gone" Faith starts to go again. She stops.

(Can't deal, can you Faith?)" What the fuck? Deal? With what?" Faith grumbles

(What you're feeling) " Not feeling nothing" Faith pouts.

(You care about her) " Do not!!" Faith denies.

(You love her!) " Fuck YOU" Faith says, starting to walk.

(Love her, love her, love her!) "Shut the fuck up!"

(You think she's cute, you think she's sexy, you wanna kiss her!) " DO NOT!!! DO NOT!!!" 

( Do too. You wanna eat her right up)" Fuck her!"

(Yeah, that too)." Shut … UP!!!" Faith whines, cornered.

(C'mon, baby. Fess up)." Nothing to 'fess up'. I don't give a rat's ass about her!"

(Really? How come you're so upset then?)" Fuck YOU!" Faith yells at herself. 

She picks up her pace.

"Fuck ME!" She whines to herself

"Fuck it!" She starts to run, trying to get away from her thoughts.

Run, Faith, run.

Faith runs off into the night.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

"Glennie, wait up… PLEASE" Buffy calls out, trying to catch up with her.

" Go to HELL, Buffy Summers!" Glenna calls back over her shoulder. " Get away from me". She starts to walk faster.

" Please, Glennie, please?" Buffy pleads, trotting up alongside Glenna. Glenna shoves her, making Buffy lose balance. She falls flat on her butt. " Please, don't leave me, Glenna" Buffy whines, not moving. Her voice is muted and remorseful.

Glenna stops, her body stiff. She turns around, and her face is a cold mask. She looks at Buffy sitting on the ground, and while her face doesn't relent, inside her anger cracks a little.

" I don't know who you are, but you're not Buffy. Not the Buffy I know. The Buffy I know was sweet and kind, even though she'd been screwed over. She cared about people. She'd never hurt a friend" Glenna says in a voice mixed with resentment and disappointment," you really hurt me tonight. You and your 'friend'. Don't even know her deal. But it hurt. Not only the arm pulling. I got humiliated." She walks over to Buffy, and looks down on her. " I don't know you. I don't know who the hell you are, but I don't like you. Not like this!". She turns and starts to walk off. She hears a sound behind her, and her heart chills. It's like a wail. She turns, and Buffy is on her feet. She's standing there, her face seeming to collapse. She looks scared and ashamed and full of self loathing. Her eyes are tearing, and wild looking. She starts to run, not looking where she's going. Just running.

Glenna starts to trot after her, then breaks into a run. Something inside her is telling her that this is going to end badly. She can't let that happen.

She cares about Buffy too much.

She starts to run faster, trying to catch up.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Buffy looks down at the traffic rushing below.

She's walking along the overpass, on the outside of the protective rail. She's balanced, but precariously, above the flow of the freeway.

Her vision a little blurred with tears, she stands over it all, watching the lights of the night traffic. In her mind, it's like a river flowing past. So fast… so pretty. She longs to be carried off by the river, to somewhere else. Somewhere where they don't hate her anymore. Where she doesn't hate herself anymore. Somewhere nice, and bright. And quiet. So quiet.

It'd be so easy now. She's just gotta let go. Just let her body go, fall into the river. Let it carry her home. It'd be so nice. So nice.

"Buffy?" A soft voice, panting from exertion, comes from behind her," don't do it. Please"

Buffy, not turning around, calls out  over her shoulder. "Glenna?". Buffy's voice has a distant, dreamlike quality to it.

" Yes, Buffy, it's me"  Glenna says. Trying to remain calm, so as not to panic Buffy. But it's hard when your heart is beating like a trip hammer in your chest.

" Look how pretty Glenna. It's like a jeweled river. So pretty" Buffy says, wistfully.

" Please come down, Buffy" Glenna says, quietly," come talk to me, ok?"

"No, I'm good here, Glennie" Buffy says, looking over her shoulder, smiling." This is where I belong". She turns back to look at the flowing traffic.

" I didn't mean it Buffy" Glenna says, slowly trying to approach Buffy. She's restrained by a strong pair of hands. She looks around, and is looking up at a tall, dark, pale man. Looks to be in his mid 20's. Next to him is an older man, wearing glasses

"Whaaat?" Glenna says quietly.

"Shhh" The younger man says, quietly." Don't get too close"

"You're right, Glennie. I've changed. I'm… bad. I'm… worthless. I just hurt people now" Buffy says not looking back." I.. can't stand this anymore. It hurts too much. I gotta do this, Glenna, don't  you see?" Buffy looks down at the traffic, the lights almost hypnotizing her. Her body weaves dangerously on the edge.

From the opposite direction of the group and Buffy, Faith walks up the overpass. She came here to think. To try to sort out her thoughts. She can't deal with what's happening to her, what she's feeling. She needs time to think. At first, wrapped up in her own thoughts, she doesn't see the little tableau at the other end of the overpass. She stares down at the traffic, watching the cars pass, the lights putting on a little show for her.

Something nags at the edge of her consciousness though. Something's happening, real close. She looks up, and turns her head, noticing the group at the other end of the bridge. She follows their gaze, and sees the woman standing on the edge.

" Oh, God…she's going to jump!" Faith thinks to herself. She looks around, see if there's a way she can get to her. Try to stop her. She quietly and slowly approaches the jumper.

As she moves closer, she gets a clearer view of the group, and the woman on the edge. Something is familiar about them. She moves closer, and suddenly she recognizes two …no, all the people in the group. That's Angel…and Giles…and that's the girl from the club. What the hell? Then she looks at the jumper again… oh, god, no.

It's Buffy.

Faith feels her heart sink into her stomach. Oh, god, what's she doing? What've I done? She moves quietly closer, trying not to draw attention to herself. Slowly, slowly she edges closer to Buffy.

Glenna sees her… is about to call out when Faith puts her finger to her lips, shushing her. Glenna gets it now. She's quiet as a mouse.

"Don't you see?" Buffy continues, talking to Glenna and the air, not realizing anyone else is there, " I gotta do this. I gotta repent, Glenna. Atone for my sins. I can… I can fall into the river, honey" She says, her voice strange, distant," let it wash me away… wash away my evil. I'll be carried home, clean again".

" Buffy. No. Wait. Think." Glenna says, quietly, " If you do this, it's over. Game over. You can't make it up. Whoever you hurt, stays hurt. This is final. No redemption." Glenna is desperately trying to keep Buffy from jumping…until Faith can reach her. She's stalling, and thinking fast and hard to keep her on the edge. Faith is creeping slowly closer, nearly close enough to grab her…but not quite close enough. Angel, seeing what Faith is doing, quietly moves around, positioning himself to help her.

" Buffy? Why do you hate me?" Glenna asks. Everybody gasps internally. What's she saying?

But it works. Buffy stops weaving." Hate you? I don't hate you, Glenna" Buffy says, her tone hurt, " I love you, you know that".

"Yeah, I know, like a sister" Glenna says, but not bitterly. Just quietly." I mean, I love you. You know that. Why do you want to hurt me like this?".

Faith moves closer… just a little more… just a little more…

" I don't want to hurt you, baby" Buffy says," Why do you think that?"

"This. You're throwing me away with your life, Buffy" Glenna says, " You jump, it's like you're saying you can't stand to be around me".

Faith is close…so close…

" No, you don't understand" Buffy says. She starts to turn around, to explain. 

THERE!

Faith reaches out, and grabs Buffy. Buffy, startled, loses balance. Seeing Faith, she struggles…and falls backwards….

" Oh…Shit!" Faith says, holding Buffy… but feeling herself being pulled over. She won't let go, though. She holds onto Buffy, feeling herself being pulled over the edge. Buffy struggles in her arms.

" Faith! What're you doing here?" Buffy gasps, feeling herself being pulled down by gravity. But Faith has a death grip on her. She's not letting go. " Let me go, Faith. Just let me go!" Buffy pleads," Save yourself, baby" Buffy struggles to get out of Faith's grip.

"Fuck you, Blondie. You go, I go" Faith says, holding tight. Like it means her own life.

Suddenly they pull up short. Faith's boots have hooked on the railing. Both girls are dangling, literally, by Faith's boot heels over the edge of the overpass. Buffy looks up at Faith.

"Why?" She says, her voice quiet.

" Because, you moron, I love you. If you think you can get away from me this easily, you're an idiot!" Faith says. She looks down, and is getting major vertigo. But she won't let go. Not now.

" I gotta say, Faith" Buffy says, cracking wise… she can't help it, its what she does in danger," you pick a hell of a time to tell me!"

"Shut up!" Faith says, feeling the panic rising." Can you push up?"

But at that moment, Faith feels herself being pulled up. Not daring to look back, she doesn't see Angel and Giles, each with a leg, hauling her back on the bridge… with Buffy in tow. All she knows is that she's not going down anymore, and after she stops pissing her panties, she's so gonna thank somebody. Looking down, she sees Buffy looking up, and smiling. Great, smile. When we're outta this, I'm gonna kick your ass from here to Kansas.

Right after I kiss you a million times or so.

Giles and Angel, with help from Glenna, get the two girls back up on the overpass. Faith is shaking like a leaf, and Buffy is shaking too, but it's from sobbing. All the crap inside that's been building up comes flooding out. She's near hysterical, and Faith just holds her, trying to soothe her. All the while thanking whatever Gods there are for brining Angel and Giles here, now. And even thanking for Glenna, who kept Buffy on the ledge so long.

Giles, Angel and Glenna watch as Faith holds onto Buffy, who's still sobbing, clinging to Faith. Glenna goes over, and kneels by the other side of Buffy. She gently strokes her hair.  Faith looks at Glenna, and smiles. Glenna, however, is grim faced. Faith arches her eyebrow, as if asking " What?"

" Listen to me, Faith" Glenna says quietly." She's had it for you since prison. That's what I meant tonight. She told me she didn't  go that way…you know" She blushes a little," I wanted her…bad. But she wouldn't. She had someone outside, she told me. That'd be you. So, I'm warning you. If you so much as look cross-eyed at her, I'm gonna rip you a new asshole. I don't care how big and tough you are." Glenna's voice leaves no room for question. "Got it?" Faith smiles and nods. Then, she reaches out and takes Glenna's hand. She squeezes it gently.

" You too, huh?" Faith says. She knows love when she sees it. Glenna looks away, blushing.

" She doesn't love me that way" Glenna says, her voice a little sorrowful.

"Maybe not. But she loves you, and that's good enough for me" Faith says, sincerely." You're a good friend. Better than either of us deserve. Hope you'll be mine, too?" 

Glenna looks at Faith, like she can't believe what she's saying. But she can read Faith's sincerity on her face. She nods curtly, and turns back to Buffy.

"Good" Faith says, then chuckles, " though, when you find out what we really do, you might regret that decision"

Glenna feels a chill in her spine.

God, what've I gotten myself into now?

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 6 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

"Why should we go back?"

Faith, Buffy, Giles and Angel were sitting in Angel's office in the old converted hotel that was now Angel Investigations. Joining them at the little conference were Charles Gunn, aka Gunn, and Cordelia Chase. But they weren't sitting at the table. They hung in the corners, observing but not really part of the discussion. Buffy posed this question as she looked at Giles and Angel with a less than friendly expression on her face.

Tears are fine. They helped purge the hurts and frustrations Buffy had been feeling over her life, how she was descending into hell. But they didn't 'fix' the root cause of her bitterness. She still felt betrayed by those whom she'd risked her life to save. She'd still spent time in prison for something she shouldn't have. For the most part, the very people she'd risked it all for had turned their back on her….why? She still didn't have a satisfactory answer.

"Why should we put our lives on the line to save people who don't give a damn? Who, more than that, decided * I * was a menace. They put me in prison for stabbing Faith, Giles" Buffy says, her voice low and angry," Who at the time was doing her best to help the mayor destroy Sunnydale".

Faith winces. She so didn't need to be reminded of that.

" And the funniest thing is, they come after HER, when she's conscious again, for working FOR the mayor? Doesn't anyone but me see the irony here?" Buffy just shakes her head and looks away.

" I kinda have to agree with the slayer…er.. Buffy on this one" Gunn pipes up from the corner." Kinda looks like the both of them got the shaft , no matter which side they were on. Doesn't seem right, somehow"

" Buffy, it's not that simple…" Angel starts, but Buffy cuts him off.

" Seems simple enough to me. Go back, fight, and get thrown in prison again. Yup, I know I'm looking forward to it" Buffy mocks him.

" What Angel was trying to say" Giles says, a little sternly," Is that there are dark forces on the City Council. The mayor wasn't the only one with an agenda. These forces, or whatever you will, were trying to get the slayers out of the way. There's a reason for it, and that's why you're needed".

" More Oogah-Boogah, G?" Faith asks," Every occur to you guys that these 'forces' just don't like B, or me, or the mayor, or you? Got an itch, and we're the scratch?"

" Faith, that's really not helping" Angel says, quietly." Did you consider that these 'forces' have to be pretty powerful to get the DA, the police, and a good portion of the City Council to go along with this elaborate scheme?"

" Dunno, Fang" Faith says, a little sarcastically," Sunnydale aint exactly L.A, now is it? Probably didn't' take that much to bribe the right bumpkins to get the job done. The mayor, I'm sure, made some pretty powerful enemies, too. Explain why they're after me".

" How do you explain Buffy, then, Faith?" Giles asks gently." You and she weren't exactly friends when she went to prison, were you?" Giles looks at Faith, who looks at her hands," you were in a coma. Buffy was the only active slayer. Seems to me that someone, or some group, wanted both slayers out of the way. So they could set their plans in motion".

" So how come they haven't done it yet, Giles?" Buffy asks." I was in prison 2 ½ years. Why hasn't Sunnydale gone poof?"

" I think possibly the timing was off, and they met some reverses" Giles says," They meant for you to be in prison longer. They actually, from what I found out, tried to kill Faith while she was in a coma" Faith and Buffy's eyes both go wide," Seems the Watcher's Council wasn't the only ones trying to get to the slayers. They were hoping that if Faith died, Buffy would've gotten Murder 2… and been in a lot longer. Would've killed two birds with one stone", Giles finishes quietly.

" What happened? Why didn't they …?" Faith asks, shaken.

" You had someone there watching over you while Buffy was on trial" Giles says, quietly." Angel, and Gunn, and Cordelia. We suspected something like this might happen, so we kept an eye out for anyone suspicious getting close to you"

To say Faith is surprised, is an understatement. She sits, her mouth slightly parted.

"Ummm… thanks?" Faith says, at a loss for words.

" I wish I could say we did it for you, Faith" Angel says," but it really was for Buffy".

" Yeah, well, that figures" Faith says," not like there's any love lost around this table". Faith is a little upset she needed help, even if it wasn't because of her from those who'd been her enemies. Possibly a little bitter too, because it was because of Buffy, and not because of her.

"Faith, you made your choice back then" Cordelia chimes in," not like anyone put a gun to your head and said " You gotta be bad".

" That's enough, Cordelia" Giles says, firmly," that's the past"

" I was just pointing out…." Cordelia says, a bit haughtily. She's interrupted by Angel.

" Yes, we know, Cordy" he says quietly, " let it go now".

Cordy rolls her eyes, and moves away.

" Not like you guys exactly welcomed me with open arms, ya know" Faith says, " you all acted like I was some intruder on Buffy's little show. Everybody wanted me to be like Buffy. " Why can't you be more like Buffy?" I kept hearing." Faith continues, her bitterness coming out," Well, newsflash. I'm not Buffy. I can't BE Buffy. Ok, so I fucked up, but I didn't exactly stab myself ya know? I wouldn't have needed 'protection' if I hadn't been stabbed, to feed me to Fang over here" She points at Angel.

" I know, Faith" Buffy says quietly, but her voice expressing her regret.

" I'm sorry, B" Faith says, sincerely apologetic. She didn't want to upset B anymore, " but, it's true".

Buffy doesn't say anything, she just nods.

"Well, that's grateful for you" Cordy says from her corner.

" Cordelia? Shut up!" Buffy says, firmly.

" What? I was just trying to…"Cordelia says, getting a bit irritated, " I mean, she has some nerve…"

" We understand, Cordelia" Angel says, quietly. He turns to Buffy and says," You didn't tell her, did you?"

"What?" Faith asks, confused." Didn't tell me what?"

"It's nothing, forget it" Buffy says, shooting looks around the table.

" Let me be the judge of that, will ya?" Faith says. She looks around the table. " What didn't she tell me?"

"Nothing!" Buffy says, firmly. She doesn't want this known.

" While Buffy was in prison" Giles begins, but Buffy talks over him.

" Shut up, Giles!" Buffy growls.

" No, Buffy. I won't" Giles says, firmly, " Faith has a right to know"

"Yean, I do, don't I?" Faith says, smirking. "Go on, G, spill it!"

" While Buffy was in prison" Giles starts again, but is interrupted this time by Buffy standing up, and leaving the table. He continues," the Watcher's Council got it into their heads to eliminate the current slayers. They figured if they…terminated you both, they could activate a new slayer, more compliant to their wishes. You know that's how she got those scars, right?" Giles asks.

" Yeah, she said something like that to me" Faith remembers the conversation.

" Well, they were going to come after you too, Faith. Buffy, from prison, arranged for you to be protected 24/ 7  with a bodyguard. She also convinced Willow to maintain a protection spell around you, to prevent any other kinds of harm." Giles finishes up, looking at Faith for a reaction.

This time, Faith is stunned. After going to prison because of her, and fighting off council assassins, never mind the regular good times the other inmates would've given her, she…cared enough for her…then… to make sure she was protected. She's speechless.

"Excuse me" Faith says, standing up. She sees the expressions on the other's faces. "I promise, this'll only take a minute. I'll bring her back in…just give me a minute." She walks out of the office, into the lobby.

Buffy is standing there, looking out the windows that front the old hotel. She's standing with her back to faith, her stance stiff and a little rigid. Faith approaches her quietly, and puts a hand on her shoulder. Buffy, startled, whirls around. Seeing it's Faith, she relaxes a little, but still is a bundle of nerve endings. She backs off a little.

"What? Are they all uptight, wondering if I bolted or something?" Buffy asks, evading the issue.

" Why didn't you tell me, B?" Faith asks, quietly. Not letting Buffy get away with it.

" Tell you what?" Buffy asks, pretending ignorance.

" You know perfectly well 'what' , B" Faith says, softly." Why?"

" Wasn't important" Buffy says shortly, turning away.

Faith moves to Buffy, and slides her hands around Buffy's waist. Every time she does that, she still finds it hard how small this woman is, how tiny…and how powerful. She whispers gently in her ear.

" It's important to me, B" Faith whispers, her lips almost caressing Buffy's ear.

 Buffy feels little shivers down her spine, but doesn't react otherwise.

" Didn't you think I'd want to know about that?" Faith whispers softly, her warm breath tickling Buffy's ear." That you cared that much about me? Didn't you think I'd be grateful?" Faith pulls Buffy even closer, so they're touching body to body. Buffy stiffens in her arms, and pulls away, raising her hands to wave Faith off. She walks away, and turns.

" I didn't want that. I didn't want you "grateful" or " obligated" or anything. I just wanted you safe, so you could, when you woke up, have a life. The life I stole from you. That's all there was to it." Buffy says, upset. She turns and walks further away.

" Dammit, B, stop it!" Faith says, following her. She catches up to Buffy, and turns her around. " Look at me, B." But Buffy looks everywhere except into Faith's eyes " Look at me" Faith says, holding her head. Buffy relents.

" Listen to me, now" Faith continues, " you didn't steal my life!  That night, where my head was at, if you hadn't stopped me, I probably would've killed you!" Faith says, a tinge of remorse in her voice, " I hated you right then, B. I thought you'd caused all my problems. I blamed you for it all. Don't you get it? I didn't take responsibility for killing Alan Finch, and I wasn't going to take responsibility for fucking up my life!" Faith stops to catch her breath. She continues," I would've merrily killed you on that rooftop that night, B, and not looked back. I was that far gone! If not for you, if you hadn't stopped me, I don't know what I'd be right now" Faith says, then shifts gears a little, " no, that's not true. I woulda been Wilkins hired killer. And nothing else. I realize now he was just using me, playing on my weakness." Faith stops, this is hard to admit," I wanted so badly to be loved, to be wanted by someone, I picked a demon who showed me a tiny bit of affection. I turned my back on what I knew was right, because he acted like the dad I never had. I needed that B, and I was too weak and too stupid to see that he was just using me for his own ends".

" You saved me that night, B. I know that wasn't what you were trying to do. I know you were going to feed me to Fang. But intentional or not, you saved my fucking life that night. You saved my soul. I was going to hell, and you pulled me back at the last second" Faith's voice cracks, " I… can't thank you enough, ever, for that. And on top of that, you protected me when no one else would. When they would've been just as happy if I did die. YOU protected me."

" You tell me you don't want me to be grateful, but how else can I feel?  You don't want me to feel obligated, but I got no choice in it. Even if you hadn't protected me while I was in a coma, I still owe you. You saved me from going to hell. But, B, it's not gratefulness, or obligation I feel here" Faith takes Buffy's hand, and puts it on her heart, " it's love. I love you, baby. Cuz these months we've spent together, I've seen how you treat me, how you care about me, but more. I see you accept me as I  am, warts and all. I thought all the time in Sunnyhell, how it was you trying to make me more like you. But it wasn't. It was me, inside, wishing I could be more like you. As you were then. Sweet, decent, and loving. I didn't get it. I was jealous. But deep down that's what I wanted. I wanted to be you!! I wanted you to see me , love me. That's what I wanted all along. But I was so fucked up I didn't see it, couldn't accept it, even when you tried. And you did try, I know that now."

" So, yeah, when you do something as incredibly wonderful as you did, you're damned right I wanna know it. Cuz it just makes me feel even more special!!!!".

"Faith…." Buffy starts.

" Shut up, B. You talk too much" Faith says. Without another word, she pulls Buffy close, and kisses her. A deep kiss, but with all the love she feels for the smaller woman. Buffy, overwhelmed, just melts into her arms. She returns the kiss with a fevered passion. They finally break for air. Faith licks her lips.

" Mmmm, nice" Faith murmurs softly." Now, lets go back in there, and give 'em some more hell, 'k?" Faith grins at her.

" You bet, right after this" Buffy pulls Faith in, and they share another passionate kiss.

And another

And another.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

"Does that feel better now, baby?" Tara asked Willow.

Willow was lying on the bed, Tara rubbing her temples, neck and  behind her ears. She was having another one of her headaches.

Tara was worried. Willow had been getting the headaches more and more frequently. At first, they seemed normal enough. Willow had been under a lot of stress lately, what with school, and magic, and trying to plan for post graduation. And Buffy, of course.

Buffy's reappearance, then sudden disappearance from Sunnydale had throw Willow for a bit of a loop. Willow had been very excited to see Buffy again. After all, before… well, before Buffy had been sentenced to prison, they'd been very close. They'd hung out a lot together, sharing everything. They'd even planned on going to college together… UC Sunnydale, because of course Buffy really couldn't get away from Sunnydale, being the slayer and all. Willow had her choice of schools; she could have gone to Harvard, Yale, even Oxford in England had wanted her. But she chose to stay here, to " learn more about her Wiccan craft, and to fight evil. Help people" as she put it. Though, Tara suspected she wanted to be close to Buffy, too.

When Buffy had been convicted, and sent to prison, it'd devastated Willow. The basic injustice of it really rankled her world view. But she stuck around , hoping at least to stay in contact with Buffy through visits, try to keep the slayer encouraged and hopeful. It'd been quite a blow when Buffy had told Willow not to come anymore. Willow knew in her head that Buffy was merely trying to spare her the pain of seeing her behind bars, but in her heart, she'd felt a deep rejection by her friend.

She hadn't been able to see any reason to stick around… not until Tara came into her life. She'd broken up with Oz, which had truly devastated her. It was by chance she met Tara at her Wicca group, and they hit it off almost immediately. They found, unlike the group, that they shared a deep interest in magic. They started doing spells together, simple stuff at first. But that  led to more complex  and powerful stuff, and as their abilities grew, so did their regard, and eventually their feelings for each other.  Tara already was out about being gay, but it took longer for Willow to come around. Finally though, they admitted their feelings for each other, and became roommates and lovers.

They'd been together nearly 2 years now, and both were comfortable around each other. The initial shyness of new love had worn off, but the passion was still quite powerful. As was the magic. In some ways, it made Tara uneasy. Though she'd been practicing much longer than Willow, Willow was by far the more powerful of the two. Willow was a natural… that very rare individual born with the power. It'd been dormant in her until she met Buffy, and explored magic as a way to help Buffy in her fight against the forces of darkness. It'd been slow going at first for her. While she had the power, the concentration, the focus wasn't as well developed. Tara helped her with that. She was like her grounding. She helped Willow to explore her powers through her inner core, connecting it to nature and the earth, as magic truly is.

But Tara found that Willow often took 'short cuts'.  Dabbling in expanding the power of lesser spells, sometimes using the 'easy' way to get the spell done, other little cheats that worked, but had a cost. She dabbled in the dark magicks, which really worried Tara. They were powerful; alarmingly so at times. But they worked on emotion, and mostly anger or fear. They were extremely tricky, and could have unfortunate repercussions. Tara did her best to steer Willow away from that power, but there were times she knew Willow was using them. It frightened her. There were times she wanted to speak up, but being naturally shy, she held back. But it was getting to the point where things were getting a bit strained between her and Willow. She knew she was going to have to take a stand soon.

Willow turned towards Tara, seeing her lost in thought. " Are you ok, sweetie?" She asked, a little concerned. She knew Tara often worried about her. More often these days about her use of magic. But it was silly, of course. She was in perfect control. Her magic was stronger, more consistent and easier than every. Tara sometimes was just a big  Worry Wart, you know? But even so, Willow adored her, and wanted to make her happy. Ease her mind if she could.

"Huh? O- oh yeah, I- I'm fine." Tara said, but really wasn't. Her stutter would come out when she was nervous or worried..

" Baby, I'm going to be fine" Willow assured her, " it's just a headache".

"Y-Y-You're getting them a l-lot , Willow" Tara said, concerned." T-T-They're coming more frequently".

" Yeah, but I come to Dr. Tara, and she always makes them feel better" Willows said, smiling. But she was fibbing a little. It did feel somewhat better, but she could feel the pain lurking around, like some creature lying in wait in her head, just waiting for her defenses to be dropped.  She knew from experience that  she wasn't done with the headache for the evening, but she would do her best to hide it from Tara.

Frankly, she was a little worried. She'd been to doctors, even a neurologist,  trying to find out what was causing the problem. But all the tests came back negative. The CAT scan, and MRI showed no irregularities. Frankly, after a number of test, the doctors were puzzled. They just couldn't explain why Willow was getting the headaches, or the frequency. They finally tried testing for migraine, but still no luck. The only thing they could advise was to try to lessen the stress in her life, take things easier, and see if that helped. They were at the end of their diagnostic ropes.

Willow wasn't sure if that made her feel better, or worse. On the one hand, there was no organic reason for her head-pounders. So, she wasn't likely to be dying of any disease or anything. That was good news. But it also left her uneasy. WHY was she getting them, and how could she stop them? She'd taken the doctor's advice, trying to rearrange her life to eliminate as much stress and worry as possible. But some things just couldn't be rearranged.

Like Buffy, for instance. Willow had been flabbergasted at the Bronze, seeing Buffy there, alone. It'd taken her a bit of time to let Buffy see her, because she'd been concerned over her reaction. Finally, with Tara's encouragement, she'd just gone for it, overwhelming Buffy in her greeting. It'd gone well, she thought. In some ways like old times. But at the same time there were things that just screamed out about what'd happened to Buffy.   
She looked… pale, and had lost weight. Buffy was never … large to begin with. She now was all angles and bones. It was a bit hurtful to Will's heart to see her that way. Definitely signs of Ice cream deprivation, which Willow had planned on correcting. What was more … upsetting were the scars. Buffy explained how she got them, courtesy of the Watcher's council, and Willow had been very, very upset, though she hid it well. But they really made Buffy look…hard, and cold. The one on her neck looked angry, the one over her eye… oh goddess, what if the creep had been a little more on target? Buffy would've lost an eye, or worse.

But what had been most … alarming had been her attitude. This Buffy, the one she met in the Bronze that night, was totally different from the girl she'd known in high school. That Buffy had been a bit of a cheerleader, could be awfully self involved at times, and she used sarcasm quite effectively. But in her heart she was a sweet, somewhat trusting, and very innocent. She had clear definitions of what was right, what was  wrong. And she so went against wrong.

But this Buffy, the new "Buffy"… it was frightening looking into her eyes. There was a new coldness, a new hardness Willow hadn't ever seen before. She wasn't like… overtly  different. She didn't act all butch, and come on like a really bad prison movie ex-con. But you could see subtle changes. Where before, if she wasn't paying attention, she was often lost in her thoughts. That didn't happen that often. But now, she would often look around, expecting to be jumped, or worse.  Her patience with people, and simple mistakes, was very tiny. That night, a waitress accidentally spilled a drink onto Willow, who laughed it off. But Buffy wasn't laughing. She was ready to tear into the waitress, seeing her as insulting her friend. Willow had to calm her down. This was so Un- Buffy, it scared her.

Buffy, however, had been very kind to Tara… almost taking her on as a sister very quickly. Willow had been very pleased with Buffy's reaction; she'd been somewhat scared how Buffy would react to her and Tara's relationship. But Buffy had treated it like it was the most natural thing in the world… which frankly surprised Will. She finally figured, later on, that Buffy had seen a lot of such pairings? relationships? in prison, and just accepted it as normal now.( or maybe….? Nawwww.. not Buffy. Straight as they come, Willow thought. She was to be surprised later on).Whatever the reason, Willow had been very glad that Buffy accepted Tara so readily.

Buffy, that night at the Bronze, had seemed somewhat restless.. like she had something to do, somewhere to be. She'd never said anything, but both Willow and Tara had sensed it. It'd puzzled them both. They couldn't figure where she had to be. It wasn't until later they knew.

The kicker had come some time later. When Buffy had left town again, with Faith in tow. It'd blown Willow away. She hadn't even known Buffy was visiting Faith at Sunnydale Convalescent,  and then to find not only had Faith awoken, but that Buffy had beat up some police officers, and broke Faith out of there, well, it just was too much for Willow to wrap her head around.

It was something that Buffy hadn't let her in on: her feelings of guilt and remorse over what she'd done to Faith. Frankly, Willow couldn't understand it. After all, hadn't Faith gone all psycho-bitch-homicidal on them? She'd joined the mayor in his plans of Ascension and Rule of Sunnydale. She'd killed at least one guy, and there were rumors of more. She'd come damned close to killing Angel. Willow knew Faith had been gunning for Buffy, too, and would've been very happy to kill her if she'd gotten the chance. So, Buffy's reactions to it all, and her consequent actions mystified Willow. Buffy risked imprisonment for a hell of a lot longer time for what she'd done to free Faith. Faith had been…, well, evil. She'd treated Buffy like dirt, and a half. It just didn't make sense to Willow. But it'd happened, and that added somewhat to her stressing over Buffy.

Willow grunted in pain. She'd not meant to, but the pain had ripped through her before she could cover. She felt her eyes tearing. It was so damned awful, she thought. I wish it'd just go away! The strange thing was it wasn't like fire, but more like a choking black cloud , poisonous and painful, trying to drive her away. At least, that's how it felt to her. Like some darkness settling over her brain, trying to encase her in some dark prison in her mind. She fought it, but it was becoming harder and harder, as the pain increased, and the attacks came more often.

"Willow, honey? A-Are you ok?" Tara asked, nervously. Willow seemed to be getting worse and worse all the time. It scared her beyond belief.

" I'm Ok, Tara" Willow said weakly, the pain having receded for the moment. What was she thinking about again? Damn, can't remember!

Then the worst one yet hit. Willow nearly screamed in pain, clutching her head  and rolling on the bed. She fell off, and went into what seemed to be convulsions. Tara, scared out of her wits, tried to help her, but Willow was just shuddering and shaking on the floor. Tara went for the phone, to call 911. Willow let out a large, deep groan…then she lay still. Tara, alarmed, went over to the now quiescent Willow. She checked her pulse… it was strong. And her breathing…it sounded normal. Willow opened her eyes, and looked up at Tara.

"I'm ok, honey, really" Willow said, quietly." That was bad, I know…but I feel so much better!" She smiled at Tara, and sat up.

"W-W-Will… you went into a fit. I-I-I thought you were going to die!" Tara said, starting to shake. " It w-w-was terrible!"

"Shhh… shhh… shhh…." Willow said, taking Tara in her arms." There, there, honey. I'm fine now. Haven't felt this good in a long time" Willow said soothingly. Tara hugged Willow close, but her face still showed her anxiety.

But, it was Willow's face that was truly telling. As she looked over Tara's shoulder, a small telltale smile came to her lips.

But it was her eyes that were truly fascinating.

For a brief time, they went totally black, and glowed a sickly green color.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

" I dunno, Giles. I think I'd rather sit this one out" Buffy says, quietly.

" Buffy!" Giles says, growing somewhat excited and frustrated. The former rare, the latter all too common in dealing with his … damn, what is she to me these days, anyway? he thinks to himself. He sighs, and continues. " You have a sacred duty as a slayer, it's part of your destiny. You can't just pick and choose your fights".

" My destiny? Oh yeah. That's been working out so well for me so far" Buffy says, sarcasm dripping for every world, " last time I saved the world, I got what? Two and a half years in prison for it. What'll happen this time? 15 to life?"

"Buffy!" Giles says, more harshly than he intended. He softens his tone, and continues, " that had to do with false evidence the mayor planted, and probably was promoted by the very people we want to fight now. How can you sit back and watch them take over the world, knowing what they did to you?"    
"Watch me, Giles. Pretty much been shoved in my face" Buffy says, tone harsh," that not only don't people care that I risk my life, your lives" she looks around the table at Angel, Cordelia, Gunn et al ," to try to save them from the big bad, but they go out of their way to punish me for it. I guess the old saying's true, huh? No good deed goes unpunished" Buffy finishes up, a smirk on her face," kinda makes me wanna not give a damn".

Giles looks at Buffy with a puzzled and disappointed look on his face. He hadn't realized the depths of bitterness she'd built up. But could he really blame her? The very people who she'd risked her life for, had not only turned their backs on her, but had kicked her when she was down, too. The people who were supposed to be on her side, the Watcher's council, had sent hired thugs to kill her. Even her friends, who knew she was innocent, had been less than supportive. How could he appeal to her better nature when all she got was kicks and punches for doing her job? What could he say that'd convince her?

" Buffy, I'm sorry" Giles said, his voice emotional… very rare indeed," I know you've suffered terribly. You've paid an unfair and heavy price for what you do. More, much more than anyone should be asked to pay. You also know, I hope" Giles pauses, considering his words, " that if there were any way I could make it better, or take your burdens on myself, I would. It's not fair what's been done to you. But, I'm asking… no, I pleading with you, Buffy. Please, please reconsider." Giles stops. He's going to play a card he'd hoped he never would have to play," I asking this as a favor to me, Buffy. I need you're help. I can't do this alone, and I know I'll fail if you don't help me".

Buffy looks back at Giles, and she feels … bad. She knows that Giles has been the only one who kept coming to see her, to try to make prison less terrible, even when she tried to drive him away. She knows he did a lot  for her over the years, been there when she needed her. Now, he's asking to make this a personal favor. She feels torn inside, but she just can't risk that again. And she'll be damned if she's going to risk Faith's life in this… not now, not when she's just found her, no way.

" I'm sorry Giles" Buffy says, sincerely sorry for this, " but I just can't do it again. It just isn't in me".

" Faith, please, talk to her" Angel interjects.

"Angel" Buffy says, her voice less friendly," Faith's on my side on this"

"Uhhh… B?" Faith says, quietly. She so doesn't want to have to do this.

" Faith?" Buffy replies, suspiciously," you're with me on this, aren't you?"

Faith looks down, and shakes her head." I'm sorry, B, but no"

Faith braces for the explosion to come. 

"Faith! I don't get this!" Buffy says, her voice rising," after what they've done to you? to me? You can't be  just going along with this nonsense? They …I… what're you saying. I totally don't get it!" Buffy says, confused and hurt.

" B, you know me," Faith says, " you know I'm no girl scout. I don't give a rat's butt about people. Not really. But , B, this is what I do… what you do. This is what we were born to do. Fight the darkness."

" Yeah, our destiny" Buffy says, sarcastically," The Chosen two. Lotta crap. More like, the Crapped on two".

" B, I know you've got every right to be bitter" Faith says quietly," I know that. But, like I told you long time ago. We're better than them. We gotta be. We're warriors, girlfriend. We're born to fight. If we don't, we're just a joke. Don't you see that? This is what we do, like it or not. We fight. The alternative?" Faith says, her own voice picking up some bitterness," is to join the other side, like I did. We saw how that worked out, didn't we?".

" That's a load, Faith" Buffy says, tightly," we can just get up, turn our backs and have a life together. You and me".

" I'm sorry, B" Faith says, regretfully, " I can't. Maybe you can, but I can't."

Buffy sits there, looking at the expression on Faith's face. She can see she's resolute in this, that she's not going to change her mind. Her own face hardens, and she turns back to the group.

" Fine, ok." Buffy says quietly," I'll do it" She turns to Faith," I owe you a life, so I'll fight by your side on this" She turns back to the group, " but get this straight. After this is done, I quit. I'm out. I've paid my debt in full. I'll have nothing to do with any of you again. ANY of you" She stands up and leaves the office, not looking back.

The group sits there for awhile, in uncomfortable silence. Finally, they begin to leave, one by one, drifting off to the things they had to do, until Faith was sitting at the table by herself. She was still thinking over Buffy's last words.

"… Any of you".

Does that include me? She wonders. She gets up, and leaves the office quietly.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Faith finds Buffy in the garden off the lobby. 

Buffy is staring up at the night sky, her face still locked in the expression she had when she left the meeting. Faith quietly sits down by her, and  looks at the stars.

Not much to see, really, in L.A.  The lights and air pollution pretty much kill the night sky. But it's not really the stars she's looking at. She's trying to think of a way to talk to Buffy, find out exactly what she meant when she left the meeting. Finally, just because she's tired of the silence, she speaks.

" B, what'd you mean back there?" Faith asks directly. No reason to beat around the bush, is there?

" I thought I was pretty clear" Buffy said, shortly.

" Was I included in the " Any of you" ? "  Faith asks.

" I dunno, Faith" Buffy says, really not knowing," I…don't get you. I thought I knew you, but I don't get it. How can you go back and put yourself in danger for them? After what they did to you?"

"What did they do to me, Buffy, that I didn't have coming?" Faith asks, quietly." I went evil, Buffy. I deserved what I got. Period. End of story. They didn't deserve what I did to them, did they?"

Buffy sits silently, not responding.

" I owe them, Buffy" Faith says.

" How do you figure, Faith?" Buffy says incredulously." What'd they ever do for you? Except push you out, let you twist in the wind when the killing of Alan Finch came out. They were ready to ship you to the fucking Watcher's council. And we both know whatta bunch of sweethearts they are. So, how do you owe them?"

"Because one of them, or someone who USED to be one of them, saved my life, B. Someone who used to believe in what they are, what they stand for. Someone I admired, secretly maybe, but I did. Someone who I woulda given everything I had to be. I owe her, big time. Don't think I can ever pay my debt." Faith turns away from Buffy, because she's feeling her eyes sting with tears.

"She was a fool" Buffy says, crossly, " she let them use her, chew her up, spit her out. She knows better now".

"Yeah, well" Faith says, standing." I liked that fool. I fell in love with that fool. I miss her" She starts to leave the garden.

"She's dead, you know" Buffy calls out to her, " dead"

" I know" Faith calls back over her shoulder as she's walking back into the lobby." Not so sure I like who replaced her" She walks through the door, leaving Buffy sitting there alone.

Buffy closes her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

 To be continued.

A little note to fans of Seasons of Faith( who've asked about it): I've finished the story and posted it on Adult Fan Fiction.net. I can't put the URL here, because it'll get lopped off. If you need it, email me at the address in my profile, and I'll send it along to you. Thanks for asking about it.


	7. Chapter 7

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 7 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith? 

Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers. 

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. 

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

* * *

There wasn't much in the way of conversation on the way back to Sunnydale. Giles, Angel, Faith and Buffy each seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. 

Everybody seemed to have their own issues about returning there. Everybody, in varying degrees of acceptance, knew they had to return and deal with this newest menace. There really wasn't any question of that. But for each the 'homecoming' had an element of pain which slashed any fond memories to pieces.

For Giles it was the fact that even though they'd found Buffy, somewhat barely in time to keep her from killing herself, the woman in the back seat of the Belvedere next to Faith was hardly the Buffy he remembered. Her appearance, her behavior, her attitude had all taken a radical 180, leaving someone almost foreign to him. But what was worse was what she'd lost. She'd fairly well given up on being anything like her old self; the sweet, generous, sometime aggravatingly self-involved and slightly clueless young woman who led with her heart. Who gave so much, sometimes less than willingly, but always with the same quiet determination that she could really make a difference. Who had hope for something better.

The way she was now, bitter, cynical, hard edged and sharp, tore him to pieces inside. He didn't show it, but he grieved for the old Buffy. He knew she would change when she grew older; that was an inevitable part of growing up. But at least, she would retain some of her old qualities. Not like she was now. Not like this.

Then there was the fact that for the longest time, he'd been at loose ends. Without the council, or high school, he'd been drifting along for over two years. Without Buffy, his slayer(and so much more), he'd been without a purpose, or so he felt. Until the Magic Box had come up for sale( due to the death of the previous owner… don't ask, you don't want to know), he'd been ready to return to England. Once Buffy was out, and on her feet again, he'd planned on returning home, making a life for himself there. But, getting the Magic Box had given him a reason to stay, to be close to Buffy once she was out, in case she needed him. That'd pretty much gone up in smoke when she ran away again, with Faith, to dodge the law.

And beneath it all was the guilt he felt. He'd let down his slayer, his… oh, hell, might as well face it, Rupert, closest you're ever going to get… his daughter. He should've somehow found a way to get the charges against Buffy dropped. But they'd been so ridiculous, so obviously a fiction, he'd believed she would walk out of court a free woman. Stupid him. Never trust the legal system. He should be well aware of that, he thought to himself. But he'd believed in justice. Hah!

For Angel, the homecoming was bittersweet. It was in Sunnydale he'd fallen in love. Probably for the first time( and possibly the last time) in his life. With a girl 224 years younger than he was. That still is just too strange to contemplate. He'd had Darla, but that was more lust and a shared love of torture and pain. Dru had been merely an exercise in artistically cruel side, turning a devout and innocent girl into an insane, soulless killer. No one else had even made an impression on him. Not until Buffy. He'd been cursed by the Gypsies, carried his soul for nearly 100 years of torment, when he was approached by Whistler. He didn't even understand why. But it became clear when he saw Buffy.

From the first second he laid eyes on her, he knew she was special. She was a blonde, hazel eyed young girl who chewed gum, who did the pep squad and cheerleading thing, and whose main goal in life was to shop, have fun, and not worry about tomorrow. So it seemed to the casual observer. But he saw her differently. He saw that underneath the cover, she had that something that cried out to those around her to see her as she really was. A caring, generous soul who led with her heart, often to her own pain. When she was called, when her destiny was thrust upon her, she did what she had to do, putting her life on the line to protect the innocent and those she loved. It was this willingness, this sacrifice that made him yearn to protect her, that finally made him love her, like he'd never loved before, or since.

He was blinded by love, and it wasn't until he lost and regained his soul, and spent 100 years in hell, that he finally saw what he had to do. He thought he could give her what she needed, but in the end he realized that was just a fool's dream. He could never give her the life she deserved. Strangely, it'd been Mayor Wilkins that had driven the point home. He'd never age, he'd remain the same, but she would age, give up her life to be with him. Never have children, or the other things in life she might want, because she was with him. He couldn't do that with her, and he finally broke up with her. To give her the opportunity at a somewhat normal life. The breakup had been hard and bitter for both of them. But he had the most to lose; he knew he couldn't ever love anyone like he loved her, nor could he ever find even a measure of happiness with any human. Along with the repentance he had to pay for the century and a half of killing, he had this burden to bear. He wondered sometimes how much one soul could take.

Faith's return to Sunnydale was unambiguous. She hated the idea of it. Sunnyhell, as she aptly named it, held no fond memories for her. She'd come there, running from Kakistos, trying to make a place for herself as the slayer. The slayer, that's a joke, she thinks to herself. There already was a slayer in Sunnydale. Probably the most unique, and , though she would admit this to NO ONE EVER, probably the greatest slayer that ever was. She'd tried to like "B", as she called her in her fashion, but it just hadn't worked. They were too different, and Faith came out feeling like the poor red-headed stepchild. "B" had it all, and Faith had to take the scraps. Everybody loved "B". Ms. Goody-good, Girl Scout cheerleader. Faith, in a word, was jealous of her. Everybody expected her to be a Buffy clone, a tight-assed eat your veggies and be a good girl type who never ever had sex, drank, or smoked a ciggy. I guess I was supposed to be some kinda nun/ slayer combo, she thought, chuckling at the image of her in a nun's habit brandishing a stake. It just wasn't fair. Why the hell couldn't she be more like me? I mean, I was pretty cool, pretty hot, and damned sight less uptight than she was. I was strong, I got the job done, and then some. But no, it was " Be Buffy, Be Buffy , Be Buffy!" Well, fuck me dead. Being Buffy hadn't worked out so well for B, now had it? Strange how, when it was all over, B became more like me. Tough, cynical, a hard ass ya just don't screw with.

Yet… I swear I'll never cop to it, but I miss her. I mean, the old Buffy. Yeah, kinda sick, huh? Me, missing lil miss tight ass stuck up cheerleader? But, I do. Cuz, underneath it, she was … sweet. I mean, she really cared. Ok, I was total didn't get that back in Sunnyhell. I thought she was just some rich-bitch stuck up who was lording it over me. But, I …god, this is so weird… I see now that she really had this … caring thing about her. She loved her friends, her mom(God, poor Joyce. Dying like that. Not fair. She treated me decent, even when I so didn't deserve it).She even cared about me, trying to get me to turn myself around on my little spiral down into hell. Yeah, I was a dope, no kidding. I bought the mayor's line, and got what I deserved. Well, ok, 3 year coma? Maybe that wasn't entirely deserved. But then…there are some people who I'd taken care of, aint gonna be waking up ever again. Maybe I deserved harsher. God, I shoulda just let them take me. Never should let B bust me out. I think I fucked us both over with that one. Playing the " coulda, shoulda" game aint gonna help now though. So, what will?

I dunno. But I think maybe I gotta save her back. People think you don't think when you're in a coma, but they're wrong. Not, like, you think like I'm thinking now. But you think through dreams. Those three years zoned out kinda made me review my life in Technicolor, and I kind realized I didn't want to go where I'd been heading. I needed to build my life back, make it mean something. B did that for me, even if that wasn't what she was going for that night on the roof. Now it's my turn, I gotta save her back. I came to Sunnyhell, I fucked up, went evil, and nearly destroyed everything that's important. Including her. Now I gotta get off my ass and bring ' her ' back. Somehow.

Buffy stared out the window of the Belvedere, each passing mile bringing her back to the place she'd thought she'd never see again. Sunnydale, California. Home of UC Sunnydale, and the hellmouth. This had been her home for 3 years. She and her mom had moved there after …well, she got expelled from Hemery High in Los Angeles. I shoulda gotten the clue right then that this slaying gig wasn't gonna work out for me, Buffy thinks scornfully. But instead of quitting, like anyone with a brain woulda done, I kept at it, til they went and threw me into prison. Yup, they surely taught me the error of my ways, gotta give 'em that. Save the world, go to jail. Yup, great way to pay back an innocent girl, huh?

Deep down, under all the 'righteous anger' Buffy didn't feel 'innocent'. She felt guilty as hell. Giles, the scoobies, her mom… all went around saying she was innocent. But Buffy knew better. She'd set Faith up. Maybe not deliberately, but she was guilty nonetheless. After all, hadn't she thrown Alan Finch down to be killed that night in the alley? She coulda stopped Faith, if she'd _really _wanted to. But had she really wanted to? Or did she want Faith to do it, to make her guilty, to get her out of her way. She'd been jealous of Faith all along, hadn't she? Faith had been taking over her town, her life, her friends… god, even her mom! So, what better way than this? Get Faith in a murder rap… bye, bye baby. But that wasn't true, was it? She didn't want Faith to kill that man, had she? Faith was outta control, drunk on her power. She'd killed before even checking to see if it was a vamp. Buffy wasn't at fault, was she, really?( But you sure were ready to let Faith take it in the ass, weren't you, Buffy? You pushed her to own up to it, didn't you? What about you? Why didn't you own up to your role in it? Faith called it when she said you were equally responsible, didn't she? But you NEVER ADMITTED THAT, DID YOU? DID YOU?). And you were so shocked when Faith went over and joined the mayor's team. Hell, why shouldn't she? With 'friends' like you? When she shot Angel with that " Killer of the dead" poison, who decided Faith had to pay? The others? Nope…you did, didn't you? You were bound and determined to kill her, bring her to Angel to drink. Yet, when she spoiled your plans, you offered yourself up( cuz it was the only thing left to do, not out of some noble purpose, don't even try to excuse yourself that way, bitch), and strangely, you lived. So, Faith's blood on your hands wasn't required, was it? You didn't have to do what you did. So, why did you? Why did you try to kill her? For Angel's sake…bogus! Cuz she was evil? … double bogus. You did it because you wanted to hurt her. You wanted to make her pay. She found out what a phony you were, what kind of scummy little bitch you were, and you couldn't take it, could you? She didn't want you, didn't need you. Did she Buffy? She turned her back on you, scorned you! How dare she? She had to pay for you're sins, didn't she Buffy? She had to pay with her life!

So, you went to prison. You howled that you were innocent, you were acting in self defense, that you didn't deserve this. And you were right. You didn't deserve what you got. You shoulda been there for the rest of your sad, stupid life, Buffy summers. You should've been killed for what you did. Everybody thought Faith was the evil one, but it was you, wasn't it Buffy? You were the evil slayer, the rogue slayer. You manipulated her into a trap, and manipulated everybody's opinion of her. You made it so she had no choice but to do what she did. You got them all to hate her, but they should've been hating you. HATING YOU!!!

Like you hate yourself.

* * *

Willow feels good. 

She hasn't felt this good in like…never. Ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but she definitely felt… good.

It wasn't only that the headaches were gone. Thank goodness for that. They'd been like someone hammering on her head with a 20 pound sledgehammer, to borrow an expression from Xander. Those had been so bad sometimes she'd been forced to stay in bed, she just couldn't function. With them gone, she was free.

There was more. Her power seemed to be increased, more focused. Like, she'd suddenly ascended to another level of magic. In some part of her mind, she wondered if that wasn't exactly what happened. If somehow, the pain she'd gone through had been because she was moving up to another level of magic. Maybe it was the price one paid, after a certain plateau had been reached. She wasn't sure, but she knew that her powers seemed to have multiplied. Her focus seemed better, and her spells became much more effective. She could definitely feel the surge of power through her when casting, and it gave her an incredible rush.

With the new power came a price, however. Tara seemed to be… afraid…hesitant…she wasn't sure. But she reacted negatively to Willow's new ability. That's what Willow perceived, anyway. It wasn't in anything she said, really, or how she particularly acted around Willow, but there was … something there that bothered Will. It was a combination of things. She seemed almost ready to say something, then would bite her tongue. Or, she'd beg off when Willow would want to try a complex spell. The look in her eyes sometimes when she thought Willow wasn't watching… it was almost like regret and … fear? Doesn't she know I'd never hurt her? Willow thought. Willow felt a little resentful, as if Tara were trying to hold her back, keep her from exploring her new found abilities. It angered her to think Tara would presume that just because Willow had advanced somewhat quickly, she would use due care in using magic. Sometimes she treats me like a child, Willow thought, as if I weren't mature enough to understand the risks. I'm not a fool, I'm careful. Well, fine. If she wants to be that way, fine. I can do this on my own, I don't need her to help me anyway.

What bothered her most, however, were the dreams. She'd dream she was in a dark place, confining and cold. She could see in the dark, but it was all hazy, unclear. There was a figure, darker than the darkness itself. It seemed to swallow light, creating the darkness around itself. It didn't speak, but Willow could 'hear' it, as if it were speaking in her mind. Telling her things, secret things, dark things. It seemed to know what she felt, what she thought, and would play on that knowledge. It warned of Buffy and Faith returning, and how Faith had changed Buffy. How Buffy was no longer her friend. That she couldn't trust either of them. How they would betray her, and sacrifice her… she must be aware, and prepare for this. That she, Willow, was the true force, the true power in Sunnydale, and the Chosen two were jealous of her. She must resist them, but not overtly. She must fight them if necessary, be willing to destroy them.

Willow didn't like this voice, these things it was telling her. She fought against it, resisted its influence. But it came back, night after night, whispering in her mind, telling her of what she was destined for. It worked on her resistance, warning her of dire consequences if the slayers had their way. It played on her fears and insecurities, on her weaknesses and her own darkness. Slowly, over time, she felt her will to disbelieve, to resist, crumble. She began to listen, hesitantly at first, then with more and more conviction. She soon became convinced that these were her own opinions, based upon what she knew to be true. She came to believe that Buffy and Faith were allied against her, would try to stop her from achieving her true potential. She wondered how she ever could have considered Buffy a friend. She obviously was out to get her from the first, to keep her down, in her place as a 'sidekick' to the slayer. She'd been a fool, but her eyes were open now.

She knew the Slayers were strong. Fighting them openly would be a mistake. She had to be careful, subtle in her approach. She had to convince them she was on 'their' side(whatever that meant), and to lull them into a sense of false security. When all was right, when it was time, she would deal with them.

She paused in her contemplations. Tara might be a problem. She might band with the Slayers to stop her. After all, it was clear now to Willow that Tara wasn't concerned with her safety, or welfare in concerns with her magic use. She was jealous. Jealous that Willow was a much more able and powerful witch. It's too bad, really, because she loved Tara. Tara should know that Willow wouldn't ever use her power but to do good. But she must have been corrupted by the Chosen two… something else to hold against them. She would watch Tara. If she moved against her, she wouldn't harm her. But she would put her out of the way. It was for her own good. Once the slayers were taken care of, she would see that Willow had been right. It would all be good again.

They were coming, she could sense it. They should've been smart, stayed away from Sunnydale. But they chose to come back, and that was their mistake. She would bide her time, make her plans, and strike when the time was right.

For now, she had to prepare for their welcome home.

* * *

It was late in the evening when the '67 Belvedere pulled into Sunnydale. 

They'd been driving since sundown, and everybody was ready to call an end to their little road adventure. Giles was at the wheel, having taken over for Angel a while back. The four of them had barely spoken a dozen sentences to each other on the trip, and everybody was moody and definitely cranky.

Buffy and Faith were particularly itching to get out of the car. Keeping two slayers cooped up for hours in a car is not the best idea. They hadn't been all that eager to be back in Sunnydale to begin with, and the forced inactivity was telling on their nerves. Both wanted to get out , stretch, maybe walk about a bit. See what was what. Also, they needed to find a place to stay while in Sunnydale, and it wasn't going to be easy this late. To top it all off, Giles wasn't headed for the downtown section of Sunnydale, but towards the residential district. What the hell was he thinking, anyway?

" Uh…Giles?" Buffy finally spoke up." Where are you going? Faith and I need someplace to crash tonight, and there are no motels in this part of town."

" I've already arranged accommodations for you and Faith, Buffy" Giles said, quietly." I don't think it best you live in those ratty downtown motels. I think you'll find these rooms more to your liking".

" Well, gee, that's nice of ya, G." Faith says, a little sardonically, " but I don't remember there being any motels in this part of town".

"I've arranged for something, don't worry" Giles says

" Pretty sure of yourself, weren't you Giles?" Buffy says, " what if we hadn't come?"

Giles doesn't reply. He merely shrugs and continues to drive. Buffy looks around, and notices this neighborhood is awfully familiar… it's very close to where she used to live. Well, no big, she thinks to herself, were just passing through here. Giles makes a left, then a right, and they're on Revello Drive. Buffy holds her breath. It's been a long time since she's been back on this street, and it has lots of memories, good and bad, for her. She knows by the direction they're heading, they'll be passing her old house, and she turns her head so she can skip seeing the house. Right now, it'd be too painful to look at.

So, she was quite shocked when Giles turned into the driveway of 1630 Revello drive, and pulled up to a stop.

"What the hell, Giles? What're we doing here?" Buffy steams," If this is some kinda joke, it's so not funny!"

"It's no joke, Buffy." Giles says from the front seat, " this is where you'll be staying".

Buffy sits silently in her seat, words failing her. Her emotions are all over the place, and she can't quite absorb what's going on. When she finally speaks up, her voice is a bit raspy.

"Giles, I don't know what's your deal, but I can't stay here. This… isn't my home anymore. I told you that, didn't I?" Buffy says, her voice thick with emotion.

"I have to disagree with you, Buffy" Giles says , turning around," This is your home. Or your house, anyway. I arranged to buy it back from the state. Got it a good price, really. Seems property prices in Sunnydale are depressed, for some reason".

" Wonder why that'd be?" Faith says, grinning." Gee, who wouldn't want to live on a hellmouth? Hot and cold running demons, all the vampires you can eat, strange deaths occurring daily. Sounds like home to me".

" Giles, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I can't live here. I know you meant well, but I … just can't." Buffy says, clearly upset, " please take me downtown, so I can get a room".

" Buffy, be reasonable…" Angel says, a bit irritated by the whole thing.

" Look, I told you both. I'm only here because Faith is here, and I won't let her do it alone. This is my last gig as a slayer, and I'm not staying in Sunnydale after. I didn't want this, and I'm sorry you spent your money. But I can't live here. Now, are you taking me downtown, or not?" Buffy says, her voice a bit strained.

"C'mon, B, be reasonable. I lived down in those crappy places. This is a whole lot better" Faith says, not wanting to live in another crappy hole if she can help it.

" Fine. YOU live here, but I can't." Buffy says, jumping out of the car." Give me the key so I can get my stuff, ok?".

"Buffy, you're being foolish" Giles says.

" Fine, I'm being foolish. But give me the key. Or do I tear open the trunk?" Buffy says, her tone saying she's not kidding.

" Give her the key, Giles. If she wants to be a moron, let her" Angel says, really cranky now. It's been hard dealing with her ever since they found her. His patience, little of it as there is, is gone.

Giles reluctantly hands over the key. Buffy pops the trunk, and grabs out her bag. She closes it and tosses the keys back to Giles. She turns and starts to walk back towards town.

"Maybe I should just drive her" Giles says, puzzled at Buffy's reaction.

" No, Giles. She's being a brat. She's been a brat since L.A. If she's so determined to get a room in one of those motels, let her walk." Angel says. He's still not used to the way Buffy's been acting. She's been cold and distant, not like herself at all. He figures she needs time to cool off, and the walk will help her do that.

" You two geniuses never fail to surprise me" Faith says, hopping out of the car. "Gimme the keys, I need my stuff".

" You too, Faith? What's going on?" Angel asks," Don't tell me your nostalgic for those dumps".

" No, Fang, I'm not. But maybe if you'd thought this out, the both of you, you'd realize that this house probably has some really bad mojo for her. She probably can't deal right now with it." Faith sighs, "I really kinda like you both, and normally you're ok. But you both were a pair of dicks on this one". She grabs the key, grabs her bag out of the trunk, and tosses the keys to Angel." But what can I expect? You're guys, and you just don't get it". She takes her bag, and walks off in the direction of Buffy.

Angel and Giles look at each other, and shrug. It carries the universal meaning of all men who just don't get it:

"Women!"

* * *

Faith catches up to Buffy after about a block. She falls in line next to her, not saying anything. 

Buffy glances at her, and then continues to walk. She doesn't say anything, but keeps heading for the Downtown section of Sunnydale. Faith, in the meantime, is burning to say something, but doesn't want to start trouble. So, she walks with Buffy, matching her pace. Finally Buffy, the silence frustrating her, stops. She puts out an arm, and Faith runs right into it.

" Ok, Faith. What's the deal. You don't have to be here. So, why are you?" She asks, her voice a bit irritated.

" Dunno, B. Maybe wanted to ask, Overreact much?" Faith says, acidly, " kinda threw a fit back there, didn't ya?".

" Thought I was clear on that, Faith. Don't want to be there. No one said YOU couldn't live there. I just can't" Buffy says, annoyed.

" Yeah, I'm gonna live in that place by myself, while you're holed up in some cockroach infested room downtown. Yeah, that's so gonna happen" Faith says, also annoyed.

" Whatever, Faith. You're choice. Be a moron if you want" Buffy says, starting to walk away.

Faith closes her eyes, a hard little grin on her face. She starts nodding her head, as if deciding ' ok, done being nice here'. She catches up to Buffy, and stands in front of her, stopping her. Buffy glares at her.

" Ok, B. I've had it. What's your deal?" Faith says, her tone clearly saying that she's done playing around," You're acting like a brat, and I wanna know why."

" Get outta my way, Faith. I'm tired, and I don't wanna deal with you right now" Buffy says. She makes to push Faith, but Faith catches her hand.

" Don't think so, B. I've tried 'giving you space' for forever. And you don't change. You don't talk to me, tell me what's burning your butt." Faith says, firmly," I've tried understanding what's goin on in there" she reaches out and taps Buffy's forehead. She continues, " but it's all a mystery to me. I'm tired of this game. What's buggin' you?".

" Right now, you're buggin me, Faith" Buffy scowls at her." Get you're ass outta my way, or I'm gonna toss it outta my way".

" Like to see you try, B" Faith mocks her," I'm shakin, can't ya see?" Faith smirks at her.

Without warning, Buffy grabs Faith, and flips her on her butt. Faith, not to be outdone, does a leg sweep and all of a sudden Buffy finds herself on her butt, staring at Faith.

" Well, that was pointless, B" Faith grins, " Whatcha gonna do now?"

Buffy gets up, pissed off. She runs towards Faith, ready to jump on her. Faith just uses her momentum and flips Buffy over herself , so Buffy finds herself on her back, staring up at a grinning Faith.

" I'm waiting, B. When ya gonna kick my ass, huh?" Faith says, amused by Buffy now. Buffy, not amused, grabs Faith by her shoulders, and tosses her over herself. Faith is now on her back, looking up. Buffy jumps to her feet, grabs her bag and starts off. Faith flings herself up, and is running after her.

"Oh, no you don't, B" Faith says. She grabs at Buffy's shoulder, to turn her around. But Buffy grabs her arm, bringing her over her shoulder, landing on the sidewalk. Faith groans. That really hurt! Now she's starting to get pissed.

Buffy starts to walk off, but Faith gets up and tackles her from behind, bringing her to her knees on the sidewalk.

"Dammit Faith, just leave me alone!" Buffy yells at her. She grabs her bag, swings it around and hits Faith square in the chest with it, knocking her back a bit. Buffy starts to get up, but Faith isn't near done. Her foot shoots out, landing square on Buffy's butt. It sends her flying face first into the grass. She just lies there for a moment, seemingly stunned.

Faith walks over to her, standing next to her. She looks down at the prone Buffy, her face grim.

" Had enough yet, B?" Faith says reaching down to give her a hand up. Mistake.

Buffy jumps up onto her feet. Her face is mottled and red with anger. She starts in on Faith, punching and kicking. Faith, taken unaware, takes a few blows before she can defend herself. Buffy is fighting like a madwoman, her anger out of control. Faith keeps a cool head, and starts blocking Buffy's blows. She starts to return the kicks and punches, and the fight is on.

Both slayers have a hard time landing any blows, once both are really into the fight. They are closely matched. Faith has a little reach on Buffy, and is a little stronger than her smaller counterpart. But Buffy is better trained, and is faster. Both instinctually can determine the other's move, so it almost becomes a stalemate between them. Buffy, punch, blocked. Faith, kick, blocked. Buffy tosses Faith over her shoulder, Faith does a roll and lands on her feet. Faith roundhouse kicks Buffy, but it's blocked and Buffy pushes her off. It seems to go on for hours, but it's really only minutes. Finally, Faith grabs Buffy's head, gives her a head butt, that stuns her, then sweep kicks her legs from under her, bringing her down on the grass. She straddles Buffy, holding her arms down. Buffy struggles to get free, but Faith holds her down.

" Stop it, B. It's over." Faith says, holding her down. Buffy suddenly stops struggling, and goes limp. The fight is gone out of her. She gives up, lying quietly.

"Ok, B" Faith gets up, holding out her hand. But she's on guard in case Buffy decides to pull any more tricks. Buffy grabs her hand, but just to heave herself up. She stands quietly, her head hanging down. She can't, won't look at Faith.

" Ok, B, talk to me" Faith says, gently. She can see Buffy is done. She's not going to resist anymore. She stands quietly, waiting for Buffy to speak.

Buffy doesn't say anything at first, however. She just stands there. Faith hears a small, almost imperceptible choking sound come out of Buffy, as if the very words were sticking in her throat. Buffy looks at Faith, her expression guilt-ridden. Her eyes are wide, but clear, no tears. She stands, gripping and ungripping her fists. She looks down, unable to speak.

"B, please, you can tell me anything" Faith says, trying to encourage her to speak. Sensing Buffy needs to get this out, this secret she's been hiding away so long.

"You're going to hate me Faith, I know it" Buffy whispers, almost too quietly to be heard. She seems to shrink down into herself.

" Buffy" Faith says, using Buffy's full name, something she rarely does except to get her attention," how can I hate you any more than you hate yourself right now?" Faith says, gleaning that from the way Buffy is acting," you're punishing yourself over something. At least let me know what it's about."

"I… I can't , Faith. I … just can't" Buffy says, wanting desperately to unload. But she can't handle the possible consequences.

"B" Faith says," If you don't tell me, then I might as well leave now" Buffy looks up, horrified. Faith continues," I can only think that you feel you can't trust me enough to tell me. That means secrets, and I won't, I can't be with you if we're going to have secrets. I've been lied to too many times, by people I cared about to take it anymore. So there's your choice, B. Tell me what this is about, or…." Faith watches Buffy for a reaction. She's hoping her gambit works( be embarrassing if she had to eat her words in three seconds. Leaving Buffy is not even on the table for her).

The gambit works. Buffy is cornered. No matter what she does, she feels she's going to lose Faith. Her only hope is that Faith will somehow understand, or forgive her. She starts speaking.

" It's… my fault Faith. All of it. I could have stopped it. Everything would've been different if I'd only stopped it" Buffy says, her voice strained.

" I don't understand, B. What do you mean?" Faith asks, puzzled by Buffy's enigmatic statement." Stopped what?"

" His … death… Alan … Alan Finch's death. I could've stopped it, but I didn't" Buffy says.

"B, that…happened too fast" Faith says, remembering the night all too well," no one could've stopped it. I was outta control, I …" Faith stops, the memory too painful to continue.

" That's just it, Faith. Remember what was going on? I grabbed him, threw him over to you to stake. But I felt a pulse… knew he was human… but it happened so fast I couldn't stop myself from throwing him… but I knew…and I had a split second to stop you… I could've … I should've bumped you…even a little would've saved him." Buffy gets out, her mouth is dry, her voice cracking. She can feel her eyes stinging with tears but she holds them back," I … didn't… and he died. It all fell apart after that. I hesitated Faith. I didn't… I should've… but I didn't. I stopped. I wish I could just say I was in shock…instead of calling out, I should have rammed you…why didn't I?… I've thought this over and over again…and I don't know. But what if I … wanted to hurt you, Faith? I was so jealous of you. You came in, my friends loved you, my mom loved you, and everybody loved Faith. You got to be whatever you wanted. I had to be the 'good' one. The responsible one. But you could just…do whatever, and everyone said " Oh, that's just Faith". No expectations, Faith, no disappointments. But if I messed up, well it was a major disaster. I resented it, Faith. I really resented it" Buffy's words are flowing out easier now, but it's not easier on her. She's wiping at her eyes, hating the tears forming there. She doesn't want to blubber. She doesn't want sympathy." So, what if in that second, that brief second, I rebelled, Faith? What if I saw a chance to hurt you, really hurt you? Punish you for being you? What if I stopped not because I was shocked, but because I wanted you to suffer? I did it, Faith. I murdered him, to hurt you. Don't you see that? I could've stopped it, but I didn't. I might as well have staked him, because I didn't stop you. All the rest, all of it, is because of that. You wouldn't have gone over the edge, and joined the mayor. We wouldn't have fought on that rooftop that night. I wouldn't have stabbed you, put you in a coma. I wouldn't have gone to prison. We wouldn't have lost 3 years of our lives, our lives wouldn't be so fucked up, except for me. How can I … live with that? How can you even stand to look at me?"

Faith stands looking at Buffy, her mouth agape. She's not entirely sure whether she wants to hit her, kiss her, hug her, or throw her off the closest cliff. She's heard some convoluted reasoning in her time to justify some awful stuff. But this is the first time she's ever seen someone twist things so thoroughly to blame themselves for something they had no control over. She looks at Buffy, standing there like a lost child, her head down, her fists gripped tightly, and her cynical heart, the one that she's worked on for years to harden, turns to marshmallow. She can't believe that this girl has carried around this guilt for years, based upon such…let's face it, flimsy logic. Faith is no psychologist, but she can see Buffy has such issues with self worth, that any little thing that goes wrong, she blames herself for. She saw it all too often before… well, before Faith went all off the deep end. But it's pretty obvious to Faith that Buffy dove off the deep end right after her. Faith realizes she has issues with feeling loved and accepted. She knows she probably needs help, but she's dealing with it better now. Buffy, on the other hand, is so far out there, Faith is worried if she can find help. Buffy is so wrapped up in her perceived destiny, of saving the world, that losing someone she cares about is like a hammer blow to the head. That's why the 'new' persona. She can't deal with the loss anymore. Too much, too soon, feeling like it was her fault. My coma, getting sent to prison, her mom dying while Buffy is in prison. Losing the house to the state. Oh yeah, Buffy told her all about it. But she's carrying this huge load of guilt around, and that leads to the anger she's feeling. Then it hits Faith like lightening. My god, she's become me. She's blaming herself for everything that's happened to her, just like I blamed myself for everything that happened to me. I know I fucked up good in Sunnyhell. I had so much anger and resentment going, I was out of control. But what happened before Sunnyhell wasn't all my fault. Any more than Alan Finch's death is B's fault. 

Buffy stands looking at Faith, waiting for it. Waiting for her to go to hell, she never wants to see her again, how could she screw up her life so badly? She expects Faith to hit her, or kick her, or worse, just walk away from her. What she doesn't expect, what blows her away, is what Faith does. She comes over to Buffy, and puts her arms around her, pulling her close. Buffy stiffens, not knowing what to expect. Faith merely kisses her forehead, and holds her. Buffy, confused but grateful, melts into Faith's arms.

" You don't hate me?" Buffy asks, her voice small.. like a little girl.

" No, B. I don't hate ya" Faith says, holding her," though, I gotta say you've been pretty damned stupid " Buffy stiffens in Faith's arms. Faith continues, " don't get all pissy with me. You know you've been dumb, if you think about it, B." Faith says, chiding her, " There are things I don't like about you, B." Faith says, holding her tighter as Buffy starts to struggle in her arms," knock it off, B, I'm tellin ya this for your own good. You've put me through some hell these last 6 months, I think I got this comin' " Buffy stops struggling, and listens quietly." For one thing, you can be a real tight ass, you know?" Faith smirks, " and you really don't do me all that good. All mean, no fun at all, girlfriend. I'm a bitch, granted, but I can have a good time about it. You, on the other hand, are just nasty" Buffy glares at her. " Well, you are, ya know. I'll fight at the drop of a hat, but they don't even have to drop the hat for you." Faith is getting a kick outta watching Buffy. She's getting so offended. She chuckles inside, and starts up again," Oh, and fashion tip. If you're gonna wear leather? Add a few pounds, girl. You're too damned bony for it right now".

"Bony, my ass" Buffy growls. Faith smiles to herself…that's the fighting spirit she wants to see.

" My point exactly!" Faith smirks, " Stick to jeans, girl. And that hair? God, B, red is so not your color! Blonde it back up again, would ya? " Faith is watching as Buffy gets more and more pissed. This is almost too easy, Faith chuckles. " Oh, and by the way? You fight like a girl" Faith is just sitting back, waiting for it.

And it comes. Buffy says, low and dangerous," Are you done?"

"Oh, I could go on for hours, B. But I think that's enough for now" Faith puts on her patented smirk.

Buffy breaks away from Faith's embrace, and stands there, glaring at her.

"What's wrong, B?" Faith mocks her, "don't ya got nothin to say?"

Buffy has plenty to say, but bites her tongue." No, nothin'" She growls.

" Ya mean you're not gonna give me hell in that whiny little voice of yours?" Faith grins, teasing her.

"At least, I don't sound like a member of " sluts R us" Buffy says, her temper flaring, " Oh, and I think I'll take fashion tips from Tammy Faye Baker before I do from you. And another thing. I can still wipe your ass from here to L.A. You just got lucky tonight". Buffy spits at her. Faith just starts to chuckle.

" What so fucking funny, dammit !" Buffy says, boiling over.

" You are , B. You're a hoot" Faith laughs at her.' You're such a dope! God, you've been torturing yourself for over 3 years about Alan Finch. Listen, Blondie. It wasn't your fault, get it? Damn, I was already outta control B, when that happened. I didn't give a fuck that I'd killed him, not then anyway" Faith stops. She does now, and it's not easy to deal with," I was so jealous of you, I wanted to stake YOU, dummy! You had it all… home, family, friends. I had nothin' ya dumb cow. I never had nothin. No home, no mom who was proud of me, no friends except for those that wanted to get into my pants. All I had was being a slayer, and even that was taken from me. Everybody compared me to YOU, dammit. And I always came up short. I resented the hell out of you. Trust me, girl. If it hadn't been Alan Finch, it woulda been something else. I didn't want to be on YOUR team no more. Ms. Goody good, cheerleader prom queen bitch. I really hated you, get it? I hated your guts. If we'd worked together much longer, I woulda probably figured some way to kill you."

" So, you do hate me, then?" Buffy says, upset.

" No, moron, you're NOT listening… again. Weren't you listening on the bridge, when I practically got killed trying to save your bony little ass?" Faith says, irritated," I love you. Dammit, I think I fell for you not long after I met you. You were some tight ass blonde stuck up cheerleader, and you were the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Then I saw you work, and I was blown away. I thought I was good, hell, no I know I was good. I thought I was the best. You just left me in the dust. Watching you work on vamps was like watching a goddamn dance or somethin. I'd never seen no one move like you did. You were all business, but you flowed like water. I got jealous of you all over again watching you. You know how I get after slayin, right?"

" Yeah…you mentioned that … in front of my friends. I thought I was gonna die when you said that" Buffy says, blushing a little even now.

" Yeah, well…after some patrols, I wanted to jump your bones so bad…." Faith says.

Buffy mumbles something, but Faith doesn't quite hear her.

"What?" Faith says

"Nothin' " Buffy says

"Whatever. Anyway, I knew you'd never have me. God, you were so straight arrow, I thought you'd have a coronary if I told ya I wanted you. And I knew that in the back of my mind I wasn't good enough for ya" Faith says. " Even if ya liked girls, you woulda said I was beneath you"..

Buffy mumbles something again, and again Faith doesn't quite catch it.

"What? What're you saying?" Faith asks, perturbed now, " it's kinda rude to mumble , ya know".

"Nothin, ok?" Buffy says, evasive.

" Naw, B. You're not getting away with that" Faith says, moving closer to Buffy, " If you have something to say, say it. Or shut up. But don't say it under your breath expectin' me to ignore it."

" Fine, fine, fine!!" Buffy says, agitated," I said I wish you had. I wish you'd have jumped my bones, as you so eloquently put it" Buffy says, tightly, " You think you're the only one got horny after a fight? I was so itchy I wanted ….Grrr… forget it" Buffy turns away, angry and upset.

Buffy feels an arm go around her shoulders from behind, pulling her close. She can feel Faith behind her, her body pressed to hers. Faith leans her head on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy, almost on reflex, leans back against Faith.

"What, B?" Faith says quietly, almost whispering in Buffy's ear.

"It's just…" Buffy hesitates, all of this becoming more confusing for her," I didn't know what to do. I definitely felt something. The first time, behind the Bronze, when you were dusting that vamp, I felt something. Working together, talking, all of it, just made it stronger. I knew something was happening inside me, I knew it. But I… I was still dealing with killing Angel, sending him to hell with a soul. I was still dealing with the whole thing about Angel. And then he came back, and … all those feelings for him were right there. And I was having these strange feelings for you. Not like I'd had for another girl before. Dreams, too. Maybe that's why I acted so cold to you, I couldn't deal. It was all too confusing. I didn't know where my heart was. Would it have been fair to you to… start something? I don't know. I might …it might…at the time I didn't know if anything would come of it, Faith"

"Shhh. It's ok, B" Faith breathes in Buffy's ear. Buffy feels little tingles dancing down her spine. This is so not helping her concentration.

"Even if I'd started something Faith," Buffy says, her mind scattering a little feeling Faith pressed so close to her. So close." I didn't know if you'd be around to even …I mean, you were like, all the time spouting off how your philosophy was get in, get some, get out. I didn't want that. I…" Buffy sighs heavily as Faith nuzzles her neck, "Faith, that so isn't helping" She sighs, loving the feel, but not loving that her mind is like turning to jelly. Faith kisses Buffy's neck, and the sigh is deep and long. She slips her arms down around Buffy's waist, pulling her even closer, if that's possible.

" I dunno, B" Faith says, her voice low and sultry," I think it's helping tons".

"F-Faith, I… needed more than…just a one-nighter with you. I needed…so much…more" Buffy is starting to lose it, especially when Faith starts nibbling her ear. She continues, slightly incoherent from the sensations running through her body, " I…needed … you to be part …of my life" She finally stops when Faith's tongue caresses the back of her ear, trailing down her pulse point. A little whimper escapes her lips. 

Faith gently turns Buffy around facing her. Buffy's eyes are half closed, her nostrils flared and her lips are parted slightly, and look oh so wet and kissable. Faith can hardly control her hormones enough to not just kiss her, but she's got something to say.

"Buffy" Faith says, trying to get Buffy's attention," I needed … something too. I'd been running all my life. I didn't know anything else. When I came to Sunnyhell" That elicits a little smile from Buffy," I was running from the worst thing I'd ever known. Kakistos had killed my watcher, literally ripped her apart in front of my eyes. I was scared, I'd lost the only thing that'd been like a home to me. The only person I'd ever had that'd been like a mom to me. All my armor was up, I had to be strong, or I'd be dead. Nothing had ever terrified me like that before. Nothing. I couldn't deal, either. And I felt like shit. I'd let my watcher die, and ran like a coward. I didn't stand up to the monster that'd killed her. All I wanted when I came to Sunnyhell was a place to hide, somewhere I could safe. Let someone else deal with it. I didn't want to be "chosen" anymore."

"But you" Faith growls a little, more playful than anything else," You wouldn't let me. You kept after me, didn't buy my story. Then you found out about Kakistos. You came to my…god, that place was a dump… and confronted me. Wouldn't let me run again. Well…you and the fact that Kakistos came and smashed down the door. You coulda run out me. You coulda just let me face him alone. But you didn't. You stuck by me. You fought by my side, taking out a lot of Kakistos' followers. And when I wimped out, when I froze up… you attacked him, too. You… kept coming. When you staked him, and he didn't dust, I thought he was gonna kill you. I lost it, B. I just couldn't let that happen. Somehow I got the courage to pick up that beam, and staked him with it I faced my fear. I won. But … I would still be running, or dead…if not for you." Faith feels the tears running down her cheeks, but she doesn't care. She takes a swipe at the tears, and continues. 

" That's when I knew B. Right then. I knew… you were what I was looking for. You saw me, under all the crap I'd built up. You reached out, pulled me in, and you didn't even know you'd done it" Faith says, her voice soft and a little wistful." Yeah, there was something there. We were slayers. The chosen two. Nothing like that'd happened before… well, ok, you told me about Kendra, but that doesn't count. There was more with you and me I think" Faith looks at Buffy, who nods slightly," and I wanted more, too. I didn't want a quick fuck and goodbye with you. But …it just didn't happen. Angel came back, you hid him. How I hated him. I so wanted to stake him. He kept you from me, I was so jealous I couldn't see straight. And I blamed you. You made me love you, then you pushed me away for Fang. So I started doing riskier stuff, more stuff, so you'd notice me, and not him. I got to the point I was jealous of everybody that had your time, even Giles, even you're mom" Faith lowers her eyes, ashamed." I'm so sorry about that. You're mom was great Buffy. I really dug her. She treated me nice, ya know? I'm sorry she…." Faith halts, her voice choked with emotion. Buffy reaches out and strokes her cheek, reassuring her it's ok, she understands.

"That's when I got the crazy idea that if I could make you more like me, you'd… love me back" Faith says, her voice low and sorrowful." I started playing on the bond we'd built up. I tried to get you in trouble, so you'd have to depend on me. I wanted you to be a bad girl, like I was, so you'd … you'd have to stick with me. Then… Alan Finch happened". Faith stops. She chokes up, and it's Buffy's turn to pull her in, to comfort her. Faith starts to cry. She's never had the chance to cry about that before, and for awhile they just stand there, Buffy holding Faith, Faith crying on her shoulder. Faith pulls herself together.

" The blood, B. God, all that blood" Faith says, her voice nearly a whisper." I looked at you, and your face. The shock, the …revulsion … I nearly died right there. I knew… I knew I disgusted you. That's what I thought, anyway. I felt a chill in my heart. I felt…betrayed. I thought you were gonna turn your back on me, just like everybody else. When I saw you just sitting there, stunned and… God, I panicked. I ran, and forced you to run. I shoulda stopped, dealt with it. But I was a kid, B." Faith is trying to justify what she'd done," I couldn't deal with going to prison forever. I was too young for that, I didn't deserve that! It was a mistake, an accident, I didn't mean to kill him!" Faith gets panicky, all the emotions of that night coming back. Buffy just holds her tighter, trying to soothe her. " When you came to me later" Faith continues," telling me we had to deal with it, I only heard that you wanted ME to deal with it. To take the fall. I was so screwed up. I thought you were gonna bail on me. I … I'd gone back and dumped the body in the bay. I thought…no body, no crime. Nothing to deal with. But you weren't letting it go. You tried to make me face up to what I'd done, but I couldn't do it. Not this time. I…god, I told you I didn't care." Faith whimpers. She's reliving it all over again," God I cared, B. I murdered him!" Faith loses it again.

" Faith, it was an accident" Buffy says, calmly, trying to quiet the other girl," It was a mistake. You weren't evil, you're not evil now. It's happened before, that's what Giles told me". Faith looks at her, unbelieving. Giles hadn't told her that(she hadn't really given her time to). Buffy continues" I swear, Faith. This wasn't the first time. In the heat of battle, bad things can happen. We wanted to help you, really. With counseling and everything, you might not have even been sent to prison, Faith".

" Oh, God, B, I so fucked up" Faith says, remorsefully, " I thought… I though you all hated me. Wanted to …punish me. So I hated you back" Faith's voice goes flat," I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you for Angel, for deserting me, for all of the stuff I thought you'd done to me. That's why I went to the mayor" Faith again tries to explain what she did," I wanted … to hurt you in the worst way I could. I thought if I … stopped you, defeated you and your 'scoobies', I could watch you suffer. Humiliate you, like I thought you'd humiliated me". She pauses again, trying to gather up courage to continue." That's why I went after Angel. Why I wanted him evil. Cuz I knew it would be like a knife through your heart. I set you up for torture, but the real torture was knowing that Angel dumped you for me. I wouldn't have let him kill you. I woulda staked him first, if he tried to kill you. But when I learned you both plotted against me , I lost it all. I just wanted revenge, pure and simple. I wanted you dead, and your lover too."

"That night on the roof? I wanted you dead. I would've killed you, B., if you hadn't stopped me. I'd already killed 3 men, what more could they do to me? I was a killer that night Buffy. Make no mistake about it." Faith's voice goes extremely quiet," It wasn't your fault, B. You were doin' what you had to do. It was self defense, B" Faith says, firmly, " cuz one of us wasn't walking away from that roof. You just got the blow in first".

"It wasn't you fault" Faith concludes, " it never was your fault".

Faith stands apart from Buffy, her head down, her arms hanging at her sides. She feels better now that Buffy knows, but she feels like she's blown her chance with Buffy. How could she care for me after this? Faith thinks. I let her live that guilt for so long. She turns to walk away, feeling like crap. She figures she'll head downtown, get a room. Maybe a bottle, to try to kill the pain. Her pace increases, and she starts to trot, wanting just to run. A voice calls out to her.

"FAITH!!! STOP!!!" Buffy yells, running after Faith.

Aw crap, her it comes, Faith thinks. She's gonna give me hell now. Well, screw that! Faith starts to run.

" Dammit Faith!" Buffy calls out, kicking into a run, " STOP!!!!"

" Fuck you, Blondie" Faith calls back. She's about to kick into high gear when she's hit from behind by a flying tackle. Buffy and Faith both crash into the grass. They roll around, each trying to get the upper hand. Buffy finally latches onto Faith, who tries to buck her off. It's no good, Buffy's holding on like her life depends on it.

"Dammit, B. I'm sorry, ok? Just let me GO!!!" Faith screams, trying to throw Buffy off.

Buffy just holds on, not letting Faith get away. Finally, Faith, tired and emotionally drained, just collapses. Buffy pins her to the ground, and won't let her up.

" You moron!" Buffy yells at her, " You were so damned determined to run away, you forgot something!"

"What?" Faith cries out, exasperated." What'd I forget??!!"

Buffy gets up, helping Faith to her feet. Faith brushes herself off, and faces Buffy.

"Ok, B. What'd I forget?" Faith asks, quietly. She just wants to go. Just fucking let me go, B!

" Me, you idiot!" Buffy says, just before she pulls her into a passionate kiss.

* * *

" I don't like this, B" Faith says, in hushed tones, as the two women approach the house on Revello Drive. 

" Well, we can always stay at one of those rat traps downtown, if ya want!" Buffy says, whispering.

"UGH!" Faith whispers," ok, you convinced me. But how're we gonna get inside?"

" No big, Faith. I lived here over 3 years" Buffy heads for the tree by her window." We climb up, and go in the window. Right into my room" Buffy grins back at her.

"Yeah, well…what if it's locked, B?" Faith says, quietly." Kinda put a crimp in things, don't ya think?"

"Doubt it" Buffy says, conspiratorially," I broke the lock first year I was here. It never got fixed".

They start up the tree, climbing towards Buffy's window. They just about make it, are on the eaves of the roof, when a voice calls up to them.

" You know, I always found the front door easier" Angels steps out from the shadows.

BUSTED!!!

Angel looks up at the chosen two, a grin on his face." Of course, that way IS more romantic. I remember a lot of nights I spent sitting on the eaves outside Buffy's window" 

Buffy, rolling her eyes and looking embarrassed, eases her way back down the roof. Faith, giving her a look as if to say " Didn't you figure he'd remember?" follows after Buffy. They jump from the roof, landing on their feet.

" Angel" Buffy hisses, " What're you doing out here?"

"Waiting for you two twits to show up" He growls, but not really angry. Just happy they're back, really. He looks at the condition of their clothing and general appearance. " I see you two had a fight?"

"Yeah, well. You know…slayers, fighting, part of the job description" Buffy says lightly, putting her arm around Faith's waist.

"Well, try to keep some of it for the big bad, ok?" Angel says, eyebrow arched.

"Hey, it's only like… training. I mean, who better to train with than another slayer?" Faith reasons. Of course, Angel isn't buying it.

"Yeah, right" Angel retorts, exasperated. The last week with these two has played on his nerves." Just get inside, ok?"

"Yes, Daddy" The chosen two answer in unison. They giggle.

"He can be such a pain" Faith says, walking with Buffy towards the front door.

" Yeah, I know" Buffy agrees," All broody and moody. And he's only an ok kisser…nothin' special" They move closer to the door.

" I dunno" Faith recalls, licking her lips." I thought he did pretty ok"

" Yeah, well, you would, wouldn't ya?" Buffy retorts playfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Faith asks.

" Baby, you really gotta work on those kissing skills, ya know?" Buffy says, walking through the door.

"Oh yeah? I didn't hear you complaining earlier…." Faith rejoins, walking through the doorway.

They disappear inside.

Angel, still on the front porch, looks heavenward, as if asking the Power that Be to give him patience.

" These are the ones that are going to save us?" He wonders aloud.

" We're doomed" He mutters, turning and walking inside, closing the door behind him.

* * *

"So, my kissing's no good huh?" Faith pouts her lip thrust out. She has her arms crossed over her breasts. 

She is delightfully naked, her body framed by the moonlight and the soft glow of the nightlight. Buffy is standing across from her, also au naturel, admiring the view.

" Will you look at that lip" Buffy coos, sidling over to Faith. She slips her hand around Faith's back, pulling her close." I'm so gonna get that lip" Buffy leans over and sucks on Faith's pouty lip.

"Mmmm" Faith murmurs, returning the kiss in kind. When they break, she adds, " You don't seem to mind my kisses now".

"How could I?" Buffy coos softly" You taste so sweet" She kisses Faith again, and slides her hand down, squeezing Faith's bottom. Faith squeals, and they fall onto the bed, giggling.

Soon arms and legs are intertwined, as the business at hand gets serious and heated. The kissing becomes very enthusiastic, and hands start exploring each other's soft skin. They touch each other in secret and exciting places, building up the passion they already are feeling for each other. 

Buffy slides her leg between Faith's thighs, bringing it close to her center. Faith moans softly, already feeling damp from Buffy's tender ministrations. She pushes herself against Buffy's thigh, and starts to rub against it. She pushes her own thigh between Buffy's legs.

"Mmmm, I need you so bad" Faith moans, sliding faster against Buffy's thigh. Buffy, equally excited, begins her own rhythm on Faith's thigh. They softly grunt and moan, pulling each other closer. Their kissing becomes more fierce and demanding as their pleasure increases.

"Uhhh….ahhh…uhhh" Faith groans, as she rolls her hips and thrusts herself harder on Buffy's thigh. Buffy, in a similar state, moans loudly. She begins to bite Faith's neck and shoulders.

"Oh, yeah… B… bite me harder….ummm….yeah" Faith whimpers, running her nails down Buffy's back. Their motions increase getting faster and harder as each of them is thrust closer to the edge.

"Mmmmm… Faith…Ahhh… Faith…oohh…Faith" Buffy moans and sighs, her body pushing closer to the peak.

"B…B…oh God Buffy I love you baby" Faith groans, her own orgasm approaching quickly.

Almost simultaneously, the two explode into over the edge, their bodies enwrapped in an electric, erotic pool of pleasure. On a deeper level, they seem to join in a million ways, as if they are one together, on a sub cellular level. Where one stops, and the other begins, neither one can tell. Trillions of little sparks and tingles float around them, inside them, through them, bathing them in an intense sensual overload. Slowly, slowly they drift back to earth, each still wrapped around the other, their lips locked in a long, deep and soul joining kiss. They gradually part, looking into each other's eyes. Soft, sleepy eyes shining with love and need and desire. They kiss again, just tiny little kisses, and snuggle together, holding each other as they float off to sleep.

* * *

To Be continued. 


	8. Chapter 8

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 8 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?

Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

* * *

Faith woke up with something tickling her nose.

Kneeling beside her side of the bed was Buffy, holding a rose and brushing it across her nose. Faith tried to look upset, but failed miserably. She started to giggle.

"What the hell are ya doin', nutcase?" Faith laughed, reaching out to stop Buffy's hand. That's when she noticed something was different about Buffy. Something had changed…but in her half fog of sleep, it didn't register right away. Then boom, it hit like a ton of bricks.

"YOUR BLONDE AGAIN!" Faith shouted, scaring Buffy a little. Buffy backed away.

"You don't like?" Buffy said, her expression worried. She wanted Faith to like. She snuck out early to get some hair bleach to get rid of the " Auburn" look she'd been wearing.

" Mmmm I like" Faith said, soft and a little throaty." If you come here, I'll show you how much I like" Faith flirted, pulling back the sheet to invite the little blonde back to bed.

Buffy got a view of a very naked and very sexy Faith, and was sorely tempted to hop into bed. " I mean, after last night, the way she touched me and turned my mind to jelly…Gawd, that was soooo…" Buffy sighs," but got stuff to do" pout, pout, double pout.

" Ya lil sexbomb, if you had your way we'd be in bed 20 hours a day" Buffy giggled. NOT that she'd mind ." But we got to suss out what's going on around here. That's why we're here, after all".

" That sucks" Faith says, pouting." Ok, ok, I'm getting up" She throws off the sheet, and walks to the bathroom, as naked as the day she was born. Buffy just watches her, admiring how…god, she's hot… and how casual she is about being nude. God, I wish I were that confident. Of course, if I looked like her, I might. She sighed, and went over to the full length mirror, checking herself out. God, bony… bony…and bony. I'm surprised I didn't cut her last night. She lifts her top and winces. And gee, wonder how she found 'em in the dark. But she did…Buffy warms a little thinking about how attentive Faith had been to her breasts. Very attentive. She lets her top drop back into place and walks towards the bedroom door, humming. As long as she likes them, who cares? She giggles and calls out towards the bathroom.

"Heya, Lazy, don't be forever in the shower, ok? I'm making breakfast, don't want it to get cold, do ya?" Buffy says.

" Aw, Gee, B. aint ya gonna come join me?" Faith calls back, definite note of sultriness in her voice. Buffy rolls her eyes.

" Yeah, that'll happen. And we'll like get anything done when? Next week, maybe" Buffy calls, giggling.

" Spoilsport." Faith calls, sounding a little perturbed.

" Brat" Buffy calls back

" Tease!" Faith calls.

" Slut!" Buffy replies

" Prude!" Faith teases

" Oh…OH… prude, am I?" Buffy flushes. She heads towards the bathroom, tugging off her clothes." I'll show you who's a prude!"

" Prude! Goody-goody! " Faith mocks through the door," Ice Queen! Ms. Goody-two-shoes."

Buffy enters the bathroom and slams the door behind her, almost naked already. Squeals are heard from inside, along with some cursing and some definite yelps. Then things get quiet…soon to be followed by sighs and moans.

Maybe we should give them a bit of privacy.

* * *

Some time later, two sated, slightly elated and definitely squeaky clean slayers make their way downstairs.

Buffy, humming to herself, heads for the kitchen to start something like breakfast, while Faith heads for the living room, plops herself down in the comfy chair, and relaxes.

" Hey, lazy bones, aren't you gonna help me with breakfast?" Buffy complains from the kitchen.

Faith looks towards the counter, where Buffy seems to be getting all domestic(sheesh) and arches a brow.

" Didn't we just have breakfast?" Faith says, her voice suggestive. She licks her lips.

"FAITH!" Buffy says, blushing but still humming a bit to herself. She tries to keep on topic," it's important to eat something good in the morning, keep your energy up"

" I just ate something good" Faith chuckles." Didn't you?"

Buffy turns bright red, and turns away." You're HORRIBLE!" She says, but loving it nonetheless." At least make yourself useful. Call Giles and Willow and have them come over. We have to talk about this new threat. I mean, that's what we're here for, right?"

" Aw, man, do I have to call Red? I mean, we kinda get along like … we don't ." Faith says, complaining.

"Faith" Buffy says, her voice firm," I know you and Will haven't been good friends in the past. Ok, maybe it has to do with you going all psycho on us, and you kinda threatening her life" Buffy chides her gently. Faith gives her a mega glare, "Ok, don't get all hostile on me. You know it's true" Faith rolls her eyes, " but we all have to work together on this , so , make the effort, ok?" Faith just looks heavenward, shaking her head. Wondering if she could have the 'new and improved and bad-assed' Buffy back now, please? She mumbles something under her breath and goes towards the phone.

"What did ya say?" Buffy says, not hearing Faith.

" I said, when did ya start channeling the prom queen again?" Faith says, lifting the receiver. Before she can dial, a hand goes over hers, and the phone is pulled out of her other hand. It's put, not so gently, back on the cradle. Faith looks up into the granite eyes of the blonde slayer.

" Listen to me, Faith" Buffy says, the scar over her eye seeming to throb a little," just cuz I'm a little mellow at the moment, don't for a second think the ' old' Buffy is back. I'm only in this crappy little town cuz YOU said it had to be done. Remember, Girlfriend, I didn't want to be here! I'm only here cuz you got some bug up your butt that you had to do this. Fine. I go where you go, but don't be thinking I'm that tight assed little prom queen no more. She's dead, got it?" Buffy's face is hard and cold, and for a brief second Faith feels a chill in her heart. It's kinda scary how fast Buffy's moods can change.

" Now, be a good girl and make the calls" Buffy says, softening her tone. She hands Faith the receiver and heads back to the kitchen.

Faith starts to dial, then something hits her. " Ummm.. B, didn't you forget somebody?" Faith calls into the kitchen.

Buffy, carrying out some plates, looks at Faith." Don't think so" she says, putting the plates on the table. She turns and walks back towards the kitchen.

" Xan-man… shouldn't I call him, too?" Faith asks.

Buffy stops. You can see her stiffening up." I don't think Mr. Harris will be joining us this time" Buffy's tone is frosty.

_**Mr. Harris**_ ? Whoa, what's that about?

" What's the deal, B? I thought Xan-man was like, a charter Scooby or something" Faith asks, puzzled.

" Mr. Harris" Buffy almost spits the name," made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to see me anymore. The thing that really bugs me is that he used Anya to do it. Pretty lame, I thought. So, Mr. Harris can …." Buffy doesn't finish, but it's pretty obvious what she means.

" Ok, ok, I didn't know" Faith says, dialing Giles' number. She speaks briefly with Giles, then covers the phone. "Buffy? Giles thinks it might be better to meet at the Magic Box. Cause of Angel. No real way for him to get here this time of day…without him become a critter fritter, that is"

" Fine, whatever. Tell him we'll be there in an hour, then" Buffy says, looking down at her plate, moving her food around. Thinking about Xander, and how they fought, has really upset her. Faith watches her for a second, then ducks around the corner with the phone. She talks to Giles a little more, then hangs up. She comes back around the corner, looking a little like the cat that ate the canary.

" What're you all looking so pleased about?" Buffy says, suspicious.

" Oh, nothing" Faith says, smirking." I just got Giles to call Red, is all. Whew".

" God, you're like a kid" Buffy complains, drinking a little juice, " look, Faith, like it or not, Will can be a valuable part of this. So, get used to the idea you're gonna have to deal with her, and deal with it, 'K?"

'Yeah, yeah, yeah" Faith says, sitting down to breakfast. She's totally impressed. Buffy did it up right, eggs, bacon, potatoes -- the whole nine yards. She picks up her fork and digs in with gusto.

Watching Faith eat is a joy. She loves food, and makes no bones about it. You can also tell she's spent a fair amount of time in public institutions like group homes and orphanages. She really packs it in, her cheeks puffing up a little bit from be crammed full. Comes from the ' get it now, or starve' philosophy of those places. No, she's not a cretin. When she's out, she conducts herself quite properly. She's not an animal. Just, when she's relaxed at home, she tends to revert to older, less gracious manners. Thank god she's got that slayer metabolism. It keeps her from packing on the pounds.

She looks over at Buffy, and sees her playing around with her food. She's barely eaten a bite. It worries Faith, cause Buffy is already thinner than she should be.

" Hey, B, aint ya gonna eat?" Faith says, eyeing Buffy's plate, " Weren't you the one saying you have to eat something in the morning?" Faith gently admonishes her

" Hey, I've eaten" Buffy says, lying through her teeth, "I'm just not real hungry".

" God, B" Faith says, a little annoyed, " you haven't eaten enough to keep an ant alive. You're too skinny as is, girl"

" I had some toast!" Buffy says, defensively, " just let it alone, Faith". Buffy picks up her dish, and goes towards the kitchen.

" No , I won't let it alone" Faith says, following her, " it's not healthy, B, You starving yourself like this. You're all skin and bones."

" I'm not skin and bones!" Buffy shoots back. " Look, if you don't like how I look Faith, ya don't have to stick with me. I'm sure you can find some nice lil plump thing out there to satisfy you!" Buffy turns away from her. She pretends to be busy to avoid looking at Faith.

" God, B, where'd that come from?" Faith says, now really getting pissed, " I'm just worried about you, and you get all pissy at me. God, what's you're deal today, anyway? One minute your all cuddly and sweet, the next you're biting my head off!".

Buffy mutters something under her breath, but doesn't answer.

" What? Didn't hear you, B?" Faith says, needling her.

" I said, if you don't like it, Go!" Buffy says, louder.

" Fine" Faith says, frustrated, " I'll go. I'll see you at the Magic Box. Maybe you'll cool off by then" Faith starts to leave, then stops. No fucking way, she thinks to herself. She turns back.

" No way, B" Faith says, " I'm not leaving 'til we've talked about this. This isn't just today, it's been going on for awhile. What's going on? Why're you being this way?"

"What way?" Buffy replies, being deliberately dense, " I don't got a clue what you're talking about".

"C'mon, B. You're being a total biotch. I don't know if I'm comin or goin with you. It's making me nuts!" Faith says, her frustration coming out." No matter what I do it's wrong. I feel like I'm in some weird dream sometimes".

" Hey, no one's forcing you to stay. If you don't like the way it is , then leave" Buffy says, angrily, " I'm not holding a gun to your head. Go. Leave, see if I give a rats ass" Buffy picks up a plate, but it slips through her fingers. " Damn" She says, upset. She gets angry, and starts throwing plates on the floor. She sweeps her arm out, and hits the dish drainer, knocking it on the floor, breaking more dishes. Still angry, she starts sweeping stuff off the counter, toaster and coffee maker, sending them crashing to the floor.

" Hey, B, Chill!" Faith says, nervous,

" Fuck off, Faith" Buffy yells at her, pulling open cupboards and throwing plates and other stuff onto the floor. Faith comes into the kitchen, to try to stop her, but Buffy whirls on her, her face red from crying. She's been crying all this time, silently, only the tears running down her cheeks. She swings out, as if to hit Faith, but slips on the mess on the floor, and sits down, hard. Angry, frustrated, upset and full of other darker emotions, she starts to hit her head against the cabinets. Faith gets down, and holds her head, stopping her.

"B, please, stop!" Faith says, trying to calm her down. But Buffy keeps thrusting her head against the counter, trying to hurt herself. Faith finally just grabs her and wraps her in her arms.

" Stop it, stop it NOW!" Faith says, holding her tightly. Buffy makes a low, keening sound.

" I don't want this, Faith!" Buffy says, nearly hysterical, " I hate this. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know who I am anymore, Faith. I used to know who I was, what I was about. Now I'm just drifting. I hate being like this. I'm fucking nuts, Faith. I see it in your eyes. I see the fright there. It kills me to see that. I know you think I'm nuts. I just don't know what to do. I don't like what I've become, some hard-ass bitch who hates the world. I didn't used to hate everything, but now I'm all confused and scared. I only see the darkness, Faith. I don't see anything good anymore. What's wrong with me? I … I can't think straight anymore. It's all dark and black, and I hate it!!!!!"

"B" Faith whispers softly," it's ok, I'm here baby" Faith rocks her gently in her arms.

" Why can't I be like before? Why? I don't like me too much. I hate me, Faith. I… I don't like who I've become" Buffy seems more calm, but it's more like shock," I .. want to be happy, I want to be …but I can't be. What's wrong with me?"

"It's ok, honey. It's ok" Faith says, soothingly, " It's gonna be ok".

" No, Faith, it's not" Buffy says, calmer. She reaches out and touches Faith's face, " honey I don't like this. Being this way to you. I don't think… I don't think it's right. Not to you. I'm just making you unhappy and miserable, and I don't want to do that to you." Buffy gently pushes Faith away, and stands up." You gotta go, Faith. You gotta, for your sake. You can't be with some loony like me that'll make you nuts too. You gotta find something else, something better."

" Shut up, B!" Faith says, quietly, " I'm not leaving you. I love you. That means for better or worse. I love you!" Faith says, getting up, " You can shove me away, try to hurt me all you want, and I'm not going. Got it?"

"That's just it, Faith" Buffy said, moving away, " I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to push you away. You're the only thing in my life that makes sense. I love you so much, Faith, it hurts to think of not being with you. But I can't live with the idea that I would make you hate me by being so crazy. Ok, not hate me, maybe, but get tired of me, pity me, all that crap. I can't take that, Faith. I hate the idea of losing you, don't you see? But I can … deal with it better if … it's before it gets bad. At least, I can hope that you'll… that if I get better, I got a shot with you. Maybe, in the future. If you leave cuz I've … driven you away, I might…I dunno…I just don't think I could stand it." Buffy leans against the counter, not looking at Faith.

" B., do you really think you can scare me away?" Faith asks, moving towards Buffy." Been through scarier than this, B. I don't just love you for what you were, B. Or for what you are now. I love the whole package. Even if it's a bit skinny" Faith teases. Buffy doesn't respond, and Faith goes over to her, " C'mon B, lighten up. Yeah, ok, you're psycho-bitch this time. Hell, I can deal." Faith says, putting an arm around Buffy. Buffy shrugs it off, turning away," Yeah, well, swell, B. Ya think so much of me, you think some temper is gonna make me get all shakin' in my boots? C'mon you gotta know me better than that" Faith says, "Hell, girl, you stabbed me, and I'm still here, aren't I?" Buffy winces, and Faith retreats, " Ok, bad example. But you get the point… I'm not easy to get rid of , ya know? Kinda like that bad penny… literally" Faith smiles.

" I don't want to do this, Faith. I don't want to take more from you. I don't want to wind up like before, where I'm sitting by you, watching you in a hospital bed, clinging to life, but not there. I can't bear that again, Faith." Buffy says, turning towards Faith.

"Goddammit, B. For Christ's sake get over it." Faith explodes, losing her temper. Buffy backs away," we're probably gonna die. Ya know that? This thing Giles is talking about is probably gonna kill us. If we get real lucky, we might kill it back." Faith calms herself, seeing how frightened Buffy has become," look, B, I don't want to be dead, but it might well happen. You too. I know you've fought demons before, I know you've won. But it might not be our time this time, so get used to the idea that in a couple of weeks we could be dead. Quit mapping out some future that might not even happen, and dammit, just enjoy what we got now!"

" We could still run, Faith" Buffy says, almost hopefully, "we don't have to do this. We can… go far away. We…can be happy"

" No, we can't run, B." Faith says, resigned, " we can't hide. We're stuck. We're it, the chosen two, and we gotta do this. It's what we do."

"Why? Why?" Buffy asks, " They don't give a damn about us. You think if we die, they'll even cry a single tear? No way. They use us, and throw us away when they're done with us. Why should we do this?"

" Because, B, and I really can't get my head around me saying this, but it's the right thing to do" Faith says, almost not believing she just said that.

" Was it the right thing for them to throw me into prison?" Buffy asks, disgusted," was it the right thing to make you're life so miserable, so abusive you ran to the mayor because he showed you affection? Was that right, Faith?"

" No, it wasn't" Faith says quietly," but that doesn't make it right for us to turn our backs either, B." Faith shakes her head in frustration" God, B, why're you doing this? Why're you making me be the "good" one?" Faith curses and turns away." All I want… fuck it, I don't even know what I want!" Faith storms off to the living room Buffy follows her.

"Faith, wait…please!" Buffy says, contrite." I'm sorry, really…."

" No, Buffy, that won't do" Faith says, turning, her face mottled with anger," I don't need this" Faith cries out, her anger and frustration spilling out, " not now, I don't need this. I need the old Buffy back. The Buffy that knew who the bad guys were, and fought them, no matter what. Who didn't hesitate to do what she had to do. Who lorded it over me because she knew she was better than me. I need THAT Buffy back. The focused, determined, tight assed stick up her butt Buffy. Give me THAT Buffy now!!!"

"What do you want from me Faith?" Buffy asks, desperately, " I'm not Sybil I can't just like switch personalities".

" Yeah well you been doin' a pretty damned good imitation, B" Faith says, acidly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy says, shocked and hurt.

" It means, for the last 6 months, I never know what I'm gonna get. One minute it's all sweet and flowers, next it's bitch of the year, next it's Buffy in breakdown. God, Buffy you've been all over the place, and I can't deal with that now." Faith says," Not with what we might have to face. I need you focused, consistent, and someone I can count on. I don't need you all over the fucking map!"

Buffy's expression gradually changes. It hardens, and her eyes go nearly gray. Her mouth is a hard line, turned down. She turns on Faith.

" Fine. I'll play you're game." Buffy spits out, her fire burning," You want hard ass, that's what you'll get. Let me tell you something, Faith" Buffy says, her tone cutting," you haven't exactly been Ms. Stability either. You treat me like shit sometimes, and others, you just don't give a fuck. So, don't give me all the blame for things not being right, got it? Frankly, tell you what?"

"What?" Faith says, her own voice cool.

" After this is done, so are we. We'll just split, and call it over. No harm, no foul. I mean, what's the point, Faith? You don't like me, even , much less love me, no matter what you say!" Buffy growls," So, lets stop kidding ourselves. We just weren't mean to be together, ok? Dumb me, I thought there was something worth building. Well. blondes are kinda dumb, right?" Buffy says, her smile tight and not pleasant to look at," So, after this, you can stay here, or go. I don't give a damn, cuz I'll be gone."

" Fine" Faith spits back at her, " Fine by me. Go fuck yourself, B. I don't need some whiny, spacey, nut case hangin around me, causing me all kinds of shit".

" Fine" Buffy says." See you at the Magic Box"

" Fine!" Faith says, cold.

" Fine!" Buffy says, not letting Faith get the last word. She storms out, slamming the front door after her.

" FINE!" Faith yells," FINE, FINE, FINE!!!!"

Faith paces the living room, on edge, nervy and ready to scream. She doesn't though, and she doesn't lash out. Finally, on the edge of frustration, hurt, anger and sadness, she stops. She looks around, and then heads for the door.

" Aw, FUCK ME!" She yells to no one in particular, and slams the door after her.

* * *

Buffy walks toward the Magic Box, her body coiled like a spring.

" So, she wants me focused, does she?" Buffy mutters, her anger simmering. " I'm too scatter-brained, am I?" She takes long strides, her cheeks red with anger." Who does she think she is?" She walks faster, trying to cool her temper, but each step seems to just make her angrier. " Who was it got us out of Sunnydale when they came for her? ME! Who stole the car, hotwired it and got us to L.A. ? ME! Who thought up ways to make money, so we fucking didn't wind up on the streets? ME! Who made sure she was fed? Clothed? Who helped her get the use of her legs back? ME! ME! ME! Where does she get off, acting like I'm some kinda idiot? If it hadn't been for me, she'd be cooling her heels in Chowchilla, watching time pass her by. But does that matter? Hell no. I'm just some dumb blonde, huh? Just some emotional weepy wimp . Well, just fine. She wants Uber Bitch? I can be Uber Bitch." Buffy is so focused on her anger that she nearly runs over Willow, who is also going to the Magic Box.

" Whoa, hey, Buffy?" Willow says, nearly pushed to the ground by Buffy's advance, " Don't you think you should signal or wave flags or something when you're gonna run someone over?"

" Hey, Willow" Buffy says, apologetically," sorry, wasn't watching where I was going." She helps Will balance herself.

" Really?" Willow says, teasingly," I never woulda figured that!"

" Ok, Will, I get it" Buffy says, lightening up a little," I'm sorry, ok?"  
" I dunno, Buffy" Willow says, still teasing, " I think I've gotta give you a ticket or something for reckless walking".

" You're not going to let this go, are you?" Buffy says. Willow shakes her head." So what do I have to do to make it up to you, then?" Buffy continues.

" Oh, I don't know" Willow's voice a little sing-song," maybe I'll be better after a mocha java?"

" Still love your sugary goodness, huh?" Buffy says, smiling a little," good to see some things never change".

" You're buying?" Willow says.

" Like I said, some things never change" Buffy laughs, and they detour to the Espresso Pump.

The two women sit at a table, talking over their mochas. Buffy steers the conversation to the meeting.

" So, what's going on in Sunny D, Will?" Buffy asks, " What's the deal with this "dark lord" character?"

Willow's expression is a little pained. She looks down at her mocha

" Maybe I should let Giles explain that to you, Buffy" Willow says, evasively.

" Will, you know I love Giles" Buffy says, " but sometimes his 'explanations' can really vague things up. I was kinda hopin' you could give me the inside skinny before we meet with him. You know, so I can kinda follow along. Being blonde and all, sometimes hard for me to connect the dots" Buffy says, a little bitter note in her voice. Grrr.

Willow looks like she wants to say something, but can't. She has an uncomfortable expression on her face, and looks away from Buffy.

" Will? What's going on?" Buffy asks, concerned," Is it terrible?" Buffy's beginning to get that sinking feeling she gets whenever they go up against a real baddie.

Willow looks like she's making a tough decision… confiding in Buffy she doesn't want to tell her, but feels she needs to know.

" Buffy" Willow says, prefacing her remarks, " you know I'm fond of Giles too, right?"

Yeah, of course Will" Buffy says, not getting it. A grin comes on her face," I remember you had quite a crush on him at one time…" Buffy teases her.

" Oh for goodness sakes, Buffy" Willow says, protesting and a little exasperated, " That is like ancient history. I was 16 and in high school and wore jumpers and thought he was like cool library guy". She shakes her head," I had a crush on Xander, too, and we know how that turned out. Gay now, remember?".

" You gotta remember I haven't been around all that much, Will" Buffy retorts." Things changed while I was 'away' ".

" Ok, fair enough" Willow says, agreeably. Her tone switches as she continues, " while you were away, Buffy, Giles…well, changed too. He took you being 'away' pretty hard."

" Kinda doubt harder than I took being 'away' " Buffy says, cynically.

" Well… I guess" Willow says, hesitantly, not wanting to upset Buffy, " Thing is, he felt responsible, somehow. Like he failed you. He… ummm… well… he kinda took to drinking…." Willow seems upset having to tell Buffy this.

" Giles?" Buffy says, startled, " Drinking?"

" Yeah" Willow says, looking pained," kinda sad, really. Mostly he did it alone, at his place. But there were a few times in public…" She stops.

" What? What?" Buffy says, fascinated and concerned at the same time.

" I don't like to say, Buffy" Willow says, somewhat upset," it's kind of embarrassing."

"I … I didn't know, Will" Buffy says, concerned. She's thinking the worse.

"T…There's more, Buffy" Willow says, hesitantly. Like she's afraid to tell Buffy the rest.

" More?" Buffy asks, anxiously. This, none of this, had ever occurred to her. When Giles came to visit her in Prison, he'd seemed like himself. Nothing obviously wrong, except his wardrobe.

" After awhile….well…" Willow falters, then continues," he kinda…well… he'd call us together, saying it was an emergency. Some evil was trying to take over Sunnydale, or the world…or something. We'd come…and he'd talk…but it was…he made it up, Buffy." Willow blushes, embarrassed for him," in his mind, it was all… bogus".

Buffy sits stunned, looking at Willow open-mouthed.

" I don't know why, Buffy" Willow says," maybe he was lonely, or maybe he was feeling… useless. But it always turned out to be nothing".

" I don't get it, Will... " Buffy begins, but Willow interrupts her.

" And there were the girls…" Willow says, almost whispering.

"Huh?" Buffy says, confused. " Girls?"

Willow looks like she's ready to die from embarrassment." Yes, girls. Always young, blonde, and petite… kinda like you" Willow said, pointedly." I… understand there was some kinky stuff involving role playing, them being "slayers" and then …well… it kinda went to a sex thing" Willow is almost whispering by the time she finishes. Buffy is in pure shock.

" C'mon, Will. You're making that up. You almost had me 'til that last part. It's a joke, right? Tell me it's a joke, Will" Buffy says, almost sounding panicky.

Willow looks down at her hands." I wish it were a joke, Buffy. I really do" Willow says, sadly, " it was so terrible. It almost became a scandal, but it got covered up. A few of the townspeople nearly beat up Giles, but …it blew over, and he's not doing that anymore".

Buffy kind of shivers in her seat. The thought of Giles…and young girls… and sex… ewwww.

" Oh… My… God, Will" Buffy says, her voice reflecting her confusion and anxiety and concern, " I never knew …it's all so…fantastic".

" I know, Buffy" Willow says, sympathetically," it all sounds like a really bad novel. If I hadn't been here myself, and seen some of the stuff…." Willow lets it fade off.

" Poor Giles!" Buffy says, upset," poor, poor Giles!"

Willow nods, compassionately

" We gotta get him some help!" Buffy says, determined." We have to. He's… we gotta, Will!"

" We tried, Buffy" Willow says, again sounding sad." We even tried an intervention. It didn't work, Buffy. And he's broken no laws, so we can't force him to get help."

"We've gotta do something, Will. We can't just let him go on like this" Buffy says, remorseful. It's all her fault, she knows it is .

Willow looks at Buffy with a sense of sorrow." Buffy, you can't help somebody who doesn't want help" Willow says, " We just kinda humor him, and watch out for him. We hope someday he'll realize his problem, and seek help. But for now, there's nothing we can do".

" Will! That's not right. We need to confront him, make him see his…problem" Buffy says." He'll never get better if we enable him!"

" No, Buffy. When it first started, we tried that. But he gets angry, almost violently so, when his delusions are challenged. And…well, Buffy, his health has declined significantly. He… well, if he gets too angry, he could have a heart attack, or stroke. He could be debilitated, or .. worse".

Buffy looks as if her world has been washed away. Giles, her rock, her connection to the real world, seems to have been made of sandstone, and is washing away in the tide. This is all too much to believe, and it just adds more to her guilty feelings.

"This is just terrible, Will" Buffy says.

" That's kinda why I'm glad I ran into you before today's meeting" Willow says, quietly." Or visa versa. I … needed to warn you about this."

" What do you mean?" Buffy says…then she gets it." You mean…"

" Yes, Buffy. This "dark lord" thing of Giles… it's just another one of his fantasies" Willow says, regretfully." For awhile there, when you first got out of prison? He seemed better. Almost like his old self" Willow says. "Then, when you ran away with Faith, it just devastated him again. He started drinking again, and…well…."

Buffy feels the load of guilt sliding effortlessly onto her back." Oh, God, Will… I just didn't know!" Buffy says, trying to excuse herself, at least to Willow.

" Of course you didn't, Buffy" Willow said, kindly, " How could you?" She reaches out and squeezes Buffy's hand, trying to comfort her.

" What do we do, Will?" Buffy asks, ready to do whatever it takes to help Giles.

" We just kind of humor him, Buffy" Willow says, " we go to his 'meetings', we report back with data, if any exists. When it comes time to fight, we make up some excuse for him not to come along, then we report back, the problem is solved."

"How have you guys been able to keep the demon population at bay? I mean, with Giles out of commission, and no active slayer around?" Buffy asks, concerned for her friend. Sunnydale isn't always good for one's health…or long life.

" Odd thing is, Buffy, after the Mayor? Not a whole lot of demon activity. Sure, some vampires and such. But no big" Willow says." Also, the year you first went…'away', some government secret project came to town."

" Huh?" Buffy asks, surprised." Secret government project?"

"Yeah, though the story got out about it after the accident" Willow says.

"Accident? So not clued in here, Will" Buffy says, puzzled.

" It was called " The Initiative". Evidently a joint military-scientific thing. They came to Sunnydale and set up shop underneath the campus of UC Sunnydale. Soldier types patrolled in secret. They enrolled in UC Sunnydale as students, but it was monsters they were studying. It was so totally weird. Evidently they used one of the dorms as a housing facility , secret James Bond kinda stuff. Anyway, from what was learned later, they captured HST's( Hostile Sub-Terrainians, as they called demons and vampires) and studied them. They were trying to understand them, and 'rehabilitate them". Willow pauses to take a breath.

" Rehabilitate them? God, did they even have a clue as to what they were?" Buffy asks, amazed and somewhat dismayed." Demons don't do license plates, you know!"

Willow smiles," They didn't get into the hocus – pocus part of it, as they called it" Both women laugh, " they were trying to use the demons to create some kind of "Super Soldier". Anyway, something went terribly wrong, and their 'experiment' got loose, and nearly destroyed the compound, killing nearly everyone there. The government shut it down. That's all anyone knows about it".

"Wow! Weird" Buffy says. This is so totally strange. But this is Sunnydale, home of the strange.

" You remember Spike, Buffy?" Willow asks

"Spike?" Buffy almost spits out the word. "What about him? Is he back again? Should I get a stake?"

"No need, Buffy" Willow grins." The Initiative put a chip in his head"

"What?" Buffy says, " A chip? What, to track him or something?"

"No, this is the best part" Willow says, " the chip renders him…harmless."

"Oh, c'mon. Spike, harmless? Please!" Buffy says, scoffing," He's a killer, Will"

" Not anymore" Willow replies, " If he tries to bite a human, or even punch them, or harm them in any way…Bam… a jolt of electricity is released in his head, giving him blinding pain".

"You're kidding, right?" Buffy asks, fascinated. Spike with a doggie collar? Too cool!

" Not!" Willow affirms," Spike is like a dog muzzled. He can't bite anyone!"

"This is too good, Will" Buffy says, laughing," it's too bad I'm gonna have to stake him. This might be fun to watch."

" Actually, Buffy… we kinda don't stake him" Willow says. Buffy looks at her like she's grown a third head. Willow continues," That's the other thing. He kinda helps out with keeping what demons that do pop up , in control".

"HUH?" Buffy is totally throw for a loop.

" Yeah, well… just because he has a chip, doesn't mean Spike has reformed. Not in the classical sense, anyway. He still likes to kill things. And the funny thing is, the chip doesn't prevent him from attacking demons. So, since you and Faith weren't here…he's kinda been doing the patrolling. We help him out".

"Alright. Now I know the world is spinning backwards. Giles has gone fruit roll-ups, and Spike is doing the slaying? Oh, god, what next? You're gonna tell me that Richard Wilkins was really a nice guy?" Buffy is totally out of her depth here.

" Well… no!" Willow says, " But the rest is true".

Buffy shakes her head, and then notices the clock on the wall.

"Shoot, we're late, Will!" Buffy says, standing up. She stops. She's not wanting to do this." Do we really have to do this, Will? It feels wrong, lying to Giles!"

" I know, Buffy" Willow replies, understandingly," I know. I hate it too… but it's for the best." She looks at the clock" You go ahead, I'll get the mochas this time." Buffy looks shocked." Oh, come on, I got them occasionally, before!"

" Yeah…every third Thursday of the week" Buffy said, laughing.

" Go, go. Don't be too late, he'll get upset!" Willow chides her, pushing her along.

"Ok, ok, Will. Geeze, let me bask in the moment of not paying" Buffy laughs, and walks away.

Willow watches Buffy leave, and her face, which has looked all concerned, changes to a mask of cynical amusement. She shakes her head in disbelief.

"So easy…so damned easy. So ready to believe" Willow says to herself, chuckling.

She gets up and goes to the counter to pay.

* * *

Faith is sitting with Angel, Giles and Xander when Willow and Buffy walk in.

She sees the two women talking together, and sees how comfortable they are. She feels her anger rising. So, B gets all pissy and nasty to me, and look who she goes running to! Betcha she's told Red I'm the bitch queen from hell. Not that it matters. Red already thinks that, anyway!

" You're late, aren't you?" Faith asks sugar-sweet and a little cloying. " Where ya been?"

" We kinda ran into each other on the way" Willow replies, " Well, Buffy nearly ran me over, actually" Buffy blushes. Willow continues, "We stopped for a mocha".

Buffy gives Faith a look, and if Faith had been a vampire, she'd be dust by now. The temperature in the room seems to drop by 40 degrees.

" What business is it of yours, anyway, Faith?" Buffy asks, her tone frosty.

Willow notes the tension, and she can barely suppress a grin. She tries to look concerned, but that fails, too. She stands quietly next to Buffy.

" My, my aren't we the defensive one?" Faith mocks." Something I should know?" She says, suggestively.

Buffy blushes, and replies, her tone quiet but angry, " No! Nothing!".

Willow goes and sits next to Xander, letting Buffy sit in the glare all by herself. Faith notices , however, and turns to her as she sits down.

" So, Will…was it all sweet and delicious? Everything you thought it'd be?" Faith says, her tone sugary, but the acid just underneath.

Willow turns beet red, and looks at her hands.

" You're mocha, I mean" Faith continues, innocently. Yeah, right.

" Faith! Knock it off!' Buffy says, in a low, growly tone.

" Knock what off, B?" Faith asks innocently," just wanted to know if you had a good time".

" If you both could contain yourselves" Giles says, sternly, " we could get to business here".

Buffy, throwing a quick glance at Willow, turns to Giles, her face open and sympathetic.

" Of course, Giles" Buffy says, " We're all ears!" She then notices Xander, and her expression hardens.

"What's HE doing here?" Buffy asks, irritated. She nods towards Xander. He looks away, embarrassed.

" He's part of the group, Buffy" Giles says, firmly." Whatever your personal differences, he's still part of the team".

" Fine" Buffy says, not wanting to argue with Giles. Not with his 'condition'. But she's not happy about it, nonetheless," lets get down to it, then. I've got better places to be".

Angel looks around the group, his expression troubled. He's not liking the dissension and tension he's feeling in the group. Something's going on here. Something bad.

" Better places to be, Buff?" Xander puts in, foolishly (if you ask the author),"where's better for an apocalypse than the hellmouth?"

" Someone talking to you?" Buffy says coldly.

" Stop it, all of you!" Giles interjects, weary of the sniping," This is serious business!" Willow and Buffy exchange a glance. The rest look to Giles, a bit guilty. He continues," We've done some research, and found that we're facing something we haven't faced before"

"What's that, Giles?" Buffy asks, humoring him.

"Yeah, G, what's the deal?" Faith chimes in, ignoring Buffy. Who promptly glares at her.

" Angel and I have done some research, and based on the evidence, we feel were facing something powerful." Giles continues.

" Powerful, how, G-man?" Xander asks.

" A god" Giles says, face grim.

Buffy looks at Willow, who shrugs as if saying "see what I mean?"

"Actually, Giles, to be precise, a demi- God" Angel says.

"Yes, true. A demi- God. Still… rather more powerful than anything we've faced before." Giles adds." Even with two slayers, this is going to be a rough fight".

"Demi-God?" Willow asks, " What does that mean, exactly?"

" A god in a lesser pantheon of Gods. Actually, Uber Demon might be appropriate, too. They are certainly more powerful than you're average demon, but still are limited in their powers. They don't have the same capabilities as a full god".

" Indeed" Willow says, musing," that's interesting, Giles".

"But don't get too cocky" Angels says," this still isn't going to be a walk in the park. These demi-gods can be tricky, and powerful. The one were facing, if we're correct, is pretty nasty".

"Who ARE we facing?" Faith asks, exasperated with the boogah-boogah talk. " Where is it, and how do we kill it?".

" It's Set" Giles answers." The Egyptian deity of darkness, death and chaos. His origins are unclear, but it seems he was the enemy of Osiris, and actually killed him. Horus, son of Isis and Osiris, had revenge on Set, and Set was killed by the council of gods. However, only his physical form was killed. His essence remained, but being inimical to this plane of existence, cannot remain long here. To rule here, Set needs a host body to inhabit.

We recently found that Set's cult, the Cabal, has set up shop in Sunnydale. Who they are, when they meet we don't know. But we suspect they are trying to resurrect Set, and bring him forth. Part of his plan, from ancient texts, is to open the hellmouth, and let loose the chaos upon the earth. Not a pretty scenario."

" One weakness we've found out about Set" Angel continues for Giles, " is that he requires time to fully control the host body. He's vulnerable, and relatively powerless until he has total control. It'd be best if we could discover who Set has taken over, and try to exorcise him from the host, if possible. But, if not…" 

"Kill the host?" Buffy asks, " We'd have to kill the host?"

Angel nods.

" I don't like that idea" Buffy says, firmly.

" Neither do I, Buffy" Angel says." Another thing. Once Set takes full control of the body, there's no way to separate him without killing the host. So, it's imperative we find him before he controls the host completely!".

"Maybe Tara and I can find a separation spell. Some way to drive Set from the host?" Willow pipes up. She looks at Buffy, who looks at her, puzzled. She rolls her eyes, indicating this is foolish talk, it's all to humor Giles.

"That'd be excellent, Willow" Giles says, almost as if cued." That way we can drive out the god, and still save the innocent".

Something is nagging at Buffy. Angel. She could see Xander and Willow humoring Giles, so he wouldn't get upset or violent. But Angel? Somehow, it just doesn't seem like he'd be part of this. It doesn't add up. But, Willow wouldn't lie to me, Buffy thinks. She's never done that, and I can't believe she'd start now. So, what's going on here? Maybe Angel still feels guilt from his torturing Giles 4 years ago. Maybe he feels he contributed to Giles' insanity.

She shakes her head. It's all so confusing. She wished she had someone she could talk to … someone she could trust. Like Faith. But that's not going to happen. Damn.

Soon after, the meeting broke up. Buffy found herself walking home alone. Willow had offered to come with, but Buffy politely declined, saying she needed some time alone. Which was true enough. She needed time to think. Things were all confused now, and with all that was going through her mind, she wasn't sure who to trust. She cursed herself out, too. For fighting with Faith. She could use Faith's no nonsense view of things right now. But Faith had pretty much disappeared after the meeting, without a word to Buffy.

Buffy found herself wandering through Restfield Cemetery. Not really patrolling, but if she came across a vamp or two, she wouldn't mind a little dusting party. Killing vamps always seemed to have a clearing effect on her mind. Maybe she could stop by her mom's grave. She hadn't been to see her mom since she got back. God, she missed mom. She'd know what to do. She always knew what to do. She'd know just the thing to tell Buffy, to help her straighten things out. 

God, why'd she ever break up with Faith, anyway? It seemed so surreal now. And utterly stupid. Faith only wanted her to focus, be there rather than being in her mind so much. Why couldn't Faith get that Buffy wanted to be all together, know what she was doing? It wasn't her choice to be this way. All scattered like a shot gun blast. Why can't she see I'm scared? Buffy wondered, why can't she understand? Doesn't she ever get scared? Wonder why were doing all this? I don't even know who I am anymore. I just wish I could figure it out. Dammit, why does she have to be so damned stubborn?

Buffy, lost in her thoughts, doesn't hear the click of the lighter. It isn't until the voice breaks into her train of thought that she's aware she's no longer alone.

" Hullo, pet. Long time" Spike says, grinning. Buffy whirls around, stake in hand.

"Spike!!!"

* * *

To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 9 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?

Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

* * *

"SPIKE!" Buffy practically spit out the word. Her face reflected her disgust.

"Well, well slayer. I see you're still handy with the pointy wooden objects" Spike mocks, gently pushing the point of the stake away from his chest." Glad to see you're vacation hasn't slowed you up any".

"Vacation?" Buffy repeats, annoyed. She'd love to give Spike a vacation…perhaps an all expense paid trip inside a Hoover bag." How do you figure prison as a 'vacation' Spike?"

" Free room and board? Sunshine, exercise in the yard, learn a hobby" Spike ridicules her," What's not to like? Ok, the sex might have been a little limited in choice, but considering who you're hanging with these days, that might not be a problem?"

" Oh, please, please" Buffy says, tersely," Just give me a reason to stake you!" She pauses, as if thinking, " Wait. What reason? Me slayer, you vampire. Good enough for me!" She brings the stake back to his chest, and pushes…lightly, enough to hurt, but not to dust.

" Bloody hell! Watch it with that thing!" Spike growls, grabbing the stake from Buffy," I could stake you right back! Might actually make this evening worth it" He points the stake at Buffy's throat, as if to shove it in. He screams, holding his head. " Dammit!" He bends over in pain.

Buffy sits there smirking at him. She calmly recovers the stake from Spike. She grabs the collar of his duster, and lifts him up.

"What's wrong, Spike? Guilty conscience?" Buffy mocks, gloating over his apparent weakness.

"What's wrong are those bleeding pillocks that did this to me. Stupid soldier boys hit me with some kind of tasers, next thing I know I wake up in some underground bunker. I escaped. I figured it had something to do with you. Not seeing you around anywhere, I went after the witch." Spike grumbles.

Buffy's face hardens. " You went after Willow?!" She puts the stake back at Spike's chest. "Please tell me you tried to attack her. Go ahead, tell me. Please let me put you out of my misery!" She threatens him with the stake.

Spike shoves the stake away from himself, again," Nothing came of it, obviously!" Spike complains, " Tried to attack her, and my head felt like it was going to explode. God, that was awful" He mutters, as he hears Buffy laughing." What's so bloody funny?"

" So… Spike had a visit to the vets, and now he can't chase cars with the other puppies?" Buffy laughs, totally loving this." Poor Spike! Guess we'll have to call you William the Gummy now, huh, toothless?" She stops when she sees Spike grinning a little grin at her. " What?" 

" Well, luv" Spike says, calmly, " I might be toothless, but they aren't". He points over her shoulder

Buffy whirls around, and sees three rather large vampires approaching. She drops into fighting mode…then notices her stake is missing. Damn! Spike taps her on the shoulder.

"Forget this, pet?" He hands her the stake. She gives him a look, and turns back to the three vamps.

" Hey, slayer" The leader of the group calls out, " I heard you were back in town".

"So, you boys are the welcoming committee then? Gee… how nice. Throwing me a party like this" Buffy mocks, " I hope one of you remembered to bring chips. A party just isn't a party without the crunch!"

She launches herself into the lead vampire. Spike just hangs back, amused, watching the fun. Buffy kicks him straight on, in the solar plexus. He doubles over. She brings her knee up, smashing him in the face. She brings the stake around and stakes him through his back. Dust.

The second vampire hits her from the side, knocking her away and off balance. He comes at her, but she recovers, and grabs him, shoving him down on the ground. Grunting a little, he shoves himself back up, and turns to face her.

"Gee… you boys have been working out!" Buffy says, derisively, " I'm flattered". She does a head over heels kick, connecting her foot to his jaw, knocking him off balance.

Spike, feeling left out and bored, says to himself," Oh, hell" and joins the fray, taking on the third vampire. He gives the vamp a roundhouse punch to the jaw, then a haymaker. The vamp goes flying back into the tomb.

" Hey! HEY!" The vamp says, confused. " What's your problem? You're one of us!"

" No, mate" Spike says, shoving the vamp down with his foot, staking him. " No matter how stupid I get, I'd never be one of you!" He grins as the vampire dusts.

Buffy gives her vamp a combo punch-kick, knocking him on his butt. He springs up, grabs her and throws her over his shoulder. She lands on her back, with an "OOOOF" escaping her. He jumps on her for the kill, but she brings up the stake at the last moment, and he vaporizes. She gets up, brushing herself off. She whirled her stake and holstered it in her belt like a gunfighter.

"Well, that was bleedin' fun!" Spike says, grinning He makes as if to pat her shoulder, but she blocks his arm. " Hey, what's that about?" He whines, surprised.

" We're not friends, Spike" Buffy says, growling," only reason I haven't staked you yet is because Will told me you were taking up the slack in Sunny D while I was away. Otherwise, you'd just be another pile on the grass".

"Talk about your gratitude" Spike carps, put out.

"Gratitude? What? I'm supposed to be grateful because you dusted a vamp?" Buffy says, amazed," you threatened me and my friends what? 10 times or more? And now I'm supposed to get all sloppy grateful? Please!" Buffy rolls her eyes in disbelief and disgust." The only thing keeping you from inhabiting a Hoover bag right now is that you might have information I could use."

"Information? Well, that'll cost you, pet" Spike says, attitude changing.

"Cost me?" Buffy asks, a small evil grin forming on her face," You want me to give you something for the information?"

"Well…yes" Spike says," After all a bloke has to make a living, ya know".

" Alright then" Buffy smiles.(I don't think I want to be on the other end of that smile). She walks over to Spike, grabs the back of his head with one hand, and punches him in the nose with the other.

" What the bloody hell was that for?" Spike groans, grabbing his nose.

" I don't have time for this, Spike" Buffy growls, " If you don't tell me what I want to know" Buffy pulls out the stake, "I'll give you this" She jabs him in the chest with the stake.

" Sod off, slayer" Spike snarls," I'm not telling you…." Buffy interrupts him with another nose punch.

"DAMMIT TO BLOODY HELL STOP THAT!" Spike roars, grabbing his nose again.

Buffy hits him again." I told you, I don't have time to play games. Talk, or stake?" Up comes the stake.

"All right, all right, just don't hit me in the nose again!" Spike whines, " What is your problem, slayer?"

" Right now, you're my problem, Spike" Buffy says," Tell me what you know about the Dark Lord"

" Why should I tell you anything?" Spike says, being obstinate . Buffy raises the stake and gives him a look like he has one second left to answer. He continues." All right, all right" Spike says, covering his nose again." Something bad is coming down. Real bad."

"Well, that's illuminating, Spike" Buffy says. She makes like she's going to hit him again. He backs up.

"Dammit, slayer, let me finish" Spike complains, " It's evidently some really old evil. Some God or something. Plans on opening the hellmouth, he does".

" So not helping here, Spike. You've told me nothing I don't already know!" Buffy advances on him with the stake.

" Don't get your knickers in a twist." Spike says, backing just out of range," This is something really bad. Demons are leaving town left and right." Spike's face grows serious, " Demons that never move from their nests, once they've nested, are moving out. This is really bad, slayer!".

"What else Spike?" Buffy says, growing irritated.

" Just that, whatever it is can't live in this world by itself. It needs a human host" Spike continues, " Talk underground it's picked someone powerful to be its host body. It has some sort of cult going, called the cabal. Evidently they have a lot of pull in Sunnyhell… some kind big wig group." Spike muses," Money, influence, some are supposed to be in the local government, pulling strings. Frankly, some say they're the ones behind you're little…troubles. They seem to like that part of the deal", Spike grins. He sees the slayer's face, and puts up his hands, " Not me, slayer. Frankly I don't give a rat's arse one way or another. I'm pretty sure this cabal group has somehow made it possible for Dark boy to get his body, and is greasing the wheels so he can return."

Buffy makes a disgusted noise, " Well, that was totally useless. You've told me nothing new".

"Look, Buffy" Spike says, seriously, "Whatever this thing is, it's bad. I think you might be out of your league on this one, pet" Spike sees her expression, and shakes his head, " Fine. Do whatever, slayer. You're life. Thing is, I heard something else, might help".

Buffy is silent, just giving him a disparaging look.

" I'm just trying to help here, slayer. No skin of my nose" He starts to turn, but is stopped by Buffy's grip on his shoulder He sees her fist raised, ready to hit him again. He grabs her fist, and holds it." You can hit me all you want, slayer, that's not going to help you against this guy. He's major bad mojo. He has bad-assed powers that I don't even like to think about." He stops, chin thrust out, thinking, " Here's the deal. There's talk he has some weaknesses. Something called the Eye of Isis is supposed to block his powers, or something. Also, there's something called the sword of Horus. According to legend, its what was used to kill him in the first place".

"Why so helpful all of a sudden, Spike?" Buffy says, suspiciously.

" Believe me slayer, it's not because I like you" Spike says, rubbing his finger along his nose." Frankly, these apocalypse types are a bunch of bleeding buggers. They come here, make their messes, and the rest of us are left holding the bag. Seeing as the world hasn't ended yet, they never succeed. Just make it harder for the rest of us. So, I don't owe them squat, and hey, if you kill them, and they manage to kill you, two birds with one stake, I say".

Buffy rolls her eyes.

"All right, all right. The truth? I like this crappy world of yours. It's got telly, I love _Passions_ , it's got soccer, Plenty of blood…well, these days, pig's blood, but hey, beggars and all that rot… for a bit there I was pissed off with it all because I didn't have anything I could kill…you're soldier boys took care of that. But hey, found I can slaughter demons, no pain. Bloody lot of slobs and snobs, anyway, so it's all good for me. But then, some bugger with some apocalyptic vision comes along, wanting to mess up a good thing. Frankly, I don't need that. I've got it good here, and I don't need some idiot coming along and messing it up" Spike nods his head slightly, as if something else occurred to him. " Oh, yeah. If I ever get this chip in my head out, I still owe you a go 'round. Bloody hell hard to do that if the world's ended, isn't it?"

Buffy gives him with a disgusted look, and makes a disparaging noise, as if he's not even worth anymore of her time. She turns away, waving her hand at him as if to dismiss him.

"Just you wait, slayer" Spike says, his voice threatening in tone, " I'm gonna get this chip out, and we're gonna have that little dance. I'm gonna ….."

Buffy returns, and stands glaring at him. " What? You're gonna do what?" She doesn't wait, she just gives him another punch in the nose, laughs at him, and walks off. She calls back over her shoulder." Idiot. I know you vamps have extra sensitive hearing, but slayers aren't deaf, either. At least wait til I'm out of earshot before making you're impotent threats." She turns the corner and disappears.

Spike, humiliated once again, stands rubbing his nose.

" Sodding, stupid bitch!" He grumbles.

He slinks off into the night.

* * *

Buffy, despite her bravado with Spike, is worried.

Something's really wrong here. She pumped Spike for information for a reason. Not because she figured he knew anything she didn't already know (though, that Eye of Isis and Sword of Horus might be important). No, she wanted to check up on Willow's story.

Something about Will hadn't added up quite right with Buffy. Buffy had known Willow for years, but something made her slayer sense tingle about her today. That story about Giles? Just didn't buy it. It was so not Willow to say that kind of thing. Not that way , anyway. As if Giles were some kind of creep. The inflections, the way she said it… just didn't sit right. At no time did Buffy get the impression that Willow was really concerned about Giles. It was more like she was talking about a stranger. And she knew Willow, the Willow she knew, wouldn't treat Giles that way.

And Spike. Pathological, creepy and just plain repulsive? Yes. But, he confirmed Giles' story, and he had no reason to lie. Spike has no love of Giles, and visa versa. If anything he'd be the first to say that Giles was a doddering fool. But he didn't. That bugged her too.

No, Willow lied to her. But why? What reason does she have? Why would she want to discredit Giles? Make out like he was on the edge of a breakdown? Something Spike said about The Dark Lord…Set…whatever his name is… " It picked someone powerful to be its host body…". Well, yeah…some rich dude with lots of influence…or … ?

Buffy felt a little chill go through her heart. She didn't like what she was thinking. Not one little bit. She had to get home now, and call Giles. It just couldn't be. It couldn't. But, what if it was?

They had a problem.

A big problem.

* * *

Willow felt a sharp pain pass through her head, and she looked up.

Where the hell was she? She looked around, and appeared to be in a class. History 440, by looks of it. But how'd she get here? She couldn't remember. She couldn't remember what day it was, or what time it was. It was afternoon, Tuesday or Thursday… she knew that because of the class. But how…when did she get here? What was he talking about?

Willow was scared. Scared so bad you wanted to run and hide and pull the covers over you scared. This…whatever it was… was happening more often now. Too often. Ever since she lost the headaches… this'd been happening. She'd black out, and stay that way. She didn't know if it was minutes, hours or days that passed. She always woke up in a new, strange place. One time she woke up, and Tara was making love to her… and she didn't remember even getting into bed… or seeing Tara that day. Or anything about that day.

What the hell is happening to me? Willow thought, panicked. I can't remember anything clearly. I black out all the time. God, what am I doing while I'm blacked out? She looked at her blouse. It was red. The last time she remembers, she was wearing a green pullover sweater. When was that? What day? What's going on, what's happening to me?

Calm, Willow, stay calm. Willow looks over and sees Tara sitting next to her. Tara is looking at her, a strange, worried look on her face. She starts to say something to Tara, but stops. What can I say that doesn't sound crazy? Like I'm ready for the rubber room? It's crazy, I know it's crazy. But, something is happening to me!

Something's inside here with me. Something dark, evil. I can feel it. But, what's it doing? What's it want? Why me? She looks around, and starts to get scared again. Things are taking on a glow… just like they do before she goes out again. Quick, she has to do something quickly. She takes her notebook, and tears out a page. Writing quickly, she takes the page and slips it into Tara's purse.

Everything is getting brighter, and it's all…..

And she's gone again.

* * *

" You've got to tell him, B!" Faith says decisively. " You owe him that".

After talking with Spike , Buffy had returned home. Faith was already there. At first things were tense between them…both were still upset over what had happened that morning. For the longest time neither girl spoke to the other, they just kept out of each other's way. Finally, both wound up in the living room.

Both being stubborn to a fault, neither left. They sat, Faith on the couch, Buffy in the chair, pretending the other wasn't there. The silence deepened, and this went on for awhile, until finally Faith, exasperated, broke the silence.

"Ok, B, what is it? Something's buggin' you, and you're just sittin' there starin' out into space. What is it?" Faith asks

Buffy turns to Faith. She really needs to talk to somebody. Somebody she can trust. If nothing else, she can trust Faith.

"Faith, can we call a truce? Something's not right, something's eating at me, and I need… I need you're thoughts" Buffy says, truthfully enough.

Faith thinks about it for a minute, then says," Ok, truce. For now, anyway. What's up?"

Buffy briefly explains her 'chat' with Spike, and her other suspicions. Faith sits listening, and then speaks.

" You've got to tell him, B!" Faith says decisively. " You owe him that".

"But, what if I'm wrong, Faith?" Buffy says, her voice not so certain." I mean, I haven't really seen Will, except briefly, in the last 3 years or more. People change. I changed" Buffy says, her tone quite, reflective, " What if she changed too? What if what she said is true? That Giles has gone schizoid? He…he might get violent"

"B! This is Giles we're talkin' about" Faith says," He's not exactly the over the top take no prisoners type!".

"Not now…er…I mean… not when I knew him…when he was my watcher. But when he was younger, our ages, he was totally different. Wore leather, got into some bad magic. Hung with a rough crowd." Buffy replies, her confusion evident.

" G? You're shittin' me, right?" Faith says, not buying it," G was born in tweeds, I swear!".

" Faith , you were off on one of your famous " Walkabouts" when Sunnydale had the band candy incident. Giles ate that candy. He was totally different…nothing like the Giles we know".

" Pfffft. Every adult was acting nuts, that's what I heard" Faith says, dismissing Buffy's "proof".

Buffy fills in Faith on Giles's past. About Ethan Rayne, the black magic group they hung with, the demon Eyghon. Faith's eyes go wide. She'd never known Giles to be…like that. She shook her head, not really comprehending.

" God, it's always the quiet ones, aint it?" Faith says, her voice a little awed. Faith thinks about it, and then continues, " But that doesn't matter, B. That's still not the Giles you and I know. G…just isn't that guy anymore! You said it yourself, people change!".

" But what if he's having a breakdown, Faith? What if he's reverting to his younger, more violent self?" Buffy asks, concerned.

" Sorry, B. Just not buying it. I'm more inclined to believe Red lied to you" Faith says.

" You're hardly an objective judge about that, Faith. You never liked Willow" Buffy says, defensively." You've given her a hard time almost as long as you've known her!"

" That's not the deal here, B. That other? It just isn't right. It sounds nuts!" Faith says, "C'mon, think B. Giles? Drinking? Making up apocalypses? Assaulting young blonde girls, playing kinky sex games? Well, ok, he's a guy, the last might be true!" Buffy makes a face. Faith chuckles, " Kidding , B. But c'mon, listen to it. It just sounds nuts!"

Buffy couldn't argue. If Faith had come to her with a story like that, she'd buckle the straight-jacket on Faith herself!

"But…but she's never lied to me" Buffy says, forcefully." Willow's never lied to me!"

" B," Faith says, gently, " You said it yourself. People change."

At that moment, there's a knock at the front door. The chosen two look at each other, as if asking " who the hell could that be?". Buffy gets up, and answers the door.

A young woman, blonde, a little older than Buffy, is standing at the door. She looks nervous and concerned.

" Tara? Willow's … friend, right?" Buffy asks. She's only met her briefly, and hasn't socialized with her hardly at all.

"Y-Y-Yes. I'm T-Tara. Y-Y-You're Buffy, r-right?" Tara stutters, nervously. She's still not sure she's doing the right thing coming here.

Yes, that's right" Buffy says. " God, sorry. Do you want to come in?" Buffy moves to let Tara come in.

"Th-thanks, y-yes" Tara says, coming into the house. She sees Faith, and gets a little nervous.

" That's ok. That's Faith. She won't bite…" Buffy says, trying to put Tara at her ease. She seems so nervous." You won't bite, will you Faith?" Buffy teases.

"That's right, B" Faith says, mockingly. She gets up and walks towards the front door, " Scare the girl. Hi, sweetie" Faith smiles, " I'm Faith. I'm the sane one". She gives Buffy a look.

"She's also a pathological liar" Buffy quips. Tara looks at both of them like they've lost their minds.

"I-I'm sorry, I s-shouldn't have c-come" Tara says, turning to go. Faith stops her gently.

" Tara? That's your name, right?" Faith asks , gently. Tara nods, " Tara, please. We're sorry. We do this all the time. We… well, at least, **_I _** didn't mean to upset you." Buffy gives her a look.

" Tara, please come in, sweetie" Buffy says, " We'll be good."

"Thank y-y-you, B-Buffy" Tara says, still nervous." I wouldn't b-bother you but I'm w-worried about Willow" Tara says.

Buffy and Faith look at each other. This is just too creepy for words. They lead Tara into the living room, where she sits on the couch, next to Faith.

"You're always welcome here, Tara." Buffy says, " No need to apologize." She shifts gears, " You said you were worried about Willow?"

Tara sits on the couch, her face worried. She looks like she's trying to come to a decision on whether to tell these two about her fears.

Faith turns to Tara." Tara? It's ok. Buffy's an old friend of Willow's" Faith says, with Tara nodding agreement, " And, I promise, anything you say here … is in confidence. We won't say anything to Willow about it!" Faith looks at Buffy, who nods agreement.

"I'm w-worried about her" Tara says, deciding to trust them." She's changed… a lot… too much".

"Changed?" Buffy asks, exchanging a glance with Faith." How, changed?"

" I…it's hard to explain" Tara, building confidence, seems to lose her stutter," It's little things. Like… well… she used to be afraid of frogs…"

" Yes, I know that" Buffy says, smiling, " She used to have bad dreams about frogs!" Tara looks at her with a strange expression on her face. Buffy blushes. " She told me about it!"

"And… our kitten, Ms. Kitty Fantastico? She used to love Willow. She'd jump on her and play and everything. Now, she won't get near her. And… no, this sounds crazy…I know it does…"  
" Go on, Tara" Faith encourages." It's ok"

" Did Will tell you anything about me, Tara?" Buffy asks.

" Only that you're the Slayer" Tara says, ingenuously. A little grin tugs at Buffy's face.

" Ok, then you know I'm used to weird" Buffy says, smiling.

" Well… her aura's all wrong" Tara says. Buffy looks at Tara , the puzzlement clear on her face.

" You know everyone has auras, right?" Tara asks, and both slayers nod. She continues, " Ok well, each person's aura is unique, but usually it has a predominant color that indicates a deep character trait. Blue is courage, Green is faithfulness and honesty, Purple is power, yellow is physical energy, etc? Get it?" The slayers look a little confused.

" Ok, for instance, Faith has a yellow aura with strong purple and green parts to it. Yours is similar, Buffy, but you have more blue tones, and also some orange, indicating a conflict. Do you have an internal conflict, Buffy?" Tara asks, her brow furled.

Buffy looks down. Faith looks at Tara , impressed.

"Nothing big" Buffy says…lying just a little, " But…what about Willow?" She asks, changing the subject. She doesn't want to go there right now.

" Willow's Aura used to be green and blue, with purple shot through it" Tara says, quietly, " But it's changed…"

"Changed, how?" Faith says, a believer now.

"It's gone dark, very dark" Tara says, her voice upset," Almost black…with a lot of red shot through it".

"What does that mean?" Buffy asks, concerned. It didn't sound good.

" Red stands for evil. Black stands for death" Tara says, visibly upset.

The two slayers look at each other, both clearly floored by this information. Evil, and death.

"And there's more" Tara says, quietly." Yesterday, in history. I was sitting next to her. Her aura was black and red…and then, briefly, it went blue/ green. It startled me..." Tara continues, " Then it went back to black and red. But, later, I went through my purse, looking for something, and found this". She hands the folded sheet of paper to Buffy and Faith.

They open it up, and read the message inside:

**_Tara _**

**_ Something's wrong with me. Something's happening to me. Help me, please_**!

Both slayers are nervous now. Anxious and nervous.

Faith speaks up." Tara? Buffy and I were talking about Willow when you came. Buffy sensed something wrong with her too." Tara looks at Buffy, a look of relief on her face. Buffy smiles reassuringly at Tara.

"Tara?" Faith continues. " We need to tell Mr. Giles about this. Is that ok?"

Tara nods. Willow's in trouble, and needs all the help she can get.

Buffy gets up and heads for the phone. Her expression is beyond anxious and worried. She's scared.

What she feared was true. What Tara showed them, and told them, confirmed it.

They knew who Set's vessel was now. She was scared. He'd chosen well.

A very powerful witch was under his control.

She picks up the phone, and dialed Giles.

* * *

To be continued.


	10. Chapter 10

Shared Destiny 

Author: Norwalker

Part 10 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?

Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

* * *

It's well past midnight in Sunnydale, yet Buffy is out patrolling.

At least that's the reason she is using to be out this late. But she isn't really doing much in the way of hunting. She is sitting on a headstone, thinking. She is thinking about tonight, what it'd all meant, what she's going to do now. Mostly, however, she's thinking about God. Or the powers that be, or whatever was supposed to be on the good side of the balance of the universe.

She wonders why He/She/ They hate her so. Why do they put all of this on her? Is this really her destiny, or is it just some cruel cosmic joke, because they got bored?

Hasn't my life gone to hell enough yet for them to be happy? What more do they want? I've lost my life, my family. Most of those people I called "friends" have walked away from me. I nearly committed suicide, but Faith saved me… the one little bright spot in my life is Faith. And I might lose her now. Because I can't figure out who I am. Or what I want, or any of it.

Are you laughing yet, Powers that Be? Guess that wasn't enough, huh?

Cuz now you're asking me for something more. Something that's killing me. Yeah, and I'm sure you're up there just having a giggle fest over it.

You took my mom from me. You took Angel from me. You took Xander from me. Now, the last of my friends, my best friend, you want her, too.

You want me to kill her!

Buffy thinks back on the conversation she had with Giles, Faith and Tara earlier this evening.

* * *

The were sitting in the Revello Drive house, Giles having come over after they called him. They told him what they'd learned, and he was still trying to process it all.

" I'm still not quite understanding what you're trying to tell me," Giles said, being almost deliberately obtuse. " What exactly are you trying to tell me?" Despite what the others had told him, Giles was still trying to understand what had provoked Willow to say such things about him. He'd always considered Willow more than just a part of the group; more than just a friend. Like Buffy, he considered her to be as close to a daughter as he would ever come. What they told him, what she'd said about him, cut deeply. He didn't want to believe it.

"Giles, isn't it obvious?" Buffy said, " We're not trying to vague it up here. Something's wrong with Will. This isn't like her, not at all."

" Yeah, G" Faith adds, " I'm not a big fan of Red, you know that. But this isn't like her, I gotta admit".

"Tara, tell Giles what you told us" Buffy said, trying to encourage the woman to speak up.

Tara told Giles about the auras. How Willow's had gradually been changing, and now was totally different from what it had been. She also spoke of how Will's energy, her natural flow, had changed. How it seemed to have fragmented, as if something were forced inside her being.

Then she told everyone about the headaches. How Willow had been having severe headaches for awhile. So severe at times to disable her, bring her to tears. How they'd suddenly stopped… and how she'd been… different after that.

Tara hesitated for a moment. She looked around the group, all eyes were on her. She felt conflicted about saying more. She knew Willow was in trouble. That she needed help. But it seemed like a betrayal, too. As if she, Tara, were airing their dirty laundry for the group to judge.

Buffy noted Tara's internal struggle. She reached over, and took Tara's hand, trying to reassure her. Telling her silently that they could be trusted, that they wouldn't judge.

"S-She's been so different" Tara started, still feeling uneasy." At first, it wasn't anything big. She was a little curt with me, and she seemed distant. But I thought that was just a result of the headaches. But it got worse. She started to be…" Tara hesitated, afraid to go on. She took a breath, and continued, " … harsh. Any little thing I did wrong, she'd get…" God, she hated this," … abusive. S-She stated to use words I'd never heard her say before. If I made a suggestion, or pointed out something that she did wrong, she'd either be dismissive, or she'd get angry… so angry sometimes I was scared she'd…" Tara stops. She can't finish. She looked so lost, so afraid that Faith impulsively hugged her. Buffy and Giles were both a bit opened-mouthed.

"S-She became demanding" Tara continued, beginning to feel safer, " she…she _ordered me_ to do things. Not ask, ordered. It… it was so confusing. I… I didn't know how to say no… without making her angry. And…" Tara blushed, " She started wanting me to do strange things in our… lovemaking. It…was so… degrading… some of the things she wanted. If I refused her… she'd…" Tara stops, and rolls up the sleeves to her blouse. The others saw the bruises. There were more, but she's too modest to show them.

The three sit in stunned silence. This was beyond anything they'd imagined. Buffy and Faith knew that Willow had been acting weird, but this … was beyond scary. Giles looked as if someone had hit him with a board.

" She must be…" Giles tried to cope with the shock of what he'd heard, "She must be possessed by something…evil"

"The note, Tara, show G the note" Faith said. Tara gave Giles the note.

Giles looked up after reading the note. His face was grim, his eyes reflected his concern.

" This proves it then" He said, restating the obvious," Something is trying to take her over".

"Set, Giles" Buffy said, quietly." It has to be Set".

Giles nodded his agreement. " He needs a body to exist on this plane of existence. Those headaches must have been him attacking, and Willow subconsciously defending against the attack. When they ceased, he'd won," Giles mused. He turned to Tara and asked," How long has this been going on?".

"W-Willow had the headaches for months" Tara confesses, ashamed she hadn't done something sooner, " they stopped a couple of weeks ago".

"That would coincide with the … signs" Giles said, quietly, " things seemed be getting stranger in the last couple of weeks. More portents, and a reduction in demon activity".

"What about Will, Giles?" Buffy said, turning the subject back to her friend." From what Tara said, she's becoming less and less like herself".

Giles sighed, " It's obvious that Set is taking a stronger hold on her. If it continues like this…." Giles trailed off.

" What?" Buffy asked, concerned.

" It might not be possible to separate Willow from Set. Her core personality might be irrevocably altered. She won't be the Willow we know" Giles said, quietly.

" B-But that Willow… the one we know, is still there!" Tara insisted, " She wrote me that note, begging for help."

" But that Willow is growing weaker… and soon, may be gone altogether" Giles replied." Unless we act quickly, find some way to drive Set out of Willow's body… it might leave us no choice". Giles looked unhappy.

"What? What are you saying, Giles?" Buffy says, not wanting to hear what she already knew.

"Unless we can find a way to separate Set from Willow, and soon, the only way that we'll be able to stop Set…" Giles stopped. He was aware that the next statement was going to be difficult to hear," … is to kill Willow, too."

After that the meeting was over. Tara, who hardly ever expressed her emotions publicly, cried. She just covered her face, and broke down, not believing what she'd heard. Not wanting to deal with the reality of what had to be. Buffy and Faith did their best to try to comfort her, but the girl was devastated. She already feared it was too late, that she'd lost Willow, her soul mate, forever. No more discussion about what they were going to do was held . Tara was an integral part of anything they might plan, and right now, she wasn't able to deal.

Buffy and Faith offered to let Tara stay with them. They knew she was in danger, and they didn't want her to go home. But she insisted. She pulled herself together enough to realize that Willow, or that thing in Willow's body, would be suspicious if she didn't come home. She knew for their plans to work, she had to act as if nothing were wrong. For as long as she could, she had to keep up the fiction that she didn't know Willow was different. Tara might be shy; she might be afraid to venture an opinion afraid she'll hurt someone. But at the core, she was a brave young woman, and had the steel required to do what was necessary. Buffy and Faith walked her home, keeping her safe as long as they could. Both had to admire the girl. Faced with the same situation, neither was sure they could be as brave.

Walking home, both slayers were silent. Buffy finally spoke up, saying she wanted to take a final sweep before calling it a night. Faith offered to come along, but Buffy declined, saying that things had been pretty quiet, and that she could handle it by herself. Faith gave Buffy a puzzled look, but didn't push it. She could tell, even in the silence, that Buffy was struggling with something, and needed to work it out. She told Buffy she'd meet her back at the house; if Giles were still there, she'd see what else he knew about Set. They came to Revello drive, and Faith turned to Buffy, and put her hand on Buffy's shoulder.

" B, you know… no matter what, I'm with you, right?" Faith said, quietly.

"Yeah, Faith, I know" Buffy said, puzzled by Faith's words. Why was she telling her this now?

" Ok, B. Just so you know" Faith said, turning and heading towards the house. Buffy stood watching her, her expression unreadable. She finally started towards Restfield Cemetery, and her patrol.

* * *

So Buffy sits here, trying to figure it all out. It all comes back to: When it comes down to it, if she has to, can she kill Willow?

She knows, in her gut, that she'll be faced with that choice. Hesitating a second can be deadly for all of them. So she has to do this now. She has to face the possibility… no, the probability, that she'll have to destroy Set, and in doing so, condemn Willow to death. If they can't find some way of getting him out of her, before their personalities merge, she'll have to destroy Willow's body… and her soul.

When she'd been faced with this decision with Faith, she hadn't hesitated. It'd been so clear then. Faith was evil, she'd chosen to be evil( little did she know it wasn't that simple). She knew that Faith was responsible for Angel dying. So, when the cure for the poison was the blood of a slayer, it'd been an easy decision. Kill Faith, save Angel.

" I didn't realize how tough that would be" Buffy broods to herself, " not the act… the act was easy. It was what I felt at the moment I saw the knife plunge into her. The look on her face. The blood, flowing out of her wound, onto my hands. But most of all, her words " You really did it, B, you killed me". Those words haunt me to this day. At that moment, I tried to take a human life… something I hadn't done before. I became no better than she was…worse, because she killed her first victim accidentally. I meant to kill her, I planned on it. I know, given the chance, she would've killed me. So, I can rationalize it as self defense. But truth be told, it would've been murder… if I'd succeeded."

"Now, I've got to kill Will" Buffy thinks, " I don't even have the kill or be killed protection. Will is innocent. She didn't choose what became of her. But being innocent doesn't protect her. I have to do this. I have to… or the world suffers. I know my duty. But how can I do it?"

"How can I kill her?" Buffy cries out to no one in particular. " How do I kill my best friend? When I needed help, she was there. When I loved badly, when my heart was broken, she was there. This isn't fair. THIS ISN'T FAIR! She did nothing wrong. She only tried to do good, and now I have to murder her. YES, MURDER. It's nothing less than that. I have to destroy her life, to save the world. How many times am I going to have to give up those I love for the world? How many times?"

She sits, staring at the ground. She mumbles to herself, almost a mantra " It's for the greater good. It's for the greater good". Her expression hardens, she looks heavenwards, her eyes trying to pierce the distance, as if to look the Powers that Be straight in the eye. "What has the greater good ever done for me?" Buffy cries out, anguished.

"That's a good question, Buffy" A voice drifts to her from behind. She whirls, and sees Willow standing before her. Willow's expression is one of concern and worry.

"Hey, Buffy" Willow/Set says, solicitously." How're you doin'?"  
"Hey, Will" Buffy replies, a little warily. She's more than a little freaked that Willow should appear just as all this is running through her head. "Whatcha doin' here, Will?"

" Looking for you, I guess" Willow/Set says." Strangest thing. Tara came home crying tonight. She tried to hide it, of course. But her eyes were red, and I could feel the waves of sadness rolling off her" Willow/Set gives Buffy a strange look, " She said she'd been with you and Faith. Not at first, of course. I had to kinda get it out of her. Like she was trying to hide it. What's that about?"

Buffy susses the situation quickly. She can try to lie to Willow/Set, but she suspects that won't work. She doesn't know what powers this god may have. So she decides to tell the truth… selectively.

" She's kinda worried about you, Will" Buffy says.

"Really? That's weird, huh?" Willow/Set says, " wonder what about. Got any idea?"

" She wasn't really clear about it," Buffy says," she sorta hinted at magic. Something about your use of magic. Maybe she's worried about that?"

"That's silly" Willow/Set says, seemingly relieved, " I mean, sure, I'm kinda more advanced. I've been studying the craft a lot. But I'm careful, Buffy. I've been focusing my craft. I don't go blooey nearly as much as I used to" Willow/Set grins.

Buffy shrugs, " Maybe you just need to talk to her. Let her know you're ok. That you're willing to listen. I know she really loves you, Will. I'm sure you can work this out" Buffy smiles.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll talk to her. I'm sure she's just blowing everything all outta proportion." Willow/Set says, " I'm glad we talked. I feel a whole lot better now, Buffy".

"Glad to hear it, Will" Buffy says, feeling a bit relieved. For now, at least, 'Willow' seems to be unaware that they know about her.

" Guess I'll get back to my sweetie" Willow/Set smiles. She starts off, then turns, a puzzled look on her face.

" Oh yeah, Buffy. Can I ask you something?" Willow/Set asks.

" Sure, Will , anything" Buffy says.

"Why do you want to kill me, Buffy?" Willow/Set asks casually, as if asking for the time.

Buffy looks shocked. Mentally, she's scrambling. What the hell … how did she know that? Oh hell, I think I just stepped into it, big time.

"What the hell? Willow, what're you talking about?" Buffy says, acting confused." That's crazy talk".

"Is it, Buffy?" Willow/Set says," I don't think so. I know you know about me, Buffy." Willow/Set's eyes turn red. " Tara told me everything. Not at first of course. She took some convincing. But in the end she told all."

"If you've hurt her in any way" Buffy says, advancing, her anger rising, " I'm gonna…" But Willow/Set interrupts her.

" You're gonna what, Buffy?" Willow/Set asks. She points at Buffy, and Buffy finds herself flying backwards 15 feet, landing hard on her back. She lies there, stunned.

Willow/Set walks over to her, looking down on the slayer. She reaches down to help Buffy up, but Buffy shakes off her hand, and gets up. Willow/Set sighs.

" Buffy, you know what I'm becoming," Willow/Set says, mildly." I'm not at full power yet, and still I can knock you off your feet. Kill you if I wanted to. But I don't want to."

" Did it occur to any of you… you, Giles, Faith, Tara or Angel… did it register that maybe I want this?" Willow/Set asks.

" Well, of course, _you_ want this." Buffy says, sarcastically," but, does Willow want this? I doubt that!"

" You just don't get it, do you?" Willow/Set says, irritated," I can't just inhabit anyone. If I could, I'd probably have chosen one of you…Faith or you. Willow, despite her power, isn't all that interesting to me. But that's not the point. The point is, the vessel I inhabit, has to want me. That's right. There are rules, even for Gods. I can't inhabit a totally unwilling host. Whomever I inhabit has to have a desire for something I can give them. That's why I'm here. I've got something Willow desires, above all."

"What'd that be?" Buffy says, cynically." A really bad need for Visine?"

" _Power_, Buffy. Willow craves power. I can give her that. Make her inordinately powerful. More powerful than her wildest dreams" Willow/Set chuckles unpleasantly." That's weird, talking about myself in the third person".

"Maybe because, you're not Willow?" Buffy says, angrily, " Maybe because you've stolen her body, and are lying through your teeth…or her teeth".

"I'm Willow, Buffy. Don't fool yourself" Willow/Set says," sure, at first, she was resistant. She didn't realize what it entailed, to get the power. But we're becoming Buffy. Soon, Willow and I will merge, be one. And then I'll have my full powers".

"I'm so gonna stop you" Buffy says, advancing on Willow/Set, " I'm gonna get you out of her, and I'm gonna kick your godly ass back to whatever dimension you came from!"

Willow/Set, looking bored, raises her hand, and Buffy is suddenly 10 feet in the air, looking down at Willow/Set.

" You can't stop this, Buffy. This is her destiny, same as yours is being a slayer," Willow/Set says, lowering Buffy back to the ground. " Look, Buffy, I didn't come here to fight with you".

"Well, you could've fooled me" Buffy replies.

" It's strange, really. As we merge, I find…we find…we care about you, Buffy. A lot. We… don't want to see you hurt in the battle to come. Because, like it or not, there will be a battle to come". Willow/Set says." I'd rather have you with me, Buffy. At my side, fighting with me".

" Do you know what ' Fat chance in hell ' means?" Buffy replies, angrily, " I'm sorry. I thought you were just evil. Now I see your evil, and crazy too!"

"Buffy" Willow/Set changes, her eyes reverting to their normal green, her voice softening, " don't dismiss this out of hand." She approaches Buffy, who backs up. " No, Buffy, don't be afraid of me", Willow/Set says softly, seductively, " I don't have any desire to hurt you. I want to …" Willow/Set comes to Buffy, and takes her hand, " … help you, Buffy. I know you've suffered," she reaches out, and touches Buffy's face. Buffy is feeling very confused, very…strange. Willow/Set continues, " I want to make it better for you. I love you, Buffy" Willow/Set pulls Buffy closer. Buffy, feeling like the mouse being hunted by the cobra, feels helpless." I can do so much for you, Buffy, if you come to me." Willow/Set leans in, breathing softly into Buffy's ear." I'll make you rich, Buffy. Rich beyond you're wildest dreams." Willow/Set coos softly into Buffy's ear. " They'll adore you, Buffy. You'll be a hero to the people" Willow/Set whispers, " You'll be loved and adored , worshipped. I can make this happen for you, Buffy" Willow/Set licks Buffy's neck. Buffy feels a shiver down her spine, but it's not pleasant." All you have to do, my love, is love me. Worship me. Be mine." Willow/Set pulls her closer, enfolding Buffy in her arms." I know you love your friends, Buffy. I'll even spare them. I'll make them happy, and contented. No harm will come to them. All you have to do is say yes, Buffy. So easy. Just say yes".

Buffy, for the briefest moment, is tempted. She could make it all right again. Everybody would be happy. It'd be over. No more confusion, no more pain. She feels so tired. So tired. She just wants to stop fighting all the time. Be at peace. Let everything go…

" Do it, Buffy" Willow/Sets voice drones, hypnotic." Love me, worship me. Forget the others. Give up your destiny, and be with me. Renounce them, betray them Buffy, and I'll give you everything you want".

It was as if someone doused Buffy in ice cold water. Buffy shoves against the thing in Willow's body, and moves away from her.

"I. Want. Willow. Back!" Buffy says, menacingly." Give me that, creep!" Before Willow/Set can recover, Buffy kicks her, sending her flying back onto her butt. She's up instantly. The red eyes are back, her face a mask of fury.

" Idiot! I offered you everything, and you spurned me. Very well, then" Willow/Set raises her hand, and points at Buffy. " If you don't want what I can give you, then we fight. Or, I fight, you die!"

At that moment, Willow/Set goes flying, courtesy of a shovel aimed at her head.

" Ya know something? I really get pissed when someone makes the move on my girlfriend" Faith says, grinning, " Especially when she goes and threatens her after!"

"Faith" Buffy cries, running to her. She hugs Faith fiercely, kissing her. " God, I'm so glad to see you right now".

" Good thing I got nosey, and followed you, huh?" Faith grins. Suddenly, both slayers are flying apart. Willow/Set is back on her feet, looking pissed.

"You" she says, angrily, to Faith, " You ruined everything! I'm going to enjoy tearing you apart" She starts to advance on Faith, but her feet suddenly aren't on the ground. A tall dark figure lifts her, and tosses her like a rag doll. She lands against a tree, stunned.

"What is it about these apocalypse types, anyway?" Angel says, looking at the fallen Willow/Set, " it's all promises and threats. I really think they need new scriptwriters".

"Excuse me" Buffy says, brushing herself off, " is anyone else lurking around, following me?" She sounds the tiniest bit miffed.

Another figure emerges from the shadows. His platinum hair shines palely in the moonlight, He pulls out a lighter, and lights a cig.

" Just me, pet. In case the prince of poufs here couldn't get it done" Spike says, smirking.

" Listen, bleach boy. Time I need you to fight for me? I'm retiring!" Angel growls.

"Aw, isn't love sweet?" Faith mocks, and Buffy giggles. The two vampires glower at Faith.

Willow/Set, recovering, stands up. She looks around and isn't impressed with the odds. Her powers are still weak, and the four of them pose a small threat. She decides that leaving for now is the best recourse. She does a small spell, creating a fog.

" You screwed up, slayer" Willow/Set calls out, hidden by the fog, " You could've had it all, but you rejected me. Very well. Next time we meet, I'll kill you. But not before I kill you're friends, while you watch." She rages on, her anger rising, " I'm a god, you fools. You'll pay for your perfidy. Each one of you'll die a slow, horrible death. I prom…." Her voice seems choked off, as if someone grabbed her by the neck. For a brief moment there is silence, then her voice resumes. But it's not Set speaking. It's Willow, the true Willow.

" Buffy, I don't have much time" Willow calls out, sounding tired and weak, " Listen. Set is the king of liars. Whatever he says, is false. He's not all powerful. His strength lies in darkness…." The voice is choked off again. Again it's quiet, then the voice returns. Once again, Set is in control.

" Just remember this, slayer. She's part of me now. If I die, so does she!" Willow/Set disappears into the fog.

"Well, well. Red's become one nasty piece of work, hasn't she?" Spike says" Become a bit of a loon, too, from the sound of it."

Buffy, tired and discouraged, doesn't even bother to answer Spike. Faith speaks up.

" That's not Red, Spike" Faith says, irritated. " Didn't you get the memo? That's Set, taking over Red's body".

" Bleedin' hell. No wonder" Spike says, amazed." Never knew Red to be so bossy".

Buffy speaks up, her voice sounding like she's lost her last friend. In some ways, she feels that way.

" Spike, when we were talking earlier, you mentioned some stuff…Something about a sword of Horus, and the Eye of Isis. Supposed to be bad for Set."

" Right, luv. I remember" Spike replies." What about it?"

" We're gonna need them. Where can we get them?" Buffy says, her voice low.

" That's going to cost you, slayer" Spike says.

"Spike!" Angel chimes in, growling

" Listen, ponce. These things are rare, hard to come by," Spike says, " You can't exactly get them at the local Wal-Mart. A lot of palms have to be greased to get a hold of these toys".

" Just get them Spike" Buffy says, " make sure they're real. If you even try to scam me, I'll stake you myself". Buffy turns and begins to walk away.

" They'll be real alright" Spike calls out after her. " You just be sure you've got the cash. The blokes I got to deal with don't believe in credit!"

Buffy doesn't turn around. She just waves her hand as if she's dismissing him. She walks off, Faith following after.

" B! Wait up" Faith calls out to Buffy. Buffy stops, standing with her shoulders rounded. She looks for all the world like she's already defeated.

"Are you ok, B?" Faith asks, worried. Buffy seems so... crushed. Buffy turns to her, her face a blank mask. But her eyes say it all. They're dark, and haunted.

" No, Faith, I'm not ok" Buffy says, her voice remote." I'm so far from ok, I don't even remember what ok is".

" B, I promise. We'll figure this out. We'll find a way to defeat this creep, and save Red. I promise" Faith asserts, trying to bolster Buffy's flagging spirits.

Buffy turns to her, a grateful look in her eyes. God, I'm so lucky she's with me. Buffy hugs Faith.

" Faith, I love you" She says simply. She holds onto Faith, feeling the warmth from Faith's body. It feels so good, so right after the way that… thing held her.

Faith pulls her closer, letting Buffy rest her head on her shoulder. Buffy is quiet against her, no emotions, no crying. Her sadness is way beyond that. It cuts to her soul.

" I've gotta do it , Faith" Buffy says in a low, quiet voice." It's for the greater good".

" Do what, B?" Faith asks, puzzled. She looks into Buffy's face, but it's unreadable.

" I've got to kill her, Faith" Buffy says, her voice dispirited, " I've gotta murder Will. Before that thing takes over completely".

" Buffy, no!" Faith says, shocked ," we'll find another way. Some way to drive that bastard out of her!"

" There's no time, Faith" Buffy says, "She's already powerful enough to kill us. We can't wait for some oogah-boogah cure. If we wait, she'll just get stronger. She'll be too strong for us to defeat."

" B, think about this. It'll…change you" Faith says, speaking from experience." You can't go back, once it's done".

" Doesn't matter, Faith. It's got to be done." Buffy says, accepting the inevitable. She sighs, from her soul." I've gotta do this".

" Buffy" Faith says, " Let me do this. I've… I've already been there. I don't want you to go down this road. It's…horrible"

Buffy looks at Faith, and for the first time tonight, her eyes are shiny from tears.

" Faith, god, I love you so much." Buffy says, her heart breaking a little, " you'd do anything to protect me, I know that. But , I can't let you do this".

" I don't get it, B. Why not?" Faith asks, upset. Buffy hugs her.

" Because, Faith, I owe it to her." Buffy says, quietly, " Will hates this… I can tell. She hates what's happening to her. She knows, I know she does, that she's gonna die. I… I have to be the one to release her, Faith. I have to give her that."

Faith looks at Buffy. She knows she's made up her mind, there's no changing it. She wishes with all her soul she could spare her this. Faith knows what it's like to kill someone. She's done it a few times. You never get it off your hands. It's always there, right in front of you. The guilt eats at you, every day. She knows that once you go down this road, there's no going back. You're never the same again. She'd give anything not to have Buffy know what it's like. But there's no stopping her, once her mind is set. Faith feels her heart beating in her chest, and wishes right now she could just die. It hurts that much.

"What can I do B? How can I help?" Faith asks, sadly.

"Just hold me, Faith" Buffy pleads, " Don't let me go. I need to be held right now, baby"

Faith holds her tighter, wishing she could drive all the pain away. Her eyes begin to sting, but she doesn't care. If now's not a time to cry, when is?

" Hold me tight, Faith" Buffy says, feeling miserable, " I don't want to think anymore. I need to feel you. I need to remember what it's like not to be a murderer".

* * *

They prepare the space in darkness. The light is their enemy

They move about, chanting, placing the black candles around the sacred space. A pentagram marks the spot, and candles are put at each of its five tips. An acolyte lights each candle, muttering a sacred word at each point. At the top he says " Death" at the first tip to the right, " Chaos" at the next tip in the circle, " Destruction" at the next, " Discord" and at the final tip, " Desolation". He blows out the taper, and the celebrants gather around the circle. They begin the unholy ritual.

"Lord Set, God of Death and Chaos. Bringer of Death and Destruction. Lord of Desolation. We, your servants, beseech thee. Come forth, Mighty one, grant us your presence. Bless us with your divine power, and make our struggles worthy. We adore thee, Oh Dark one, we worship at your altar. We ask thee to bring the dark times, to blot the light from the world. Grant us, O Powerful one, the power to do thy bidding. We seek thy wisdom, we consecrate this place for thee. Come to us, and accept this, our humble sacrifice, to your glory."

One of the acolytes brings in the sacrifice. It's a human, unconscious and bound. They bring him to the center of the pentagram, and he is laid out for the ritual. He is stripped, and the cartouche for Set is painted in blood on his chest. The high priestess enters the room, carrying the ritual dirk. She stops over the sacrifice, and says a short prayer to Set. She kneels by the body, raising the dirk over her head. She plunges the knife through the cartouche of Set, and into the heart.

" Lord of Darkness, accept this our holy sacrifice. We implore thee to grant us boon, to appear before us. Drink, our lord, of the heart blood of his gift, that you may be empowered. Eat of the soul, so that you may be enriched. Oh Lord, grant our most humble desire to worship in your presence."

As if on cue, Willow Rosenberg walks into the room. She makes her way to the holy circle, the acolytes clearing before her, chanting " The vessel…the vessel". She stands in the center of the pentagram. A red light seems to encircle her body, almost as if an unholy fire consumed her. Before their eyes, her form changes, into that of Set, lord of Death and Chaos.

His head is like that of an Aardvark, yet somewhat wolf-like. His long snout is filled with sharp, razor teeth. His eyes are almond shaped, and red. His ears, square and pointed. His body is like that of a powerful man, except for his hands and feet, which are claws. He raises his clawed hands skyward, and speaks.

" My followers, my faithful. I bring thee joyous news. Soon our time will be at hand. Our enemies will be crushed beneath our feet, and our power will be unlimited. The time draws near when I will be complete, and I will bring forth the denizens of the Hellmouth. I accept your sacrifice in Joy, as it brings closer the time when all will be as it was foretold. Our world will live again. The plague that is humanity will be crushed, or will serve us. All our foes will be vanquished, and we will have hell on earth. Bow and pray, my faithful, worship me and be receiving of my bounty"

Set watches in glee as the celebration turns wild, his acolytes becoming more and more fervent. Soon the orgy begins, the disgusting acts and vileness filling him with power.

Soon, he would bring forth upon the world his power, his vision. He would rule this planet, taking as he wished, fulfilling his dark lusts.

Soon, his enemies would be destroyed, and he would release the hellmouth upon the earth.

Soon.

* * *

To be continued.


	11. Chapter 11

Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 11 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?

Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

* * *

Willow is trapped.

Trapped in a little box inside her own brain. The demon,… or god … that took over her body has imprisoned her in a tiny little box in her own brain. He can't kill her… not yet. But he can torture her, and he relishes torturing her. She can see and hear what he's doing, but she can't do anything else… most to the time. There have been a few times, when he's distracted, or unconscious, that she's been able to 'break out' for a short period of time. But it's very draining.

He's shut her off now. It's her punishment for that last little defiance she pulled. He nearly killed her, but stopped at the last second. She finally realized that he can't kill her… not until he's gained full possession. Somehow, she's got to figure a way to use that, stop him. Or weaken him enough so Buffy or Faith or someone can stop him. He's gotta be stopped.

Willow curses herself for being a fool. ' This is my fault, all my fault' she scolds herself ' I thought I was so good, so strong in magic. I was reckless, careless and drew attention to myself. This… thing… picked me because I was so easy to take over. Because I played with magicks I shouldn't have played with. Damn me. It knew once it got past my resistance, it could play on my weaknesses, my stupid vanity. It used me! And… poor Tara… she paid for my sins. He made me watch while he abused her. What he did to her… I saw the look in her eyes… of betrayal, of hurt, of sheer terror. Oh goddess, what have I done? He made me listen to her whimpers and her screams. He lied to Buffy, and then tried to seduce her, while he laughed at me… watching me squirm. Goddess, damn me to hell for being so weak. Why didn't I kill myself? While I still had some control? I'm weak, I'm a coward. I was afraid to die. I listened to him, let him corrupt me. I hate him, I hate him… and I hate myself worse.'

' He thinks he's just learned my secrets, but he's given away his own secrets… his weaknesses. But what good is that if I can't tell anyone? Every time I try to break out, he slaps me back down. I gotta find a way… somehow… I gotta tell what I know. He can be defeated. I have to help… I've got to. How… how am I going to do it? Think, Willow, think!' Willow probes around, finds that Set is sleeping. If she tries to take possession of her body, he'll wake up… but… maybe she can link minds…if she can link with Tara, maybe she can pass along what she knows… it's going to be hard. Set moved out on Tara, he went into hiding, until his power is complete. Willow senses his fear, and it makes her feel… stronger. Quietly, she begins to concentrate…she brings the image of Tara very clear in her consciousness. She has to be sure it reaches her. She senses she's not going to get another chance. Slowly, painfully she reaches out with her mind.

* * *

Tara is restless. She's never comfortable in a new place.

She moved in with Buffy and Faith when that… thing… that has Willow moved out. She went to their room one day, and Willow was gone… having taken nothing but some clothes. But Willow… no, Set… that's NOT Willow! … had left a message for her. It destroyed the room, tearing up everything it left behind. On the walls it wrote " I will kill you for betraying me! You'll die a slow, painful death". Tara's heart nearly stopped when she saw that. She's trying so hard to be brave, to come to terms with what's happened to Willow. She put up with the abuse, and the taunts, hoping to learn more about it, to help defeat it. When she saw that note from Willow… the real Willow … in her purse, she nearly cried. Thinking of her poor baby so lost and confused and alone hurt her badly. Thinking of that monster using Willow to abuse her, touched an anger she didn't know she had. She wanted nothing more than to kill that thing. Watch it suffer, like it made her suffer!

She gets up, and looks out the window. She can sense something. Something at the back of her mind is trying to get her attention. But she can't quite get to it. Too many thoughts are blocking the way. She finally gets a candle. She decides to meditate, to free her mind. Maybe then she can figure it out .

Tara turns off the lights in the room, leaving just a night light to see by. She sits in the middle of the room, and placing the candle before her, lights it. She concentrates on the flame, slowing her breathing. She begins to clear her mind, letting go of the thoughts plaguing her, concentrating only on the candle, and the flame. One by one, the thoughts drop by the wayside, until her mind is a blank canvas, ready to be used. Slowly, an image forms in her mind. At first, it's hazy…more an idea than a solid image. It seems to be surrounded in darkness. She concentrates on the darkness, and a light seems to start to penetrate the darkness. A form appears, distant… but getting closer. She finds herself walking towards the form. It's familiar, so familiar…

Willow!!!

She walks and sits by Willow. Willow turns to her, and her face is sad. But she smiles at seeing Tara.

" Tara!" Willow says, her gladness tempered by guilt and remorse." Tara!"

"Willow… oh… baby, I've missed you so much!" Tara cries, reaching out to her. Willow pulls her close, and for a few moments they just hold each other.

" Tara, honey, I'm so sorry. I've screwed up so badly" Willow says, releasing her." This is my fault!"

"Willow, hush!" Tara replies, " that's ridiculous!"

"No," Willow says, remorsefully," you were right. I … rushed too quickly into the power. I didn't learn to control it. I fooled myself into believing I was different, special. I'm not. I made myself a target. Set told me. He was attracted to the dark power I was using. Oh, goddess, Tara, I screwed up bad."

"Shhh, Willow" Tara tries to calm her, " That's not true. He's lying. You told Buffy he's the king of liars. He's lying to you!"

"I wish I could believe that, Tara" Willow says, ruefully, " But I know it's not true. I can sense he's not lying. I let my vanity, my pride rule me. I was an easy target. But I don't care about that. He hurt you… oh, goddess, the things he did to you… baby, I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop him. I tried, but I couldn't stop him. Please, please baby, forgive me" . Willow turns away, ashamed to look at Tara.

Tara reaches out, taking Willow's face in her hands. " Willow, I know that wasn't you. You'd never do those things to me. He's evil, Willow. He likes to hurt. Buffy told me what he tried to do with her. He's evil, and he's going to pay for it, I promise!". Tara's tone is firm and resolved. " We'll get him out of you, somehow. I'm researching separation spells and exorcisms… something to drive him out."

Willow nods quietly. She hasn't the heart to tell Tara it's probably too late. Set has to pay, even if she, Willow, has to pay the price, too. She changes the subject quickly, not wanting to dwell on it.

" Tara, listen." Willow says, " I don't have much time. He might wake up, and I'll have to go. So, please, listen carefully. It's important".

Willow talks to Tara, telling her what she's learned about Set and his weaknesses. She's about finished when her expression changes to one of panic

" He's waking up. I've got to go! Please, it's important, Tara, remember the order. It's critical to defeating him" Willow starts to fade. She reaches out to Tara, her last words to her are " I … love …. You…." and then, the darkness returns.

Tara's eyes open, a look of resolve shining in them. She gets up, taking the candle with her, and goes to her nightstand. She takes a pen and pad, and writes down what Willow told her, being very careful to remember the sequence the steps must be done to be successful. Looking over her notes, she nods her approval.

They're going to defeat this monster, and save Willow. She just knows it. Putting the pad away, she slips into bed, her mind more at peace than it's been in weeks.

She leans over, and blows out the candle.

* * *

" I don't get it" Buffy says, looking puzzled, " You spoke to Willow? How?"

The group was gathered at the Magic Box. Buffy had called a meeting after Tara had told her about talking with Willow the night before. They sat around the table, trying to make sense of what Tara was telling them.

"Are you saying that Willow was in the house last night?" Faith asked, " Isn't that kinda dangerous, considering? And, why didn't we hear her?"

"No… Willow… Set… wasn't in the house" Tara says, " I linked minds with Willow… the real Willow. Or, she linked with me."

"Tara, please don't take this the wrong way, but how do you know it wasn't a trick?" Giles asks, doubtful." After all, Set might have done this to confuse us, or throw us off the track".

" I just know, Giles" Tara says quietly, but resolutely." I know Willow. That was Willow, not Set!".

Buffy and Faith both look at Tara, and see the look in her eyes. They nod, and Faith says, " We believe you, Tara. So, what did Willow say?".

"Set may be immortal… but he's not invulnerable. He can be stopped." Tara said, " His strength is in darkness. Light weakens him. Intense light can make him confused, disoriented. Willow told me there are three steps to taking him out, but we need some special things."

" The sword of Horus, and the Eye of Isis?" Angel asks

"Yes. How did you know?" Tara asks, bewildered

"Strangely enough, Spike" Buffy says, a little acerbically. " Seems he heard some talk around the underground about it".

" I'm still trying to get my head around Spike helping us" Faith says, " He's not exactly a boy scout, ya know?"

Buffy shrugs "Not a clue. Don't care. We can use all the help we can get. And, if he turns out to be less than straight with us, I still have a stake with his name on it".

" Willow said there was a particular order things had to be done" Tara picks up where she left off, " First of all, the intense light. That'll weaken and confuse him. Then, someone has to use the Eye of Isis on him. Evidently, it takes away his powers, particularly any protections he has. Finally, he has to be killed with the sword of Horus… it will dissipate his spirit, destroying him. One final thing. A spell has to be cast, sealing him IN this dimension. The way he avoided destruction before was slipping into a hell dimension. If he can't escape, he'll be trapped here, and his …essence will be dispersed."

"I'm going out on a limb here and thinking you're working on a spell for that?" Buffy says to Tara.

Tara nods. " And for a way to separate him from Willow's body" Tara says.

There is a small hush at the table. Tara, sensing their doubt, continues, " I can do this. I know I can. I have to!" She says, " I… I know I'm not a s-s-strong a witch as Willow…." She trails off, looking down.

" You're a fine witch" Faith says, covering Tara's hand with hers, " If anyone can do it, I'm sure you can" She smiles at the shy Wiccan.

There are " Right, that's right" all around the table.

"There's still the matter of the other items" Buffy says, changing the subject, " I've got Spike working on the sword of Horus, and the Eye of Isis… we may need some money there, Giles. You know Spike" Buffy says, " Actually better than I. Does it give anyone else the wiggins that he's working on our side?"

Angel makes a face " I don't trust him."

Yes, well, right now, we have no choice… unless somebody else has a those things lying around?" She looks around at the group... no one makes eye contact. "Right. Didn't think so". She continues, " But there still the matter of the lights. I thinking flashlights are going to cut it".

"Well, actually, I … uh, I think I can get that covered" A figure emerges from the bookshelves. He walks to the table, studiously avoiding looking at Buffy.

" Xander" Buffy says, her voice filled with more than a little disgust. She gets up, and walks away from the table…in the opposite direction from Xander Harris.

" Look, Buffy" Xander says, moving towards her, " We gotta talk…"

"No, actually, Xander, we don't" Buffy says, " We had that discussion already, remember?" She says, her eyebrow arched. She moves to the table, addressing the group, as if he's not there. " What's he doing here, anyway? Not sure I want to be part of a group he's part of" She says, moving towards the front of the store. Xander makes as if to follow her, but Faith puts up her hand. She rises, and goes to Buffy.

"B, stop being a child" Faith says to Buffy, her tone firm. " There isn't time for it".

"A child?" Buffy says, amazed, " Did you forget, Faith? It wasn't me that walked away from him. It wasn't ME that snubbed him. Even though he knew the charges against me were bogus, he still backed Anya when she treated me like dog crap!".

" So, you're gonna punish him for Anya being a moron?" Faith says, " that really fair, B?"

" Fair?" Buffy says, her voice low and hard, " Was it fair they treated me like some kinda leper? Don't think so."

" He made a stupid mistake. We're talking Xander here… not exactly the poster boy for intelligence, right?" Faith says.

" I so don't hear an apology" Buffy says. " Seems he was big on getting down on me when I blew it. Wasn't big on forgiveness, as I remember. So, why should I be different?"

"Well for one thing, you're Buffy, and he's Xander." Faith says, stating the obvious." You're big on forgiveness, as I recall".

"It really hurt, Faith. I needed my friends. He didn't even try to reach out!" Buffy says, knowing she's losing this one.

"So, you're just going to do the same damned thing?" Faith asks, pointedly, " besides, B., Red's his friend, too. For longer she's been yours. Is it right to keep him from helping?"

Buffy gives Faith a look, and makes a face. " I really hate it when you're right!" Buffy says, pouting. " Fine. Let him help. Just keep him outta my way, is all. And if he gets killed, I'm so not saving him!".

Faith almost cracks up at the ridiculousness of that last line, but somehow she keeps a straight face. She leads the less than happy blonde slayer back to the group.

" … well, then it's settled" Giles is saying to Xander. " You're sure you can borrow your friends equipment?"

" And my friend, since there is more than one rig, and it'll need a couple of us to bring it all in." Xander says.

"So, Xan-man, fill us in, then" Faith says.

" I've got a friend in the film industry" Xander says.

" I'll bet" Buffy says, almost under her breath, " Probably porn movies".

"Buffy, please!" Giles says, impatiently. " This is important".

Buffy makes a face, and turns away. Pouting, naturally.

"Anyway" Xander continues, overlooking Buffy's interruption, " He owes me a couple of favors. He has a lighting set up, for location shoots. They are totally powerful banks of lights that run off diesel generators. I think that may do the trick" .

" Sounds good, Xan-man" Faith smiles, " Thanks".

Buffy, thinking she's unobserved, mocks Faith. " Sounds good, Xan-man" She mouths, sarcastically. She looks up, and everyone is staring at her. She blushes and looks down. Busted!

" Hey," Xander says, to the group, " don't be hard on her. I kinda got that coming" He turns to Buffy, " Look, Buff… I know I really screwed up. We screwed up, me and Anya. But me mostly , cuz you're my friend… or were." He hesitates, hoping she'll see he's genuinely sorry. " I… I should've stuck by you, no matter what. I didn't, and I really regret it. I know that's not enough, it doesn't make it better, or right. But, I really want to help Willow. I want to be part of the team, like old times. Please, Buffy?" Xander asks, contritely.

Buffy doesn't say anything. She gets up, and walks to Xander. Xander, a little afraid, backs off…but she catches him, giving him a hug. She lays her head on his chest, and says" Thanks, Xan… that's what I wanted to hear." She smiles up at him. Xander, pleased and a little embarrassed at the same time, awkwardly hugs her back. She looks up at him, a serious expression on her face, " But you know, if you EVER do something like that again, I'm telling Willow who put the frog in her locker…" Buffy teases him.

" Buffster! You wouldn't !" Xander says, pretending shock.

" Oh, wouldn't I?" Buffy says, challenging him.

"Uhhh… ok", Xander says, suitably chastened.

They break the hug, and the group is smiling. Even Faith, the eternal cynic, has a small grin on her face.

" Hey… HEY! The show's over. Don't you guys got stuff to do? Like, save the world, maybe?" Buffy asks. She makes her way back to the table. At that moment, Spike bursts into the shop, as if the hounds of hell are on his tail. He's carrying a something loosely bundled in a old sheet. He approaches the table, quickly changing his stride to a swagger.

" Well, well, seems I'm in time for the meeting of the Slayers and their attack kittens" He ridicules the group. He drops the bundle on the table. " I've managed to lay ahold of those little baubles you wanted, pet" Spike says, addressing Buffy.

" Really? Looks like you brought along your dirty laundry, Spike" Buffy says, mocking him.

Spike opens the bundle, and pulls out the items within. One is a beautifully forged sword, the blade appearing a golden color, the handle an interweave of ebony and ivory. Craved into the blade are Egyptian hieroglyphs, and a large sun flanked by three stars. The amulet, black bordered with a white center, contains what looks like the representation of an eye, made out of lapis lazuli and emeralds and other precious stones. The border has small hieroglyphs in gold.

" So, slayer, if you'll be handing over the cash, I'll be on my way" Spike says, looking nervously towards the door.

" Ummm… do you see a sign that says " Stupid" pasted to my forehead, Spike?" Buffy says, " No money til we are sure these are the real thing!"

" Bloody hell, Slayer, we had a deal! I bring you the goods, you give me money. Simple" Spike says, upset, and getting more nervous by the second.

" And as I remember, I told you to be sure they're real. So, you won't mind if Giles verifies it, now will you?" Buffy says, her tone hardening.

Spike makes an angry, frustrated noise, but knows he can't win against these odds. So he begins to pace. Giles, taking his cue, goes to the loft library to get some books to authenticate the sword and amulet. Faith watches Spike, her slayer sense buzzing overtime. Something is just so wrong her. She gets up, and without warning, pushes him up against the closest wall.

" HEY! What in bleeding hell are you doing, slayer?" Spike says, acting indignant.

" What's the deal, Spike? You're acting as nervous as a cat in a kennel full of pit bulls. What's going on?" Faith growls, not at all amused.

" Nothing is going on!" Spike spits back, " I just want to get paid for my efforts, is all!".

" You heard B. You'll be paid, once we know these things are real!" Faith gives him a sidelong glance." These are the real deal, aren't they Spike?" She says, her tone getting low and dangerous.

"Well, of course they're real! I'm not a bloody liar, you know!" Spike says, again acting indignant.

"No, you're just a thief!" A voice comes from the front of the shop. Everybody turns towards the voice, and sees what is probably the biggest demon they've every seen. He must stand over 8 feet tall, his head inches below the ceiling. He… it? … doesn't look very pleased.

"Spike, what the hell is going on?" Buffy says, getting up and approaching Spike. " Make it good and quick, or I'm ramming home this stake!" Buffy pulls out her favorite stake, pointing it directly into Spike's chest.

" Well, ummm… slayer, those items you wanted? Not exactly for sale, so I had to … appropriate them by different means" Spike mutters.

" You stole them" Buffy says, her tone truly disgusted. " So, tell me, Bleach boy. Why shouldn't I just hand you over to tall, dark and ugly over there?" She nods towards the demon.

" Little human" The demon says, " Do you really think you could keep him from me? I came for my things, and for the vampire. Out of my way, or I'll rip you to shreds!"

" I don't think so, Kareem Abdul Jabberwocky. I'd be more than happy to watch you tear Spike limb from limb, but I need the sword and amulet!" Buffy says. She drops into her fighting stance.

The demon looks at her, and laughs. " Puhlease, midget. This is most amusing, but I just want my things!" The demon doesn't take her seriously. He moves towards her, ready to brush her out of the way.

What he didn't realize is that Buffy wasn't exactly alone in this. Faith is up, and on him before he can blink. She's jumped on his back, and has pulled out a knife, stabbing him around the face and neck The demon, no longer amused, roars out, and makes to grab Faith. At that moment, Buffy does a flying kick into what passes as his solar plexus. He's flying backwards, into the shelves… of course, destroying everything on the shelves. Giles looks a little pained, realizing that in one blow he's lost a few thousand dollars in merchandise.

The demon recovers quickly, standing up and shrugging Faith off. She rolls, and lands on her feet. Buffy is charging the enraged demon, doing a head over heels kick, hitting him square…in the stomach. He bends over, and Faith, behind him, sends him flying into another shelf with a kick to his rear end. Roaring in anger, the demon turns, delivering a hard blow to Faith, who goes flying into a wall…and slides down, stunned. He turns on the other slayer, but in the meantime, Buffy has taken the sword of Horus, and is brandishing it. The demon, knowing its power…stops.

" Give it up, little human" He sneers, but it's all bravado. He's more than scared, " You can't win this".

" Oh, really?" Buffy says. Not waiting, she presses forward with the sword. The demon backs away, but is against a wall. Buffy isn't about to let this go, and with one stroke, plunges the sword in the demon. The demon screams, and all of a sudden, the blade glows. The demon is surrounded by a white hot flame, and almost instantly turns to ash. Buffy looks at the sword, impressed. Then, remembering Faith, she runs over to where she's lying. For a second, she's panicks, because Faith isn't moving. She feels for a pulse, and is relieved that it's strong. Faith opens her eyes, and sees the worried face of Buffy leaning over her. She notes the sword in Buffy's hands.

" How come it always turns out, you get to use the cool toys, and I get knocked against the wall?" Faith complains, shaking her head. "Damn, that hurts!" She starts to get up, but her knees are still wobbly. Buffy, concerned, drops the sword, lifts her and carries her to the table( mmmm… if it weren't for the bruises, I could so get used to this, Faith thinks to herself). Buffy gently puts her in a chair. She fusses around her, trying to make her comfortable.

" Are you ok, baby?" Buffy asks.

"Yeah, I'm good. 5 by 5, B, " Faith says. Ok, enough babying… well… in public, anyway, she thinks.

Buffy smiles, and goes back and picks up the sword. She lifts it over her head, smiling.

" This is one wicked cool sword, Giles" Buffy says, grinning from ear to ear, " I think we can call it the real deal".

" Well, I told you that, didn't I?" Spike says, sullenly.

" Yes, you did, Spike" Angel chimes in, " You being the model of honesty and trust."

" Listen, gel-boy, I don't need you to vouch me" Spike sneers at him, " After all, I delivered on my side of the bargain"

"What's that supposed to mean, Bleach boy?" Angel growls at him.

" It means, prince of poufs, I still seem to be a bit shy on the cash promised" Spike returns the salvo.

" Well, Spike," Giles says acerbically, " Since it was you're fault that the rather large demon wrecked my shop, I think you better be looking elsewhere for remuneration".

"That's not bloody fair!" Spike protests. Before he can say more, Giles is in his face, gripping him by the neck.

" Listen here, you burke" Giles says, his temper rising, " I don't like you anyway, I have no compunctions about beating you to a pulp. So, don't push it!". He releases Spike, letting him drop to the floor.

" Giles!" Buffy says, her tone harsh, " Give him the money."

" But, Buffy… " Giles says, looking around the shop, " He …" But she cuts him off.

:" Give it to him, Giles. He earned it" Buffy says, her face not brooking argument.

Giles closes his eyes in anger, but walks around the counter, and pulls out a box. He takes out a stack of bills, returning the box to its place. He walks over to Spike, and flings the money at him. Spike shoots him a look, but collects up the scattered bills.

"Thank you, slayer" Spike says, counting his money.

" It's all there, now get out , Spike" Giles says, his voice low, but dangerous, " before I kick you out".

" If you don't mind, I'll just count it , first!" Spike says, a little snotty in his tone.

"Get out, Spike" Buffy says, standing up. " You got your money, now go!"

"But…." Spike sputters.

" Get out!" Buffy says, moving towards him. Spike moves, making towards the door. He turns back.

" See if I do anything for you in the future!" Spike says, angry.

" Stay out of our way, Spike. That's all you need to do!" Buffy says. Spike, glowering, turns and leaves.

" Why did you have me pay him, Buffy?" Giles says, upset. " He ruined my shop!"  
" First rule of war, Giles. Don't make any enemies you don't need, especially those that have access to your back." Buffy says, quietly." He might be pissed at me for being harsh, but he doesn't feel cheated. I really DON'T need to be worrying about Spike with all the rest going on!".

Giles sighs, shaking his head. He understands the logic, but still is not pleased. He returns to the table and sits.

" Don't sweat it, Giles" Buffy says, " I'll figure a way to pay you back".

" Don't be silly, Buffy" Giles says quietly.

"I'm not being silly, Giles. I know you have a lot invested in this store. I'll make good on the damage" Buffy says, closing the subject. "Lets move on. I think we can all agree the sword is genuine?" Everybody nods, " Ok, then. Giles, I need you to be sure about the Eye of Isis. It's critical all the pieces are what they're supposed to be. Once we're sure, we're going on the offensive. Don't know about you, but I'm tired of waiting around for apocalypses to happen. I say, we take it to Set! Is everyone agreed?" Buffy looks around at the group.

One by one , everyone nods. They have to agree that the sooner this is over, the better. Before Set has a chance to grow stronger.

" Tara? How're you coming with those spells? Any luck with the separation spells?" Buffy asks, gently.

" I t-think I've found something th-that'll work" Tara says," I just need to practice them a little".

" Ok, do it now" Buffy says, " Giles will give you anything you need" Buffy looks to Giles, who nods.

" Is everyone clear on their responsibilities then?" Buffy asks, looking around the group. Everyone nods…except Faith. Buffy looks at her questioningly.

" I'm still not exactly sure what you want me to do, B" Faith states.

" Ummm… you're with me, Faith. We're going up against a God. I think it'll take more than one of us to distract him til everything's in place" Buffy says, quietly.

"And after?" Faith asks, "What do I do?"

Buffy's eyes glance over at Tara. " We can discuss this later, Faith", Buffy says

" Ok, B" Faith says, getting the point.

"Ok, everyone. Lets get to it. I'm tired of waiting." Buffy says, in command.

"Set's going down!"

* * *

Buffy and Faith are walking home. It's pretty obvious there's some tension between them.

"What was that about?" Buffy asks, breaking the silence, "what were you doing back there?"

" Ummm… sorry, B? I don't get ya?" Faith says, feigning innocence.

"Yeah, right" Buffy says, " next you're gonna tell me you're going out for the cheerleading squad?"

"Don't ya think I'd be cute in a short skirt, shakin' my pom-poms?" Faith says, mockingly.

" Knock it off, Faith. Cute banter is my province" Buffy says, " Why'd you do that? Do you _want_ Tara to know that I'm gonna probably have to kill Will?" Buffy says, upset.

" I can't let you do it, B" Faith says, simply.

" You can't let me do it?" Buffy says, incredulous, " what does that mean?".

" I can't let you kill her, B" Faith says, " You got no idea what it'll do to you".

" Faith, lets get this straight, " Buffy says, " It's not a choice. If it's too late to save Willow, then I've got to kill her. I can't let Set have her body, no matter if it kills Will, what's left of her. You know that, I know that. I think even Will knows that."

"That's not what I'm saying, B" Faith says, quietly, " I can't let _YOU_ kill her. I'll have to do it".

"No" Buffy says, firmly. " that's not what's gonna happen."

" B, you don't understand" Faith says.

" I do understand, Faith" Buffy replies, " I got it. Will is probably going to die". Buffy bites her lip to keep the emotions in check.

Faith turns to Buffy, grabbing her by the arms, so she can't move. Her face is hard, resolute.

" No, you don't understand, B. And I'm not gonna let you understand!" Faith says, her voice sounding like it's coming from her gut, "You have no idea what it's like to take a life. I do , B. I do. I've killed a few people in my life. Not demons, not vampires, B. People. Living, breathing people!"

" I nearly killed you, Faith" Buffy says, her own face hard. She's not going to let Faith do this.

" Nearly. Almost. Not quite. Not dead, B. I'm still walking around." Faith's voice is nearly as hard as her face, " I'm not buried 6 feet under, so you haven't a clue. Sure, you've got guilt over stabbing me, B. I know that" Faith says, quietly, almost gently, " I wish you'd get over it, but that's a different story. You've never seen the look in someone's eyes as their dying, truly dying. Never seen the spark of life extinguish. Never seen the fear on their faces as they realize their time is over. Never had the sleepless night, trying to reconcile the guilt you feel. You become hardened to it, because you have to , or you go crazy. You lose something B, something you'll never get back. No matter how much penance you pay. No matter how long ago, you never forget. Every day you're reminded that you've crossed the line, a line you can't cross back. It's over for you, you've lost the innocence. You're heart becomes calloused; you're human feelings are blunted. Each successive time, it becomes easier… and it doesn't. You see it over and over again, it haunts you. Their eyes, their faces are with you forever. You begin to believe what they say, that you're evil. That you're worthless, no good, a monster. I'm sorry, B. I can't let you do it. I won't let you do it."

" Faith, _you_ don't understand" Buffy says, " You've killed some people. I know that. I know it eats at you. I've heard you in your sleep. But they were strangers, Faith. They weren't people you knew. I nearly killed you, Faith. I nearly killed someone I knew. I saw the look in your eyes when you thought you were gonna die. I saw the betrayal you felt. I saw the hopelessness, the disbelief. As if you couldn't quite get that someone you knew stuck the knife in you, betrayed you. That haunts me, Faith. I see that every day. Along with you in a coma. I see that every day too. The fear that you'd never wake up, or wake up so brain damaged you couldn't understand anything. Be a veg. I live with that thought ever day. When I look at you, I don't just see you as you are now. I see you as you were then, on that rooftop. Ready to kill me, and then dying. And falling off into the truck. And in the hospital, lying there helpless, alone. You think I don't know, Faith? You're wrong. You wonder why I didn't fight going to prison harder? Do you really wonder why? Because… I DESERVED IT, FAITH. Because of what I did. I deserved to be there, I should still be there. Because, Faith, it wasn't simple assault with a deadly weapon. It so wasn't self defense. It was attempted murder, and NOT for the reason I say. The reason I tell everyone. I didn't need you for Angel. I cured Angel, and lived. Somehow I knew that , back of my mind. No, I tried to murder you, because you betrayed ME. You went over to the enemy, without a care. You left me, you hurt ME, Faith. I wasn't jealous of you and Angel. I knew you were using him, you didn't give a rat's ass about him. You wanted to hurt me with him. No, I was jealous of Richard Wilkins. Why? Because he had you're loyalty, your trust, and you're devotion. You loved him, and you DIDN'T LOVE ME. And I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand it one little bit. So, I wanted to kill you that night, Faith. I wanted to. To hurt you back for hurting me!" Buffy's voice is low, dry and raspy, " I hated you Faith, not because you hated me. But because you didn't care!"

Faith is stunned. She's never realized the depth of Buffy's feelings, nor how long she's had them. Faith knew from the first, at least on her end, something was there. She wasn't going to admit it… Buffy had been so harsh to her. So down on her, and her methods all the time. Faith hadn't realized…had she been too young?… that it was a cover. That Buffy was feeling something too… something she couldn't understand, couldn't deal with. It suddenly occurred to Faith that maybe that was what the day… the day they had the picnic…that's what that was about. That Buffy wanted to try to reach out to her. Faith so hadn't gotten it, and Buffy had been too conflicted to do more, be more upfront. Soon after that, it all went to hell.

' she's been carrying this around for years. Even in prison, she…oh, god, that explains Glennie. Glennie's nuts about Buffy, that's clear. But Buffy couldn't see her…because of me. Damn me, why didn't I see this before?'

Faith wonders if … she'd known, or figured it out, if things would've been different. She can't help but think they might have been. That's all Faith ever really wanted. Someone to love. She was right there, and I was too blind to see her. Damn. DAMN.

All this has gone through Faith's mind in a brief second. She turns to Buffy, and sees how the years have changed her. She's no longer the little cheerleader with the soft cheeks, the sweet eyes and the ready smile. She's become lean and tough. She's already lost her innocence, and Faith didn't get it til just this moment.

"Faith" Buffy continues, her voice remorseful, " I… did wrong. I screwed up. I … hurt you, tried to kill you. I lied to myself, told myself it had to be done. But it didn't. I …wronged you. And Will. She wouldn't… if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be … I never should have let her get involved. I never should have involved her in this. She was an innocent, Faith. A civilian. She shouldn't pay for what I am. She got into witchcraft because of me. To help me fight. She shoulda gone away, far away to college. She shoulda had a normal life… and I screwed that up for her. Now she's gonna die" Buffy says, as if it's set in stone," She's gonna die, and I'm gonna have to do it… kill her" Buffy stops, staring at the ground.

"B…" Faith starts, coming to comfort her. Buffy waves her off.

"No, you don't … no!" Buffy says, moving away. " You want to help me. You want to protect me. I … God, I love you for that" Buffy says, her voice, her face sincere." But you can't, Faith. You can't. It's too late to protect me." Buffy stares off into space, the 1000 yard stare. " You can't do it, Giles can't do it… no one but me. I've gotta do it. It's my punishment, don't you see?" Buffy says, as if it's all perfectly logical and clear, and that Faith should get it, " I've got to kill her to stop … this thing. But it won't be that thing that haunts my dreams. It'll be Will, dying. Every day I'll see her… the look of hurt and pain and betrayal in her eyes. I'll see the life ebb out of her, I'll see her stop seeing. Every day, I'll see this…because it's right. Because it's my fault". Buffy looks at Faith, her eyes empty, " It's my punishment".

"For what, B? I was evil. Lets get this clear. I was with the Mayor, I woulda killed you, your friends, the whole town." Faith says, her tone harsh." That was you're fault. Tell me, B, how was that your fault?" Faith stops, waits for a response. Nothing is coming. " Didn't think so. And Willow? Did you put a gun to her head? Did you say" Willow, do magic or die?" Faith waits again. No response. " Right. Buffy, people do things they want to do. You can't stop them. You can't follow after them, and wipe their noses when they bleed. They do stuff, right or wrong, because… they do. It's their doing, not yours. It's their responsibility, not yours. You can't take the whole worlds wrongs on, and take the blame every time someone does something stupid. You just can't, B, without going bonkers". A sound, logical argument. It's too bad Buffy isn't listening to logic.

" You're… just wrong, Faith" Buffy says, not listening, " I could've stopped it. I could've tried harder with you, I could've found a way to get through to you, but I didn't. I could've stopped Will. I could've stopped her and Xander from being involved, but I didn't. I didn't, and now it's come home to roost. I'm the slayer, Faith. My job, calling, whatever the hell you want to call it, is to protect the innocent from the forces of darkness… and I've so failed."

" You didn't listen to one word I said, Buffy. You're not everybody's mommy. You can't protect them all from themselves. It's impossible, no one can do it!" Faith says." It's foolish to think you can!"

" But I can protect my friends" Buffy says, quietly, " I can protect the ones I love."

"B, stop it! You're … you're still in prison. In your mind. You've been free, your body anyway, for a year. And still, your mind is still in prison. You keep punishing yourself over your imagined sins. You gotta stop it, Buffy. You've paid… more than paid…for any wrongs you might've done!"

"No, Faith, no" Buffy says, quietly. She begins to walk away. She gets half a block, and calls back, " Not until I've atoned". She turns, and continues walking into the darkness.

Faith watches her. She can't understand this massive guilt Buffy is carrying around like stone on her back. It's just not right. She won't let Buffy do it. She won't let her add to the guilt. She'll stop her someway, and do it herself. Buffy saved her life. If not for her, Faith knows she'd be in prison… and she couldn't survive there. She'd die… or kill others. So she's not going to let Buffy take the fall for this. Not this time

She couldn't. Not and live with herself.

* * *

A lone figure stands on Hillman's Bluff overlooking Sunnydale.

He is strangely dressed. He looks more like a medieval knight than anything else. He leans on his broadsword, the tip touching the earth before his feet. He looks out over the town of Sunnydale, his face contemplative.

" This is where our God has led us. He calls us here, to fight for him. There are those below that'll need our help. He calls upon us to lend our aid" The knight ponders. " How will it turn out? Only our God knows! " He kneels by his sword, swearing his fealty to his God. He stands, and rejoins the band of men he's with. He confers with them, and they turn, riding off into the night.

* * *

It's approaching the twilight of the next day.

In the ruins of Sunnydale High, a group of figures are moving about, setting preparations. They have set the blessed urns at the proper intervals, and are now painting the ruins close to the entrance with the sacred glyphs. Soon, the master will join them, after the sun has set. There is a buzz of activity, as the celebrants are preparing the way for their dark lord to return to this mortal plane. If all goes as foretold, this will be the last sunset. The cursed orb will be cast down as it should be, according to their master. The darkness, the night will rule. The hellmouth shall be opened, and the Old Ones will again inhabit the earth, destroying the plague of humanity that infects it.

The sacraments for the ritual are brought to the fore. Three people, bound and unconscious, are laid before the makeshift altar. The blood of a virgin(not easy to come by in these times), the Horn of Azrael, the uncorrupted heart of a warrior, packed in ice, and the bones of a child are placed close at hand. The Crook of Set, his scepter, is prepared for his arrival. Taking the blood, two of the celebrants draw a sacred circle around the altar, creating a holy place for their lord to rise to his full power. Once this has occurred, the ritual for the opening of the hellmouth shall begin.

Across the way, hidden behind trees in the park, Giles, Xander, Anya and Tara, along with the slayers watch over the preparations. They've made some of their own, unbeknownst to the Cabal. The fight will soon be joined, once Set, in the body of Willow arrives. Spike, who despite his little fit in the magic box, wouldn't miss this for the world, and Angel, will arrive when the sky is a bit less light.

As the sun hits its nadir ,and the sky blackens, Spike and Angel make their appearance. They come from opposite directions, and upon seeing each other, make for the opposite ends of the group.

"So, are we ready to go?" Angel asks the group.

" We're just waiting for Set to make his appearance" Faith says, " Evidently he's not fond of daylight, either."

"Yes, well… God of Darkness and Chaos… kind of a tip off there" Spike says, looking over at the preparations ongoing across the street. "What are those bleeding sods doing, anyway?"

"Making nice for the arrival of his nastiness" Buffy says, watching. Something is bothering her." Kinda funny though, don't you think? I mean, these guys have been pretty much prepping everything behind the scenes. Real hush-hush. Now all of a sudden, everything's all out in the open.

" Well, it is their big moment" Giles mentions, " They probably figure that there's no more reason to hide what their doing".

"Speaking of preparations, are we all ready to go?" Buffy asks, looking around at the group. There is a general nod of assent. "Tara? You're spells. Are you ready with them?"

"Y-yes, just need to mix the ingredients." Tara says, working away at her magic." T-Thinking I want to wait til they are involved with their own rituals, so their mages won't sense the spell".

"Good thinking" Buffy praises her, " Xander? The lights. Are the positioned as we talked about?"

" Yup, Buff. All in place, and camouflaged. Got people standing by to activate them" He says, holding up a walkie-talkie.

"Great!. Now…everybody has weapons. We might have to do a little fighting… not too much, but enough to keep them off balance until…" Buffy's interrupted by Spike.

" Ummm… slayer? Was there a parade scheduled for this evening?" He asks, looking down the street.

" Huh?" Buffy asks, coming over to Spike. He points where he's been looking.

Buffy looks down the street, and there is Willow/Set walking towards the abandoned high school. She's followed by what must be nearly 100 demons, vampires and a horde of less desirable beings. Her heart sinks into her stomach.

" Oh, crap!"

* * *

To be continued

Next: the battle is joined!


	12. Chapter 12

**Shared Destiny**

Author: Norwalker

Part 12 of 12

Summary: Faith asks, in _Enemies_, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?

Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: **_Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this_**. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

* * *

"Oh, crap!"

Everybody turns at Buffy's exclamation. As they watch the procession led by Willow/ Set, and you can almost see the eyes widen, the jaws drop and hear the stomachs churn. The fear is palpable. Buffy's expression hardens. She takes Faith's arm and pulls her to the side.

" This doesn't look so good" Buffy says, whispering to Faith. Faith looks at her, an expression of amused disbelief on her face.

" No shit?" She says, almost chuckling. " Gee, B … hadn't noticed."

"What's so funny?" Buffy says, irritated." This is serious!"

" You're joking, right?" Faith says, her tone mocking, " _This is serious!???_. You're just getting that? It's _been_ serious. Did you really think Red was going to play fair?"

" Well, thanks Faith. Glad to know you're so on top if it. Got any bright ideas?" Buffy says, sarcastically, " or did you think you'd just trade barbs with them til they gave up?".

"Buffy" Faith says, her tone turning serious," We've got a couple of civilians, two vampires, two slayers and one witch against…what? One witch/God, a horde of demons, and her group of devotees. Lets face it, B… we're kinda outgunned here. Not a whole lotta good going on here. Most likely we're gonna be piles of ashes by the end of the evening. But, I'm here, ready to fight.. and so is everyone else. We might go down, but we're gonna take some with us…hopefully, the bitch God. Here's my brilliant plan. We go in, we kick ass, til we can't anymore. Like it?"

" Not really, " Buffy replies, "but I don't have any really better ideas. One thing, though. I don't know what the creepy robe guys are doing over at the high school, but I don't think it's good. I think we should use Tara to stop them first."

" Yeah, I agree. Best to stop their little games. Got a bad feelin' about them" Faith says, looking over at the ruins of Sunnydale high. She gets a strange expression on her face "Course, it could be just the high school giving me the wiggins".

" Don't worry Faith, don't think anyone'll be coming to pull you back into school" Buffy teases her. She turns to give Faith another jibe, but suddenly Faith is up in her face. Before she can react, Faith has her arms around her, pulls her close and gives her a kiss. The kiss lingers for a second, then Buffy breaks it. She looks at Faith, her eyes blinking. She's totally taken by surprise.

" W-What was that about?" Buffy asks, surprised, pleased, embarrassed and a little shocked. Faith strokes Buffy's lip with her fingertip.

"In case I don't get another chance" Faith says, her voice low, her expression intense. They stand staring at each other for a second. _Now_ it's real. Faith continues, "We better go see Tara about those guys", she says, pointing at the acolytes.

"Yeah " Buffy says, still looking a little shell shocked.

They walk over to where Tara is standing.

"Hey, Tara" Buffy says" See the creepy guys with robes and stuff? Ummm.. not sure I'm liking what they're up to."

"Anything you can do about it?" Faith finishes Buffy's thought.

Tara thinks for awhile, then says, " I guess I could throw a spell of confusion."

"What's that?" Faith asks, not hip on magic particularly.

" It's a spell that'll essentially disrupt what they're doing. They won't be aware of the disruption, but they won't be able to complete their magicks."

" Sounds good to me" Buffy says." Go for it".

Tara takes a small powder bag out of her purse. She pours a small amount on her palm.

_**Per illa lacuna EGO iacio is alica**_

_with these words I cast this spell_

_**Quis vos operor vadum non vado puteus**_

_what you do shall not go well_

**_Permissum vos reputo vos es uxta solutio_**

_let you think you're near solution_

_ **Ut totus est iustus turbatio**_

_ when all is just confusion_

_ **Permissum is exsisto sic**_

_ let it be so !_

On the last line of the spell, she blows the powder. It swirls about, and travels to where the acolytes are preparing for the ritual. The powder forms a ring around them, with swirling sparks. They stop what they're doing, and just stand, looking happy.

"Wow, nice, Tara" Buffy says, appreciative. " That should put them out of commission."

Tara looks puzzled. "They were just supposed to slow down. Not stop. That's odd".

" Dunno what ya did, Tara" Faith says, looking across the street, "but when this is all over , I might want some of that!"

" Let's survive this first, shall we?" Buffy says, quietly. She's looking down the street at the advancing demons. She doesn't look happy.

" Damn! Always the gloom and doom, B" Faith says. " We're gonna win this." She nods her head towards Tara. As in, not in front of the kids, ok?

" Yeah" is all Buffy says. She's thinking Faith first assessment is much more realistic She sighs, and with Tara in tow, the Chosen Two join the rest of the group.

. They watch as the horde slowly advances on the ruins of the high school. No one is smiling anymore

" It doesn't look too good, Buffy" Angel says, " You sure you want to do this?"  
" Oh, now I've got a choice?" Buffy says, rolling her eyes " Let's just go. It's not gonna get any better".

Buffy heads towards the street where the Willow/ Set and demons are making their way to the high school. The others follow, forming a line behind her.

" Remember, guys, we have to get Willow separated from her 'group' " Buffy says, " get her positioned close to where Xander has the lights. Once the lights weaken her, Faith, it's your job to hit her with the Eye of Isis. You _DO _remember the spell Tara taught you?"

" Not a moron, B" Faith says, a bit irritated, " I can remember a couple of lines of verse, ya know".

" Just checking. Ok, once Set is drained, it's up to you Tara. Try to separate him. But we don't know how long it'll last, so be ready!. … and if it doesn't work…."

" It'll work" Tara says, with conviction

" Ok, Tara" Buffy says, a little softer, "But if it doesn't , you know what I have to do…"

Tara nods, not looking at Buffy.

They start walking towards the advancing mass. The closer they get, the bigger the crowd seems to get. Buffy feels anger. It's always this way, she thought to herself. The bad guys get the money, the power, and the big back up. What do we get? Laughed at because everyone thinks we're crazy. Ignored because people don't want to see the evil around them. Scorned because facing the truth is too frightening. Yet, here we are again, putting our lives on the line for a bunch of people who don't care, and certainly aren't grateful. What's really wrong with this picture? How much of a moron am I? Worse, how crazy are these guys behind me, believing in me, that we'll somehow defeat these baddies, and live to tell the tale. If they don't believe that, if they don't believe we'll win, they're crazier than I am … out here fighting for what? Goodness? Yeah, uh huh. It's nuts, we're nuts, and we're really gonna do this. I should turn around, tell them to run, hide, get outta Dodge. Whatever, save themselves. So why don't I? Cuz I know it'll do no good, they'll still do it. I was right. We're _nuts_.

Willow/Set, advancing on the slayers and their group, stops her army about 20 yards from the slayers. He stands, looking at the slayer, an amused expression on Willow's face.

But is it really ' Willow's ' face anymore? The basic form is still Willow, but it's changed. The physical features have coarsened, and there's a rippling to her form, as if the flesh was constantly changing and reforming. Her hair is no longer just red, it's shot through with black; her eyes are red, burning with a malevolent fire, the white of her eyes now black. Her mouth formed a rictus of a smile… it was a horrible parody of Willow's smile. Her whole body seemed to be in metamorphosis, fluctuating between what it was now, and what it was trying to become. She walked to meet Buffy halfway between her lines. Buffy was accompanied by Faith

"So, this is it, Buffy? This is the best you could do?" He looks at the small group opposing her, " It's downright…pathetic."

" You know I always go for quality over quantity, Will" Buffy replies.

"Always the lame attempts at wit, Buffy" Willow/Set says, cuttingly, " Kinda stupid since I'm about to crush you and your little friends."

"Ya know, B? Seems I keep hearing that, and somehow, we're still here, and the ones doing the threatening? Kinda dead" Faith says, smirking.

" Doesn't seem to me you were always on Buffy's side. Matter of fact, seems that you were trying to slit my throat last time we met" Willow/ Set interjects.

"Yeah, screwed up on that one. Seeing how things turned out, shoulda finished the job" Faith says. Buffy gives Faith a hard look. " God, just kidding, B."

" Listen, Buffy" Willow / Set says callously, " Why don't you just run away? I mean, hell, who could blame you? And you're so good at it now, especially when things get rough".

"Oooo, I'm all hurt!" Buffy mocks, " This is the part where I'm supposed to get all weepy and frightened? Puh-leaaase. This from a woman who still gets the shakes around frogs?"

There is some laughter from the demons behind him. Willow/Set, pissed, throws up his hands, and the laughing demons suddenly catch on fire. She turns back to the slayers.

" So, you're really gonna do this, Slayers?" Willow/Set asks." Last chance. Run now… maybe I'll just let you go".

" Nawww, think I'll get some pleasure pounding your lopsided bony ass into the ground" Faith says, grinning. " Been wanting to do that for a long time, Red".

" Sorry, Will. Hate to miss a good party" Buffy says, " Anyway, kinda rude to run out after you went to all this trouble".

"Fine. You're funeral" Willow/ Set replies, " enough chat, I think. Getting bored now. Time to open the hellmouth". With that, Willow/Set waves his hand, telling the Demons to attack. Before they can get too close, however, Tara casts a spell.

_**Ut illa lacuna have been orator**_

_ when these words have been spoken_

_ **Permissum vestri tractus sic exsisto infractus**_

_let your movement so be broken___

_**Vestri advancement ero coma**_

_your advancement shall be stalled___

_ **Pro pro vos est a parietis** _

_for before you is a wall_

The demons stop, as if hitting a wall. Not being the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree, they attempt to pound at the barrier, with no success. Willow/ Set makes a face, and looks over to where Tara is standing

" Magic" Willow/Set says, " I'm impressed… not! But seeing you like spells, Tara, see what you think of this?

_**Verrimus absentis ut quod punctum mihi**_

_ sweep away that which annoys me!_

Tara, as if pulled by a rope…fly off across the street into the park. She lays there, stunned.

"See, now isn't that better? She looks all peaceful and resting like" Willow/ Set says. "Enough with these games" He casts another spell

_**Permissum is parietis exsisto infractus**_

_ let this wall be broken!_

The barrier that Tara erected falls. The demons, some falling over each other in their eagerness, start to advance on the group. Willow/ Set smiles malignantly.

" **NEXT**!!!" He calls out. Then his expression changes to one of surprise. He halts the advance. Willow/Set seems to be looking over at a point behind the little group in front of her. Buffy, seeing Willow/ Set's expression, and hearing a noise behind her, turns and looks. She sees what must be an army behind her. They are dressed in medieval garb, and are carrying a variety of weapons. Some are on horseback. They are led by a man on horseback, carrying a javelin and shield, with a strange tattoo on his head. Buffy's heart hits her toes. God, now what? Bad enough an army of demons in front of her… now this? She's really beginning to think they're doomed.

The man in front puts up his hand, and his army stops. He rides up to the slayers, who kind of back up, not sure what he's about. They tense, ready to fight. He sees their expressions, and speaks.

" I come in peace. Which of you is the Slayer?" He asks, modestly. He bows his head slightly

" I am" Buffy says.

" I am" Faith says, almost simultaneously. They look at each other

"We are " They say together.

The man's brow furrows. His expression, already grim, becomes puzzled.

"Two slayers? I didn't think that was possible" he utters, musing over the concept.

" Long story. Maybe we can talk about it later? … er, that is, if you came her to not kill us" Buffy adds, still not sure what this guy's intentions are.

A small grin comes to his face. " No, slayers, I haven't come to kill you. I'm Gregor, commander of the Knights of Byzantium. Our god has sent us to aid you against …." His expression sours, " the filth ". He points at where Willow/ Set and her army of demons are standing.

Willow/ Set, seeing the slayers conferring with the army, is getting nervous. He orders the demon army to attack, and suddenly they are running at the opposing army.

"Umm… sewer broke, time for clean-up" Faith says, " We can chat later".

Gregor, seeing the advancing the army, calls over his back.

"ATTACK!!!"

The Knights of Byzantium surge forward, and the battle begins.

* * *

Willow/ Set watches the battle with a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

He is amused, because it's all just a game to him. A delaying tactic. He knew the slayers would come out in to try to interrupt his plans. But he gathered together the demon army to kill them, or at least delay them until he could complete the ritual. It really doesn't matter if the demons kill them or not. Once the hellmouth is open, and eternal darkness falls over the land, his power will be complete and absolute. If they're still alive, he can take his time killing them slowly, torturously. Except perhaps, for the fly that used to occupy this body, and keeps buzzing around in his head. That one, he wants gone quickly.

He's annoyed, maybe a little frightened, because he didn't expect the reinforcements that came to the Slayer's aid. It was a large army, moderately strong, with the look of fanatics. That's what worried him. Fanatics tend to go on til the last man is down. Problem was, these were the Knights of Byzantium. They don't stop until their mission is complete. They keep sending more until the job is done. He suspects there are more, many more, waiting in the wings in case this contingent isn't enough. What he thought would be a short battle, is turning out to be much more difficult than he suspected. He didn't anticipate this, and he should've. His thinking had been… off lately.

The fly, or better known as Willow, is observing Set. She's been manipulating him, using confusion spells to alter his thinking, throw off his plans. They'd been small and subtle, enough to confuse him, not enough to alarm him. She'd been probing him, looking for his fears and weaknesses. Nothing really great had turned up, but there was one thing that kept showing up in the shadows: Ra. The Sun-God, personified by the sun itself. More, she learned that Ra had forged the Sword of Horus personally, to give Horus the edge against Set. Set feared the sword more than anything, because it was the one means to permanently destroy him. He'd set his followers on its trail, trying to capture it, and destroy it if possible. But they hadn't found it. She could see the sword, sheathed in a scabbard on Buffy's hip. It called to her, it's power absolute and dominant. She carefully guarded her thoughts, in case Set detected them. But she has confidence that this might turn out right.

However it turns out, it meant the end of her. She's gone beyond the point of return. Set has destroyed her connection with the physical world. She's gone, except for her essence and thoughts. Even if , somehow, he could be 'removed' from her body, she wouldn't be able live long. Her hold is too tenuous, the only reason she isn't gone already is because he's holding her here. She can't understand that. She believes that Set wants her gone. But for some reason he keeps her here. She thought at first it was to torture her. But she's beginning to believe differently. But why? Why hasn't he destroyed the last of her?

It hits her in a flash. He can't destroy her. Not yet. His hold on her is based upon possession of her body. He can only do that if some part of her remains. Until the ritual is complete, he can't remain in the body alone. It would be like reanimating a corpse. He'd soon lose his grip, and would float out of the body… and be destroyed! The truth is before her, and it's scary. She has to die, soon. Otherwise, Set will have full control, and will be restored to life…permanently. She has to die a mortal death, so he will die, also.

Despite knowing she will die anyway, it's still a hard thing to accept. She's not ready to die, not really. While she lives, as tenuous as it is , there is hope. But, now she sees there is no hope. She has to die. She doesn't want to die. She's too young, too much life left. Dying means no more Tara, and that's the most frightening thing of all. She again curses herself for bringing herself to this point. If she'd only been wiser, hadn't tried to cheat the magicks, but accepted the rules… but it was too late for that. It was done, and she was done.

But, if she had to die, she wasn't going to go out crying and all wimpy. She owed it to Tara, to Buffy, to all of them, her friends, to help them. Slowly, she went into a trance state. She was going to gather together her powers, whatever was left, and attack Set full on. Enough anyway to make him more vulnerable, so they could attack him, and destroy him!

Buffy and Faith, in the heat of battle, paused.

The Knights seemed to be a match for the demon army. Neither side was clearly winning, but the demons seemed to be gradually fading away. They'd been promised an easy victory by Set and it was anything but that. They were slowly deserting, and the tide of the battle was just beginning to break for the slayers. They looked at each other, and without a word came to an agreement. It was time to take on Set.

One by one, the slayers went around, pulling out the scooby gang. They herded them away from the battle, back to where they started from.

"Giles, have you seen Tara?" Buffy asked.

" Not since …Willow? Set? … knocked her out" Giles replied.

" Go check on her. See if she's ok. It's time we take on Set . We'll need her to perform a few spells" Buffy says, firmly.

"Xan-man" Faith says," Are you're lighting guys ready?"

" Oh yeah. They've been ready. Just waiting for the word" Xander says.

" Check to be sure. We don't want things to go poof at the last second" Faith says.

" It won't Faith" Xander assures her. He calls to check on them, anyway.

"Angel? Spike?" Buffy says, addressing the Undead Two, " You're job is over there" She points at the acolytes.

" What's the plan, pet?" Spike asks.

" You're to keep them out of the game. Tara put a spell on them, but I don't want any trouble with them. Do what you gotta do. Don't kill them if you can help it, but make sure they don't interfere. Clear?" Buffy says.

" It's done, Buffy" Angel says. He starts towards the high school

" Hey, Pouf, wait up" Spike says, running after him.

The Chosen Two are alone. Buffy turns to Faith, looking at her with an intense gaze. Faith squirms a little, not understanding.

" Faith, you ready?" Buffy asks, quietly.

" You betcha, B. Ready to take out the biotch God." Faith says, grinning a little nervously. Buffy is still staring at her.

" Promise me something, Faith" Buffy says, firmly.

"What, B?" Faith asks.

" Don't do anything stupid. Do what you're supposed to do, then back off. Everybody's got their role in this. Don't try to be the hero, ok?" Buffy says, searching her face.

" Don't sweat it, B. I'm cool. Not gonna fuck it up, promise" Faith says. But she's not gonna let B do what she plans. She's not gonna let B go down that road… no matter what she says.

"Ok, then, " Buffy says, apparently satisfied. She turns to head towards the school." Lets party!"

" B? One more thing?" Faith says from behind her.

"What , Faith?" Buffy says, turning back towards Faith.

Faith makes to sucker punch Buffy. But Buffy was expecting it, and blocks the punch. She then throws a haymaker of her own. Faith doesn't block it in time, and the punch lands square on her jaw. A look of surprise comes over her face. Right before her eyes roll up in her head, and she drops like a stone.

Buffy catches her, and picks her up. Sighing, she carries her off to a sheltered place in the park, and lays her down gently. She takes the amulet from around her neck, and puts it on.

" Sorry, Faith. Not this time. You can't save me this time" Buffy says, gently. She leans over, kisses her sister slayer on the forehead, and turns towards the school. As she walks towards the confrontation with Set, she wishes Faith were with her. But she at least has the comfort that Faith will be safe. She fingers the amulet around her neck, and notices it's warm. The cartouches on the amulet are glowing. She knows Set is near.

* * *

Buffy joins Giles and Tara at the steps of the school. She looks around, and sees Set approaching

" Ok, Tara, you're up. Cast the sealing spell, so that Mr. Ugly can't escape into any alternate dimensions." Buffy says.

Tara pulls out a small bottle from her pack. Fortunately it wasn't broken when she went flying. She starts to chant the spell.

"_**Hecate, Goddess of Death and Birth, guild to the souls, hear me.**_

_**Seal within that which seeks to escape**_

_**:Let not the evil pass through the cracks, but let him be bound in this space and time**_

_**I implore thee, Goddess, to set a shield, one that cannot be broken, between this place and all others that adjoin it**_

_**Keep that which is within, within, that which is without, without.**_

_**Hear me Goddess, and grant my wish!"**_

Tara takes the bottle, and throws it to the ground. A small spark appears, which grows and expands…soon it expands beyond the visible, but its power can be felt, even by those not familiar or practiced in magicks.

" Fools! Do you think you can stop me with your petty magicks?" Set says, approaching the three of them. " that stupid spell won't prevent the hellmouth from opening, or the completion of my ritual. I tire of you and your interference. Begone, the lot of you"

Set raises his hands, which begin to glow. A dark, red-purple flame seems to erupt from his fingers, and shoots at the three of them, knocking them away from the steps. He ascends the steps, standing at the entrance of what was once Sunnydale high. He looks at the three stunned Scoobies.

"Soon, I will be complete. I will rule this planet, as was foretold millennia ago. I will take great pleasure in torturing you, making your pitiful lives….." Then he stops, looking confused. His aura, dark and vibrant, seems to pale, and his face becomes frightened. He screams, clutching his head.

"WITCH!!!" he screams, " I'll KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!! You'll die a thousand times, each time worse!!!". He sinks to his knees, and his form begins to waver. He seems to flicker between Set and Willow, each attacking the other. Sparks and small flames seem to shoot from his eyes, nose and mouth.

"XANDER… NOW!!!" Buffy calls out. In the next second, the front of Sunnydale High is lighted by rows upon rows of portable stadiums lights. The light is so intense, it's nearly blinding. Set screams out

" The LIGHT… it hurts…it BURNS!!!" He tries to call on his powers, but the lights do their work. He is severely weakened. His form wavers more, Willow seeming to be more and more present. She continues her attack on him

Buffy steps in front of the kneeling Set, and chants the spell she learned( just in case Faith was out of the picture).

_**Oculus of Isis EGO postulo vos**_

_Eye of Isis, I command thee_

_ **Aufero vox illae turpis res**_

_take the power of this foul being_

_**Quod reddo him inops**_

_ and render him helpless _

The cartouches on the amulet glowed brightly, and sent out a swirling mist of light. It surrounded the kneeling Godling, and covered him in it's light. The light swirled around him, faster and faster. It then concentrated and shot towards the amulet, which absorbed it.

The God looked more and more like the old Willow. It's physical form solidified, back into her normal form. Even so, it's eyes remained red, and its expression remained one of hate.

"This won't last forever, slayer. When it wears off, I'll kill you!" Set threatened.

"Heard that before. Strange, I 'm still alive, isn't it?" Buffy mocked. She turned to Tara, and said, " OK, Tara, here's your chance. Try to separate them. And hurry!"

_**Turpis res genitus**_

_ foul thing begone_

_ **licentia is somes quod phasmatis**_

_ leave this body and spirit_

_ **exsisto infligo hinc**_

_be knocked out from this place_

_**quod habito hic haud diutius**_

_and dwell here no longer !_

The kneeling form looks up, and the eyes are emerald green. Willow is in control, and she smiles. She attempts to get up, but falls over.

"Tara?" She says, her face smiling, "Tara!"

" Baby!" Tara cries, running over to the prone Willow. " Rest honey, it's over"

Willow's expression saddens. She looks up at Tara, and reaches out and touches her face.

" No, Tara, it's not over" She says, weakly, " He's knocked out, but not gone".

" No…that can't be so!" Tara cries, " He's gone! He has to be. That spell should've driven him out!"

" It's too late, Tara" Willow says, her voice low, " He's too powerful. He can't be driven out. There's only one way to defeat him".

" No… Willow, NO!" Tara cries, " I'll do it again, I know I can get him out…."

"Tara baby, please" Willow says, "It's ok… it's ok… I already knew it was too late. Shhh" Willow says, calmly, trying to comfort her love.

" No… No… You can't…you can't leave me. You can't die… not now… we have so much to do…." Tara starts to cry.

Willow, with great effort, sits up. Her face is a mask of pain. She's dying, but she doesn't want Tara to suffer anymore

" Honey, I love you. You know that. I'll always be with you love, here" she touches Tara's heart. "But, we gotta do this now, before he returns". She gently disengages, and pushes Tara away. " I need you to be brave for me, baby. I … I can't do this alone!".

Tara fights back her tears. She kisses Willow softly, lingering for what will be their last kiss. They part, and the love between them is stronger than ever. Her face sad, she gets up… and walks a bit away.

" Buffy…now" Willow calls out weakly, "There isn't much time… you have to do it now!"

Buffy hesitates. When it was just an abstract, something that might have to be done, she was resolved. But now she's faced with the truth. She has to kill her best friend. She sees Will sitting there, weak and helpless, and her heart breaks. How can she kill her? How can she do this? It's too hard. It's too damned hard.

" I can't, Will" Buffy cries, " I can't do it!"

" Buffy, you must!" Willow says, weak but resolved, " If you don't, he'll come back, and I can't stop him anymore!"

Buffy knows she has to. She can't let Set win. Not now. The whole world is at stake. She has to do it. But it feels as if her guts are being twisted inside. Slowly, she withdraws the sword from the scabbard. She holds it up, and approaches Willow. She stands before the sitting woman, and puts the point of the sword to her chest. The sword glows. Try as she might, she can't drive it home. Her mind, her body won't let her.

" Buffy, please!" Willow pleads, " I'm dead already. I'm begging you, release me!"

Buffy, the tears streaming down her face, says, " Oh God, Will, forgive me!" Her voice is thick with emotion. Before she can change her mind, she drives the sword home.

Willow falls back, her eyes wide. A small gurgling gasp comes from her, followed by choking. Her eyes fix, and her breathing stops.

After a few seconds, a dark cloud of smoke seems to pour out from inside her. It floats up, growing into a mass with many red, malevolent eyes. Buffy, in a rage, takes the glowing sword, and strikes at the cloud…

As it cuts through the dark mass, flames and white hot bolts of energy burst from the golden blade. The mass becomes unstable, the energy shooting through it causing it to rupture and expand. Finally, in one loud explosion, it blows apart, scattering the remnants to the four winds.

It's not over. As if compelled by a force way beyond her, Buffy raises the sword over her head. She brings it down hard upon the cement steps of the school.

Energy shoots out from the blade, and where the blade hit the steps, a crack appears. It widens, and the earth itself begins to rumble and tremble. The ruins of the school, hardly safe to begin with, shake and rattle, and begin to collapse upon themselves. The crevice started by the blade widens, and splits apart, sending cracks in the earth in all directions. The shaking gets more violent.

"RUN" Buffy screams at the people around the school. "GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" She turns, and seeing Tara standing there, looking frightened and lost, grabs her and runs down the steps, away from the school. She runs as fast and as far as she can.

Angel and Spike, feeling the rumbling, knowing this can't be good, turn and run. Angel, looking back, sees Willow's body. He's torn. He might not make it if he stops to recover it, but he just can't leave it there. He runs over, picks it up and bolts out of there as fast as he can.

The members of the cabal, frightened, scurry away, but at that moment the side wall of the building comes down on them. Some make it, most don't.

The rumbling wakes Faith. She looks across at the school, and cries out.

" OH….. SHIT!!!!!"

She jumps up from where she was laying, and bolts away from the school.

The armies of demons and knights, feeling the rumbling, look towards the school. Seeing the cracking of the earth, they turn from the field, running in the opposite direction as fast as their feet( or whatever moves them) will carry them.

The cracks around the school widen, and the ruined structure collapses into the crater formed there. After a few minutes, the earth rocks again, and a huge , blinding beam of light shoots straight up into the sky. This lasts for five minutes, the ground around the school becoming liquid under the intense heat. Finally, the beam plays out, and the liquid earth pours back into the hole, sealing off and filling the crater formed there.

From a few blocks away, the scoobies, surrounded by the Knights of Byzantium, watch the destruction. The demons, scared out of their minds, break off and flee.

Some of the Knights, awed by the experience, fall on their knees. Others wander around, dazed. Yet others just watch with no expression at all.

"What in hell happened?" Xander says, looking at the spot where the high school, or its ruins, used to stand.

" Dunno. Ask Giles. He's the mystic powers guy" Buffy answered, her face a neutral mask, her tone cold and dark. Xander looks at her strangely, then moves away to talk to Giles.

Faith, seeing Buffy staring at the debris, walks over to her. She waits for some reaction… a reaction that doesn't come. She finally speaks.

" Buffy, you alright?" Faith asks, gently

Buffy turns to her, and Faith's feels a chill run through her. The look in Buffy's eyes… lifelessness … is disturbing.

" No, Faith. Actually, I'm not" Buffy replies. She wearily turns, and begins to walk towards home.

* * *

The funeral for Willow Rosenberg is well attended.

Her parents, Ira and Sheila Rosenberg are there. Odd how that it took death to make them pay attention to their daughter. Sheila is inconsolable, muttering how ' she always knew associating with that Bunny Summers would turn out badly '. Ira stood holding his wife, looking severe. They were clustered with other family members who made it to the funeral.

Tara stood opposite them, flanked by Xander and Giles. She stood quietly, the tears rolling down her cheeks. Always quiet and shy, she's withdrawn more since Willow's death. The calm peace which was her trademark has been replaced with a calm sadness. It's as if part of her soul is being buried today.

Xander, trying to be strong and stoic, cannot keep the tears from his eyes. Willow was his best friend since forever. He holds Anya's hand, their fingers laced, drawing what comfort he can. He's still in shock from learning that Buffy killed Willow. It's as if someone took a hammer and shattered his world. All he believed in is in pieces. He just can't believe it.

Giles looks weary. Beyond weary, he looks drained. As if the life has fled him, and his body just hasn't realized it. The lines on his face are more deeply etched, as if the events of the last few days have aged him years. His expression is truly stoic, not a tear rolls down his cheek. He's trying to be strong for Tara, who needs someone to be cool headed and patient. But his eyes glimmer , his tears unshed. He wonders how many more people he cares about will be buried before he cracks.

Faith stand next to Giles, holding his hand. Her face is grim, her expression unreadable. The presence of death is with her always, but that doesn't make it easier to accept. She and Willow were never close, they never had that chance. But Faith liked her, often was amused by her, and knew before this that she was trustworthy, if a bit eccentric. Being here, knowing that Willow would never breathe again, never love again, never laugh again, saddened her more than she could believe. It was the waste… the lost potential of what Willow could've done, could've been. Gone. Forever.

Beyond that, however, Faith was worried. One person who should be here, who played an important role in Willow's life was absent. Buffy.

The night that Willow died, Faith had come home to find Buffy sitting on the sofa, staring off into space. She neither spoke nor moved, she just sat, as if made of stone. She didn't cry, she seemed devoid of emotion. Faith knew all too well that this wasn't good. That the pain Buffy was feeling went beyond grief, beyond everything she'd experienced before. She was in shock, and nothing Faith tried brought her out of it.

The next day, Buffy seemed more normal She went around, doing what she had to do to prepare for Willow's funeral. But she only spoke when spoken too, and Faith knew she was just going through the motions. That Buffy, the real Buffy, was far away. Faith knew the weight of killing someone, she'd done more than she cared to admit. It was a soul-killer. It was worse for Buffy, however; she'd been forced to kill someone she loved. What she felt, what she must be going through, was even beyond Faith's experience. She did her best to be there for Buffy, if she needed her, but kept out of her way.

The night before Willow's funeral, Buffy simply slipped away. They'd just finished dinner. Faith wanted to clear away, but Buffy insisted, saying she needed to keep busy. Faith heard the radio in the kitchen go on, everything seemed normal. Until an hour later, when Buffy still hadn't come out of the kitchen. Faith went in, and found the dishes clean, the radio playing, and no Buffy. She was just gone, as if she'd vanished.

Faith searched everywhere she could think of. The Bronze, the Espresso Pump, the graveyards, the parks… but no Buffy. She spent hours running through alleys, backways and dead-ends, all with the same results. She finally called Giles. They searched together for awhile, checking the train and bus stations, but no one remembered her coming through. They stopped after awhile, certain she hadn't left town. After some discussion, heated in parts, they agreed to wait. See if she would come home by herself.

The day of the funeral dawned, and Buffy still hadn't returned. Her bed hadn't been slept in, she'd been out all night. Faith was getting near hysterical. She wanted to go looking for her. But Giles prevailed upon her to hold off until after the funeral. Wherever she was, she needed to be alone, Giles reasoned. She might still show up at the funeral. Best to wait and see. Faith, never particularly patient, found it hard to rein in her concern. But she calmed herself, and readied herself for the funeral.

At the service, Faith looked around, but Buffy wasn't there. At the gravesite, she still hadn't appeared. Faith looked beyond the crowds, seeing if she was standing off, but no lone figure was present. She hadn't come. Faith knew something was very wrong.

So here she is, standing by Giles, worried sick. Buffy might have been injured…or worse. Or might have… Faith doesn't want to think of that. Losing Willow had been bad. The idea that Buffy might… that they might lose Buffy, too, is beyond anything Faith wants to consider.

Faith had spent 3 years in a coma, living in a twilight world of dreams. A large part of those dreams had involved Buffy. She didn't know what she felt for Buffy. She couldn't define what kind of relationship they had. If it ended now… she couldn't think that way. She'd go mad.

As the funeral broke up, Faith started to walk away, intent on finding Buffy. She was so focused on that, she didn't hear her name 'til it'd been called repeatedly.

"Faith… Faith!…FAITH!" Xander yelled, running to catch up. " Wait up!"

Faith halts, waiting for Xander to catch up.

" What is it, Xan? I'm kinda in a hurry" Faith says, a touch of impatience in her voice.

" So I noticed! I was wondering where Buffy was" He stops, panting a little.

" I don't know, Xander, " Faith says, " She's gone… missing"

" Missing? I don't get it" Xander says, puzzled.

Anya catches up to Xander, hearing the last part of the conversation.

" Missing? Who's missing?" Anya asks.

" Buffy's gone" Xander says to Anya, " That's what Faith says, anyway".

"Missing? Maybe she ran away… like when she killed Angel and sent him to hell" Anya says. She starts to say more, but Faith interrupts her.

"What did you mean, ' That's what Faith says, anyway' ?" Faith asks, suspiciously.

"Maybe she's not 'gone' at all" Xander says, " Maybe she's at home. Just can face what she's done".

" Oh? And exactly what IS that, Xan?" Faith asks, her voice low.

" She killed Willow" Xander says, harshly, " She killed her!"

Faith flushes red. She's already upset over Buffy. Xander being an asshole just really is lighting her fuse. She starts to move towards Xander, who backs up.

" What the hell are you saying, moron?" Faith hisses, her anger rising.

" You heard me, I think" Xander says, flushing himself.

" Well, then you're wrong, Xander" A quiet voice floats from behind the group. They all turn, and Tara is standing there.

"Tara?" Xander said, surprised

" I was there when Willow died" Tara said quietly," She was already dying before Buffy … did what she had to do. That thing…killed Willow, not Buffy. Willow knew she was dying… she begged Buffy to end it for her. She hated what that monster had made her" Tara stops, her voice cracking, " I thought I could save her, but Willow knew it was too late. Buffy didn't want to do it. I could see it tore her up to have to do it. I saw her face, her eyes when she did it. She died a little herself. So, Xander, if you're really Willow's friend, you better stop saying that. She'd really be angry with you for being such a fool".

Xander stood, head bowed. "I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking straight. I hate this place. Willow's gone, and she shouldn't be. She was too young, it was too soon…". His control fades, and he starts weeping. Tara hugs him, trying to comfort him. Anya moves to his other side, and the women try to calm the emotional Xander down.

Faith turns away, more determined to find Buffy. She's in a fragile place right now. She's too… broken to be alone. She starts off again when she hears Tara calling her.

" Faith…wait, please!" Tara calls, running to catch up, " Where's Buffy?"

" I dunno, Tara. She just … left last night. Without a word." Faith says, worriedly, " She was so…god, Tara, she was so…she was going through the motions, but she… that night she had to kill Willow, she … was … it was like she was broken. She didn't sleep, she didn't talk… she just sat there, staring." Faith feels the tears coming, and brushes at her eyes impatiently. No time for that. " She…I'm so afraid, Tara. She might do something stupid…" Faith chokes off, the emotions too heavy.

" Faith, surely she wouldn't…" Tara says, a little shocked.

" She tried to kill herself once, Tara. In L.A. … she …it's been hard for her for awhile." Faith says, quietly, " She's been … so messed up for awhile. God, this is my fault. I thought if we came back here, if she fought something, won…she'd find purpose again. But…oh, god, Tara what're we gonna do?" Faith looks almost as hopeless as she feels.

"We'll find her. We'll talk to her" Tara says, her voice gentle, " It'll be ok, Faith".

" How?" Faith says, her voice carrying an edge of desperation." Giles and I looked for her most of last night. We… I can't think of anywhere else to look!".

" I'll do a locater spell" Tara says simply, " We'll need something of hers. Lets go back to your place"

The two head for the house on Revello Drive. Faith is uneasy. She's never put much stock in magic, despite her calling.

She hopes this once it comes through.

* * *

She sat close to the edge of Hillman's bluff, looking down on the panorama before her.

On her left was the ocean. The mother of life, constantly renewing and destroying. It was nurturing and cruel, a cradle for the living, a mausoleum for the dead. It was relentless, yet the sound of its waves could sing to the soul, bringing a measure of peace.

To her left stood Sunnydale. Her home for years, now just another place. It looked so bucolic, so peaceful down there. Small, insular, it offered shelter and comfort. Except for the place where the high school had stood, it looked the same… never changing, constant. Yet get close, and the illusion drops away. People walk around in blissful ignorance while evil gnaws at the vulnerable belly of the town. Strange disappearances and stranger deaths plague the town. Beneath the veneer of small town closeness lies a definite feeling of unease. All wasn't what it seemed.

Buffy wasn't seeing any of that now. All she could see was a shy, sweet red-headed girl, a girl who had grown into a smart, powerful and self reliant woman. A woman who'd been her closest friend for 3 years, before circumstance drew them apart. A friend she told her secrets, who comforted her when she needed it, scolded her when she needed it. They'd talked about everything, but were comfortable together talking about nothing. More than a friend, she'd been like a sister.

She'd loved life. Even at it's worst, she'd embraced life in all its joys and pains. Even though she could be so serious sometimes, she never took herself too seriously. She could babble on nervously for minutes, and it was just … too precious. It took so long, and a woman named Tara, for her to see how special and beautiful she was. She had something, a special spark for life.

" And I put it out, extinguished it. I stole her life, took away her chance to live a long happy life". Buffy looked over the cliff at the sea below. "I never should've let them close. I should've kept her out of it, along with Xander. It was my battle, not theirs. I was the chosen one. I should've kept them safe, but I failed. I let them in, I depended on them. I let them see the darkness, and it killed her in the end. My fault. My fault. I was weak. She died because I was weak."

Buffy moved listlessly, her body weakened. She hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in nearly 20 hours. Her metabolism, geared high for being a slayer, was working on empty. The day was hot, and rivulets of sweat poured off her neck and face. Her mouth was parched, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered, really. It was a joke, a big fat cosmic joke, and she was the butt of that joke. Fight evil, hold back the darkness, save the world. That was her mission. But it always cost her. It cost too much. She'd been tried, and imprisoned for 'saving ' the world. She'd sent her first love, Angel, to hell to save the world. She'd died, briefly, yes, but she'd died to save the world. Now, she'd killed her best friend, to save the world. She knew that somewhere someone was laughing at her stupid cloddish attempts at protecting the world from evil. They were the jokers, and she was the joke.

She wonders what it's like, being dead. She can't remember what it's like. It was over so fast. No thinking, no worrying. No pain. Just quiet, that must be it. Just peace. No one depending on you, no one caring what you are, what you do. It's over , the struggle is over. You just float…

She hates her life. " Why did you kill her? Why not me?" Buffy cried out to no one but the air, "Why? She loved life, she wanted to live. I don't. I don't want to live anymore. Why couldn't you take me? Why do you hate me so? WHY ?". She lay down, not caring anymore, she just wanted to sleep. To stop the thoughts, to escape even for a few seconds the pain." Why? … why?" She mumbles, her head on the ground, her voice soft and hopeless. " I don't understand it. Why?"

"B?" Faith says quietly, seeing Buffy lying on the ground. Her heart beats slowly, heavily in her chest. Is she already too late? " B?"

"G'way Faith" Buffy mutters, " lemme 'lone. Go away" She doesn't even lift her head. She's so tired. She feels the earth calling to her.

" No, can't B. I'll leave you alone, but I won't go away" Faith says, sitting down on a rock. She looks around, and says, " Nice view. I remember this place, now. You brought me here once… long time ago".

" Hmmm?" Buffy says, half asleep. She rallies a little, " oh yeah, the picnic. I remember. Yeah…" She settles back down, " Had to show it to you… my secret spot. Dunno why. Kinda stupid, huh? Not very secret if you show it to someone, is it?"

"Not stupid, B. Not at all. " Faith says, remembering back on that day, " I was so damned mad at you, for waking me up, I wanted to kill you" Faith thinks about her words, and continues, " Ok, not kill, but really, really hurt you bad. I was so pissed. And, the funny thing is? It turned out to be the best day of my life".

"Huh?" Buffy says, drowsily, " It was just a stupid picnic, Faith. No big".

" Maybe to you, B. But not to me" Faith says." It meant…god, it was so special to me. No one ever wanted…." She trails off

"What?" Buffy says, irritated. Even so, she perks a little. Why won't she just go away?

" No one ever wanted to just hang with me" Faith says in a low voice. " They always wanted something from me. B-But you just wanted to be with me. I … I didn't get it then. I was too… messed up. But I get it now".

" It was no big, Faith" Buffy says, but her voice gets a wistful note to it, " I guess… it was kinda nice. Just hangin' out, not having to be the slayers for once. Just girlfriends enjoying the day. Yeah, ok, it was nice." She lifts her head, as if realizing Faith is really here for the first time. " What're you doin' here, Faith?" Buffy asks

" Looking for you, B. " Faith says simply.

"Well, ya found me. Now you can go" Buffy says, sitting up. " I don't need a babysitter".

" Not going, B. I won't talk to you, if that's what you want. But I'm not going" Faith says, firmly.

" 'K,. fine, stay. I'll go" Buffy says, getting up. She starts to walk away.

" Why didn't you come today, Buffy?" Faith asks, to Buffy's retreating back.

Buffy stops, her back stiffens. She doesn't turn, but calls over her shoulder, " Didn't want to". She starts to leave.

Faith stands, and calls out, " Didn't want to…? I don't understand, Buffy. I thought Red was your friend".

Buffy stands still. Her fists clench and unclench, but she's not aware of it. She calls back, " Yeah, well, … she wasn't there, anyway. Just a body. A stupid, stinking corpse. Why would I want to go see a corpse? Haven't I seen enough of them in my life?"

" Liar " Faith says, " I don't buy that for a minute. You didn't go cuz you were ashamed to go".

"That's a load, Faith" Buffy says, getting angry, " What do I have to be ashamed of? I saved the world, didn't I?"

" Oh, yeah, I guess you did" Faith says, " And you killed your friend, too".

" I had to, Faith" Buffy says, turning around, " that thing would've taken over, and the world woulda ended. So, what choice did I have?"

" Not what I heard. Willow was there. Not the thing, Willow. You killed her, not that thing" Faith said. " You stabbed her!"

" That thing was still there. Tara couldn't get rid of it. Nothing could. I did… what I had to do!" Buffy says, defensively.

"Maybe, Buffy" Faith says, " or maybe there was more to it".

"What do you mean?" Buffy says, feeling her anger rising, " I had to kill the beast. I had no choice".

" Oh, no doubt, Buffy" Faith says, quietly, " but maybe it wasn't so hard for you."

" It was my…duty. I had to do it" Buffy says.

" Oh…so, jealousy had nothing to do with it then?" Faith asks, her tone having an edge of sarcasm.

" What're you talking about? I wasn't jealous of Willow" Buffy says, heatedly.

" You weren't the least bit jealous that she got to have a life, and you didn't?" Faith says, quietly, " Tell me another one, B. She got away scott free, while you had to go to prison. She got to go to college, have a life, while you sat behind bars. Wasn't she just as guilty? Wasn't she the one that 'conveniently ' discovered that it took the blood of a slayer to save Angel? Didn't she encourage you in your quest to kill me? Isn't that the truth, Buffy? didn't it make you mad that SHE got away with it, and YOU had to pay for it? That she got to have a lover, a life, and opportunities. And you got a prison record? That she was respected, and you were an ex-con? That she would be ok, and you had nothing to look forward to but crap work and dying one night when you're guard was down, and some vamp took you out?"

" No! You're wrong. I wasn't jealous" Buffy says, her anger getting hot, " You're lying!" She advances on Faith.

" Really? Why so hot then, B? Why're you getting all angry?" Faith says, " Truth hurts, don't it?"

" Not the truth!" Buffy says, " You're a liar, just like you always were! I'm gonna beat you into the ground, you bitch!"

Buffy runs at Faith, but she sidesteps Buffy.

"C'mon,. B. You can do better than that!" Faith laughs at her, "What's wrong? Guilty conscience?"

" I'm so gonna kill you, Faith" Buffy says. She punches at Faith, but Faith blocks it.

" Face it Buffy, you liked it. You liked killing her. She had it coming, didn't she?" Faith mocks her. Buffy runs at her, and lands a blow. "Oooo, must be hitting a nerve, B. You're really pissed. So, how'd it feel, killing her. Made you feel powerful, didn't it?"

" No, it was awful. I hated it" Buffy says, doing a sweep kick on Faith. Faith just jumps over it, and lands, laughing at her.

"You're a liar, Buffy, and a bad one at that… almost as bad as you fight" Faith says, punching Buffy in the chest. Buffy doubles over,

" 'Fess up, Buffy. It was her fault, wasn't it? Her fault that she got killed. She messed with magicks she didn't understand, she had a good life, and rubbed your nose in it. Her fault, all of it, wasn't it? You're life being ruined, her fault. She being evil, her fault… right, Slayer? Isn't that what you think? Isn't that the truth???".

" NOOOOO!!!!! IT'S MY FAULT!!! ALL MY FAULT!!! SHE DIED BECAUSE OF ME!!!! " Buffy screams coming up and tackling Faith. She sits on her, and starts punching her. Faith protects herself, but doesn't fight back. " My fault, all my fault. I failed I FAILED. I killed her, because I didn't see. I didn't stop it in time. I … deserted her, I let her be attacked by that monster. She died, because I failed her. I .. failed… her… I … it shoulda been me…I SHOULDA DIED!!!! … she wanted to live, why didn't she live? I didn't protect her. I shoulda protected her… I failed… I failed… I…." Buffy blows weaken as her emotions start to pour out. " It was my duty to protect her, Faith…I shoulda protected her… she shouldn't have died… I shoulda died…why? WHY? WHY? I WANT TO DIE!!!!!" Buffy rolls of Faith, her body crumpled into a ball. She shakes with sobs," Oh god…IT HURTS…it hurts…so bad….I killed her Faith. I killed her. God… I see her eyes … she tried to spare me… but I see…them looking at me…accusing me… I …killed…her… it hurts…I want to die…it hurts so bad…" Buffy is incoherent. She isn't making sense, her emotions are running wild. Faith moves over, and gently holds her. She light rubs her, trying to calm her… but Buffy is hysterical…" nothing" Buffy continues sobbing," … it was for nothing…what do they care? They don't care! They don't…she…she was so smart… Faith… she coulda …done so much…and I killed her!… what've I done? Oh God….I …oh God" Buffy's words are lost after that, the sobs taking over.

Faith just holds her, letting her cry. She knew this wouldn't fix it, but it was a start. Buffy had a lifetime of crying ahead.

Faith knew that. Faith knew that all too well.

* * *

"Are you sure about this, Buffy?" Giles asked, standing next to her in the Bus station.

It's a month after Buffy's catharsis on Hillman's bluff. Demon activity in Sunnydale has dropped to nearly zero. She waited while Giles called in some mystics, but evidently whatever happened with the sword of Horus that night Willow died, it sealed the hellmouth. Sunnydale was almost normal, mystical energy wise. The evil aura around Sunnydale had dispersed.

One would like to think with the cessation of evil, things changed in Sunnydale… but they really didn't. The surviving members of the Cabal still retained their power. The corruption continued, just in a more subtle way. The demons had left, but the human monsters remained. Buffy was persona non grata in Sunnydale. She had decided it was time for a change.

She'd waited a month, until Giles could verify what they already knew. But it was time to go… long past time. Faith, somehow , had wrangled a motorcycle, and had left two weeks ago. She said something about taking a tour of the country, finding the evil, and kicking its ass. She'd asked Buffy to come along, but Buffy wasn't ready to leave yet. Faith, never patient, said she couldn't wait, and maybe they could hook up again sometime. It'd been painful for Buffy, but she knew she had to let Faith go. Faith needed her freedom. Maybe Buffy did too. She needed time to figure out who she was, and how she wanted to live her life. But it still was sad to see her go. She put on a brave front for Faith(never let 'em see ya cry, B), but later, alone, she'd cried. Now that she was gone, she missed her terribly.

"What's left for me here, Giles?" Buffy asks, a little sad. " You're going back to England. Xander is moving away. Faith is gone. Willow…"She stops, a stab of pain hits her heart, " … Will is gone. My mom is …dead. The hellmouth is sealed. There's absolutely nothing left in Sunnydale for me. Time to find somewhere else to be." She looks at Giles, and grows sadder. He looks so… old. She laughs bitterly to herself… I guess we all do. She feels another sense of loss. Giles is the last of her "family". She's going to miss him terribly.

" I got you a little something to remember me by" Giles says, a little embarrassed. He fishes in his pocket, and pulls out a small box.

Buffy opens the box, and inside is a small gold chain. The pendant on the end is a small gold cross, formed by the crossing of two stakes. She smiles at him. " It's lovely, Giles, " She smiles. She hands him the box, and lifts her hair in back, " Would you?" She asks.

" Of course, Buffy" He says, smiling. He fastens the clasp, and smoothes down her hair . She stands fingering the cross, a small tear itching at her eye. She turns, and smiles. " Thank you" She whispers, and reaching up on tiptoe, kisses his cheek.

" I got something for you, too, Giles" Buffy said, quietly. She opens her bag, and fishes around in it. She pulls out a box, and hand it to him. " Figured since you were retiring, so you say… well, you got this coming" She smiles, watching him open the box.

Inside is a gold pocket watch. Giles eyes widen. It's beautiful. He opens the cover, and inscribed on the inside cover is the legend

" **_To Giles, _**

**_ So when you check the time,_**

**_ You'll remember me_**

****

**_ Love, _**

**_ Buffy_**"

Giles closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears. He'd hardly need this as a reminder of Buffy.

" Thank you, Buffy, it's very lovely" Giles says, his voice thickening with emotion.

They stand awkwardly for a moment. Then Buffy moves to Giles, and wraps her arms around his neck.

" I'm gonna miss you, Giles," She whispers, kissing his cheek again.

" I'll miss you too, Buffy" Giles says, hugging her. He kisses her forehead." You do have my number in England?".

" Yes, of course." Buffy says.

" Call me when you get settled, " He says, " I want to know you're ok".

" I will, I promise, " She says, " Might be awhile, though".

" I understand, " He says, quietly. He hopes not too long.

" Passengers for San Francisco, Portland and Seattle /Tacoma, bus number 1765 is now boarding"

" That's my bus" Buffy says, " Goodbye, Giles." She starts to move away.

" Goodbye, Buffy, " Giles says, " good luck!"

Buffy gets about 5 yards. She stops, turns around and runs back to Giles. She hugs him tightly

" I love you, Giles, " She says softly. She turns and walks away.

Giles watches as she disappears amongst the rows of buses. His face has a nostalgic expression, like any father watching his daughter move out into the larger world beyond.

" I love you too, Buffy" he says quietly, turning to leave the bus station.

* * *

Buffy watches out the window as the scenery flies by.

She isn't really sure where she's going. San Francisco is nice, but kinda pricey… maybe she'd head up the line, stopping in Portland or Seattle. Right now, it doesn't matter. She's getting away from Sunnydale, and all the bad memories associated with that place.

Or is she? Her life has changed so much in the last 3 years… hell, in the last year. She knows that no matter what happened in the future, she can't go home again. She could never be the innocent teenager that fought vampires, was a cheerleader, and thought shopping malls the height of sophistication and culture. Her life, whatever it's supposed to be, is starting now.

The dreams are still very intense, and she often finds herself waking to a wet pillow. She knows deep inside it would take years, maybe a lifetime, to heal . Willow's death has rocked her world in ways nothing has before. Try as she might, she can't shake her feelings of responsibility for it. She hopes someday, she'll find the wherewithal to forgive herself.

There is one thing she's sure of. She's going to carefully think about her life. She's tired of life taking control of her. She wants to control her life from here on out.

She glances out the window of the bus, and just barely made out the " Welcome to Santa Maria" sign as it flashes past. She smiles, thinking that she wants to know every detail about her life from now on. She's going to take charge of things, and plan ahead. She isn't going to be caught by surprise any more.

"Nope" she thinks, confidently, " No more surprises for me".

Without warning, the bus comes to a screeching halt. Buffy's nearly thrown into the passenger in front of her. What the hell? She thinks, pissed off that the PtB already had decided to give her a surprise. Damn, I hate when they do that!

She stands up, and walks to the front of the bus. She looks out the window, and makes out a helmeted figure on a motorcycle. Whoever it is seems to be trying to stop the bus. Well, pal, good one. You succeeded. Now what?

In the next moment, Buffy's jaw hits the floor.

The biker removes his…no…her… helmet, and a mane of flowing raven colored hair is revealed. She turns to the bus, and grins … and Buffy nearly faints.

_Faith _!

How the … what the… oh my god, she's coming towards the door!

Buffy stands as if rooted to the spot. Faith knocks on the doors, and the bus driver opens them.

" Hey…you seen this woman?" Faith holds up a picture, " Been looking for her...and…" Faith sees Buffy. She continues, " Never mind…I think she's right there!" Faith boards the bus. She walks towards Buffy.

" Hey…you can't do that!" the bus driver complains, " I gotta schedule to keep… and get that bike outta my way, or I'm running it over!"

" Hey, pal, hold your shorts" Faith growls, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezing…he grimaces, " Don't get all sweaty. This aint gonna take long."

" Faith, what the hell are you doing?" Buffy asks, surprised, annoyed… and maybe just maybe secretly pleased?

" Hey Blondie" Faith says, smirking, " How ya been? Miss me?"

" God, how do you fit that swelled head of yours under a helmet?" Buffy huffs." I so haven't missed you!" Yeah, sure.

" Aw, c'mon, B. G spilled the beans. " Faith grinned, " I rode down from San Fran to meet this bus. But dammit, he forgot to give me the bus number. Do you know how many buses I've stopped in the last few hours lookin' for ya?"

" You're hopeless, you know that?" Buffy says, irritated. So, how come butterflies were dancing in her tummy?

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" Faith says, " You comin'? Don't think Bus Boy here's gonna wait much longer… and I like my bike. You, I'm not so sure." She grins.

" Boy, you know how to romance 'em, don't ya?" Buffy mocks.

" B… you comin?" Faith says, moving towards the front of the bus." Cuz I'm goin' ".

Buffy looks at the bus… then at the bike…then back at the bus.

"C'mon, lady, make up your mind" The bus driver growls.

Buffy runs back to her seat, and gets her carryon. She walks towards the front of the bus, and descends the steps. Moving quickly, she moves to where Faith has the bike parked in the middle of the road. She hops on.

" That's it?" Faith says, amazed, " Usually you carry enough luggage to equip a small army."

" Screw it. That's my old life. Time to start fresh" Buffy says. " Let's motor!"

Faith grins, and closes her visor. She kick-starts the bike, and yells back at Buffy :

" Hold on, B! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"

Fin.


End file.
